Refiner's Fire

There's a courage that is forged in pain
There's a purpose in the furnace flame

~Live Alive by Rend Collective 

Within the Bible there is much imagery dedicated to gold and silver being purified in fire. Just as smelters seek to rid precious metals of their impurities, the Lord seeks to purify the hearts of His followers. God desires to strengthen the faith of believers and draw them closer to Himself. 1 Peter 1:6-7 seeks to illustrate this point by stating, "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith -- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire -- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." In light of this Scripture, and looking back on 2016, I very much believe that I spent the year in God's forge.

To impersonate Sophia Petrillo, "Picture it! Galilee, PA: February 2016." It was my least favorite month of the year and the gloom of winter was causing my mind and thought processes to spiral downward. For those who don't know, I struggle with anxiety and depression that can either be general, circumstantial, and almost always seasonal. If I'm diligent in prayer, I can usually catch myself and hold off the downward spiral. But other times, like last winter, my mind can become its own worst enemy and I can create problems that don't actually exist.
Being an introvert, I'm very observant and attuned to patterns, and I had convinced myself that a particular pattern in communication had become fractured. Instead of dealing with this situation rationally, I allowed my anxiety to take a stranglehold on my life. I believe that the best description for the mental sabotage i endured can be found in Zach Eswine's book Spurgeon's Sorrows. In it he states, "Though none of the bad things we imagine have happened to us, we 'convert our suspicions into realities and torture' ourselves with them in our own imaginations." And as Spurgeon himself declared, "On the very slightest turn of circumstances we begin to fret." Believe me when I tell you that it's not a fun place to be in mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. For anyone who has either experienced this personally or had a friend struggle, you'll know that an unfortunate byproduct of anxiety and depression is anger, and that was the next phase of my year.
At this point, I opted to go on a disaster relief trip for a change of scenery in the hope that this would cure my inner turmoil. While I was able to mask my struggles during the day for the most part, during my alone time the internal battle continued to rage and I began pleading with God to make me well. I was very aware that I was starting to lash out at close friends and couldn't figure out how to stop and just chill. I could totally relate to Anna Kendrick in her book Scrappy Little Nobody where she admitted, "The real problem is that I let my anxiety cripple my relationships." It was agonizing to notice shifts in friendships and painful to realize that my behavior was the most notable cause for the shift.
For the longest time I couldn't recognize the purpose behind my struggles. Thankfully God knew they were necessary to strengthen my resolve in order to minister to others while I dealt with the so-called trainwreck of my mind. Looking back to May, there was a particular morning that I was rather anxious and a chaplain pulled me aside at breakfast to pray with me. You know it's getting bad when the chaplains make a beeline for you. The blessing, though, was that I ended up working at the home of a woman who struggled with anxiety that bordered agoraphobia. I felt that God had placed me there specifically, so I took the time to share music with her, along with letting her know that it was okay to be frustrated and that there is an entire book in the Bible where the author voices his frustrations, which is aptly titled Lamentations. All of this was discussed while we carefully went through her closet looking for and thankfully finding the deed to her house. At the end of the day, another chaplain, who happened to be a trained counselor, expressed how he struggled to see past the clinical aspects of this homeowner's anxiety, but I was there in a capacity that allowed me to relate to her through shared experience. That was one of the few times all year that I felt like I had a purpose and that God was using my struggles to benefit others.
Although I came to this realization, I still endured a summer plagued with anger and negative thought processes. There were some notable bright moments spent with friends watching soccer, but I remained consumed by things that had gone wrong and yearned for my life and friendships to be restored to how they were in previous months. I forgot that change is inevitable and God had His own plan. He desired for me to focus solely on Him and in order to do that, certain aspects of my life needed to be refined and idols discarded. It wasn't until August that I finally began implementing some of these changes, which included taking better care of myself mentally and spiritually. This involved rearranging my work schedule so that I could finally make it to church on Sunday. This in turn gave me an opportunity to stop by work on my way home from church to share what I had learned during the sermon.
Through all of this, I finally recognized that God had protected me during certain events and kept me out of particular circumstances. He also made me keenly aware of the blessings He bestowed on me. The most apparent blessings came in the form of friends and fellow believers who desired to minister to me, pray for me, and help restore my lost joy. I'm thankful that I finally recognized the purpose for walking through God's refining fire this past year. I've taken to heart James 1:2-3, which states, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." Without facing trials, I may fall prey to thinking that I can do life without relying on God. Through my many trials, though, I've drawn closer to God, restoring my loyalty to Him, with a renewed desire to stand for my faith.

Thoughts on Evangelism

"I want to learn how to unlock the locks to our minds, my mind, so that when I hear opinions or views that don’t match up with mine, I can still listen and understand." ~Charlotte Eriksson

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a great theologian who was executed during World War II. His life and his convictions have always intrigued me, but I think what fascinates me most is how he comprehended theological issues and applied them to daily life. In his book Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy, Eric Metaxas described Bonhoeffer's viewpoint as follows: "To be an ethereal figure who merely talked about God, but somehow refused to get his hands dirty in the real world in which God had placed him, was bad theology. Through Christ, God had shown that he meant us to be in this world and to obey him with our actions in this world." Reading this, I'm drawn to how we're meant to get our hands dirty. We can't be Christians who impact this world by remaining in the confines of a Christian bubble. Yes, we must make sure that we don't get tripped up by sin, but we can't avoid involvement in the community around us just because the people might hold different beliefs and convictions than us. I believe that's exactly why Jesus specifically prayed, "I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one," in John 17:15. He knows that the only way for us to reach people is by going into the lion's den to confront evil and try to provide hope for those who are lost in this world.

