Believing Truth

But the things you're telling me

I can't yet believe

Yet can't ignore

But I'll just have to accept

That my mind is so inept

And the only thing that's left

For me is to trust you

Put the emphasis on the evidence

Begging for the proof

Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

Cause sometimes when you're trying to sleep

And all your doubts and your faith don't agree its cause

Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

~The Truth by Relient K

When I was out driving around the other day, The Truth by Relient K came on my iPod. I've heard the lyrics many times before, but I was struck by the words this time around. I don't think I always consider how hard it is for nonbelievers to accept the Word of God as truth. I've been a Christian for almost ten years, which sometimes puts me at a disadvantage with those around me trying to come to faith. I don't remember what it's like not to believe and how to convey the message in a way that will make others turn to Jesus and examine the facts on the table.

I think I also tend to forget about the huge "behind the scenes" battle, so to speak, most commonly referred to as spiritual warfare. Satan is always trying to keep people from discovering and believing God. Paul spoke of this fact in 2 Corinthians 4:4, which states, "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." It is important to know what we are all up against, mainly the opposition forces determined to hinder any spiritual growth in an unbeliever. As Christians, we need to share the Gospel and pray for these people to accept the truth. Preach John 14:6 so that people know that Jesus said, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" Only when Christians align with God to campaign against the Great Deceiver can any ground be won for unbelievers in beginning to accept the truth. We must continuously plant seeds in people's lives in order for God to nurture them into faith if they are willing to dismiss their doubts and choose belief in Christ.

I think the best verse that highlights the discrepancy between Christians and unbelievers can be found in 1 Corinthians 1:18 ~ "For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." Those who haven't accepted Christ into their hearts believe that the Gospel and Jesus dying for the world are complete foolishness. Their hearts and minds can't fathom how this is possible, and thus, they dismiss it based on it being utterly ridiculous. They refuse to accept the facts of the Bible. Instead, they claim there is no substantial proof for God's existence. The Christian, on the other hand, chooses to accept Christ into their hearts, even if it's difficult to believe the truth at first. It's not until this acceptance of the Gospel that we are blessed with the Holy Spirit, which can slowly reveal to us the spiritual truths that our human minds cannot begin to comprehend (1 Corinthians 2:13).

If you are a nonbeliever and reading this, I urge you to take that leap of faith and accept Christ into your heart. Once you accept Him, the incomprehensible truth about God will slowly be revealed to you on your journey of faith. Remember, sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth, but it is also lifesaving and essential for eternity.

W.A.I.T. Part 3: Desiring Your Timing, Not God's Timing

As a recent graduate from a Master's program, I have had to meet many frustrations head on that involve the timing of circumstances in my life. Back in August, I was immensely frustrated that everybody else seemed to have direction in their lives while I was floundering. I kept wondering why others had become successfully employed while I remained on the sidelines. What I seemed to be forgetting was that God has a purpose behind every situation and circumstance in our lives. Also, I was forgetting that God is outside of the function of time, which is clearly outlined in 2 Peter 3:8-9 ~ "But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."
In hindsight, I can understand why I had to struggle through unemployment. If I had become employed right out of school, I probably would not have given God the credit. Instead, I had to wait until December to find any sort of employment, and that still is not full-time or in my field, but I think I am more thankful for that than I would have ever been with a full-time position in exercise science back in August. The waiting period taught me how to rely on God and not on myself. I had lost the ability to enjoy the blessings I had in my life, and had become too distanced from God, so He stripped me down so that I would humble myself and come back to Him. God wanted to use His timing in order to teach me a lesson, and I'm forever grateful.
We all need to remember to be patient in life. Instead of immediately assuming that God has forgotten about us, we should instead remember that He is just preparing something greater in order to glorify Himself. In my young adults group, there are some single individuals who I'm sure wish they could find the right person to marry. It is hard to trust that all will work out in the end, but that is why we need to be close to God to build up our faith. This is true for all situations in life, whether it be deciding where to go to school, where to get a job, or what car to purchase. These are decisions that require prayerful consideration, and we must trust that God will answer when it is most appropriate.
On top of that, we all yearn to once again be with Jesus, but we have to be patient for that as well. To please God and glorify Him, we must live pure lives, assuming that each day could be our last. I believe 2 Peter 3:10-14 outlines this warning quite well because it states, "But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells. So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him."
Partnered with this, we must refute all of those people that we know who claim that the world is coming to an end in December. It would be ridiculous to assume that we mere humans would be privy to such information. If people continually insist that the end of the world is coming, I suggest that you refresh their memories about how Y2K was supposed to destroy all technology, but surprise, surprise, that New Year went off without a hitch or computer glitch. An even more reliable source that you should turn people towards is the Bible. It flat out states that nobody but God is aware of when the Second Coming will occur, along with the end of the world. All one needs to do is turn to Matthew 24:36-37, which states, "'But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.'"
Again, we must all remember to be patient in life. Not everything will happen when we want it to, and some situations will arise that we wish never did. What is important is that we all remember that God has a plan and a purpose behind every action and situation in our lives. He will bless you when He sees fit. Holding this concept close to your heart will help you to thrive in your current circumstances.

