I Don't Believe in Coincidences

In the dictionary, a coincidence is defined as "a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection." Rather, I find myself acutely aware of particular moments in my life that have prepared me for certain situations in the present. By playing an ultimate game of connect the dots, I find myself unraveling bits of God's plan for my life, slowly understanding  how I've ended up where I am in my life and that there's a purpose in all situations, big and small. I think Christine Caine said it perfectly when she stated, "At the beginning of our race, we seldom grasp God's grand plan and how interwoven, far-reaching, and transformational it is."
For those who aren't aware, I'm currently in St John participating in a work exchange program at an eco-resort. Personally, I was using this month as a way of starting fresh. A new environment among new people, with a new Bible to highlight seemed like just what I needed after my last of seven summers at a campground along the Delaware River. I didn't know a whole lot about what I was getting into, but I fully believed there was a reason for it because of how I even found out about it. If it wasn't for Hurricane Sandy exactly two years ago, I probably would have never volunteered with Samaritan's Purse, thus never meeting a couple from North Carolina who would become like a second set of parents to me, who would have never told me the story about how they participated in this same work exchange program. Also, if it wasn't Samaritan's Purse and decisions I made in the past year of my life, I may have been ill-prepared for questions I didn't know I was going to encounter on this adventure to the Caribbean.
Last November, after much hemming and hawing and muddling over it in my mind, I decided to get baptized at my local church. A part of the process involved typing out my personal testimony (which can be found here) for it to be read in front of the entire congregation before I got baptized. Also, what I've discovered through my work with SP is that other Christians are interested in my personal testimony of how I came to be a Christian, so I have a bit of experience sharing it with others. Little did I know how these instances would prepare me for my trip to St John.
When I came to St John, I hoped to get myself into a daily routine of reading my Bible because I slacked all summer and almost found myself avoiding it. To combat this, I set my alarm an hour before I was to start working everyday in order to give myself time to read a chapter of Proverbs every morning. I also didn't come down here with any grand plans for evangelism. I knew I'd share about how I was a Christian and volunteering with SP, but I had no plans otherwise. What I didn't count on was appearing to be an enigma to another volunteer.
A few nights after Hurricane Gonzalo thankfully bypassed the island, I found myself over at one girl's ecotent to enjoy dinner and some rum and cokes. We casually chatted and listened to music, discussing what bands we've seen in concert, and which artists came across as particularly narcissistic while performing. Then at some point, almost out of the blue she turned to me and asked, "So how did you end up being a Christian? Because everyone I know who is is either a recovering drug addict or alcoholic, and unless you're hiding something, you don't seem like either." I'll admit I was a little caught off guard since I can't remember the last time a non-Christian asked me for my testimony. It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts, but I soon found myself, with the help of the Holy Spirit, walking her through my entire testimony, along with going off on tangents about sin, homosexuality, how we can't force other people to believe in Jesus, and how only God can change people's hearts. I finally understood why 1 Peter 3:15 states, "But in your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." Thankfully, God spent the last year of my life preparing me exactly for that moment. Oddly (and I use that term loosely) enough, there was a fellow on the beach today who I ended up sharing my testimony with, and not only that, he asked me to say a prayer. Again, God had me in the right place at the right time prepared precisely for the circumstances of that moment.
One other instance of what the world would call a coincidence and I refer to as a God moment occurred the other night in Cruz Bay. It was a typical night of wandering shops and hanging out at various bars, but as we were walking back to the car, I started feeling remarkably lonely and homesick. I sensed that this was a spiritual attack, since I'm prone to bouts of depression, so I prayed to be clothed in the armor of God and thought of Ephesians 6:11-12, which states, "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." As we got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot, the radio was playing faintly. I could've sworn I knew the song, but just couldn't place it. Mind you the majority of the songs on the radio are either reggae or new pop songs that I haven't heard yet. As I strained to hear the words, it suddenly occurred to me that it was the tail end of "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong United. It was the very song that had popped into my head after I read my acceptance email from the eco-resort (story found here). God was using the very song that had encouraged me back in May to comfort me in October. It brought relief to my heart and a smile to my face because I'd called out to God and had immediately received a response. It was His reminder that He is always with me, so I have no need to feel lonely. The ending of my night was just like the closing lyrics of the song. "I will call upon Your name. Keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine."

When Life Gives You Lemons...Learn How to Juggle

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

Anybody close me knows that the past three weeks have been a little hectic and haven't exactly gone as planned. It has been a time that has served as a reminder that God is in charge of my life and instead of throwing a "woe is me" pity party, it's best just to laugh and move on when things don't pan out. The stories that I'm about to share all happened before I was motivated to write this, but after reading some posts by Elizabeth Griffin that are part of her series, The Dirty Gospel, I felt that I should pass on some of my recent experiences and how they've taught me to always turn to God and trust that He has my best interests in mind, even if I end up in some uncomfortable situations. 

For two weeks leading up to my September 29th departure for Colorado I had been planning what exactly to pack, how to arrange it, which route to drive, and hoping that a friend of mine would be able to accompany me. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts, I'd be driving solo on my cross country roadtrip, but I didn't let that get me down. The night before my departure, I was at a wedding for a friend's mom. My friend's family is from the Dominican Republic, so Spanish is predominantly what is spoken at any sort of family get together, including this wedding. I was enjoying myself up until the moment I realized that I couldn't find my car key. This was kind of a big deal for a handful of reasons. For starters, it's the only key to my car. On top of that, all of my belongings to go to Colorado were locked in my car, and I was supposed to be departing in less than 12 hours from when this occurred. I recruited my friend's brother-inlaw to help spread the word to look for my key and was desperately trying not to panic. We retraced my steps, and I asked a few people if they'd seen my key on a table, which is hard when you're not quite sure if they understand English. I finally ventured back to my table and was looking underneath the table when my friend's grandma began speaking to me in Spanish and making hand gestures like somebody had taken my key. I went to find Juan to serve as translator and we finally figured out that someone had picked up the key thinking it was their niece's, so Juan went and found this person and got my key back. I was very thankful to have it back after all of the confusion, and my blood pressure was finally returning to normal after my bout of anxiety. It was after this situation that I was reminded that God is in charge of each part of my life, even little tense moments like finding a lost key. No amount of planning for my trip could have prepared me for that situation, so again, I needed to remember to have faith in God in the forefront of my mind as I began my travels west to Colorado. It was at that point that I made an effort to fixate on Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths," and I even signed the majority of the Bibles with that verse while volunteering with Samaritan's Purse to serve as a reminder to the homeowner and myself that God is in charge of every aspect of our lives, even if it doesn't seem like it at times.

