Starting Over

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." ~Philippians 3:13

Admittedly, having to start afresh in any part of life is a little scary, difficult, and potentially frustrating. In my life, I'm determined to finally get back into running. It's something I used to enjoy so much, with the occasional love/hate relationship, but typically I loved to compete and would push myself. But ever since running my last marathon back in 2011, I seem to have lost all motivation to put forth any effort in that particular area of my life.
Today I went for a two mile run with Chrissy at a half mile dirt track. It was only the third time I've run since July, which is kind of pathetic. But you know what? Despite some aches in my knee, that thankfully weren't too severe, I enjoyed myself. That could be because I started out the first few strides running like Phoebe from Friends, but I also think it's because I was motivated to make a change in my life. I know that being relatively sedentary is not good for my health. I have the degree to prove that knowledge. Yet mentally, I just have had no desire to run. Like at all. I think what changed, though, was the fact that I've seen former competitors enjoy recent success. One just got a half marathon PR and another was the top female finisher in a duathlon. This made me think that if they can still be enjoying running, then maybe so can I. I just need to go into it with the right mindset. Like Paul wrote in Philippians, I need to look forward. I need to not only strain towards not the goal of Jesus, but new running goals. If I look at my past success, I will give up on the spot. It'll take months, even years to attempt to achieve what I used to back in high school and the beginning of college. What I need to focus on is the here and now. I need to be thankful for the gift of running and that I was able to run two miles continuously for 18:54. I can't think of how I used to be able to run that same distance in 12:20.
This is where not looking back is key. That's actually an essential rule in running, not looking at what's behind you. I remember back in the 8th grade I was in 3rd place and 400 yards from the finish line in a cross country invitational. I kept pushing up the last little incline, determined to improve my position. About fifteen yards from the finish line I was able to move into second place and receive a silver medal for my efforts. The interesting realization came later, once I analyzed a picture that my dad had taken. It shows me at that 400 yard mark from the finish. In the foreground was the leader, but behind her, you could distinctly see the girl who was in second place. What caught my eye was the position of her head. I was looking at the back of her head, rather than her face. Instead of focusing on the finish line, she was concerned with what was behind her, which just so happened to be me. By losing focus and looking back, I believe that's how I gained my edge and was able to pass her before the finish line.
Not only can this concept be applied to running, it can be applied to life in general. We need to not look at our past mistakes constantly or we will never truly appreciate Jesus and the grace of God. It's important to pay attention to the here and now once we've been redeemed by our Savior. Once we are born again, we are given that chance to start over fresh. Sanctification is a process and it's important to know how far we've come, but if we focus on our screw-ups, we'll never appreciate the full blessing of the forgiveness of sins by Jesus dying on the Cross. We must strive toward the perfecter of our faith and have Jesus be our ultimate guide and goal in life in order to finish well.
So in life and in running, appreciate the opportunity to start over again. Remember that you can overcome obstacles if you look ahead towards the finish line, whether it be a race or life. Once you start fresh, there should be no turning back!

Newsflash: It's Not About You

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." ~James 1:22

Obedience and actually living out what the Bible says has been on my mind a lot lately. Hard to believe it was only a week ago that I chose to get baptized after being a Christian for ten years. Part of the reason it's so hard to believe is because I spent the past week volunteering with Samaritan's Purse in Washington, IL, after the tornado that swept through the area just two weeks ago. 

Reflecting on my volunteer experience, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "It's not about you," in the middle of the week. That day the team I was on started at a house outside what was known as "the hot zone," which was a subdivision in Washington that got completely flattened by the tornado in a matter of thirty to sixty seconds. At that first house, I spent a good hour watching the technical tree team work on carefully removing limbs from a tree before cutting the tree down. I spent much of that time wishing I was doing something so that I wasn't cold or seemingly wasting my time. Thankfully we had an opportunity to rake up the next door neighbor's yard, but I still was in a bit of a funk since I was thinking about how cold I was and my mind was wandering over trivial thoughts about things back home that were clogging up my brain. Our next stop, though, was in the hot zone.