W.A.I.T. Part 1: Don't Base Your Calling on Worldly Standards

Many of us question our purpose in life. We're not quite sure if we are ever actually on the correct path. Some of us find ourselves questioning whether or not we even meet the so-called standards to be a qualified member of the Christian faith who is meant to bring forth the Good News to the nations of the world.
There is nothing wrong with doubting your abilities, but wondering if you are good enough to be a Christian is ridiculous. We need to remember that the only reason we are Christians in the first place is because God called us and we answered that call. We must remember what is written within 1 Corinthians 1:26-31, which states, "'Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.'"
Everybody has their shortcomings. The human race is fallen and riddled with sin and deceit. By nature, we are a bunch of lowly screw-ups, but with the help of God, we can become great leaders, encouragers, and influential when it comes to sharing the Gospel. God blesses us with unique gifts and the ability to utilize them. He puts us in situations that make us uncomfortable in order to prove that we must rely on Him and that the reason we are successful is because of God's grace.
A great 20th century example of an individual who relied on God for his calling is Eric Liddell. He was the son of Scottish missionaries and by 1924, he was the fastest sprinter in the world. Eric wanted to serve God in some capacity, but he wasn't exactly sure how he could do that. An excerpt from David McCasland's book, Eric Liddell -- Pure Gold, states, "In his own eyes, he seemed to possess so few of the skills he thought necessary for Christian ministry. Not only was he not an orator, he dreaded the thought of speaking in public. Forty thousand shouting fans in a stadium didn't bother him at all, but forty people sitting quietly in a church hall terrified him." But God decided that Eric was meant to be a speaker. Eric prayed for guidance and this prayer was answered by a visit from D.P. Thomson, a member of the Glasgow Student' Evangelistic Union who was hoping that Eric would come and speak. David McCasland wrote that "D.P.'s infectious enthusiasm not only made it seem imperative that Eric come and speak, but made it sound completely possible for a young man who dreaded the public platform." As means of response, "Eric paused for a moment, pondering the invitation, then glanced up and with a broad smile said, 'All right, I'll do it.'"
Not only did Eric trust to follow God's calling to become a public speaker, but he also decided to respect the Lord's Sabbath, which would impact the races in which he could participate in the 1924 Olympic Games. Eric Liddell was favored to win the 100 meter in the 1924 Olympics, but once he saw that the finals of the race were on Sunday, Eric declined to participate. Eric still entered into the 200 meters and the 400 meters, though was not considered a contender in either, according to McCasland's book. When Eric Liddell ran in the 400 meters final, not only did he win the event, he also set a new World Record time of 47.6 seconds. A description of Eric's running style throughout the race was written by one of his competitors in the final, Horatio Fitch. Fitch wrote, "Tho a sprinter by practice, he ran the pick of the world's quarter milers off their feet. Tho a small man, he makes his legs move fast enuf to beat his rangy competitors. His form is all wrong by our standards, for he runs almost leaning back, and his chin is almost pointing to heaven, yet he won his race on pluck and stamina. And most difficult of all, he had to set his own pace all the way, where one instant's faltering judgement would have meant defeat." This quote serves as a great reminder that even though Eric didn't run in the typical fashion of the day, Eric met God's standards because he lived to glorify His name, and thus flourished in his endeavors.
The next time you question whether or not you are qualified to share the Gospel, remember that God provides you with everything you need in order to thrive.

Eric Liddell winning the 400 meter in Paris, 1924.

Strive to Thrive

Even though we've already entered the new year, I would like to say that I'm not the biggest fan of New Years Eve. It seems to just be one of those evenings that people forget their inhibitions and blame it on alcohol. To me, that's no excuse and just plain silly. On top of that, most people will ask you how you celebrated and if you didn't spend your night doing something completely outrageous or surrounded by friends, it seems as though many frown upon that, which makes no sense.
I'm also not a big fan of New Year's resolutions. It seems as if you are just setting yourself up for failure because most people resolve to do something that is too extreme to actually accomplish. This is why I'm choosing to not make a resolution, but am instead going to strive to thrive. The idea came from listening to Switchfoot's song "Thrive." The lyrics that caught my ear were "I wanna thrive not just survive." The entire premise for this song seems to center on spiritual warfare and how we desire to conform more to the Son, but the voices that Satan plants in our heads seem to get in the way. Because we are all haunted by our own inner demons, whether it's our past, how we treated others, or sins we try to keep hidden, we tend to feel like fakes when we claim we are Christians. This feeling makes it seem like we are just surviving in this world, instead of thriving in God's love. We need to not give in to the lies that Satan plants in our minds so we no longer feel like strangers in our own skin. When we're uncomfortable in our own skin, it is apparent to everyone around us, which can be a hinderance to sharing the Gospel. If we don't seem to believe the Good News ourselves, why would others believe us when we share with them?
Starting in 2012, my desire is to try and thrive more, instead of just surviving. I spent the end of 2011 just surviving, but now that I have discovered some answers in life "coincidently" (I don't believe in coincidences), I feel that I can finally look to the future and leave my past behind. Verses to focus on in order to thrive can be found in Matthew 5:13-16. These verses state, "'You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hilltop cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.'"
Everybody's goal should be to shine their light into the lives of others. If you get caught up despairing over your own life and circumstances, you will lose your saltiness and stifle your light, which is then no use to others. Try to focus on what you do have so that your light can shine through to others and you can thrive thanks to the Father in heaven because just surviving is no way to live your life.

Admitting My Faults

As Christians, we are called to confess our sins, which is outlined in James 5:16 ~ "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed..." Lately, I have been analyzing my life and realizing some aspects that I have been struggling with in recent weeks. I'm not really going to elaborate on anything, but just make you aware of my recent shortcomings. I am only going to cite the Scriptures that have convicted my heart and type the corresponding notes from my NIV Life Application Study Bible that have gotten me thinking and also convicted my heart. Most are self-explanatory.

