Our first instinct might be to harden our hearts towards whoever has betrayed us. This never solves anything and only harms your peace of mind in the long run. Immediate forgiveness also is not a smart route because it does not allow for complete healing internally. One can claim to have forgiven someone, but if anger and bitterness are still anchored in their heart, true forgiveness and healing have not taken place.
I found some intriguing words from Reverend Douglas Showalter on this topic. In an article entitled Forgiveness: Through Gritted Teeth or a Journey of the Heart?, he speaks about how many feel it is their "Christian duty" to forgive others quickly. The following is his response to this misconception:
"I ask you: aren't there times when you and I have the intense heat of coals burning within us? Someone deeply wrongs us or betrays us, and suddenly a coal fire is ignited within us. Our chests burn with pain, with anger, and sometimes even with the desire to get revenge: to hurt the one who has hurt us--or our loved ones--so wrongly. Fiery red coals burn within us. But then we are told, by a well-meaning friend--or our own guilty conscience--that to be a good Christian, we must always forgive quickly and completely. We Christians often assume it's a law of our faith--virtually carved in stone--that we should always forgive quickly. But let me ask you, have you ever tried to put out a coal fire quickly? It usually can't be done. Oh yes, one can dump buckets of water in a hot cast-iron stove, and likely see the stove itself break up. But short of that, it takes time for burning coals to be extinguished. And so I think it is after a serious injury: I think it usually takes time for our pain, anger, and any ill will we may feel, to be extinguished. For like fiery red coals, our deeply negative feelings rarely go out in an instant--just because we want them to. Usually, it takes time to be rid of these things. In fact, it takes a process of inner healing--and such healing cannot be rushed."
We are called to maintain unity with fellow Christians, so reconciliation after forgiveness is the best policy in the long run. That does not mean that a relationship will be normalized overnight. It takes time to mend from betrayal and this process must not be forced or expedited. In my opinion, one should never rush into forgiveness. It'll take patience to move past the awkward stages when you first encounter those who have hurt you in the past, but with some conscious effort, one day things will be okay again. Much like a crumpled piece of paper, it takes time to iron out all of the creases.
During these times, it is best to seek discernment from God's Word in order to protect oneself from future betrayal, and also to determine how to respond to one who has betrayed you. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." This bit of wisdom suggests that we should not rush into matters of the heart, whether it is an intimate relationship with the opposite sex or a new friendship. Other advice on this matter can be found within Proverbs 12:26 ~ "A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." I believe these proverbs can also be applied to friendships that one already holds. You might be called to re-evaluate the impact that certain individuals have on your life and how they shape you. God has a purpose for each person He brings into your life, but you must pray for discernment in order for that purpose to be revealed to you.
God also warns us to be discerning when we encounter the following types of individuals: false friends and those of poor character. In order to protect our hearts, we must become acutely aware of these two types of individuals. The first that I am going to address is the false friend. These individuals feign interest in your life and put on a really good act of compassion, but it is only for their own gain. These individuals believe that they can use you at their own convenience and see no harm in doing so because they are unaware of anybody else's happiness or well-being. They prey on people to meet their own needs and then move on once they are satisfied. In the long run, the whole friendship is just a fallacy. The Book of Psalms warns us to be on the lookout for such individuals. Psalm 28:3 states, "Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who do evil, who speak cordially with their neighbors but harbor malice in their hearts" while Psalm 55:21 puts it this way: "His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords."
Individuals of poor character can also impact our lives in a negative fashion if we don't protect ourselves. We can easily be lead astray by those individuals that we strive to be friends with because they appear to be popular in society. Little do we realize that these people travel the wide path to destruction, rather than the narrow path that leads to life. That is why Proverbs 13:20 says, "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." I'm not saying that you should avoid certain people in society, but I am suggesting that you maintain your morals and judgement when difficult situations arise with these people. They will most likely pressure you into trying things that make you uncomfortable. Anybody who does that really does not have your best interests in mind. If they make it seem like you won't be cool or won't be accepted by them, it might be best to just walk away. Try not to fall for these traps because, as 1 Corinthians 15:33 states, "Do not be misled:'Bad company corrupts good character." The longer you remain in the company of these individuals, the more you will turn into them if you are not discerning, for we all try to emulate our friends or supposed friends. In the end, be sure to pray to the Lord to seek His wisdom and guidance in all situations in order to protect your heart and determine what people should be a part of your life.
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