Musical Motivation

The past couple weeks I feel like my serotonin levels have been slowly decreasing and then decided to take a nosedive at some point this week. For those who don't totally understand brain chemistry (myself included), that pretty much means I haven't felt like myself for a little while and this week the depression decided to rear its ugly head inside my head...again. I've come to accept the fact that this is just something that I deal with, but as a Christian, it also discourages me at times because I get frustrated with the reaction to my depression, which borders along the lines of self-pity. I find this quality in myself rather unwholesome when it springs up and desperately want to tell myself to get over myself, which I do, but surprise, surprise, that doesn't really do much of anything. In order to cope, I turned to my Bible and would read, then get distracted, then read, followed by more distraction. I also opted to listen to Alistair Begg's podcast, which this week happens to focus on trials that Christians will encounter, referencing James 1:1-3 and 1 Peter 4:12-19. As useful as all of this was, it still didn't change my mood at all. Making things worse was the fact that, in the grand scheme of things when compared to those who are suffering over in the Philippines or others who are dealing with actual struggles, I have nothing to complain about.
Then today I decided to go for a run. I'd love to say that my mood immediately improved because of it, but it didn't. I know that things like my bouts of depression take time to process, but I did do something unique on my run: listen to music. To some of you, this may not seem like such an odd concept since numerous people run with their iPods these days. The thing is, I'm typically not one of those people. But after today's experience, I think I will be one of those people. I used to be more of a purest, as in a runner who could go out and run for miles for the enjoyment of it, or because I knew I was training for a race. These days, though, I've found it hard to get myself off the couch. Too much chaos in my brain telling me I'm not the runner I used to be and too often, if I did manage to lace up my shoes and get on the road, I couldn't get in more than a mile before I was bored or pondering what the heck I was doing. This of course doesn't bode well for someone who would like to run a half marathon next May. So off I went today with my iPod in the hopes of getting some endorphins to boost the doldrums of my mind.
I didn't perform any miraculous feat of speed or distance, but I did accomplish a 2.5 mile run without wondering what the heck I was doing or feeling like I wanted to throw in the towel. It's been a little while since that's happened, so I was pleased. Also, when I was going up the steepest hill on this particular route, the song "Anklebiters" by Paramore came on, and the lyrics got me thinking. As much as I try to tell myself and everybody else that I don't care about what other people's opinion of me are, I clearly do and I've unfortunately allowed that to impact who I am. Don't get me wrong, I like who I am and all, but there are times in your life when people do or say things that just make you wonder and question yourself, and I think that's typically how I end up getting depressed from time to time. I'm by no means blaming anybody but myself for my mood because, at the end of the day, I have the power and choice over what thoughts occupy my mind (...take every thought captive to obey Christ, ~2 Corinthians 10:5), but I think it was something I needed to be made aware of again. The song not only helped to motivate me up that obnoxiously steep hill today, but it helped me re-evaluate who I am and what I focus on. Again, I'm still in a bit of a rut, but I'm slowly making steps of progress to get out of it. And it's those little victories in life that I must focus on. Sometimes it's not all about the big picture, but those baby steps away from where you don't want to be.