Psalm 118:8 ~ "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." Notes: "Are you willing to trust God to guide you here on earth and to your eternal destination? Do you trust him more than any human being? How futile it is to trust anything or anyone more than God."
Proverbs 3:3 ~ "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Notes: "Love and faithfulness are important character qualities. Both involve actions as well as attitudes. A loving person not only feels love; he or she acts loyally and responsibly. A faithful person not only believes the truth; he or she works for justice for others. Thoughts and words are not enough--our lives reveal whether we are truly loving and faithful. Do your actions measure up to your attitudes."
Proverbs 9:8 ~ "Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you." Notes: "Are you a mocker or a wise person? You can tell by the way you respond to criticism. Instead of tossing back a quick putdown or clever retort when rebuked, listen to what is being said. Learn from your critics: this is the path to wisdom."
Luke 17:3 ~ "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." Notes: "To rebuke does not mean to point out every sin we see. It means to bring sin to a person's attention with the purpose of restoring him or her to God and to fellow humans. When you feel you must rebuke another Christian for a sin, check your attitudes before you speak. Do you love the person? Are you willing to forgive? Unless rebuke is tied to forgiveness, it will not help the sinning person."
Galatians 5:14-15 ~ "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." Notes: "When we believers lose the motivation of love, we become critical of others. We stop looking for the good in them and see only their faults. Soon we lose our unity. Have you focused on others' shortcomings instead of their strengths? Remind yourself of Jesus' command to love others as you love yourself. When you begin to feel critical of someone, make a list of that person's positive qualities. When problems need to be addressed, confront in love rather than gossip."
James 1:19-20 ~ "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." Notes: "These verses speak of anger that erupts when our egos are bruised--'I am hurt.' 'My opinions are not being heard.' When injustice and sin occur, we should become angry because others are being hurt. But we should not become angry when we fail to win an argument or when we feel offended or neglected. Selfish anger never helps anybody."

Overcome the World

The world is a sinful place. There is no escaping it. When we let it lead our thoughts, we begin to lose our joy and happiness. Instead, we become infused with anger and doubts about every aspect of our lives. We are quick to jump the gun on judging others and condemning them for their actions before they can even explain themselves. It is at this point that we need to reference passages in Matthew 7 to remind ourselves how to regain our composure and live. Matthew 7:1-2 clearly state, "'Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.'" Jesus is telling us that it is not only not our job to judge others, but when we do so unjustly, we pile all of that unfairness onto our own heads that we must stand up under as well. This was illustrated well in a post on the blog Abundant Life entitled, "I can see your issues but not mine."
I forget where exactly, but I always remember hearing a quote along the lines of "what you don't like in others is really what you despise in yourself." This has been true of my life as of late. I have been frustrated by another's perceived selfishness, but when I look at the matter, the thoughts I have been thinking reflect my own selfish desires. I have also been aware that when I do get my way in a matter, I'm still never content in the matter. Instead, I find myself lashing out in anger, driving people away, just because the sin of pride has a grip on my heart.
So what is the best way to solve this matter? That would be to focus on the words of guidance found in Matthew 7:12, which recommend, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." This is more commonly known as The Golden Rule. But when you really read into the statement, you will realize that it goes way beyond what we are taught under The Golden Rule. We are not just called to not treat others poorly because we wouldn't want to be treated in that fashion. We are also called to treat others in a manner that we desire others to treat us, even if you feel that they don't deserve it. In this generation, we only desire to do good if we feel it will be reciprocated. It is almost impossible to act out in kindness when we know that we may never get anything out of it. And that is exactly the point that Jesus is trying to make. We can't do anything without the Holy Spirit and God's grace. It is not in our human nature to do good unto others. Instead, the only way to live out the words of Matthew 7:12 is to pray to God for His assistance.
Many will struggle with the concept of praying to act in good faith towards others. That is another deceitful ploy executed from our sin nature. It convinces us that we can do everything on our own, but in essence, this is just making us a fool. The best way to live out your life effectively is to turn to God and seek His wisdom on all matters. Solomon did this and he left the wisdom he gathered from God on the pages of the Book of Proverbs. From reading the first two chapters, I have discovered that there is a vast difference between knowledge and wisdom. My NIV Life Application Study Bible states that knowledge is "having the facts" while wisdom is "applying those facts to life." We all have the knowledge of how to act and how to treat others, but if we do not apply these facts in our life, then we are simple-minded fools. We must heed the warning within Proverbs 1:32-33, which says, "For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm." Choose now to not be a wayward, simple-minded fool who believes that he/she has control over situations and shelling out kindness. We are all sinful creatures and nothing about us without God knows of kindness, love, or righteousness. Call on Jesus as your intercessor to live a fuller life and to get out of the clutches of this world. Don't live or desire to be apart of it. Instead, overcome the world with the help of a Savior.

Analysis: How I Relate to Switchfoot's New Album Vice Verses

“I can't just shut it up and fake that I'm alright.”           

“Cause everyday the world is made. A chance to change but I feel the same. And I wonder why would I wait till I die to come alive? I'm ready now.”

~Afterlife

There is no use pretending that you are fine. You are merely lying to yourself and to everyone around you. The best change you can possibly make is to center your life around Christ in order to become truly alive.

“Speak your mind up. Come on baby free yourself.”

“Free yourself; don't let nobody try and take your soul. You're the original.”

“So you say you're just a lost soul; I know you better than that.”

“So you say you're just a face in city race wasted and sick of it all.”

~The Original

When possible and when you gain the courage, always speak your mind. Don't let anybody suppress your feelings or opinions. We all feel lost at times, but with God on our side, everything will be alright. He knows what is on your heart at all times. Also, methodical living can always get you down, but your goal is to keep looking up.

“Breathe out let your mind unwind. Eyes on the ceiling, looking for the feeling.”

“Yeah, it's where the fight begins. Yeah, underneath the skin between these hopes and where we've been. Every fight comes from the fight within. I am the war inside.”

“I am the war I fight.”

“Ain't no killer like pride. No killer like I. No killer like what's inside.”

~The War Inside

We are all fighting an internal battle against demons. We get infused with lies that we can begin to believe if we don't ask for the strength of the Holy Spirit. The biggest killer is our pride because it drives us to convince ourselves that we are the most important things on this planet, so we must guard ourselves in order to prevent it from being a destructive killer.

“I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore; I’m looking for you. I am the one that you left behind, I am the thorn stuck in your side. I am the bored and clouded eyes looking for the well that won’t run dry. Running hard for the other side, the world that I’ve always been denied. Running hard for the infinite with the tears of the saints and hypocrites.”