Fast forward fifteen days and I found myself sitting in my car on the shoulder of Interstate 80 by mile marker 117 in Illinois. I had just gotten pulled over, and I was really hoping that I wasn't going to get a speeding ticket for my 70 in a 65. The trooper kindly knocked on my window and explained that I was being given a warning for "improper lane usage" and asked me if I minded coming back to his patrol car to sign the warning. Since I had nothing to hide and really didn't mind, I got out and wander back to his vehicle and sat in the front passenger seat. The trooper called in his location and asked me where I was coming from. I explained that I had been volunteering with Samaritan's Purse in Colorado helping to mud out homes and spray a disinfectant for mold. While sharing this, I did notice another cop car across from on the median, but thought nothing of it. The trooper then asked me about the cross I had in the back window of my car before asking me if I thought he was being mean because I was acting nervous. That caught me by surprise because I had felt a sense of relief when he said I wasn't getting a ticket. In my mind, I was thinking, "Well, gee officer, I'm sitting in the front seat of your patrol car, which isn't an everyday occurrence, so of course I'm nervous." What I actually said was that I was just concerned with going in the proper direction towards Michigan to visit relatives. He asked where I'd started my drive and I said Iowa, again thinking this was normal questioning to be thorough. The trooper then asked if it was okay that he check the VIN number on my car to make sure it matched the registration, so I told him to go right ahead. I sat there wondering why he thought I was acting nervous, and had that answered once the trooper came back into the vehicle. He asked me if I had been checking my mirrors for him to be following me and I said I had. That's just what I do when I see a cop pull out because I'm not sure if they're coming for me or someone out and regardless, I don't want a ticket. That was the precursor to the troopers bombshell: this is a big drug area and you're acting a bit jittery, so do you mind if I ask you a few questions? I laugh about it now, but at the time I was thinking, are you serious? I then faced a line of questions starting with how I felt about medical marijuana, which led into asking if I had heroin, cocaine, amphetamines, weapons, or large amounts of cash in my car. The trooper then said I seemed to have a lot of stuff in my car for an 11 day visit to Colorado, and in my naivety, I mentioned how I was going to Kentucky and North Carolina after visiting Michigan. I am one to just be up front and honest about my life, but in hindsight, if I were a drug runner, this would make it sound like I was spreading my product around. The trooper then asked me if it was okay to search the vehicle and I told him if he felt that was necessary that he could go right ahead. There were two funny parts as I got out of my car. First, I realized that a second cop car was actually sitting behind us, and the trooper took interest in my "runner girl" magnet and proceeded to discuss the Chicago marathon with me as he went to search my car. To me, that demonstrated the paradox of this entire situation; he was serious about ensuring I wasn't a drug mule, but he truly was a compassionate man interested in my life, including my running and volunteer work. Heck, he even thanked me for my time in Colorado before he asked me how I could afford to go out there and how I felt about medical marijuana. I share this story not to criticize cops because I believe it is important for them to do their job and keep us safe from illegal drugs. I mention it more for the reminder that life has unexpected pitstops which can catch us completely off guard an might seem totally ridiculous. Even so, I know God had me pulled over for a reason, even though I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it was to test my ability to remain honest under pressure, which technically put me in a hole because I freely admitted I was traveling from a state where medical marijuana is legal. But that's besides the point. Nobody likes to feel like they are about to get in trouble, even if they know they're innocent, and I think our sin nature has that reflex of wanting to lie, even when we know honesty is the best policy. Either God wanted to make sure I'd be completely honest about my travels, or He was protecting me from something down the road. No matter what, it sure makes for a great story.

The last of my three stories taught me about slothfulness. The other day a friend asked me to run with her to help her achieve a new distance goal. I was all about assisting and was feeling great until mile 2. That was when all of my previous running injuries decided to come back with a vengeance. My IT band issues flared up to the point I felt like I was being stabbed and my hip joints ached and were forcing me to change my gait. Definitely not something that felt at all pleasant, and on top of that, I was the reason we had to start walking. It was a big wake up call to my sheer laziness since July, which was the last time I really put any effort into running. Proverbs 13:4 states, "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied." Sure I might have spent time craving to get back into running, but without getting myself out that door, I saw no results, and when I did, all I saw was injury. I've always had a love/hate relationship with running where I love to do races, but hate to actually train for them. This little setback taught me that I needed to be diligent in my training in the future if I was going to enjoy running without pain. Part of me wanted to sulk after this occurred, while another part of me was embarrassed since I'm known as a runner. I know Satan likes to get inside my head and desires to infuse my brain with a defeatist mentality, but I stopped short of throwing that pity party. Actually, what helped was thinking of my adopted nephew and how I always tell him to get over himself when he cries and then I threaten to club him like a baby seal* (yes, I believe in tough love and have an odd sense of humor). 

This morning, I truly realized that I needed to get over myself and just acknowledge the fact that I've been lazy and I can work past this if I do just that: work. I needed this wake up call and this third lemon in as many weeks, but I've honestly learned from each experience that God has thrown at me. I've learned that even with plans, one cannot foresee particular circumstances that unwittingly pop up. I've also been reminded that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason to build me up for the future, and that getting anxious about any mishaps won't get me anywhere. And lastly, I know that with a little hard work and preparing my legs for the impact of running, I can redeem my running career by October 26th so that I enjoy running the 2nd annual Run Your Booty Off 5K in Morehead City....dressed as a penguin. Just remember, life isn't about being perfect, it's sometimes about going with the flow and learning how to juggle unexpected situations and circumstances. So pay attention and be aware of the fact that God is trying to teach you something new everyday, and it's best to remain teachable.

This shirt has taught me to not take running so seriously...or myself for that matter

*There were no baby seals harmed in the typing of this blog post

Pieces of a Puzzle

I don't even know myself at all

I thought I would be happy by now

The more I try to push it

I realise you've gotta let go of control

Gotta let it happen

~Paramore

In a sense, our lives are just pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that we have to put together. The only thing is that we don't know what the final image looks like; only God does. All we can do is see where certain pieces fall into place and where others aren't actually a part of our puzzle at all.
This week a few pieces have fallen into place, while others have been taken out of the equation. It's amazing to see God at work in my life, even though I have no idea what the final product is going to be. I am sure that I am meant to be working on the Upper Delaware again this summer. It's almost like my own personal Ninevah and God is giving me another chance this summer to minister to those in need. Sure, I spent the whole year trying to runaway in a sense by applying to any exercise physiology position under the sun, but I'm clearly meant to return. That became very apparent after what happened today. A position in research that I had been attempting to acquire since last February will be vacant again soon and I was asked if I would be interested. If it was me last year, I would have totally gone for it, despite having prior obligations along the river. This year is different, though. Since I've already committed to working on the Upper Delaware, I didn't want to leave those people high and dry just to follow my own desires. Also, when analyzing the timing of everything, it's almost as if God was purposely blocking me taking the research job. That could be for any number of reasons between I'm meant to be on the river to I'm not meant to be at that research job. Regardless, I opted to step out in faith and trust God so I turned down the research job, even though it's what I've always wanted to do with my degree.
Along with discussing it with a few friends, going to Hillsong in NYC definitely helped solidify this fact that my decision to turn down a job offer was the right choice to make. One of the songs that the worship team sang was "Oceans," which is a beautiful song all about relinquishing control and allowing God to lead us. The lyrics that really spoke to me were the following:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

For the first time in a long time, I actually feel like where I am in life is where I'm meant to be, even though I'm sure it doesn't make much sense to outsiders. I'm thankful that my brothers and sisters in Christ understand the decisions I've made because I know people within the field of exercise physiology totally don't get what I'm doing with my life and are probably wondering why a promising young student gave up a perfect opportunity to further her career in exchange for a job that doesn't exactly pay well and is only a five month gig. It's times like this I'm thankful I answer to God and not man. My only response to anybody who asks would be to turn to Proverbs 19:21, which says, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." I can plan all I want and desire anything in the world, but if it doesn't line up with the purpose God has for my life, those puzzle pieces just aren't going to fit into the picture. 