My first glimpse of the hot zone

Driving over towards central Washington didn't hint at what I was about to witness. Here and there I saw a roof missing some shingles or siding off a house, but nothing catastrophic. Then all of a sudden, as I looked to my left out the window, I saw a car in a yard and no houses to be seen. Even though I didn't live there, or know anybody from the area, it was still like a punch in the gut. My brain just couldn't comprehend, and still hasn't fully comprehended, the level of destruction that I came across in the hot zone. To think that all of this happened in 30-60 seconds is unfathomable and unimaginable! As the three of us in the truck got out to assist another team help move debris out of a yard, I immediately remembered why I was there and that it wasn't about me. It didn't matter how cold I was, I had the ability to travel back to a warm church after my day. My team leader had a functioning truck; many homeowners no longer have a working car or may not even know where their car is. The church was a massive structure unharmed by the storm; this entire neighborhood was just flattened. Literally, these people had almost nothing left, other than what few possessions they could salvage from their basements or their neighbors yards. I couldn't believe how petty my thoughts were earlier in the day being so focused on myself. It was definitely an eye opener that I needed.
As the week progressed, I spent more time in prayer for this community as I worked. Since most of the homes were decimated, not many homeowners were around, but on Black Friday, a bunch of brothers of a homeowner showed up at the job site to assist us and to tell their brother's story. Hearing about how the house exploded around him and his son as they ran to the basement and about the son getting buried in debris, but ultimately being okay, was eye opening. To hear a firsthand account of the storm helped put it all in perspective and also demonstrated how God was present in this community during the storm. After listening to such a story, how could I not remember that I'm here because of Christ and I'm to serve like Christ? Galatians 5:13 states, "For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." This is just one of many verses about service that requires action in order to be a doer of the word, not just a hearer.

Before our cleanup efforts

Sifting through debris in that yard, I became more and more aware of how my supposed issues paled in comparison to this family and the rest of the Washington community. They were all trivial compared to those who lost all of their possessions in this brief tornado on a November day. Instead of focusing on my own personal thoughts as I worked, I thought of the family and tried to carefully cleanup the yard and search for possessions under all of the debris. I needed to pretend what it would be like to be in their shoes and to take the care in searching as if this were my home and my memories scattered across the yard. Members of my team did a great job carefully saving pictures, drawings, and books they came across. What struck a chord with me were the pages from a Bible that I uncovered on two separate occasions; some spanned from Isaiah to Ezekiel, while others spanned from Colossians to 1 Thessalonians 3. Another find that struck a chord with me demonstrated that even in the midst of all the destruction, God understands and wants to reveal His compassion. I found it ironic that I happened to come across a book entitled Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, but I think the title of that book really captures how everybody in Washington must feel about what happened on November 17th, and to me, it was proof that God is well aware of what everybody endured and still is enduring. Once we finished cleaning the yard and presented the homeowner with a Billy Graham Bible, it became apparent why we took the time and care to cleanup this one yard in a sea of destruction. To see the relief on the homeowner's face and realize that we saved him and his family month's worth of work made it all worthwhile. That was why we served and loved on this family.

Clean yard after a day of work

Knowing that life is not all about me was definitely a reminder that I needed on this deployment, and I'm sure it's one that everybody can learn from. As C.S. Lewis wrote, "Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense." If we can't look outside ourselves, we're doomed and destined to live in despair, unable to have a powerful witness to unbelievers. I realized how much God was trying to pound that into my mind this past week, especially when I took the time to read the Scripture verses on a business card a volunteer had given to me before she left on Thanksgiving. It wasn't until Saturday that I realized that written on it was Philippians 2:3-4 ~  "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." These words reminded me how I need to not just spend my time with Samaritan's Purse, but ultimately, how I must spend my whole life. I must constantly put other people's cares, concerns, and interests ahead of mine in order to avoid being enveloped by selfish pride. At the end of the day, my life is better spent serving others for the glory of Christ, rather than trying to "create a kingdom of self" as the pastor at Elevate Church said yesterday morning during his sermon. Life is more rewarding when we take the time to give of ourselves and not get wrapped up in our own little worlds. We must recognize that there is more to life than us and our problems. I've found that once you learn to live for the service of others, God will open doors in your life and answer the prayers you've been repeating for weeks out of selfishness.