~Restless

We all get restless here on Earth searching for more meaning to our lives. It is best to always run towards God and strive to know more about His character. Best to run from the worldly in search of Christ. The stronger the desire, the more tears shed if we are denied the other side.

“Hey girl, don't conform now. No one else's got soul like you. Hey girl, you're a strong one, but none of us are bulletproof.”

“Deep down there's a hope inside. You got wings but you're scared to fly. Wake up, wake up.”

“Still looking for the reason why. Still looking for the sun to shine.”

“All my life I've been living in the darkest night.”

“Deep down there's a hope inside brighter than the fears in my mind. I keep looking for the blinding light. It's a hope that keeps me alive.”

~Blinding Light
Our human nature desires to fit in, but as Christian's, we are called to be different. We are urged not to conform because we are all uniquely and wonderfully made. Fear also overwhelms us whenever change is inevitable. We need to spread our wings and be brave enough to fly instead of remaining grounded due to doubts in our mind. God's love is that blinding light that can ease the fears in our minds and bring hope for a brighter tomorrow.

“See, opinions are easier to swallow than facts. The greys instead of the whites and the blacks. If you shoot it too straight it won't come back.”

“I wanna believe you, I wanna believe, but everything is in-between. The fact is fiction. Suspicion is the new religion.”

~Selling the News
Satan has injected doubt into this age of technology. The ability to believe based sheerly on our heart's desire has been greatly impacted in this know-it-all generation. This mounting doubt has created a cloud of suspicion over almost every aspect of life.

“Been fighting things that I can't see like voices coming from the inside of me. Like doing things I find hard to believe in. Am I myself or am I dreaming?”

“No, I'm not alright. I know that I'm not right.”

“A warm body doesn't mean I'm alive.”

“Feel like I travel but I never arrive. I wanna thrive not just survive.”

“I try and hide it and not let it show, but deep down inside me I just don't know. Am I a man if I feel like a hoax?”

~Thrive
The voices inside us are derived from our sinful nature. It is hard to ignore them, which can lead us into a situation that we don't desire to be in and don't agree with. Sinful nature covers us like a cloud, which makes it hard to determine who we are and what we are doing. We are unaware of what's reality. It is also natural to question the strength of your faith and whether you truly believe or are just living out the lie of a hypocrite. We aren't truly living until we are living with Christ.

“I've made my mistakes, I've seen my heart cave in. I got my scars I've been to hell and back again. Born for the blue skies, we’ll survive the rain. Born for the sunrise, we’ll survive the pain.”

“Hey, you can’t count us out. We’ve been running up against the crowd. Yeah, we are the dark horses.”

~Dark Horses
We are all running against the crowd and we must continue to do so in order to please God. No matter what pain crushes your heart, it is best to remain in God's favor instead of striving to please other sinful humans who cannot bring us any true satisfaction in life.

“Here’s to the twilight. Here’s to the memories. These are my souvenirs; my mental pictures of everything.”

“So I close my eyes and go back in time. I can see you smiling, you’re so alive.”

“We were so young, we had no idea that nothing lasts forever.”

~Souvenirs
Life always runs astray. We can desperately try to catch up and maintain control, or we can let it go and ask God what path He desires for your life. You will always have your memories of happy times, but don't let the past prevent you from enjoying the present. Circumstances and people change and nothing lasts forever, so stop trying to prevent the change.


"I don't care what they're telling me. We could be what we want to be. Rise above it."
"Just because you're running doesn't mean that you're scared. Just because it's law doesn't mean it is fair. Never let another tell your soul what to fear."
~Rise Above It
Always follow your own heart and don't let anybody keep you from being who you want to be. It is better to take the high road than to argue with people's assumptions about your life. By running, one may just be looking for a new beginning and isn't actually scared of the circumstances. There's also the old adage that life isn't fair and we can't depend on any law on Earth to bring us peace of mind. Always look to God for guidance and not your peers. God knows your heart and what you truly fear. Everybody else can just make assumptions about your deepest fears, and few will truly care about them or help you face them.

“Looking for signs in the night sky, wishing that I wasn’t such a nice guy. Wonder what it means to live forever? Wonder what it means to die?”

“I know that there's a meaning to it all. A little resurrection every time I fall.”

“Every blessing comes with a set of curses.”

“The wind could be my new obsession. The wind could be my new depression. The wind goes anywhere it wants to, wishing that I learned my lesson.”

“Where are you in my broken heart? Everything seems to fall apart.”

~Vice Verses
After awhile, some begin to realize that the sinner seems to have it easier than the believer. This causes us to wish that we weren't so nice and caring in order to avoid pain. It is natural to desire to live forever and be scared of death while constantly questioning its meaning. We are all well aware that God has a purpose behind everything and we yearn for life's meaning. Life is full of blessings, but hardships tend to accompany them. Our souls desire to be free like the wind, which can consume us in obsession, though we might become depressed when we realize that we cannot let our soul go everywhere it is drawn. When we encounter numerous hardships and our heart breaks constantly, leading to our world to fall apart, we begin to question God's existence and whether He is aware of our pain. We must trust that He is there even when our world is caving in.

“Still looking for a home in a world where I belong. Feels like we're just waiting, waiting while our hearts are just breaking, breaking. Feels like we're fighting against the tide.”

“On the final day I die I want to hold my head up high. I want to tell You that I tried.”

“And when I reach the other side I want to look You in the eye and know that I've arrived in a world where I belong.”

~Where I Belong
On Earth, we hardly ever feel like we belong. Constantly, we feel lost and broken because we look for happiness in all of the wrong places. God desires for us to call on Him, but we fight against the tide because we convince ourselves that we can do it on our own. Eventually, we'll all realize how much we need God and we will desire to try and live in a way to please Him. Our end goal should be heaven, which is the only place where we will feel like we belong.