Finite vs. Infinite

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." ~1 John 2:15-17

I don't mean to be redundant, but this post essentially is an extension of my previous post on worldliness. It seems to be something that has been weighing on my mind and heart lately, quite possibly because I've been rather aware of my own struggle as of late to focus less on what the world thinks and more about how I should live faithfully for God. It's so easy to get caught up in envy and pride these days with the ever expanding social media that makes you hyper aware of what others have and what you may not. Some desire to have the trendiest fashion sense or the most likes or followers, while others yearn to live someone else's life. I'll admit that half the reason I go on the internet these days is to see if anybody likes my tweets, blog posts, or photos on Instagram, and that's no way to go through life. It's pointless to yearn for someone's approval that is finite and could change overnight. Contentment in what we have and resting in God almost seems to be a thing of the past, and that's where we've all strayed at somepoint and got it all wrong.
This will sound silly to those who know me best, but it was through listening to Taylor Swift's "The Lucky One" that I really started to evaluate what I value most and how silly and absurd it is to desire anything from the world. This song is all about someone who moves to LA to become the center of attention, but once she succeeds, she longs to get out of town and live essentially in obscurity. When she was all over the headlines, she never understood her true worth and value since there was always someone in the wings striving to take her place. Everyone felt that the lucky one was in the spotlight, but at the end of the song, Taylor admits that the one who hightailed it out of town to spare her dignity was the one who was lucky.
I think we all need to realize the fact that trying to be the most popular, trendy, or famous person will only lead to our own self destruction. Trying to please the world is like trying to breathe with a wet blanket over your face; you just suffocate from the frustration of it all. That's because the world lies and schemes against us. It really has nothing to offer us that will quench the desires of our hearts and that's why we must continually focus on Jesus. Jesus not only is the best representation of the love we yearn for, but He is infinite and will never fade away. Just because we don't see Him doesn't mean He doesn't exist. I think that's why so many of us strive for things of the world; they appear tangible, when in reality, they are the things that are the most easily destroyed and ripped out from under us. God's love for us, once we accept Christ as our Savior, can never be destroyed, but so many refuse to trust it because it doesn't appear to be tangible. Many would rather live their lives on their terms because they think they know what is best, but that's the sure fire way to failure. There's a song by House of Heroes called "Comfort Trap" that depicts how so many of us chafe against the will of God during the sanctification process of our lives because we are still convinced that we know best, even though God created us and is the reason we are alive. The following lines really hit home with me and how easily it is to fall into the trappings of the world:

I lost my dream in the comfort trap.

I told my God his will could wait,

I've got one foot in a rich man's grave,

I heard it calling in my sleep at night,

So I killed my dream with a butcher knife,

I told my heart to toe the line,

You had all that time, the rest is mine.

I'm gonna get nice things and get my way,

Even if it means there's hell to pay,

I'm gonna have my cake and eat it too,

And what I don't eat I'm gonna force feed you,

I'm not looking for consolation,

Maybe I could settle for compensation,

Have my cake and eat it too,

And if it's all a lie I'm gonna say it's all true.

It's scary to think that people live this defiantly to God, but they do, including Christians, periodically. It's not easy to go where God calls us. We all want to do things our own way, having our cake and eating it too. And yes, we even find a way to convince ourselves we're on the right path, even when it's quite clear that we're not. It can all just lead to living one big perpetual lie because each and every day we are bombarded with opinions from worldly critics on how to conduct our lives. Everyone offers suggestions about how to get a job, save money, and live up to the American Dream. The problem is the fact that while we are striving for the American Dream, our souls are shriveling and not getting fed the living water that Christ has to offer. Every time we make that decision to listen to the world and its desires before listening to God the Father, we are taking a step away from heaven. As the verses above state, if our hearts are more consumed with worldly desires, then the love of God does not truly reside in us. It all comes down to how you choose to function on a daily basis. You can choose to strive after the things that will fade away and disappoint, or you can choose to have faith and allow God to rule your life and lead you down the right path, even if it isn't a path that is accepted by worldly standards. But that's the whole point. The life and walk of the Christian should never blend in with the world; it should always stand out and look weird. If your life looks too much like that of the popular crowd, you're probably doing something wrong in the eyes of Jesus. He was the original rebel who went against the grain of society, so we must follow suit, but not in a way that we desire to get noticed. We must go against the grain because that is what we're called to do, not because it's trendy. 

So we all have a decision to make. We can either continue to live for the finite things of this world in the hopes that they will fill the void in our hearts, or we can choose to live for God who is infinite and unchanging. It's a very personal choice and not one that should be taken lightly. My hope is that more will realize that abiding in God is the best route to take because it is the only way to ensure eternal life in heaven. It's time to stop living for what's here on Earth and instead look up to God and surrender in faith.

