Overlooking an Offense

"A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." ~Proverbs 18:19
"A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense." ~Proverbs 19:11

It is a natural part of life to endure disputes with your fellow man. It's what happens within society, more so than not, these days. I'm sure many of you have realized, either with close friends or family, that once somebody gets offended, it takes quite a bit of time to overlook such an incident, much like the one in the first above proverb. Man can turn into an unyielding fortress if he gets attacked in a manner that goes against his viewpoints or beliefs. The important lesson in the situation, though, is to not remain stone-cold, but to be patient and try to overlook an offense, like in the second proverb found above.

It is in our best interests to try and soften our hearts in order to get past an offense, great or small. You might ask, "Why?" and the answer is to bring glory to God. By overlooking an offense, it does not necessarily mean that you were wrong in the situation, or that how you were treated was right. It just puts you on the path towards forgiveness so that you can walk in a more Christ-like fashion. For many, this is hard because our sinful human nature always yearns for revenge. Many times we just want the other person to suffer the same pain and anguish that we felt, but that's not how we are meant to function. Instead, listen to the words found in Romans 12:17-21, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." A similar version can be found within 1 Peter 3:8-9, which states, "Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." Not only are we called to overlook an offense. We are also called to heap blessings onto the people who have wronged us. Again, this goes against our very human nature and the sinful thoughts in our mind. Too often we feel that kind gestures should only be reserved for those times when friends have been kind to us, not when they have sinned against us. The knee-jerk reaction we lean towards involves anger and revenge, but Ephesians 4:26 proclaims, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." The problem with getting angry is that anger festers and only makes problems worse. The best solution is to pray and demonstrate your true colors, utilizing the stalwart character that God blessed you with, by deciding to be compassionate and blessing those who have caused you pain. This essentially helps you live out the words found within Luke 6:27-28: “'But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.'"
In my experience, emotional and verbal wounds take the most time to heal. Many seem to forget that words, whether spoken or written, can pack a punch. Other times, words morph into empty promises and hang limp like dead leaves on a tree limb because they aren't coupled with actions, or they lack follow-through. Too many times our own words get thrown back in our faces and used against us. It is times like these that are hardest for me to remember to be compassionate and loving, especially because I feel like my heart has been seared with a cattle prod. All I really want to do is rant and rave and let others know the pain I've had to endure. Deep down, I know that this won't solve anything. I know that the best solution is to try and move past the hurt in an attempt to make amends and salvage the relationship I have with the person who hurt me. But the key to overlooking an offense and putting an incident in the past is to make sure it stays there. Digging up old wounds defeats the original purpose of overlooking the offense. Proverbs 17:9 states, "Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." In order to avoid separating close friends, bury your old wounds and throw away the key.
While reading my book Breach of Trust by DiAnn Mills yesterday, I came across the following quote: "Love involves sacrifice." This of course got me thinking about the word "love" and the scant few people I claim to care enough about to use this word to express how much I care about them. It made me question whether I have sacrificed anything for them, and vice versa. I think it made me realize that without the sacrifice, great or small, the word "love" should not be used. Now sacrifice does not mean some monumental task, like Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross to demonstrate His immense love for us. Instead, it is that moment where you analyze a situation and decide to do what is best for the other person involved, even if it is not what you want in your heart, and even if it causes great anguish in your heart and mind. In my mind, that is the demonstration of true love. It also embodies the message of this post about why it is best to overlook an offense: In order to demonstrate your love for the other person. All the more reason to take to heart this following verse:

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." ~Ephesians 4:32

Overcome the World

The world is a sinful place. There is no escaping it. When we let it lead our thoughts, we begin to lose our joy and happiness. Instead, we become infused with anger and doubts about every aspect of our lives. We are quick to jump the gun on judging others and condemning them for their actions before they can even explain themselves. It is at this point that we need to reference passages in Matthew 7 to remind ourselves how to regain our composure and live. Matthew 7:1-2 clearly state, "'Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.'" Jesus is telling us that it is not only not our job to judge others, but when we do so unjustly, we pile all of that unfairness onto our own heads that we must stand up under as well. This was illustrated well in a post on the blog Abundant Life entitled, "I can see your issues but not mine."
I forget where exactly, but I always remember hearing a quote along the lines of "what you don't like in others is really what you despise in yourself." This has been true of my life as of late. I have been frustrated by another's perceived selfishness, but when I look at the matter, the thoughts I have been thinking reflect my own selfish desires. I have also been aware that when I do get my way in a matter, I'm still never content in the matter. Instead, I find myself lashing out in anger, driving people away, just because the sin of pride has a grip on my heart.
So what is the best way to solve this matter? That would be to focus on the words of guidance found in Matthew 7:12, which recommend, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." This is more commonly known as The Golden Rule. But when you really read into the statement, you will realize that it goes way beyond what we are taught under The Golden Rule. We are not just called to not treat others poorly because we wouldn't want to be treated in that fashion. We are also called to treat others in a manner that we desire others to treat us, even if you feel that they don't deserve it. In this generation, we only desire to do good if we feel it will be reciprocated. It is almost impossible to act out in kindness when we know that we may never get anything out of it. And that is exactly the point that Jesus is trying to make. We can't do anything without the Holy Spirit and God's grace. It is not in our human nature to do good unto others. Instead, the only way to live out the words of Matthew 7:12 is to pray to God for His assistance.
Many will struggle with the concept of praying to act in good faith towards others. That is another deceitful ploy executed from our sin nature. It convinces us that we can do everything on our own, but in essence, this is just making us a fool. The best way to live out your life effectively is to turn to God and seek His wisdom on all matters. Solomon did this and he left the wisdom he gathered from God on the pages of the Book of Proverbs. From reading the first two chapters, I have discovered that there is a vast difference between knowledge and wisdom. My NIV Life Application Study Bible states that knowledge is "having the facts" while wisdom is "applying those facts to life." We all have the knowledge of how to act and how to treat others, but if we do not apply these facts in our life, then we are simple-minded fools. We must heed the warning within Proverbs 1:32-33, which says, "For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm." Choose now to not be a wayward, simple-minded fool who believes that he/she has control over situations and shelling out kindness. We are all sinful creatures and nothing about us without God knows of kindness, love, or righteousness. Call on Jesus as your intercessor to live a fuller life and to get out of the clutches of this world. Don't live or desire to be apart of it. Instead, overcome the world with the help of a Savior.

Melodic Sequence Leading to a Crescendo of Hope

“The wolf has found a way to lead this foolish flock of sheep astray. And the clouds make fearful noises and slowly turn black and shake. The darkness comes around you. The dark has come to take. And it will cut the life right from you and leave you standing in the rain with nowhere left to run to, and no one left to love you but the pain. Wake up you faithless; see your heartbreak gone. It’s no use trying to hold on.”

~Wake Up (Shipwreck) by The Classic Crime

“Don't know where to begin. It's like my world's caving in and I try but I can't control my fear. Where do I go from here?”

~Let the Waters Rise by MIKESCHAIR

“Right now I’m a total mess and right now I’m completely incomplete.”

~Change in the Making by Addison Road

“You’re best friends with the word regret. You’re afraid that your life's been wasted, so why hope if it's only gonna let you down? You don't think people really change; you’re a mess and you'll always be the same. And you doubt if you'll ever get it turned around.”

~Come Home by Luminate

“Still wondering why I’m here. Still wrestling with my fear.”

~Wait and See by Brandon Heath

“Days will come when you don't have the strength, and all you hear is you're not worth anything. Wondering if you ever could be loved and if they truly saw your heart they'd see so much.”

~Beautiful by MercyMe

“She says, ‘How did I get here? I'm not who I once was. And I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love.’"

~You are More by Tenth Avenue North

“Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare. You saw it comin' but it hit you outta nowhere. And there’s always scars when you fall back far.”

~Get Back Up by tobyMac

“I know that my faults bring me down, it's a constant battle. That's why I have to be honest with you now... I'm not your saint, I'm not your savior.”

~Just a Man by The Classic Crime

“I want to run away I want to ditch my life cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night.”

~I So Hate Consequences by Relient K

“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
 prone to leave the God I love;
” 

~Come Thou Font

“Give me wings, give me peace. These are the things that I need. I'm tormented, broken and shamed. Are you listening? (Are you listening)?”

~Salt in the Snow by The Classic Crime

“Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?

If there’s a God who loves you where is He now?”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“When friends betray us
, when darkness seems to win
. We know the pain reminds this heart
 that this is not, this is not our home.”

~Blessings by Laura Story

“The walls are closing in. You feel alone, you feel afraid. Your heart begins to bend. You take a breath and then it starts to break.”

~Pray You Through by Sixteen Cities

“Letting it all sink in, it's good to feel a sting now and again. I hope it's one less woeful thing there is to fight through.”