Discovering Your Divine Purpose

Life is uncertain. Walt Whitman said, "The future is no more uncertain than the present." This is a unique way of thinking because plenty of people assume they have a grasp on their present circumstances, leaving only the future as an unknown entity. Unbeknownst to most, though, is that many are typically on a constant search for their life's meaning. Instead of getting in a panic and relying on your own devices, you need to relax, pray, and turn to God's Word in order to discover what you are supposed to do with your life.
Skeptics often doubt that there is a reason for them on this earth, but this is just not true. All one has to do is open the Bible to Ephesians 2:10 to discover, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." This is all the proof anybody needs to know that God has a specific plan for their life; the problem is discovering that divine purpose. Too many rely on their own knowledge to search for their purpose and place in life. They know God puts them in certain situations or in the path of certain people for a reason, but instead of praying to God to become enlightened about that reason, our human nature formulates assumptions that our brain accepts as fact. This creates a roadblock on the way to discovering what God really means to do with your life because you refuse to move forward and accept your true role in His plan. Instead, most are content with the plan fabricated within their minds. I will admit I have fallen victim to my own mind's deceit. I have felt like I was placed in a situation or in close proximity to certain people for a reason, but instead of relinquishing that role when it had run its course, I held onto it, refusing to let it go because my mind convinced my heart that I was meant to remain on that path as opposed to discovering something bigger and better in life.
There is a song by Rob Thomas called "Someday," which really outlines this issue, I feel. The following is an excerpt from that song: "Cause maybe someday, we'll figure all this out. We'll put an end to all our doubt. Try to find a way to just feel better now and maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud. We'll be better off somehow, someday. Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get. So maybe we should start all over, start all over again." As these lyrics state, the hardest part is always knowing when to start over. Too many times we get caught up in our circumstances and refuse to accept the fact that we are no longer needed in a situation or by people, which leads to pain, depression, and heartache. God knows that following His path for your life isn't easy, which is why he makes clear statements to us in His Word about what we are supposed to do. Isaiah 43:18 calls for us to, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." Then within Philippians 3:13, Paul says, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." God makes it pretty clear that the only way to truly discover, what Craig Groeschel has termed, our divine purpose, requires us to forget our past and focus on His plan for our future.
Now that you are all slowly digesting this very difficult concept, some might still be wondering how exactly to unleash the knowledge behind your divine purpose. The answer again can be found within your Bible, but this time in Matthew 7:7-8. This states, "'Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks find; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.'" Everybody needs to stop relying on their own insight and assumptions about their purpose and role in life and instead turn to God, relinquishing control, and fervently praying for answers. They may not come overnight, but if you continually seek God's guidance, He will answer when you are in the proper situation. Never forget the words of the author, Craig Groeschel, who stated in his book Weird, "He put us here to make an eternal difference."

Melodic Sequence Leading to a Crescendo of Hope

“The wolf has found a way to lead this foolish flock of sheep astray. And the clouds make fearful noises and slowly turn black and shake. The darkness comes around you. The dark has come to take. And it will cut the life right from you and leave you standing in the rain with nowhere left to run to, and no one left to love you but the pain. Wake up you faithless; see your heartbreak gone. It’s no use trying to hold on.”

~Wake Up (Shipwreck) by The Classic Crime

“Don't know where to begin. It's like my world's caving in and I try but I can't control my fear. Where do I go from here?”

~Let the Waters Rise by MIKESCHAIR

“Right now I’m a total mess and right now I’m completely incomplete.”

~Change in the Making by Addison Road

“You’re best friends with the word regret. You’re afraid that your life's been wasted, so why hope if it's only gonna let you down? You don't think people really change; you’re a mess and you'll always be the same. And you doubt if you'll ever get it turned around.”

~Come Home by Luminate

“Still wondering why I’m here. Still wrestling with my fear.”

~Wait and See by Brandon Heath

“Days will come when you don't have the strength, and all you hear is you're not worth anything. Wondering if you ever could be loved and if they truly saw your heart they'd see so much.”

~Beautiful by MercyMe

“She says, ‘How did I get here? I'm not who I once was. And I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love.’"

~You are More by Tenth Avenue North

“Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare. You saw it comin' but it hit you outta nowhere. And there’s always scars when you fall back far.”

~Get Back Up by tobyMac

“I know that my faults bring me down, it's a constant battle. That's why I have to be honest with you now... I'm not your saint, I'm not your savior.”

~Just a Man by The Classic Crime

“I want to run away I want to ditch my life cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night.”

~I So Hate Consequences by Relient K

“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
 prone to leave the God I love;
” 

~Come Thou Font

“Give me wings, give me peace. These are the things that I need. I'm tormented, broken and shamed. Are you listening? (Are you listening)?”

~Salt in the Snow by The Classic Crime

“Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?

If there’s a God who loves you where is He now?”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“When friends betray us
, when darkness seems to win
. We know the pain reminds this heart
 that this is not, this is not our home.”

~Blessings by Laura Story

“The walls are closing in. You feel alone, you feel afraid. Your heart begins to bend. You take a breath and then it starts to break.”

~Pray You Through by Sixteen Cities

“Letting it all sink in, it's good to feel a sting now and again. I hope it's one less woeful thing there is to fight through.”

~Therapy by Relient K

“Lost on a street, everyone has vanished and you're all alone, but you don't know where to go. Yeah you're all alone and you want to go home.”

~Run by Addison Road

“I took you for granted again. And threw you aside and pretended for one minute that I had control of my life, and direction it seemed to be in.”

~Salt in the Snow by The Classic Crime

“Maybe there are things you can’t see and all those things are happening to bring a better ending.”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“When there's nowhere else to turn, all your bridges have been burned. Feels like you've hit rock bottom. Don't give up it's not the end. Open up your heart again when you feel like no one understands where you are.”