Marathon Reflection

On this day, around this time last year, I could hardly walk. Some of you might find that a scary proposition, but once I tell you that I had just completed a marathon, I'm sure it makes perfect sense. For those of you who might still not understand completely, marathons completely pummel the body mentally, physically, and emotionally. They are not events to be taken lightly, and I'm still amazed that I even finished the Delaware Marathon.
The post, Obstacle Conquered, is what I wrote following my marathon completion a year ago. As I reflect upon this race from my past, I realize even now what a miracle it is that I was able to gut it out over the course of 26.2 miles. Thinking back, there were many mistakes that I made by not sticking to my original game plan. First off, I went out wayyyyy too fast. Who in their right mind runs a 7:46 first mile, only to come to realize there are 25.2 more to go? Along with that, I over-hydrated. During training, I would have a drink maybe every 6 miles. Throughout the marathon, though, I was having a drink every 2 miles. Talk about an upset stomach.
Thankfully, God was watching over me that day. I would not have been able to finish without the support of my parents and friends. Grigs and Jess were great motivators throughout the course, while Chrissy and Rhi stepped up and ran with me when I needed it most. I'm so glad that Deuteronomy 31:6 is true when it says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."
The Delaware Marathon was definitely a learning experience. Though I took most of the year off from physically running, I feel as if I've been mentally running, trying to escape myself for some reason. It's been a year of ups and downs, of spending time with friends and hiding from them. A year of believing in my abilities and doubting myself. A year of being sure that I was meant to help people, but not knowing exactly in what capacity. Luckily, through all of this I have come to understand what is meant by the words in Romans 8:28 ~ "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." I may not be able to comprehend all of the circumstances that I have undergone this past year, but I am positive that there was a reason behind each and every situation.
I'd like to leave you with a song that I felt compelled to listen to on my drive home today. It's by Addison Road and is entitled "Start Over Again." The lyrics seem quite fitting for my situation, and I think it's about time I turn my life around and start over with each aspect of my life. I know I've let myself down and I've let some friends down, and for that I'm sorry and hope that you'll forgive me.

Open up your eyes

Awake, arise

Love like a hand reaches down

And pulls us up from the dirty ground

Now is the time

To step from the dark into the light

Cause you can’t change what you’ve done

But you can choose who you’ll become

(CHORUS)

Every moment is a second chance

At starting over, at starting over

Move from the past to the present tense

You can start over, start over again

If you feel ashamed

Of the choices that you’ve made

You can be whole again

And return to your innocence

(CHORUS)

Yesterday is gone

Today is all you’ve got

You don’t have to be who you’ve been

You can change within

It’s never too late

To start over again

Is it Time to Pop Your Protective Christian Bubble?

I had a realization last night. As Christians, I think we get too much into the habit of surrounding ourselves with fellow Christians without thoughts of expanding to outsiders who are considering coming to faith, or others who realize they have strayed too far into the world. Sometimes we focus too much on people's past failures instead of on the positive future they could have in knowing Jesus. As much as we don't want to be overly influenced by the world in order to not fall into a temptation, I feel we are precariously balanced in a realm where we shun those who seem to have awful pasts in order to protect ourselves, and there in lies the problem. We are too self focused.
This line of thinking all came about last night as I was chatting with an acquaintance of mine online. She has a bit of a rough past and is struggling to make improvements in her life. I had never really discussed Christianity with her, other than a couple of verses in passing, but in our conversation, she said something that struck me to the core. She was considering going back to her church, but they weren't very open to her because of her past. She said she felt as if she had to change herself before going back to church. What came to mind was when the Pharisees questioned Jesus about the people he chose to keep company with. Jesus' response can be found within Luke 5:31-32: "And Jesus answered them, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.'" I believe we fail as a Christian community if we turn somebody away based on their past. If they truly repent for the wrongs they have done and the sins they have committed, and if they honestly want to build a relationship with Christ because they know something bigger is out there, then we should invite them in with open arms. Nobody should feel rejected before they even walk in the door.
I think it is easy to forget that we are all sinners. We all have temptations that we wrestle with on a daily basis and needed Jesus to pick us up out of a ditch somewhere along the path as we wandered through life. This should be in the forefront of our minds when a newcomer with a questionable past inquires about Jesus. It should excite us that they are interested to know more and we must be willing to get to know them and pray for them to come closer to Christ.
Many who have troubled pasts have been abandoned by either friends or family. This usually will lead them to spiral downward because they have nobody looking out for their wellbeing and nobody who cares. It reminds me of a line from The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. He was discussing his middle school football experience and how a coach rode him particularly hard one practice. Another coach came over to him and said, "When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you." I find this quote motivating when I have someone giving me a hard time about doing something right. But then I am also reminded of the times that I gave up on people because they would either shut me out of their problems, or there appeared to be no progress being made. These of course were selfish decisions, and I believe we all fall prey to responding in this fashion.
I believe God has given me a second chance to remember to not give up on people. This acquaintance of mine who is struggling but wants to get to know Jesus has really inspired me and motivated me to help her in any way possible. I don't want to give up on her just because the majority of other people have done so. Everybody deserves the chance to get to know Jesus and it is not up to us who gets to experience salvation. We can help answer questions and lead Bible studies, but only God's grace can save somebody. As stated in John 14:6, "Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'"
Everybody deserves to learn about Jesus. Salvation is the most important part of our lives, which requires us to build a relationship with God. This is only possible through His grace and mercy and it is completely up to Him who is accepted into heaven. Stop protecting yourself from the people of the world and instead realize that everybody needs to learn about Christ and that your first calling is always to discipleship. Be willing to step outside your bubble and extend yourself to somebody who everybody else might have given up on. We all deserve to have someone believe in our abilities and we should be willing to assist somebody in their walk with Christ, no matter what their background, or how far away they may live.

Motivation to Run

I get some motivational daily devotion emails from PrayFit. I find these short little devotions encouraging, but today, the devotion really convicted my heart. The title of the devotion was Health Doesn't Come Naturally. At first, this might appear to be a simplistic approach, almost making you want to say, "Well, no kidding." I then looked to the verse that was featured, which happened to be 1 Corinthians 6:20, "You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies." That was when it hit me. I haven't been honoring God with my body. Don't get confused by this statement, though. I don't mean it in the sense that I've given in to sexual impurity or forms of gluttony. What I mean is that I have not been exercising and honoring God by keeping myself in the best shape possible.

Ever since my marathon back in May, I haven't really done much running. I did the Warrior Dash in June, but with minimal training and I felt sluggish the entire time. I also participated in the Shawnee Mountain Mud Run, but I think I walked a lot of it because it was literally up a ski mountain. That race was back in August, though, and my exercise regimen has been sporadic at best ever since. In February, I had maybe ten days that I ran, but then I felt like I was getting sick, so I stopped that routine. The nice warm weather that came through mid-March provided me with a brief couple days where I was determined to get outside to run to enjoy the sunny days I was blessed with, but this also passed. I just seem to have this inability to remain dedicated to the sport. I've become a little too good at talking myself out of running due to either aches and pains, or it just seems difficult because I'm so out of practice.

After reading my email from PrayFit, I realized that I was neglecting my body in the service of our Lord. Now I know that I can't do anything to save my soul (Ephesians 2:8), but a thought crossed my mind. If I can't even take care of myself by doing a daily exercise routine that takes up 2-4% of my entire time, how can I possibly dedicate myself to helping others realize they need Jesus, which requires much more time and effort? My hope is that I will renew my thinking about exercise and that I will realize that my ability to run is a blessing from God that must be utilized. There are so many people who can't run either due to disease, disability, or injury, that it would be a shame for me to waste my ability all because I just don't feel like lacing up my sneakers to struggle through a run. What I need to remember is that over time, it'll get easier. Much like how our souls need to be sanctified in order to be obedient to Christ, in a sense, my mind and body need to be sanctified in order to be obedient to my running regimen. I believe that if I look at my running as a ministry tool, it'll become easier to re-dedicate myself to the sport.