~Therapy by Relient K

“Lost on a street, everyone has vanished and you're all alone, but you don't know where to go. Yeah you're all alone and you want to go home.”

~Run by Addison Road

“I took you for granted again. And threw you aside and pretended for one minute that I had control of my life, and direction it seemed to be in.”

~Salt in the Snow by The Classic Crime

“Maybe there are things you can’t see and all those things are happening to bring a better ending.”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“When there's nowhere else to turn, all your bridges have been burned. Feels like you've hit rock bottom. Don't give up it's not the end. Open up your heart again when you feel like no one understands where you are.”

~Me and Jesus by Stellar Kart

“Sometimes its so hard to pray when You feel so far away. But I am willing to go where you want me to; God, I trust You.”

~Let the Waters Rise by MIKESCHAIR

“We lose our way, we get back up again. It's never too late to get back up again. One day you will shine again; you may be knocked down, but not out forever.”

~Get Back Up by tobyMac

“Well maybe, maybe that’s the point
; to reach the point of giving up
. ‘Cause when I’m finally, finally at rock bottom. 
Well that’s when I start looking up
 and reaching out.”

~Strong Enough by Matthew West

“Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that I'm not just some wandering soul that you don't see and you don't know. Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I am someone worth dying for.”

~Someone Worth Dying For by MIKESCHAIR

“So hold on you gotta wait for the light. Press on and just fight the good fight. Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling, it’s just the dark before the morning.”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create. You've been remade.”

~You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

“I know I’m not strong enough to be
 everything that I’m supposed to be. 
I give up, I’m not strong enough
. Hands of mercy won’t You cover me? 
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be 
strong enough. Strong enough
 for the both of us.”

~Strong Enough by Matthew West

“It's time for healing time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong. There's a wave that's crashing over me and all I can do is surrender. Whatever You're doing inside of me it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something Heavenly.”

~Whatever You’re Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real

“Open up your eyes, awake, arise. Love like a hand reaches down and pulls us up from the dirty ground. Now is the time to step from the dark into the light, cause you can’t change what you’ve done. But you can choose who you’ll become. Every moment is a second chance at starting over, at starting over. Move from the past to the present tense. You can start over, start over again.”

~Start Over Again by Addison Road

“You can come as you are with all your broken pieces, and all your shameful scars. The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to Jesus. You can come as you are.”

~Come As You Are by Pocket Full of Rocks

“And I will rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles' wings before my God fall on my knees.”

~I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin

“There is hope for me yet because God won’t forget all the plans he’s made for me.”

~Wait and See by Brandon Heath

“You opened my eyes to your wonders anew. You captured my heart with this love because nothing on Earth is as beautiful as you.”

~Beautiful One by Jeremy Camp

“I hear You calling me and I’ll come running. Oh, I’m falling into love and nothing will stop it. Oh, I hear You calling me and I’ll come running to You, to You, to You.”

~Heaven and Earth by Phil Wickham

“It's all because of Jesus I'm alive. 
It's all because the blood of Jesus Christ 
that cover's me and raised this dead man's life. 
It's all because of Jesus I'm alive.”