Pray for Boston and the Running Community

Photo courtesy of Linda Brain Beck

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." ~Isaiah 40:31

I'm sure most of you have heard the news by now, but two bombs went off near the finish line of the Boston Marathon today. This saddened me deeply on many levels. The fact that a senseless tragedy took place that injured and killed innocent people is almost unfathomable. My heart breaks for those impacted by this act of terror in Boston. There are no words to heal the physical and emotional wounds, but I would suggest reading Psalm 34:18, which says, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." God is the only one who can bring any sort of comfort after such an event as this.
Another reason this tragedy saddens me is the fact that it happened at a running event.  I understand the immense effort needed to qualify for the prestigious Boston marathon and the numerous amount of miles and hours necessary to train. This should have been a day of celebration for everybody, but instead it was marred by tragedy. Running is a peaceful sport, not one full of any type of violence. Sure there are fierce rivalries, but at the end of the day, we're all friends. Comradery is the essence of running. Just look at Mo Farah and Galen Rupp, or Kara Goucher and Shalane Flanagan; two fierce rivals who train together and have become friends. (The greatest moment out of today's marathon involved Kara crossing the finish line and immediately asking how Shalane finished). Those of us who are runners understand that the running community is more like a big family than anything else. If something bad happens to one runner, it's almost like it happened to us. Runners stick by each other through good and bad times, helping out when others are in need. Although many consider running an individual endeavor, it truly transcends boundaries and every runner looks out for another during races. I have so many fond memories from running and have built friendships along the way. I remember back in the 8th grade I was the only girl who would be running the mile at the local Hershey track & field meet and numerous members of the high school distance team decided to band together and join me for my mile run on the track, some of whom might have been wearing jeans if my memory serves me correctly. I also befriended members of other teams and although we were fierce rivals on the track or cross country course, we would laugh together and warmup together when we weren't racing. After high school, I have encountered many friendly runners who enjoyed my running outfits by telling me that I looked like an Easter egg and who helped me conquer obstacles during the Tough Mudder.
All that we can do now is pray. Pray for the runners. Pray for the spectators. Pray for the first responders. Pray for the doctors. We should even pray for those who are responsible, as difficult as that is to fathom. Everybody was created by God, and unfortunately sin has twisted the way people function in this world. It makes me long for my heavenly home because I don't belong here on this Earth. Philippians 3:20 states, "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." Events like the tragedy in Boston make it even more apparent that this world is slowly going to hell in a handbasket. I can't wait for the return of Jesus and life is what's described in Revelation 21:4 ~ "'He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'"
For now, us runners must band together and persevere. We can't allow this tragedy to impact our love of running or our desire to run the prestigious race in Boston. If we alter our thinking, we let the terrorists win. As runners, we must remember that what we do best is endure. We endure pain and suffering to achieve our dreams of finishing 5Ks, 10Ks, half marathons, marathons, ultras, trail races, and any race in between. We know what it's like to not know if we can take another step, but then we do because we refuse to give up on our dreams. So whether you're in shape or not, if you consider yourself a runner, I urge you to get outside and run tomorrow. Run for those who were impacted in Boston. Run for those who can no longer run. Run for those who may never be able to run the same way ever again. Whatever you do, make sure you run, whether it's 100 yards or 100 miles. Once a runner, always a runner!

Are You Focused on Being a Servant or a Star?

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." ~Philippians 2:5-8

As of late, I believe I have fallen prey to the selfish desire in my heart that has allowed me to maintain a skewed perception of myself, one that places me atop some lofty, imaginary pedestal. How I suddenly morphed out of being a selfless servant of Christ into an individual fueled by a nagging sense that I am owed something is beyond me, but I know that lack of discipline in my spiritual life and creeping pride probably play a role. Thankfully the veil is slowly falling away and I'm realizing that I've drifted to a no-mansland in which I am not comfortable or at home.
This enlightenment came in stages and involved part of today's sermon, seeing a picture on instagram, and reading the forward to a book. The forward of the book and the picture related to the opening verse above. I think we all could use a little slap in the face to remind us that Christ chose to humble himself and serve us, dying for our sins in the process, all because He loved us. We cannot do anything to change how much Jesus cares about us. There is nothing at all in the world to allow us to move up in the world in the eyes of God and Christ. So why do we function like we can? We are always striving to be better than others in order to stroke our egos and pat ourselves on the back like we truly accomplished something, when all we are really doing is allowing Satan to slowly lead us astray with this focus on self and earthly riches. This constant one-upmanship clouds our vision and inhibits our ability to serve the body of Christ.
What served as a great reminder this morning was my pastor revealing the importance of good character and how that is worth more than silver or gold. The verse he utilized was Proverbs 22:1. When I turned to this verse in my Bible, the words that came after in Proverbs 22:2 were actually what spoke loudest to me. It stated, "The rich and the poor meet together; the Lord is the maker of them all." These words are totally contrary to the idea pride fuels that one person is better than another, when in fact, we are all on a level plane with every other person. The rich and poor can meet together because we were all created by God. We shouldn't feel shame next to someone who has more material possessions because they were created just as we were. Nor should we look down on others who have less than us; instead, we should meet in the middle and yearn to meet as brothers and sisters in Christ.
The secular world is what markets higher status in society. The media is constantly bombarding us with bigger and better things and trying to convey that we aren't good enough if we don't at least attempt to keep up with the Jones'. Rather than help our neighbor, we are subtly instructed to trample them on our way to the top. Henri Nouwen wrote a book entitled The Selfless Way of Christ: Downward Mobility and the Spiritual Life, which tackles exactly what I've been talking about (or at least I assume so, since I've yet to read more than the foreword). The foreword was very insightful, discussing how Nouwen was writing in response to the culture change and the coming of age of the "Yuppy" or "young, upwardly mobile, professional." As the foreword states, "'yuppy values' bought into the same temptations presented to Christ in the wilderness: to be 'powerful, relevant, and spectacular.'" This is definitely something I struggle with when writing on any of my blogs. Part of me desires relevance in the world and yearns to be thought of as witty and insightful. The other side of me knows that I should be writing in order to lay out thoughts that cause others to look to God because Christ shines through what I convey.
It's a rather difficult balance to maintain and I must always be aware so that I don't get sucked into the false desire for stardom. I should desire to serve others for Christ in a selfless manner instead of striving to be a focal point in this happenstance world. Nouwen was right when he wrote confronting his "own compulsion 'to be seen, praised, and admired.'" The Bible even reminds us that we ought not to pride ourselves on what we do for others. Matthew 6:1 states, "Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven." We are not to draw attention to ourselves when performing good deeds, nor are we to desire anything in return for our acts of service. Rather, we must contain it within ourselves, knowing that God will reward us in heaven. For any reward in heaven surely trumps any possible riches here on Earth.