W.A.I.T. Part 11: Who is Guiding Your Steps on the Path?

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." ~Proverbs 16:9

Many have this mistaken idea that they are in control of their own lives. They feel that they can seek their own destiny without consulting anybody, let alone God. The problem with this is that you can't lead the way in your own life when you don't have any idea about where you're going. Also, you can't just go with the flow because everybody else is since that is a sure fire way to end up on the path of destruction. We are warned about this by Jesus in Matthew 7:13 when he tells us to, "'Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.'" Gauging our progress based on worldly perspectives is a definite way to fail and end up floundering. What we need in order to thrive, is God. Believe me, I've learned this from experience in the not so distant past.

In Jeremiah 29:11, it says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" This is a promise that we can hold onto, if only we would just trust in the written Word. Unfortunately, we tend to lack patience and try to accomplish tasks our way without consulting the all knowing God. This is because Americans are raised to be go-getters, constantly accomplishing multitudes of tasks simultaneously, which doesn't leave much room for consulting God.
A good illustration for this can be found within the lyrics to the song "New York City" by Among Savages. The song seems to be about someone who felt that they could follow their dreams by moving to the city, which they feel will lead to answering all of their questions about life. On the contrary, what is said is, "Yeah, you came here with nothing and you're leaving with the same. Sometimes the road that you were walking on is going the wrong way." So easily we feel that we are on the right path in life, but then we discover we were wrong all along. This song goes on to say, "Now if you leave, will you feel defeated? Cause you didn't take from the city as much as the city took from you. What if you'd stayed? What if you'd done what you were thinking? I'd rather you give up on life in the city than giving up on life too." When people become so convinced that they are traveling on the right path in life, it can be absolutely devastating when reality knocks on the door and you have to admit that you were wrong all along. Many end up playing the "what if" game instead of focusing on the new path that is before them at the base of that closed door. It can be so easy to just shut down and give up on life all together if all you had to hold onto was that one unmet dream. One needs to realize that there is life beyond the fading dream. I think that's why at the end of the song there is a line that says, "Follow your dreams, but beware of the illusions. You won't fill the void in your heart with a bank statement and a car." These material objects are what tend to drive people who attempt to control their own destiny, but they are missing the entire point of life, being gravely deceived. Those who crave only objects of monetary value are the ones most likely to give up on life completely after they stumble and fall in the mud on the path of their dream. What they truly should be seeking to fill any void in life is Jesus.
Jesus is the missing piece to everybody's puzzle. He is our guide and should be the one who leads the way in our lives. Back in the fall, I neglected my relationship with Jesus and my path seemed to lead only to despair. Life wasn't what I thought it would be and my dreams seemed to be crumbling faster every week. I needed to realize that God was in charge and that I wasn't. Though it took time, I finally accepted the trials that I was facing and I've gotten better at allowing God to guide my steps. Psalm 37:23-24 has really helped because it says, "The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." I have surely stumbled numerous times in the past couple of months, but trusting more in God and knowing that their is a reason behind the path that I'm currently on has helped me to thrive more as a Christian. I'm slowly beginning to look to other's needs instead of remaining so focused on my own. Though I still have a long way to go on this path in life, I believe that God knows exactly what He wants of me. I may not know my purpose, but I know I have a purpose in Him. I want to thrive as He leads the way.
And on those days when it's hard to just crawl out of bed, I'll think of the chorus to the song "Carry On" by Fun:

If you're lost and alone

Or you're sinking like a stone

Carry on

May your past be the sound

Of your feet upon the ground

Carry on

W.A.I.T. Part 1: Don't Base Your Calling on Worldly Standards

Many of us question our purpose in life. We're not quite sure if we are ever actually on the correct path. Some of us find ourselves questioning whether or not we even meet the so-called standards to be a qualified member of the Christian faith who is meant to bring forth the Good News to the nations of the world.
There is nothing wrong with doubting your abilities, but wondering if you are good enough to be a Christian is ridiculous. We need to remember that the only reason we are Christians in the first place is because God called us and we answered that call. We must remember what is written within 1 Corinthians 1:26-31, which states, "'Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.'"
Everybody has their shortcomings. The human race is fallen and riddled with sin and deceit. By nature, we are a bunch of lowly screw-ups, but with the help of God, we can become great leaders, encouragers, and influential when it comes to sharing the Gospel. God blesses us with unique gifts and the ability to utilize them. He puts us in situations that make us uncomfortable in order to prove that we must rely on Him and that the reason we are successful is because of God's grace.
A great 20th century example of an individual who relied on God for his calling is Eric Liddell. He was the son of Scottish missionaries and by 1924, he was the fastest sprinter in the world. Eric wanted to serve God in some capacity, but he wasn't exactly sure how he could do that. An excerpt from David McCasland's book, Eric Liddell -- Pure Gold, states, "In his own eyes, he seemed to possess so few of the skills he thought necessary for Christian ministry. Not only was he not an orator, he dreaded the thought of speaking in public. Forty thousand shouting fans in a stadium didn't bother him at all, but forty people sitting quietly in a church hall terrified him." But God decided that Eric was meant to be a speaker. Eric prayed for guidance and this prayer was answered by a visit from D.P. Thomson, a member of the Glasgow Student' Evangelistic Union who was hoping that Eric would come and speak. David McCasland wrote that "D.P.'s infectious enthusiasm not only made it seem imperative that Eric come and speak, but made it sound completely possible for a young man who dreaded the public platform." As means of response, "Eric paused for a moment, pondering the invitation, then glanced up and with a broad smile said, 'All right, I'll do it.'"
Not only did Eric trust to follow God's calling to become a public speaker, but he also decided to respect the Lord's Sabbath, which would impact the races in which he could participate in the 1924 Olympic Games. Eric Liddell was favored to win the 100 meter in the 1924 Olympics, but once he saw that the finals of the race were on Sunday, Eric declined to participate. Eric still entered into the 200 meters and the 400 meters, though was not considered a contender in either, according to McCasland's book. When Eric Liddell ran in the 400 meters final, not only did he win the event, he also set a new World Record time of 47.6 seconds. A description of Eric's running style throughout the race was written by one of his competitors in the final, Horatio Fitch. Fitch wrote, "Tho a sprinter by practice, he ran the pick of the world's quarter milers off their feet. Tho a small man, he makes his legs move fast enuf to beat his rangy competitors. His form is all wrong by our standards, for he runs almost leaning back, and his chin is almost pointing to heaven, yet he won his race on pluck and stamina. And most difficult of all, he had to set his own pace all the way, where one instant's faltering judgement would have meant defeat." This quote serves as a great reminder that even though Eric didn't run in the typical fashion of the day, Eric met God's standards because he lived to glorify His name, and thus flourished in his endeavors.
The next time you question whether or not you are qualified to share the Gospel, remember that God provides you with everything you need in order to thrive.

Eric Liddell winning the 400 meter in Paris, 1924.

Evangelism

Mark 16:15-16 "He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.'"