~All Because of Jesus by Fee

The Point of No Return

Have you ever wondered how you ended up at a particular moment in your life and realized that it was way too late to ever turn back and "make things right" as they say (whoever they are)? Last Monday, I had one of those moments and have done my best not to dwell on it ever since, but I've reached a point where I don't have enough distractions to keep my questioning thoughts at bay.
I'm sure the majority of people in this world have lost touch with particular friends or individuals in their lives, allowing friendships to fade into the background bearing no second thought. This past semester, I became busier than usual and apparently let one of my friendships slip to the wayside, (though I was informed it started before that) and unfortunately, it has not gone quietly. Rather, it slowly eroded until Monday, which is when it apparently imploded into oblivion. I'll admit I definitely played a role in the neglect, possibly choosing to spend time with others rather than this person, and probably became severely apathetic back in April. But what I am also aware of is that it takes two to make any friendship work, and I think I am most appalled that all of the blame has been placed on my shoulders, along with being told that I was not a good friend and this person no longer wants me in her life.
Over the past couple of days, I have done my best to not think about this particular setback in my life. Those close to me have told me to not blame myself, which is easier said than done, especially when I'm a fan of the Switchfoot song "Stars", which starts out with the lines, "Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame. But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same." Other friends have forbidden me to think all together, which is pretty much impossible, but fun to attempt. The best advice I received from a friend was to not beat myself up over things that aren't completely my fault and out of my control and to also stop thinking I cause everything to happen because I'm not God. I definitely appreciated all of this advice, but I feel it's hard for others to understand because getting told that I wasn't a good friend jumped past the realm of a slap in the face, straight to being a borderline crippling statement. To try and stay positive, I settled for listening to the song, "Up and Up" by Relient K in order to gain some sort of direction or meaning. The following lines are where I gained the most insight:
"Yesterday, is not quite what it could have been...But I swear today, with every breath I'm breathing in, I'll be trying to make it so much more...Cause I seem to get so hung up on the history of what's gone wrong. And the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see...I'm on the up and up and I haven't given up. Given up on what I know I'm capable of...To be content with where I am and where I need to be, I'm moving past the past where I have failed."
My recent trip to New Orleans with a good friend of mine also helped to keep me from dwelling on my issues. I didn't want my wandering thoughts to prevent us from having a splendid time in the Big Easy, so I tried my best to keep everything on the back burner. Eventually, though, these thoughts became too persistent and needed to be addressed, which turned out to be while relaxing in an off-the-beaten-path park just outside the French Quarter whilst pondering potential tattoo ideas. I'm not sure if I will ever actually get a tattoo, but I have always figured that I would utilize a meaningful Bible verse, though I was never sure which one until that day in the park. While thinking over the messages I received on Monday, it suddenly hit me that the first portion of Proverbs 17:17 would be the most fitting for me. This states, "A friend loves at all times," which is a very powerful statement in my book because no matter what the situation, whether it be joy, anger, or personal crisis, a friend should love you through each and every moment. Sanctus Real has a song entitled, "We Need Each Other" that touches on this point. Some of the following lines ring true for me:
"I think I caught a glimpse of a life without friends. Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely. We never meant to hurt each other so can't we trust again? And take it as a chance to keep on growing...Oh, it's just part of being a family. Taking the good with the bad and the ugly...Oh, oh, we need each other so what's the fighting for? Oh, oh, we need each other, please don't close the door. Oh, oh, we need each other through all the highs and lows. Oh, oh, we need each other and I don't wanna be alone."
If, instead, you are constantly walking on eggshells because you are so afraid of screwing up or being a let down, then maybe the person that you consider a friend is really no friend at all. This thought crossed my mind as I pondered the recent events in my life, especially since I was written off so quickly with no chance for redemption. I know I have screwed up and I know she has screwed up, but without the chance of forgiveness to rebuild the relationship, there is nothing left to do but move on.
In order to work towards contentment in the moving on process, I've been listening to "This is Home" by Switchfoot, which begins with the following lyrics: "I've got my memories always inside of me, but I can't go back, back to how it was." What I need to do now is focus on the fact that God is in charge and knows exactly what He wants in my life. He planned out everything before I was even born, which is apparent in Revelation 22:13 that says, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." Instead of dwelling on the what-ifs of this situation, I think I am just going to accept what God has chosen for me in my life. I will leave you all with one final thought to ponder, though. The notes for Proverbs 17:17 in my NIV Life Application Study Bible state the following: "What kind of friend are you? There is a vast difference between knowing someone well and being a true friend. The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty (loving "at all times")--being available to help in times of distress or personal struggles. Too many people are fair-weather friends. They stick around when the friendship helps them and leave when they're not getting anything out of the relationship. Think of your friends and assess your loyalty to them. Be the kind of true friend the Bible encourages."