Beautiful Letdown

It was a beautiful let down
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone unknown and hurt

Switchfoot

Simply put, this week has not been what I was hoping it would be for numerous reasons that I'd rather not dive into at the moment. In the words of Switchfoot, it's seemed like a beautiful letdown. There have been some situations that have caused me to feel utter frustration and despair, but my goal is to try and not make hasty decisions as I process my current reality and grapple with what could be my future reality. Ephesians 4:26, "In your anger do not sin..." seems to be in the forefront of my mind in the hopes of not lashing out at an unassuming passerby.
I've started running again in the hopes that I can get some endorphines running through my body in to try and lift my mood. The only issue with that is the fact that after so much time off, it's really hard to build that base again. Every runner wants to be able to jump right back into the sport with ease and be able to feel like they are in tip top shape, but that just isn't the case. Starting to run again after taking around 9 months off can almost be demoralizing, which isn't exactly a feeling I need to have coupled with my other frustrations. Thankfully I'm determined to get back in shape and am refusing to let those defeatists thoughts win.
In a way, it brings me back to how I felt during mile 17 of my marathon back in Delaware. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and questioning whether or not I could complete the race, but God was there to help me to the finish line. A song I listened to on the way to the race was "Unbreakable" by Fireflight, which is something that I listened to on my way to work today. The lyrics that really spoke to me were the following: "Sometimes it's hard to just keep going. But faith is moving without knowing. Can I trust what I can't see? To reach my destiny. I want to take control but I know better." Back during the marathon, it helped me to keep working towards that finish line. Now, it's my motivation to not give up, even when the world seems against me.
At this point in time, I'm very thankful for the blessing of music. There are numerous songs which seem to speak to how I feel in my current predicament. Along with "Unbreakable," two other songs that have helped keep my head above water this week are "Monster" by Paramore, and "Blinding Light" by Switchfoot. "Monster" speaks about how someone's opinion of, and occasional accusations against you, can make it seem like the whole world is attacking constantly. I especially like the part of the chorus, which says, "I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world. From turning into a monster and eating us alive. Don't you ever wonder how we survive?" In my opinion, if you trust in God, you can have a more positive outlook even when the world seems to be trying to devour you so that you lose hope. "Blinding Light" has a very blunt opinion on how America functions. In the first verse it says, "We're the nation that eats our youth." I couldn't agree more because it seems like there is such a push for everyone to go to college, but once you graduate, employers won't hire you and you are left to drown in student loans.
All of this has brought me back to my faith in God. I've been trying to remember that He has a plan for all of us and we must be patient in order to discover the answer. I don't want to just be another human floating through society not knowing what to do. I want to have a purpose, but I cannot try to control my life. God is in control and I must give everything to Him so I don't dissolve in despair or spiral into a pit of anxiety and depression. To avoid this, I'll continue to meditate on Philippians 4:6, which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." My hope is that you all will do the same when you run into roadblocks in life because they're inevitable.