~Me and Jesus by Stellar Kart

“Sometimes its so hard to pray when You feel so far away. But I am willing to go where you want me to; God, I trust You.”

~Let the Waters Rise by MIKESCHAIR

“We lose our way, we get back up again. It's never too late to get back up again. One day you will shine again; you may be knocked down, but not out forever.”

~Get Back Up by tobyMac

“Well maybe, maybe that’s the point
; to reach the point of giving up
. ‘Cause when I’m finally, finally at rock bottom. 
Well that’s when I start looking up
 and reaching out.”

~Strong Enough by Matthew West

“Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that I'm not just some wandering soul that you don't see and you don't know. Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I am someone worth dying for.”

~Someone Worth Dying For by MIKESCHAIR

“So hold on you gotta wait for the light. Press on and just fight the good fight. Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling, it’s just the dark before the morning.”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create. You've been remade.”

~You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

“I know I’m not strong enough to be
 everything that I’m supposed to be. 
I give up, I’m not strong enough
. Hands of mercy won’t You cover me? 
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be 
strong enough. Strong enough
 for the both of us.”

~Strong Enough by Matthew West

“It's time for healing time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong. There's a wave that's crashing over me and all I can do is surrender. Whatever You're doing inside of me it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something Heavenly.”

~Whatever You’re Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real

“Open up your eyes, awake, arise. Love like a hand reaches down and pulls us up from the dirty ground. Now is the time to step from the dark into the light, cause you can’t change what you’ve done. But you can choose who you’ll become. Every moment is a second chance at starting over, at starting over. Move from the past to the present tense. You can start over, start over again.”

~Start Over Again by Addison Road

“You can come as you are with all your broken pieces, and all your shameful scars. The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to Jesus. You can come as you are.”

~Come As You Are by Pocket Full of Rocks

“And I will rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles' wings before my God fall on my knees.”

~I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin

“There is hope for me yet because God won’t forget all the plans he’s made for me.”

~Wait and See by Brandon Heath

“You opened my eyes to your wonders anew. You captured my heart with this love because nothing on Earth is as beautiful as you.”

~Beautiful One by Jeremy Camp

“I hear You calling me and I’ll come running. Oh, I’m falling into love and nothing will stop it. Oh, I hear You calling me and I’ll come running to You, to You, to You.”

~Heaven and Earth by Phil Wickham

“It's all because of Jesus I'm alive. 
It's all because the blood of Jesus Christ 
that cover's me and raised this dead man's life. 
It's all because of Jesus I'm alive.”

~All Because of Jesus by Fee

Fading Like the Mist

If you have ever found yourself at a rustic cabin overlooking a lake in a river valley, chances are you have seen mist hovering above the surface of the earth. This built-up condensation comes in the night due to temperature change and eventually dissipates into the air over time. One can try to sit and watch the entire dissipation process, but if any distractions pop up on your radar, the likelihood of watching this process quickly diminishes like the mist.
Life has many distractions. We are all constantly juggling busy schedules, time with family, and social events. The problem is when we get tunnel-vision and allow these distractions to impact certain opportunities or relationships. It is far too easy to get caught up in our own little worlds and allow portions of our lives that were once important to drift away.
In some individuals who have experienced the negative impact of too many distractions in people's lives, a fear of being forgotten develops within the soul. In the message at Saucon Community Bible Fellowship Church on Sunday, the pastor spoke on this topic as it relates to Paul when he was imprisoned in Rome. In Acts 24, Paul goes on trial before Felix and expresses his innocence. Because Felix was acquainted with the philosophies of Christianity, when he sent Paul back to his cell in prison, "He ordered the centurion to keep Paul under guard but to give him freedom and to permit his friends to take care of his needs." (Acts 24:23). After a few days, Felix then went with his wife to see Paul and listen to him speak about faith in Jesus. Because Felix came to listen to Paul teach, it probably gave Paul a sense of hope that he was changing this man's heart towards following Christ, which would help Paul's case. Unfortunately for Paul, Felix grew scared once the topics of righteousness, self-control, and future judgement came up and requested that Paul be sent away. Instead of focusing on Paul's teachings about Christ, Felix was more focused on pleasing the Jews and saving his own reputation. He constantly sent for Paul so that they could speak, but the desire within his heart was that Paul would offer him a bribe to make his decision easier. In the end, Felix chose to forget about Paul and let him fade from his memory because he would rather do a favor to the Jews and leave Paul in prison.
A similar story about being forgotten can be found in Genesis 40. The setting was Pharaoh's prison, which was where Joseph was being kept. Two men who worked for Pharaoh offended him and were quickly imprisoned and placed with Joseph. Both men began having dreams, but had nobody to interpret them. Joseph offered to interpret the dream of the cupbearer, and explained how he believed "Within three days Pharaoh will lift up your head and restore you to your position" (Genesis 40:13). Upon giving his interpretation of the cupbearer's dream, Joseph made one simple request. In Genesis 40:14, Joseph says, "But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison." On the third day, we come to find that Joseph was correct in his interpretation of the cupbearer's dream and he is soon restored by Pharaoh. But because the cupbearer was selfishly consumed by his own happiness and good fortune, we find in Genesis 40:23 that, "The chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him."
These stories in the Bible are good references to how people who help others out can so easily be forgotten by those they have assisted because these people become distracted by their own selfish desires. From this, we must learn that we cannot control people or circumstances; we cannot know what is within another's heart, or how they truly feel. This becomes very apparent when analyzing Jeremiah 17:9, which states, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" When you feel that there has been an injustice against you, instead of being tempted to say, "I don't deserve this," or feeling compelled to retaliate, or desiring to fight for control in your situation, pray to the Lord first. Psalm 34:17-19 says, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all." The Lord is in fact the one who has control over all things in your life and knows what experiences and hardships will help benefit your growth spiritually and emotionally. We should always pour our hearts out to the Lord, though he knows all of your joy, pain, and suffering even before the words leave your lips. He knows why you have fears and insecurities, but not until you personally request the Lord's help can He begin to guide you in the correct direction.
One fear that we all hold in our hearts is that we will be forgotten. Try to learn from the experiences of Paul and Joseph in order to avoid creating a situation where you are so engrossed in your own desires that you allow an opportunity or relationship to fade like the mist. And if you ever find yourself in the role of that fading mist in someone's life, cry out to the Lord in the hopes of being restored before you drift off and fade to a mere memory in that person's life.