The Slippery Slope of Worldliness

Back in high school I used to run cross country. It was known as the sport that never got cancelled despite horrendous weather. There are two races in particular that stand out vividly in my mind where I remember running through torrential downpours. One was during my sophomore year at the DeSales Invitational, while the other was a dual meet at Montrose during my senior year. At the DeSales Invitational, it began downpouring as we were walking the course. It rained so hard in the matter of 90 minutes that a small stream that was only a foot wide and an inch deep when we walked the course ended up being ten feet wide and two feet deep at certain points by the beginning of the race. It was definitely a treacherous portion of the course that devoured some racing spikes off the feet of those who were unprepared and hadn't taped them to their feet. The day I ran at Montrose, it had downpoured all day, so the team was prepared for a mud fest. Without the proper spikes, we all would have been slipping and sliding all over the place. Fortunately, we were all prepared and the only fall occurred about 100 yards into the downhill start when I stepped in a hole and slid on my butt as fast as the rest of the pack was running.
I mention these stories to demonstrate how one must be prepared and aware in the sport of running to avoid slipping and falling, or potentially losing shoes. Without foreknowledge during poor weather, the potential for disaster increases. The same goes for the unprepared and unaware Christian. Satan desperately wants to trip people up so they slide back into the ways of worldliness. He prides himself on infusing individuals with pride that leads to self righteousness, lusts that lead to adultery, or envy that leads to covetousness. He may even work in more subtle ways, like causing an obsession with social media and your amount of followers, or putting you in situations where it might be easy to fall back into a dependence on alcohol.
We've all encountered particular temptations and fought battles in our minds over our desires to be popular and important, fashionable and in vogue, along with wealthy and well to do. The Bible contains its fair share of warnings against these wordly temptations, most strikingly in Matthew 16:26, which states, "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?" Many do not live with an eternal perspective, but prefer to settle and be focused on the here and now. With this single-mindedness and tunnel vision, people strive for wealth and material possessions, rather than chasing after God. They forget the words Jesus uttered in Mark 10:23, reminding us of the near impossibility of a wealthy man finding his way to heaven.
"Lose My Soul" is a song by TobyMac featuring Kirk Franklin and Mandisa that hits the nail on the head when it comes to the topic of worldliness. Towards the end of the song, Mandisa sings the following lines: "How do I sense the tide that's rising? De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity. How do I sense the tide that's rising? Hypnotizing me from living in the light of eternity." This is a perfect description of how people live their lives today; de-sensitived to real issues and hypnotized by all of the temptations of the world. The pressure to maintain status leads to covetousness, that is, desiring the possessions that others have and hoping to acquire them. Even in his book Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel, Rolf Potts wrote, "There is still an overwhelming social compulsion--an insanity of consensus, if you will--to get rich from life rather than live richly, to 'do well' in the world instead of living well." Rather than focusing on what we do not have, people need to heed Jesus' warning and reminder in Luke 12:15 to not fall victim to covetousness because there is more to life than possessions. Unfortunately for many, though, the need for status is the driving force behind their lives, which only plunges them into despair and potential substance abuse.
Sinking into the quagmire of worldliness is dangerous for the Christian. There's a difference between mingling with the worldly and being of the world. One can strive to be successful, yet still have Jesus as the driving force behind that success. The trick is to maintain a close relationship with God through prayer and reading the Bible, along with having a close group of brothers or sisters in Christ who can help you out when you feel yourself sliding down the slippery slope into the murky waters of the world. It's good to have a close few who can keep you in check and pray for you when you sense you're sliding into the depths of wealth, status, potential substance abuse, impatience, envy, anger, and any other number of worldly actions and desires. They can suggest scriptures, pray, and keep focused wholeheartedly on Jesus.
A beautiful analogy for how this Christian partnership can work mirrors my recent experience at the 5K Foam Fest. One of the first obstacles in the race involved going through a mudpit. The suction power of this mud was so great that some people either lost shoes or couldn't move their feet. My friend's feet were completely stuck, so I had to literally pull her forward to garner enough momentum in order for her feet to be released from the grip of the mud. Then, in order to get out of the mud pit, we had to climb out using a rope and teamwork. I helped my friend climb out first and then she helped pull me out so that I didn't slip and fall back into the mud.
As Christians, this is how we must function, utilizing teamwork and resources to combat against slipping down into worldliness. We must constantly communicate with God and be familiar with the Scriptures so the devil doesn't gain a stronghold in our brains. Also, we must maintain a support system of fellow Christians whom we can trust to pray for us in difficult times and who can offer support in our times of weakness. They must be people you can be open and honest with so that their prayers can be specific to target the battle you're fighting against Satan and the world. Finally, if you're unsure about where your own heart might stand at this point in time, use Luke 12:34 as a kind of litmus test: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Are You Focused on Being a Servant or a Star?