Matthew 28:19-20 "'Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'"   
The original disciples were commanded by Jesus to go out and preach the Gospel. This was the first call for evangelism, and it continues for every generation of Christians. As believers, were are to go out into the world and share the Good News with all, in the hope of planting seeds so that God can call more of His people back and bless them with saving grace. This takes much courage because we will face much mocking from those around us, or worse, depending on the area in which you choose to share the Gospel. There are countries in which Christianity is considered illegal, with death being the punishment. But we must remember that fear of man should never be something to stand in our way. Instead, our focus needs to be on the lost and broken people on Earth who are in desperate need of a redeeming Savior. Matthew 9:37-38 should be the driving force behind everybody's desire to enter the mission field, whether at home, work, or in a foreign land: "Then he said to his disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.'" There are so many people who still know hardly anything about Jesus or have yet to accept Him into their hearts, and it is every Christian's job to bring the message of hope to all. It'll probably be much easier to reach those who have never heard the Gospel because they are eager to learn more and soak up the Son. But sharing with these people typically involves the most danger because people who know little about the Gospel tend to be those who live in countries where it is forbidden.
Evangelism is definitely no easy task. I have already mentioned some of the issues that people might face. In my opinion, though, the hardest people to reach are the rich, who love possessions, and those who were either raised in the church and claim to still be Christians, or those who go through the motions of being Christian, but do not have Jesus in their hearts. They are not open to rebuke. As C.S. Lewis stated, ‎"A world of nice people, content in their own niceness, looking no further, turned away from God, would be just as desperately in need of salvation as a miserable world - and might even be more difficult to save." These people feel that they are doing well by their own standards, and thus refuse to compare themselves to God's standards. They are much like the Pharisees who lived in the time of Jesus, who were merely hypocrites. This is why Jesus reminds us to not continuously butt heads with such individuals in Matthew 10:16 ~ "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Know when to walk away and move onto others in need of the Gospel. Remember that only God can open people's hearts to Jesus, so don't get discouraged or feel unworthy. You are merely following through with Jesus' command in the hopes that God will draw others close to Him and fill them with the Holy Spirit.
In conclusion, allow God to guide your steps into the mission field. Use His Word as a means of discernment to help determine your direction. Some might be called to evangelize at home, while others the jungle, desert, or arctic. One thing to remember, though, is to walk the narrow path of Jesus in order to be an example of a true believer to those around you each and everyday. Others should look to you and wonder what you have that they don't. Do not end up living like the people C.S. Lewis mentioned in this passage: "When Christians behave badly, or fail to behave well, we are making Christianity unbelievable to the outside world...Our careless lives set the outer world talking; and we give them grounds for talking in a way that throws doubt on the truth of Christianity itself."

There's a Bit of Jonah in All of Us

Have you ever found your heart full of resentment towards another individual or group of people? Have you ever resented blessings coming to those who have hurt you and find it hard to truly be happy for them? Then you have a bit of Jonah inside of you.
Jonah was a prophet of the Lord. His God given mission was to preach to the city of Ninevah so that they would repent. The only problem was that Jonah harbored a deep resentment for the Assyrians of Ninevah due to the atrocities they had caused using brute force. They were the epitome of evil, in Jonah's mind, and he didn't feel that they deserved God's love and mercy. So instead of obeying God's mission, Jonah decided to make a run for it: Jonah 1:3 ~ "But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish." (For those who don't know, Tarshish is in the complete opposite direction of Ninevah. It would be like heading to New York City from Denver, instead of going to Los Angeles.) Jonah soon learned that fleeing from the Lord is cowardly and impossible, and that his decision greatly impacted many around him.
The ship that Jonah boarded to take to Tarshish soon encountered a great storm, which instilled fear in the sailors onboard. They started crying out to their false gods for help, but soon cast lots to determine why such a calamity had arisen. Only then did Jonah speak up in Jonah 1:12 ~ "'Pick me up and throw me into the sea,' he replied, 'and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you." It is interesting to see that once Jonah realizes that he has caused distress in others that he chooses to alleviate it. This is the first time his conscience sensed that maybe what he was doing was wrong. The irony, as stated in the notes from my Life Application Study Bible, was that he was trying to seek God's love while running from it at the same time. Essentially, "if you want more of God's love and power, you must be willing to carry out the responsibilities he gives you." Jonah finally took some responsibility in Jonah 1:15-16, which demonstrates the lengths he was willing to go to in order to spare the sailors from the storm: "Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. At this the men greatly feared the Lord, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows to him." The lesson that can be gained from this is the fact that "God is able to use even our mistakes to help others come to know him."
What happened next to Jonah is what he is most known for; he got swallowed by a great fish and was in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights (Jonah 1:17). This verse provides some foreshadowing to when Jesus will spend three days in the center of the earth before being resurrected. Jesus actually makes reference to this verse in Matthew 12:40, stating the aforementioned foreshadowing in response to the Pharisees asking for a sign from the Lord.
While inside the belly of the fish, Jonah prayed to the Lord to give thanks for being spared from the raging waters. Deep inside his heart, Jonah knew that God had shown him mercy and he was very grateful. It's while he was within the belly of the fish that Jonah realized that he must obey the Lord and repent for not following through in the mission to preach to the city of Ninevah. Upon hearing Jonah's repentance, "The Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah up on dry land" (Jonah 2:10). We often have similar revelations when we suffer hardships. We immediately call upon the Lord to repent for our lack of trust, once we realize that that is why we have ended up in a particular predicament. The best thing we can do in storms, and even in the good times, is holdfast to the Lord. He has the authority over all circumstances and can have us placed in the correct spot on our journey through life if we decide to relinquish our desire for control. Allow yourself to be puked back up on dry land to continue God's mission for your life.
Once Jonah was back on dry land and given a second chance, he obeyed the word from God to go preach in Ninevah (Jonah 3:1-3). After a days journey into Ninevah, he declared that the city would be overthrown in forty days (Jonah 3:4). The Lord wants his Word preached to everybody, even to the most evil people on the face of the earth. We shouldn't allow our fear of people get in the way of sharing the most important Truth with others. Through Jonah's presentation of God's Word, the people of Ninevah repented and were spared God's wrath (Jonah 3:10). As stated in the notes from my Life Application Study Bible, "Ninevah's repentance stood in stark contrast to Israel's stubbornness. The people of Israel had heard many messages from the prophets, but they refused to repent. The people of Ninevah only needed to hear God's message once." We must always remember to not just listen to the Word of God, but to repent and try to refine our way of life to meet Christ's standards. Without doing so, we are merely fooling ourselves into a life of complacency when we are meant to live a life of devotion to the Lord.
Instead of being joyful over the repentance of Ninevah, Jonah decided to sulk and be angry (Jonah 4:1-2). Luckily for Jonah, the Lord remained patient with his anger and chose to teach Jonah a lesson instead of bearing down with wrath. The Lord provided a plant to give shade to Jonah, but caused it to wither the next day (Jonah 4:6-7). This was to teach Jonah about how the Lord shows mercy to all, not just the chosen people of Israel and how it is wrong to be angry when evil people, like the people of Ninevah, receive mercy and forgiveness after repenting to the Lord.
In the same way, we must not let our emotions dictate who we share the Word of God with. God wants everyone to be saved and to repent. 2 Peter 3:9 says, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." We often get angry when God showers mercy on those we resent, but we must not focus on our own foolish desires and hatred. We must make the choice to be concerned about the salvation of every human being on this earth and not refuse to share the Gospel with certain people just because we feel they are unworthy, or because our sinful nature is holding a grudge. Try your best to quell the Jonah inside of you in order to fulfill God's purpose in your life.