Take a Leap of Faith

I have desperately been trying to avoid confronting the realization that I am at a huge crossroad in my life. For the first time in 18 years, I will not be going to school in September. Instead, I must search for a job in order to earn an income. Part of my avoidance of reality is because I have been enjoying myself so much this summer. The other part is due to being scared.
For the majority of my life, I have never been one to handle change well. But following my trip to Europe, I feel like I have gained a greater outlook on my life and all of my current circumstances. I have discovered that it is normal to be scared and unsure of what might happen tomorrow, but that it's important to remember that God is constantly watching over me. He knows what my future holds, and not just my career. He is aware of the troubles I will face, and He is aware of the friendships and relationships I will build, and that gives me great comfort. For so long I have tried to go through life aimlessly on my own and spent way too much time thinking about whether this or that is a good fit for me. This of course has produced in me a habit of what I have termed hyper-rationalization. I get to a point where I overanalyze a particular situation so much that I miss out on the potential positives that it could have provided. It makes me think of the show, Bones, which revolves around a forensic anthropologist, who is always trying to rationalize her life away. Her best friend on the show said  the following as way to try and explain the dangers of her thought patterns: "If you keep living trying to protect yourself, nothing is ever going to touch you." I am determined to no longer live in this fashion so that I can experience all of the joy, and the occasional pain, life has to offer. Without risk, I will constantly miss out, so I must not leave the decision-making to myself.
The only way to truly live a freeing life is to put all of your requests before God and listen to his answers. He is the best guide throughout life and should always be consulted on important decisions in life. We must choose to be like Peter and have enough trust to step out on the choppy waters when Jesus says, "Come." (Matthew 14:29). I have a shirt to remind me of this that says, "Why stay in the boat when you can walk on water?" But unlike Peter, we must not allow our fear to usher doubt into the decision to follow where Jesus guides us. We must accept whatever He says as truth and have the faith to be completely obedient. This could be a call in any realm of your life, whether it be your career, friendships, travel plans, where to live, or relationships. God is all knowing and the only way to make the best decisions is to pray to God for guidance and not rely on your own heart and mind because they are of this fallen world and susceptible to Satan's demons who love to infuse doubt and negative thinking.
On my drive home last night, I was listening to a song by Kutless called "What Faith Can Do" and was struck by the following verse:

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard

Impossible is not a word

It’s just a reason for someone not to try

Everybody’s scared to death

When they decide to take that step

Out on the water

It’ll be alright

Life is so much more

Than what your eyes are seeing

You will find your way

If you keep believing

I feel that these words will help remind me to look to God and make all important decisions based on faith. There are so many aspects of this life that are unseen and unless you have the faith to believe in them and that you are being guided down the right path, you will never live a truly fulfilling life and you will miss out on countless blessings due to hyper-rationalization. Desire contentment and rest for your soul from the peace of overthinking. Take a leap of faith and allow God to guide you and you just might find that desired peace of mind you have so desperately searched for on your own, but to no avail.

Accept the Breakdown as a Learning Experience

Ever feel like life keeps pummeling you with trials that you can't always juggle? My life seems to have turned into a circus act as of late, and I've found it very difficult to continue functioning in a normal manner. I think my main issue is that I have tried too much to just rely on myself, and we all know that's not how life works. The reason we are given so much to handle and take in is so that we finally come to that realization that we need Jesus to get us through each and every day. The only problem with having so much go wrong in life all at once is that we begin to question whether or not God is really there watching over us. Some might call this doubt; others lack of faith. I call it human nature. I don't question God's presence. I know He is there even if I don't always sense it. It reminds me of lyrics from the song "Give Me Faith". The bridge says the following: I may be weak. Your spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail. My God you never will. The essence of this is that, as humans, we can never fully live up to God's expectations, but with His help, we can achieve glory.
I believe my main issue lately isn't necessarily that my life is falling apart. I feel I have become lazy in my faith. A relationship with God takes a lot of effort to maintain. Like any other relationship, if you don't remain close and have a continual dialogue, it fades. I have struggled lately in my prayer life and have been too earthly focused. I have gotten frustrated at circumstances and wished they didn't occur instead of praying the matter over and giving God the burden. Much like the words in Hebrews 6:12, "We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."
I can tell you that this verse definitely rings true in my life. I have not been the poster girl for patience. Quite the opposite, actually. My heart has grown cold and my patience for people and their idiocy has disappeared. My temper has become short-fused, and this is all because I have not maintained a healthy prayer life with my God and Savior. My goal is to start reading my Bible more consistently in order to gain more peace of mind and to remind myself that God is in charge of my life and knows all that will happen, even if I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants into uncharted waters. Slowly but surely I hope to regain my composure so that I can strengthen my relationship with God and so that I am a more pleasant person to be around. When I can sense that people would prefer to not be in my presence, it's time for a change.
The next time you feel utterly defeated over your circumstances and feel that God doesn't have your back, listen to the song Before the Morning by Josh Wilson. The lyrics are pretty powerful and serve as a good reminder that tomorrow is another day and joy is coming for those who believe that Jesus is their Savior.