Avoid Acts of Revenge

How many times have you encountered circumstances that you just don't view as fair? If you are a living, breathing human being, I'll bet this thought has crossed your mind on numerous occasions. Like the cliches of old, life is not a cake walk. What we must not forget, though, is the fact that God has a purpose behind every situation in our life and we must not seek revenge when we are dealt a bad hand.
There were many times in my high school running career that I felt that I got shafted during a race. I remember running at the Icebreaker Relays my sophomore year and being in third place rounding the final curve to the finish line. Unfortunately as I was coming around the bend, a shot-putter stepped onto the track, and I had to quick sidestep into the adjacent lane to avoid him. That split-second sidestep ended up costing my relay team a bronze medal...by one stride. Needless to say, I was extremely upset, but I had to accept the fact that I was not meant to receive a medal that year. I could have gone and yelled at the shot-putter, but what would that have accomplished? Absolutely nothing.
One particular runner who has had to deal with her fair share of criticism over the years is British marathoner, Paula Radcliffe. To many, including myself, the accomplishments of Paula Radcliffe are astonishing. She holds the world record in the marathon and she has won the London and New York City marathons. But alas, an Olympic gold medal remains elusive in her career. Many people have criticized her about this over the years, especially when she dropped out of the marathon in Athens in 2004. Surprisingly, though, she always seems to make a comeback and uses her running to speak for her instead of lashing out at the barrage of criticisms.
We should all try our best to ignore our critics and live life to the fullest. We will all experience our fair share of blows and unjust accusations, but the most important concept to remember is to not allow our emotions to seek revenge. Romans 12:17-19 states, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." These are very important words to live by, especially in our darkest moments when we must endure our most difficult struggles. It is of upmost importance to allow God to take vengeance on anybody who has caused you harm, instead of taking action yourself. We must remember that God is in charge and that every experience we encounter serves a deeper purpose.
I find it most difficult to rest on my laurels when somebody I care about gets attacked or hurt, whether it be physically or emotionally. I always find myself seething in a fit of anger whenever those I care for most end up in an unreasonable situation. My knee-jerk reaction leans towards confronting whoever has hurt someone I love and making them pay for what they have done. This is much like Simon Peter's reaction to the arrest of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane in John 18:10; he was so infuriated by the injustice of the arrest that he chopped off the ear of the high priest's servant. It is important to remember the reaction Jesus had in response to Simon Peter's act of revenge. In John 18:11, Jesus says, "Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?" This is a very important point. We are not privy to the knowledge of God, and thus, we are unaware of His purpose for placing our friend's and family into certain situations. We may not be thrilled by any of the pain and suffering that they must endure, but it is our job to not seek revenge when it is not our place. Life is a series of very tough learning experiences, and it is not our job to seek revenge for all of the injustices that plague this fallen world. All we can do is pray for a better tomorrow and hope that God will bring healing to those who are hurting and devastated by despair.
"The Redeemer" by Sanctus Real seems to be a very fitting song to help remind us that even when we suffer injustice at the hands of others, we have an all loving God who redeems us and we can place our hope in Him.

Seeking Forgiveness: Definitely Not an Easy Task

Life lessons, though necessary, are always hard to learn. We go about our days not giving much thought to our actions and thinking that we are doing the right thing to some extent. That is until somebody brings our flaws to light, and we realize that we have hurt somebody drastically and were not even aware. This is much like what Paul reveals in Romans 7:15, which states, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

I don’t know about any of you, but when something like this is brought to my attention, I’m completely devastated. A whirlwind of emotions will flow through me, but my knee-jerk reaction is always to just want to run away. The band, Addison Road, expresses this in the following lyrics:
"Run just as fast as you can
Run, 'til you reach the end
Where the fallen finally land
And your world starts over again." 

I think it is mere instinct that we just want to detach ourselves immediately from the situation so that we don’t have to face the facts. This is by no means the right way to handle such occasions; I am just stating that the idea is always in the forefront of my mind. 

After analyzing a difficult situation that you have ended up in due to your actions, whether accidental or on purpose, the best thing to do is take some time to think over the proper way to respond. One should refrain from lashing out in anger, because that will only serve as a means of exacerbating the issue. As difficult as it may be, the only proper response is to seek forgiveness. We must seek forgiveness from God for slipping up and not following in His ways. We must seek forgiveness from the person we have hurt. And we must also forgive ourselves.

Seeking forgiveness is by no means an easy task. The thought of the all-perfect God makes anybody shudder and feel unworthy of His grace, but we must seek His forgiveness in order to be restored. His mercy is plentiful and if we sincerely seek forgiveness from God, He will provide it. Seeking forgiveness from the person whom we have hurt is another difficult task. It is necessary to humble oneself, accept that we are wrong and hope that the person will, in time, find it in their heart to believe we are sorry and grant us forgiveness. 2 Corinthians 2:5-8 illustrates how and why this should occur. The verses go as follows: “If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.”

Searching for forgiveness in any realm is difficult. I hate knowing and admitting to my own screw-ups, but it is necessary. The hardest part for me, though, is forgiving myself. I am my most difficult critic, and I have a tendency to overanalyze my failures. I play the “what if” game far too often and grapple over what I could have or should have done better, instead of trying to look towards the future for hope. So for now, I will look at tomorrow as a new day to try and work on the lessons I have learned and put my hope in the Lord.

"Everything rides on hope now 

Everything rides on faith somehow 
When the world has broken me down 
Your love sets me free."
~Addison Road