Seek God's Wisdom in Times of Turmoil: Gaining Discernment and Guarding Your Heart After or From Betrayal

Betrayal is always hard to swallow. Anger and panic tend to ensue when we choose to live in our flesh, as opposed to turning to God. And even when we pray for understanding and forgiveness, it can be hard to get rid of the bitter taste left behind in our mouths. King David speaks of the pain endured when facing betrayal. Some believe that Psalm 55:12-14 mirrors the betrayal Jesus felt when Judas turned him over to the authorities. This passage states, "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God."
Our first instinct might be to harden our hearts towards whoever has betrayed us. This never solves anything and only harms your peace of mind in the long run. Immediate forgiveness also is not a smart route because it does not allow for complete healing internally. One can claim to have forgiven someone, but if anger and bitterness are still anchored in their heart, true forgiveness and healing have not taken place.
I found some intriguing words from Reverend Douglas Showalter on this topic. In an article entitled Forgiveness: Through Gritted Teeth or a Journey of the Heart?, he speaks about how many feel it is their "Christian duty" to forgive others quickly. The following is his response to this misconception:
"I ask you: aren't there times when you and I have the intense heat of coals burning within us? Someone deeply wrongs us or betrays us, and suddenly a coal fire is ignited within us. Our chests burn with pain, with anger, and sometimes even with the desire to get revenge: to hurt the one who has hurt us--or our loved ones--so wrongly. Fiery red coals burn within us. But then we are told, by a well-meaning friend--or our own guilty conscience--that to be a good Christian, we must always forgive quickly and completely. We Christians often assume it's a law of our faith--virtually carved in stone--that we should always forgive quickly. But let me ask you, have you ever tried to put out a coal fire quickly? It usually can't be done. Oh yes, one can dump buckets of water in a hot cast-iron stove, and likely see the stove itself break up. But short of that, it takes time for burning coals to be extinguished. And so I think it is after a serious injury: I think it usually takes time for our pain, anger, and any ill will we may feel, to be extinguished. For like fiery red coals, our deeply negative feelings rarely go out in an instant--just because we want them to. Usually, it takes time to be rid of these things. In fact, it takes a process of inner healing--and such healing cannot be rushed."
We are called to maintain unity with fellow Christians, so reconciliation after forgiveness is the best policy in the long run. That does not mean that a relationship will be normalized overnight. It takes time to mend from betrayal and this process must not be forced or expedited. In my opinion, one should never rush into forgiveness. It'll take patience to move past the awkward stages when you first encounter those who have hurt you in the past, but with some conscious effort, one day things will be okay again. Much like a crumpled piece of paper, it takes time to iron out all of the creases.
During these times, it is best to seek discernment from God's Word in order to protect oneself from future betrayal, and also to determine how to respond to one who has betrayed you. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." This bit of wisdom suggests that we should not rush into matters of the heart, whether it is an intimate relationship with the opposite sex or a new friendship. Other advice on this matter can be found within Proverbs 12:26 ~ "A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." I believe these proverbs can also be applied to friendships that one already holds. You might be called to re-evaluate the impact that certain individuals have on your life and how they shape you. God has a purpose for each person He brings into your life, but you must pray for discernment in order for that purpose to be revealed to you.
God also warns us to be discerning when we encounter the following types of individuals: false friends and those of poor character. In order to protect our hearts, we must become acutely aware of these two types of individuals. The first that I am going to address is the false friend. These individuals feign interest in your life and put on a really good act of compassion, but it is only for their own gain. These individuals believe that they can use you at their own convenience and see no harm in doing so because they are unaware of anybody else's happiness or well-being. They prey on people to meet their own needs and then move on once they are satisfied. In the long run, the whole friendship is just a fallacy. The Book of Psalms warns us to be on the lookout for such individuals. Psalm 28:3 states, "Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who do evil, who speak cordially with their neighbors but harbor malice in their hearts" while Psalm 55:21 puts it this way: "His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords."

Individuals of poor character can also impact our lives in a negative fashion if we don't protect ourselves. We can easily be lead astray by those individuals that we strive to be friends with because they appear to be popular in society. Little do we realize that these people travel the wide path to destruction, rather than the narrow path that leads to life. That is why Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." I'm not saying that you should avoid certain people in society, but I am suggesting that you maintain your morals and judgement when difficult situations arise with these people. They will most likely pressure you into trying things that make you uncomfortable. Anybody who does that really does not have your best interests in mind. If they make it seem like you won't be cool or won't be accepted by them, it might be best to just walk away. Try not to fall for these traps because, as 1 Corinthians 15:33 states, "Do not be misled:'Bad company corrupts good character." The longer you remain in the company of these individuals, the more you will turn into them if you are not discerning, for we all try to emulate our friends or supposed friends. In the end, be sure to pray to the Lord to seek His wisdom and guidance in all situations in order to protect your heart and determine what people should be a part of your life.

Analysis: How I Relate to Switchfoot's New Album Vice Verses

“I can't just shut it up and fake that I'm alright.”           

“Cause everyday the world is made. A chance to change but I feel the same. And I wonder why would I wait till I die to come alive? I'm ready now.”

~Afterlife

There is no use pretending that you are fine. You are merely lying to yourself and to everyone around you. The best change you can possibly make is to center your life around Christ in order to become truly alive.

“Speak your mind up. Come on baby free yourself.”

“Free yourself; don't let nobody try and take your soul. You're the original.”

“So you say you're just a lost soul; I know you better than that.”

“So you say you're just a face in city race wasted and sick of it all.”

~The Original

When possible and when you gain the courage, always speak your mind. Don't let anybody suppress your feelings or opinions. We all feel lost at times, but with God on our side, everything will be alright. He knows what is on your heart at all times. Also, methodical living can always get you down, but your goal is to keep looking up.

“Breathe out let your mind unwind. Eyes on the ceiling, looking for the feeling.”

“Yeah, it's where the fight begins. Yeah, underneath the skin between these hopes and where we've been. Every fight comes from the fight within. I am the war inside.”

“I am the war I fight.”

“Ain't no killer like pride. No killer like I. No killer like what's inside.”

~The War Inside

We are all fighting an internal battle against demons. We get infused with lies that we can begin to believe if we don't ask for the strength of the Holy Spirit. The biggest killer is our pride because it drives us to convince ourselves that we are the most important things on this planet, so we must guard ourselves in order to prevent it from being a destructive killer.

“I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore; I’m looking for you. I am the one that you left behind, I am the thorn stuck in your side. I am the bored and clouded eyes looking for the well that won’t run dry. Running hard for the other side, the world that I’ve always been denied. Running hard for the infinite with the tears of the saints and hypocrites.”

~Restless

We all get restless here on Earth searching for more meaning to our lives. It is best to always run towards God and strive to know more about His character. Best to run from the worldly in search of Christ. The stronger the desire, the more tears shed if we are denied the other side.

“Hey girl, don't conform now. No one else's got soul like you. Hey girl, you're a strong one, but none of us are bulletproof.”

“Deep down there's a hope inside. You got wings but you're scared to fly. Wake up, wake up.”

“Still looking for the reason why. Still looking for the sun to shine.”

“All my life I've been living in the darkest night.”

“Deep down there's a hope inside brighter than the fears in my mind. I keep looking for the blinding light. It's a hope that keeps me alive.”