There are a few things that we must all keep in mind when intently sharing the Gospel. First of all, just because you're a Christian doesn't mean that you're better than anybody else. It means that you are forgiven and have salvation from your sins through the sacrifice Jesus made on the Cross, but it doesn't move anyone up a rung in some imaginary hierarchy. Ecclesiastes 7:20 is very clear on the matter stating, "Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins." Christians must never forget the fact that we're all broken and have back stories, especially when trying to minister to those around them who don't share the same belief systems. In his song "Broken," Lecrae raps, "We some broken people, came from broken homes. Broken hearts inside of a broken soul...Ain't a soul on the planet that's better than another and we all need grace in the face of each other." Always remembering this fact will go a long way in your encounters and interactions with those around you.

Something else to take into account when sharing the Gospel is that we're not here to point fingers. Too many Christians have taken it upon themselves to be judge over humanity, which is God's job. This might be why so many unbelievers just assume Christianity is all about following rules, rather than having a relationship with Jesus. We're here to imitate Jesus, which means sharing the truth in love, rather than being judgmental. It's time to remember how Jesus ministered to those around him. A beautiful example of how Jesus advocated for an outcast occurred in the beginning of John 8. The Pharisees interrupted Jesus' teaching at the temple by flaunting a woman they had just caught in the act of adultery. According to Old Testament law, she deserved to be stoned, though they neglected to pay attention to the entire letter of the law in Leviticus 20:10, which states that the man caught in the act of adultery should also be stoned. Jesus responded by scribbling in the dirt and then telling the Pharisees that the person without sin could be the first to stone the woman they had caught committing adultery. Needless to say, only Jesus was left there with the woman and I believe the most important take away from this situation comes in John 8:10-11. It states, "Jesus stood up and said to her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' She said, 'No one, Lord.' And Jesus said, 'Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.'" He chose not to condemn her. Let that sink in. The Son of God didn't ridicule her for her decisions and the situation she found herself in, but rather told her to sin no more. He extended grace and pointed out where she needed to make improvements in her life in a loving fashion, which is how we must approach unbelievers around us.

I firmly believe that we need to have a certain level of awareness when trying to share the Gospel with those around us. There are those who will be open to listening to what you have to say and others who will completely shut you down. Still, there will be those who will ask questions, but decide that it's not for them at that particular time. Christians need to be astute in how to approach each situation that they are given to share about Jesus, and do so as Jesus. Only God can change people's hearts. We can plant seeds, but whether or not somebody becomes a Christian and trusts in Jesus as their Lord and Savior is up to God. The words Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 are very fitting here. Paul wrote, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth." Someone's personal conversion to Christianity doesn't not rest in our hands, but in God's. This should come as a relief to every disciple who is out sharing the Gospel. Yes, it's important to share the Gospel, but it's ultimately up to God whether that person receives Jesus into their heart. We aren't here to shove the Gospel down people's throats. We are here to share it in love and we are to listen to the plight of people around us. It isn't our job to chase people down and force our beliefs on them. Jesus didn't even run after people. Just consider the rich young ruler who came to Jesus to find out what he needed to do in order to get to heaven. After hearing him out, in Mark 10:21, it states, "And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, 'You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.'" Unfortunately, this young man went away disheartened because he couldn't bare to sell his possessions. One would think that Jesus would run after him, telling him why he is making a poor decision, but Jesus didn't do that because it wasn't his style. He knew and understood that it was up to God to change the young man's heart and no amount of pleading or berating him with Scripture would do change him.

Lastly, I believe the key to being a good evangelist is to have a listening ear. Too many people in society are so self focused that they spend more time trying to formulate the perfect response than truly listening to what another person is saying. A friend of mine counsels people and he has told me that most people yearn to have others listen and understand them in order to receive validation. As evangelists, we too must take this into account. Don't be so focused on sharing your spiel on the Gospel that you forget to live it out. Jesus loved on people and he listened to them, and we must do the same. If that means altering what your ultimate plan was in sharing the Gospel, alter it. Remember that sharing the Gospel and the love of God doesn't always have to be about the words you say, but the actions you display. If you refuse to listen or appear shocked and appalled by someone's story, do you really think that they are going to want to listen to you about Jesus? By listening, though, you can grasp a better understanding of someone's life and experiences and you can internally grieve for what they have endured. It also provides an opportunity to pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance in responding to a person, whether that be through words or just your presence.
Remember, you are going to come across people in life who you don't agree with, but that doesn't mean that you can't lovingly listen to what they have to say in an attempt to understand their life. We're all a bunch of screw-ups who need the love of Jesus. Sure, other people are aggravating and frustrating at times, but it's our job to get into the fray and encourage others to seek a different path. Charles Spurgeon wrote, "I would go to the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary." Christians need to share this attitude towards the lost instead of looking down on others in disgust. There are billions of people on Earth and not everybody is going to share your viewpoint, which is why it is worth trying to listen and understand amidst sharing the good news of Jesus.
I'll leave you with this quote that has an unknown author. It is one that has helped me be patient with others in the past, and it is my hope that it will help you in the future: "Always see the God in people. No matter what they do or say love them despite themselves. God created them with love and purpose, see that love in them and not their mistakes. We're not forgiven to walk around with unforgiveness in our hearts, we're forgiven so we can forgive. People make mistakes but not one person is a mistake. Let us love like Jesus loved, let our actions bring Glory to His name forever and always."