Do you wonder why you have to

Feel the things that hurt you

If there’s a God who loves you where is He now

Maybe there are things you can’t see

And all those things are happening

To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe

That you still have a reason to sing

Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling

It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on you gotta wait for the light

Press on and just fight the good fight

Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling

It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends

You know where you’re going

You just don’t know how you’ll get there

So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God

But life is not a snapshot

It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory

All your pain will fade to memory

It’s just the hurt before the healing

Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling

It’s just the dark before the morning 

Accepting God's Plan

I have had a lot of thoughts brewing in my mind lately. There have been events that have occurred that have created turmoil in my soul. Part of me questions why this is all happening and I find myself constantly resisting the inevitable outcomes. While I sit here questioning, I remember a verse that was mentioned in my Bible study on Sunday night. The verse was 1 Peter 4:12, which says, "Dear friends, do not be surprised by the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." Instead of focusing on this verse, though, my mind has been driven by my sin nature and I have become quite selfish wondering if everything is going to spiral out of control. Week after week seems to present me with one more person who I question whether or not they want me to remain a part of their life.
My knee-jerk reaction, of course, is to want to confront the people about what has been going on in their lives to cause them to slowly withdraw. To many, this might seem like the logical solution in order to help the other person search what is causing their own inner turmoil. But at the same time, it appears selfish to try and rescue friendships/relationships for my own benefit so that I do not have to endure the pain that accompanies such a loss. Considering I despise change of any sort, it makes perfect sense that this is how I react in these situations when I am confronted with them.
After much pondering tonight, though, I have come to the conclusion that I am wrong about how I am reacting to these potential relational losses. As painful as it may be to endure, I must remember that it is all part of God's bigger and better plan. I must remember Mark 8:34-37 ~ "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?" I must remember that my yearning for maintaining my relationships with friends and family in life is focusing on my wants and desires, not God's. What we hope for is always more worldly in nature, when we should truly focus on our spiritual needs. Jesus should always be the center of our lives so that we save our souls. He is the one who saves us and truly knows what is best for our lives. We are placed in situations in order to build our faith and reliance on God and we must remember that just because events do not unfold in the manner we desire does not mean that God is not present and working in our lives. God always has a plan for His people and it is our job to accept that plan, instead of trying to constantly change it to suit what we feel we deserve. But we must remember that God owes us nothing. He doesn't need to bless us with worldly possessions or relationships, but He has mercy on His people and provides them with what He sees fit. Our job is to be thankful for God's blessings no matter what and to worship Him. From here on out, we must limit our questioning of God's intentions and have more acceptance of the events and situations of our lives.
There is a song by Laura Story called "Blessings" that I just heard on Thursday. The lyrics seem to relate to my current situation and seem a fitting ending to this blog post.

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

Obstacle Conquered

For all of you who are wondering, yes I did finish my marathon today and I ran the entire way. It was by no means easy mentally or physically, but God definitely blessed me with some awesome friends to help me along the way.
 I hit the proverbial wall mad early, at approximately mile 12.5, which was really frustrating. The course was a loop, which meant that all of the hills that demoralized me on lap 1 were going to be that much more of a struggle on lap 2. Apparently I was turning green halfway through, but I regained my color after taking one of my accel-gels. All along the root I was trying to keep scripture in my head like Joshua 1:9, Philippians 4:13, Isaiah 40:31, and 1 Peter 5:7, all in an attempt to motivate myself and trust that God was there and supporting me. To be honest, I was on the verge of a panic attack and giving up around mile 16, which is where my mom jogged a portion with me. This helped slightly, but my hips were killing me, along with my quads, and I just couldn't imagine pushing through another 9 miles. What happened next was definitely a blessing from God. My friend Chrissy, who runs on and off recreationally, but never for long distances, ran with me from mile 17 until mile 25...in jeans. I was so utterly thankful because I was on the verge of throwing in the towel and her running with me gave me the motivation I needed to keep moving. She held my hand when I was really hurting and was a constant source of motivation. We actually got numerous comments from the crowd due to her shirt for "Team Kayla" that contained scripture and the fact that she was wearing jeans. I was most amazed by the fact that she ran 8 miles, which is the farthest she has ever run in my knowledge. That was truly God at work to watch over me in the physical realm while He watched over me in the spiritual realm. What was also a blessing was my roommate running the last obnoxiously steep hill from mile 25-25.5; I was extremely thankful for someone willing to gut that out with me. I finished in an unofficial time of 4hr and 36min. I was just hoping to finish, so I'm not at all concerned with the fact that my time was quite distant from my original goal. I am thoroughly blessed with some awesome friends, but I must go soak in an ice bath so that I am able to walk to class in the morning.

Culmination of Preparation

Well, tomorrow is the big day that I have been looking forward to and dreading all at once: marathon day. Everybody says that I should be excited, and I'm sure deep down I am. The surface is swirling with apprehension, though. Sure I have put in the necessary training, but the past two weeks have not been steady, and my longest run was only 18 miles, which is the exact distance where I smashed into the wall in Harrisburg. I'm lucky that my friend is napping while I type this because I'm sure she would slap me in the face for housing such doubts. I really need to focus on building confidence for the race in the morning, (which ought to be interesting since they are calling for thunderstorms...dodging lightning bolts anyone?) and the perfect bit of scripture for that is housed within 1 Peter. The verse I'm thinking of is 1 Peter 5:7, which commands, "Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you." So instead of worrying about how I might do, I plan on focusing on the fact that God will be watching over me and caring about each and every step I take. Knowing this, I truly believe that I can gut it out to the very end of the marathon and triumph in under 4 hours. I will also cloak myself in the words of 2 Timothy 2:1 ~ "You then, my son, be strong in grace that is in Christ Jesus." With His grace, all things are possible and I will find the strength to succeed in order to glorify His name with each stride I take along the streets of Wilmington, Delaware, tomorrow morning. I would say wish me luck, but luck is not what is needed. Prayer is much more suitable. So if you desire to do so, please pray for me as I begin my race at 7am EST, and I will update you all on what I accomplished once I have the energy to do that.