~Blinding Light
Our human nature desires to fit in, but as Christian's, we are called to be different. We are urged not to conform because we are all uniquely and wonderfully made. Fear also overwhelms us whenever change is inevitable. We need to spread our wings and be brave enough to fly instead of remaining grounded due to doubts in our mind. God's love is that blinding light that can ease the fears in our minds and bring hope for a brighter tomorrow.

“See, opinions are easier to swallow than facts. The greys instead of the whites and the blacks. If you shoot it too straight it won't come back.”

“I wanna believe you, I wanna believe, but everything is in-between. The fact is fiction. Suspicion is the new religion.”

~Selling the News
Satan has injected doubt into this age of technology. The ability to believe based sheerly on our heart's desire has been greatly impacted in this know-it-all generation. This mounting doubt has created a cloud of suspicion over almost every aspect of life.

“Been fighting things that I can't see like voices coming from the inside of me. Like doing things I find hard to believe in. Am I myself or am I dreaming?”

“No, I'm not alright. I know that I'm not right.”

“A warm body doesn't mean I'm alive.”

“Feel like I travel but I never arrive. I wanna thrive not just survive.”

“I try and hide it and not let it show, but deep down inside me I just don't know. Am I a man if I feel like a hoax?”

~Thrive
The voices inside us are derived from our sinful nature. It is hard to ignore them, which can lead us into a situation that we don't desire to be in and don't agree with. Sinful nature covers us like a cloud, which makes it hard to determine who we are and what we are doing. We are unaware of what's reality. It is also natural to question the strength of your faith and whether you truly believe or are just living out the lie of a hypocrite. We aren't truly living until we are living with Christ.

“I've made my mistakes, I've seen my heart cave in. I got my scars I've been to hell and back again. Born for the blue skies, we’ll survive the rain. Born for the sunrise, we’ll survive the pain.”

“Hey, you can’t count us out. We’ve been running up against the crowd. Yeah, we are the dark horses.”

~Dark Horses
We are all running against the crowd and we must continue to do so in order to please God. No matter what pain crushes your heart, it is best to remain in God's favor instead of striving to please other sinful humans who cannot bring us any true satisfaction in life.

“Here’s to the twilight. Here’s to the memories. These are my souvenirs; my mental pictures of everything.”

“So I close my eyes and go back in time. I can see you smiling, you’re so alive.”

“We were so young, we had no idea that nothing lasts forever.”

~Souvenirs
Life always runs astray. We can desperately try to catch up and maintain control, or we can let it go and ask God what path He desires for your life. You will always have your memories of happy times, but don't let the past prevent you from enjoying the present. Circumstances and people change and nothing lasts forever, so stop trying to prevent the change.


"I don't care what they're telling me. We could be what we want to be. Rise above it."
"Just because you're running doesn't mean that you're scared. Just because it's law doesn't mean it is fair. Never let another tell your soul what to fear."
~Rise Above It
Always follow your own heart and don't let anybody keep you from being who you want to be. It is better to take the high road than to argue with people's assumptions about your life. By running, one may just be looking for a new beginning and isn't actually scared of the circumstances. There's also the old adage that life isn't fair and we can't depend on any law on Earth to bring us peace of mind. Always look to God for guidance and not your peers. God knows your heart and what you truly fear. Everybody else can just make assumptions about your deepest fears, and few will truly care about them or help you face them.

“Looking for signs in the night sky, wishing that I wasn’t such a nice guy. Wonder what it means to live forever? Wonder what it means to die?”

“I know that there's a meaning to it all. A little resurrection every time I fall.”

“Every blessing comes with a set of curses.”

“The wind could be my new obsession. The wind could be my new depression. The wind goes anywhere it wants to, wishing that I learned my lesson.”

“Where are you in my broken heart? Everything seems to fall apart.”

~Vice Verses
After awhile, some begin to realize that the sinner seems to have it easier than the believer. This causes us to wish that we weren't so nice and caring in order to avoid pain. It is natural to desire to live forever and be scared of death while constantly questioning its meaning. We are all well aware that God has a purpose behind everything and we yearn for life's meaning. Life is full of blessings, but hardships tend to accompany them. Our souls desire to be free like the wind, which can consume us in obsession, though we might become depressed when we realize that we cannot let our soul go everywhere it is drawn. When we encounter numerous hardships and our heart breaks constantly, leading to our world to fall apart, we begin to question God's existence and whether He is aware of our pain. We must trust that He is there even when our world is caving in.

“Still looking for a home in a world where I belong. Feels like we're just waiting, waiting while our hearts are just breaking, breaking. Feels like we're fighting against the tide.”

“On the final day I die I want to hold my head up high. I want to tell You that I tried.”

“And when I reach the other side I want to look You in the eye and know that I've arrived in a world where I belong.”

~Where I Belong
On Earth, we hardly ever feel like we belong. Constantly, we feel lost and broken because we look for happiness in all of the wrong places. God desires for us to call on Him, but we fight against the tide because we convince ourselves that we can do it on our own. Eventually, we'll all realize how much we need God and we will desire to try and live in a way to please Him. Our end goal should be heaven, which is the only place where we will feel like we belong.

Use the Short End of the Stick as an Educational Tool

I'm sure everybody in the world has felt like he or she has gotten shafted at some moment in their lives; some more than others. It is definitely not a pleasant feeling when you feel like you got the short end of the stick in a situation. The first desired reaction is to lash out, or rant and rave. This may very well be warranted, but take a moment to think before you start spewing all kinds of information.
A few weeks back I was flipping through the book of Proverbs and came across a verse that was very insightful. Proverbs 10:18 states, "He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool." Initially, this verse put me in quite a predicament. Recently, I have found myself in a situation that I do not view as "fair" and I feel like I have been given the short end of the stick. My first reaction of course is the desire to vent my rage over my so-called injustice. This is sometimes not smart because it could lead to inadvertent slander, which would make me a fool. I also know that it is not smart to contain any hatred because that would make me a liar if anybody asked me how I felt about the situation and I claimed that it didn't bother me at all.
Many of you might be wondering what the other possible alternative is to alleviate any feelings of injustice. My answer is to turn to Jesus and pray about it. Not only does He know everything that goes on in your life (Psalm 139:1-4 ~ "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely."), but you are also very important to Him. This becomes apparent when reading Luke 12:6-7, which states, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." To top this all off, He is also very aware of what it feels like to suffer an injustice. Do not forget that He died for your sins, but He was a sinless man. Read the following verses to remind yourself what Jesus did for you:
Romans 8:3-4 ~ "For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit."
2 Corinthians 5:21 ~ "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
1 Peter 2:24 ~ "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed."
In the grand scheme of things, any injustice you might face here on this Earth cannot possibly come close to the greatest injustice in history: Christ dying on the cross. What needs to be realized, though, is that this injustice was necessary for us to acquire the Holy Spirit and be able to receive eternal life through God's grace (Ephesians 2:8-9 ~ "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and in this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast.") With this in mind, there might be a reason behind any injustice you face in life, and it will be revealed to you at an appropriate time when you can learn from the circumstance.