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." ~Philippians 2:5-8

As of late, I believe I have fallen prey to the selfish desire in my heart that has allowed me to maintain a skewed perception of myself, one that places me atop some lofty, imaginary pedestal. How I suddenly morphed out of being a selfless servant of Christ into an individual fueled by a nagging sense that I am owed something is beyond me, but I know that lack of discipline in my spiritual life and creeping pride probably play a role. Thankfully the veil is slowly falling away and I'm realizing that I've drifted to a no-mansland in which I am not comfortable or at home.
This enlightenment came in stages and involved part of today's sermon, seeing a picture on instagram, and reading the forward to a book. The forward of the book and the picture related to the opening verse above. I think we all could use a little slap in the face to remind us that Christ chose to humble himself and serve us, dying for our sins in the process, all because He loved us. We cannot do anything to change how much Jesus cares about us. There is nothing at all in the world to allow us to move up in the world in the eyes of God and Christ. So why do we function like we can? We are always striving to be better than others in order to stroke our egos and pat ourselves on the back like we truly accomplished something, when all we are really doing is allowing Satan to slowly lead us astray with this focus on self and earthly riches. This constant one-upmanship clouds our vision and inhibits our ability to serve the body of Christ.
What served as a great reminder this morning was my pastor revealing the importance of good character and how that is worth more than silver or gold. The verse he utilized was Proverbs 22:1. When I turned to this verse in my Bible, the words that came after in Proverbs 22:2 were actually what spoke loudest to me. It stated, "The rich and the poor meet together; the Lord is the maker of them all." These words are totally contrary to the idea pride fuels that one person is better than another, when in fact, we are all on a level plane with every other person. The rich and poor can meet together because we were all created by God. We shouldn't feel shame next to someone who has more material possessions because they were created just as we were. Nor should we look down on others who have less than us; instead, we should meet in the middle and yearn to meet as brothers and sisters in Christ.
The secular world is what markets higher status in society. The media is constantly bombarding us with bigger and better things and trying to convey that we aren't good enough if we don't at least attempt to keep up with the Jones'. Rather than help our neighbor, we are subtly instructed to trample them on our way to the top. Henri Nouwen wrote a book entitled The Selfless Way of Christ: Downward Mobility and the Spiritual Life, which tackles exactly what I've been talking about (or at least I assume so, since I've yet to read more than the foreword). The foreword was very insightful, discussing how Nouwen was writing in response to the culture change and the coming of age of the "Yuppy" or "young, upwardly mobile, professional." As the foreword states, "'yuppy values' bought into the same temptations presented to Christ in the wilderness: to be 'powerful, relevant, and spectacular.'" This is definitely something I struggle with when writing on any of my blogs. Part of me desires relevance in the world and yearns to be thought of as witty and insightful. The other side of me knows that I should be writing in order to lay out thoughts that cause others to look to God because Christ shines through what I convey.
It's a rather difficult balance to maintain and I must always be aware so that I don't get sucked into the false desire for stardom. I should desire to serve others for Christ in a selfless manner instead of striving to be a focal point in this happenstance world. Nouwen was right when he wrote confronting his "own compulsion 'to be seen, praised, and admired.'" The Bible even reminds us that we ought not to pride ourselves on what we do for others. Matthew 6:1 states, "Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven." We are not to draw attention to ourselves when performing good deeds, nor are we to desire anything in return for our acts of service. Rather, we must contain it within ourselves, knowing that God will reward us in heaven. For any reward in heaven surely trumps any possible riches here on Earth.

God as Our Focal Point

It is often easy to drift from God as the central pillar of our existence. In new social situations, other people can become our focus and impact how we act. Part of us wants to be loved and accepted, so we either change our actions to blend in with others, or we question whether or not people will like us for who we truly are.
To be honest, I tend to fall into the latter category of constantly questioning whether people will like the real me. I'm typically very upfront about who I am and will share any and all aspects of my life because I would rather people know me for me than somebody else. The problem is that I can become consumed with doubt. There are times that I feel I share information that others would rather not know, and then I question if that'll cause them to avoid me or distance themselves from me.
What I've come to realize and have been convicted about in my heart is the fact that I can become too concerned with how I'm perceived by my peers, rather than how I am perceived by God. The verse that really struck me was Galatians 1:10, which says, "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." This is what Paul presented when he was questioned about the Gospel he was sharing. He wasn't doing it to get man's approval, but he was serving Jesus.
In the same fashion, I must remember that I am here on Earth to serve God by sharing the Gospel and living as the unique creation that God meant for me to be. I cannot allow the assumed opinions of others to hold back my potential, nor can I doubt people's sincere interest in my life. Both reduce who I am and allow Satan to utilize my weaknesses to try and turn me against God. Rather, I must embrace who I am and my personality because God has blessed me with every aspect of my individuality and I must not think less of myself in light of others.