Alone in a Faraway Land

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be in a foreign country with hardly a soul who speaks in a tongue you understand? Ever wonder how you will convey your thoughts to those around you with the small bits of vocabulary and grammar you possess of the language in the country you are visiting? Currently, this happens to be my reality as I am in Germany with my brother visiting relatives from my Dad's side of the family for the next 10 days.
So far it has been quite an experience, but difficulties have presented themselves. For one, my German is nicht so gut (not very good). Then, of course, my brother is not only male, but a Muth male, making him a man of few, if any words at times, and those words are most likely in German as well. I love him dearly, but this makes life difficult for me when I tend to enjoy conversation and banter throughout my day. There is a chance he will read this or StumbleUpon this blog, so I apologize to you, Nick, but I am just trying to lay out facts, not criticism.
I'm sure God is greatly amused by my little predicament. It's almost like He is saying, "Hey, Kayla. Stop trying to rely on others or yourself so much and talk to Me." Maybe He is also trying to see if I will drive myself crazy talking to myself over the next 10 days. Anything is certainly possible, but it is a challenge I am willing to meet head on. I refuse to worry about what I might do because that is not how I am meant to spend my time whilst 3000 some odd miles from home. Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore, don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I can certainly relate to this because each day boasts its own new, unique challenges. These challenges range from eating what Oma cooks in order to help re-enforce the fact that I do actually like her cooking, navigating the streets of Frankfurt after the Women's World Cup Final, to trying to exchange currency. I also know my future will certainly have plenty because I am currently jobless and practically everybody I know is talking about wanting a change of scenery or location in life and these are just situations God will help guide me through and accept.
As much as I feel I can conquer each challenge, I still feel relatively alone in the matter. As I said earlier, Nick isn't one for socializing currently, and the rest of the family knows maybe 20 English words, tops. Which leaves me myself and God to talk to for the majority of this foreign excursion. Thankfully, I know and trust that God is always there to listen, especially in my frustration. The Holy Spirit is housed within me; even if I don't see it, I know it is there. Hebrews 11:1 states, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Just because we don't see God on a daily basis doesn't mean He isn't there. He has been with me every step of the way so far, that's for sure. He has kept me from being my usual, overthinking self, which is a blessing because I surely would have gone crazy by now if that wasn't the case.
I have come to realize that it is the times that I am most alone that God is probably the most present and He urges us to talk to Him in prayer. Prayer demands alone time, and I have taken advantage of such opportunities, especially yesterday on my 17 minute ride from Oberursel to Frankfurt on the S5. I prayed for greater understanding of the German language, patience with everybody, and the ability to consume any and all meals my Oma prepared. Thankfully, the words of Luke 11:9-10 (So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.) rang true in my life. I was able to hold a decent conversation with my Aunt Edith later in the evening, and actually received a complement on my improving German (which is a surprise because she is apt to be the most critical at times) and I was able to have my entire bowl of zucchini soup and fried potato pancakes (yes, you read that correctly, SOUP). All in all, a very successful day thanks to answered prayer.
So maybe, just maybe, I won't go crazy by the end of this trip, but we'll have to see what the next 9 days have to offer. The best advice, though, is to pray constantly to the One who can always provide help.

Accept the Breakdown as a Learning Experience

Ever feel like life keeps pummeling you with trials that you can't always juggle? My life seems to have turned into a circus act as of late, and I've found it very difficult to continue functioning in a normal manner. I think my main issue is that I have tried too much to just rely on myself, and we all know that's not how life works. The reason we are given so much to handle and take in is so that we finally come to that realization that we need Jesus to get us through each and every day. The only problem with having so much go wrong in life all at once is that we begin to question whether or not God is really there watching over us. Some might call this doubt; others lack of faith. I call it human nature. I don't question God's presence. I know He is there even if I don't always sense it. It reminds me of lyrics from the song "Give Me Faith". The bridge says the following: I may be weak. Your spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail. My God you never will. The essence of this is that, as humans, we can never fully live up to God's expectations, but with His help, we can achieve glory.
I believe my main issue lately isn't necessarily that my life is falling apart. I feel I have become lazy in my faith. A relationship with God takes a lot of effort to maintain. Like any other relationship, if you don't remain close and have a continual dialogue, it fades. I have struggled lately in my prayer life and have been too earthly focused. I have gotten frustrated at circumstances and wished they didn't occur instead of praying the matter over and giving God the burden. Much like the words in Hebrews 6:12, "We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."
I can tell you that this verse definitely rings true in my life. I have not been the poster girl for patience. Quite the opposite, actually. My heart has grown cold and my patience for people and their idiocy has disappeared. My temper has become short-fused, and this is all because I have not maintained a healthy prayer life with my God and Savior. My goal is to start reading my Bible more consistently in order to gain more peace of mind and to remind myself that God is in charge of my life and knows all that will happen, even if I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants into uncharted waters. Slowly but surely I hope to regain my composure so that I can strengthen my relationship with God and so that I am a more pleasant person to be around. When I can sense that people would prefer to not be in my presence, it's time for a change.
The next time you feel utterly defeated over your circumstances and feel that God doesn't have your back, listen to the song Before the Morning by Josh Wilson. The lyrics are pretty powerful and serve as a good reminder that tomorrow is another day and joy is coming for those who believe that Jesus is their Savior.

Do you wonder why you have to

Feel the things that hurt you

If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see

And all those things are happening

To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe

That you still have a reason to sing

Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling

It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light

Press on and just fight the good fight

Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling

It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends

You know where you’re going

You just don’t know how you’ll get there

So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God

But life is not a snapshot

It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory

All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing

Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling

It’s just the dark before the morning 

Accepting God's Plan

I have had a lot of thoughts brewing in my mind lately. There have been events that have occurred that have created turmoil in my soul. Part of me questions why this is all happening and I find myself constantly resisting the inevitable outcomes. While I sit here questioning, I remember a verse that was mentioned in my Bible study on Sunday night. The verse was 1 Peter 4:12, which says, "Dear friends, do not be surprised by the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." Instead of focusing on this verse, though, my mind has been driven by my sin nature and I have become quite selfish wondering if everything is going to spiral out of control. Week after week seems to present me with one more person who I question whether or not they want me to remain a part of their life.
My knee-jerk reaction, of course, is to want to confront the people about what has been going on in their lives to cause them to slowly withdraw. To many, this might seem like the logical solution in order to help the other person search what is causing their own inner turmoil. But at the same time, it appears selfish to try and rescue friendships/relationships for my own benefit so that I do not have to endure the pain that accompanies such a loss. Considering I despise change of any sort, it makes perfect sense that this is how I react in these situations when I am confronted with them.
After much pondering tonight, though, I have come to the conclusion that I am wrong about how I am reacting to these potential relational losses. As painful as it may be to endure, I must remember that it is all part of God's bigger and better plan. I must remember Mark 8:34-37 ~ "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?" I must remember that my yearning for maintaining my relationships with friends and family in life is focusing on my wants and desires, not God's. What we hope for is always more worldly in nature, when we should truly focus on our spiritual needs. Jesus should always be the center of our lives so that we save our souls. He is the one who saves us and truly knows what is best for our lives. We are placed in situations in order to build our faith and reliance on God and we must remember that just because events do not unfold in the manner we desire does not mean that God is not present and working in our lives. God always has a plan for His people and it is our job to accept that plan, instead of trying to constantly change it to suit what we feel we deserve. But we must remember that God owes us nothing. He doesn't need to bless us with worldly possessions or relationships, but He has mercy on His people and provides them with what He sees fit. Our job is to be thankful for God's blessings no matter what and to worship Him. From here on out, we must limit our questioning of God's intentions and have more acceptance of the events and situations of our lives.
There is a song by Laura Story called "Blessings" that I just heard on Thursday. The lyrics seem to relate to my current situation and seem a fitting ending to this blog post.

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home