W.A.I.T. Part 5: Forget the Past

And I won't look back 'cause there's no use. Its time to move forward.

"Feeling Sorry" Paramore

I think that Paramore is onto something by talking about the need to focus on what's ahead, not what's behind. Too often we are apt to get caught up in the mistakes of the past, which leave us at a standstill emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Replaying the past can't change it, and it only hinders your present and possibly your future. Learning to let go is one of the most important lessons that we can learn.
Isaiah 43:18 tells us, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." This ancient prophet knew how important it was to focus on the future. During this time, it was more important to look forward to the coming of Christ instead of looking back on the stringent Commandments that Moses brought forth. There is hope in Christ, while the law seems to carry a burden.
In the world of running, nobody says it better than Frank Shorter. One of his famous quotes is, "You have to forget your last marathon before you try another. Your mind can't know what's coming." This quote rings true in my life. Back in May, I started my third marathon, which was the second one that I finished. It was of utmost importance for me to forget my last marathoning experience, which had taken place in November of 2007. It was a freezing cold day in Harrisburg and I started the race too fast and had ingested too many fluids. By mile 18, I was feeling sick to my stomach and began to walk, but that only made my legs hurt even more. I ended up dropping out at mile 22 feeling like I had failed. I remained discouraged for many months as I kept questioning whether or not I could have indeed completed the race. Eventually I let the whole experience go from my mind and gained enough courage to train and start another marathon. I faced my fair share of struggles during that race, but because I was not focused on my past failure, I was able to cross the finish line.
In the same sense, we must take this approach in all aspects of our lives. We can't dwell on what we did wrong during school, job interviews, relationships, or friendships. If we continue to replay the past, we'll never be able to grow in the future. It's too easy to miss out on some of the blessings of today by cluttering our minds with yesterday. Nothing can be changed accept how we approach each new day. Instead of being self-centered and moping about how awful certain aspects of life have been, focus on what you can do to promote Christ and live in a way pleasing to Him. This is the main focus of Philippians 3:13-14 ~ "Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
A sure way to nurture a spiritual environment in which one can thrive is to have one free of past clutter. It's okay to maintain memories of the past as long as they aren't hurting your future. Don't hoard negative thoughts within your brain or else you might miss out on the bright future that the Lord has planned out for you.

The Lord's Provision

Some of you might know that I've been unemployed since July. For those who didn't, you are now caught up to speed. I graduated with my Master's of Science in Clinical Exercise Physiology in August and have been applying to jobs ever since to no avail. There were few jobs in my field that had openings, so for the past month I have applying to anything from the UPS warehouse, to snowshoveling jobs, to medical assistant positions, to a website design gig. Still nothing. Back in September, I was frustrated that my life had no direction, but eventually I ended up letting that frustration go and decided it was best to be thankful for what I do have.
A few weeks ago, I decided to apply at a temp agency after a friend of mine suggested I give that a shot. I filled out all of the necessary paperwork and hoped for the best. Tonight I got a phone call from the temp agency offering me a part-time position as a data-entry clerk for a plastics company, which I greatly accepted. I was just so thankful to have God provide me with a job with Christmas coming up. I was praying that things would all work out in His time and I know I had plenty of people from church and Bible study praying for me as well. I feel very blessed to have God's faithfulness come to light in my life. As Paul says in Philippians 4:19-20, "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen."

Communication is Necessary in Any Relationship

"What we've got here is a failure to communicate." ~Cool Hand Luke

I think it is human nature to long to have one person in your life that you can always count on. It is natural to want to have that kind of close relationship with another person to the point that you don't even hesitate to call them when something good or bad happens in life. But that kind of relationship takes time and effort to build. One cannot expect a friend they met yesterday to drop everything to help in a crisis. It takes months or even years to build a solid relationship with anybody, and steady communication is the glue that holds the foundation of that relationship together. It would be ridiculous to assume a close bond existed with someone you only talked to once every couple months. You would be mere acquaintances at best. No, a close relationship requires communication at least once per week to remain strong. That doesn't necessarily have to be face to face, but nor can it be superficial. There must be genuine interest on both ends to set aside time for certain people who are important in our lives.

The same goes for your relationship with God. It is God's will for us to pray to Him in order to maintain a relationship, as stated in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ~ "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." In order for it to be successful, you must make time for Him on a daily basis, at the very least. Only praying to God out of necessity due to a crisis will not lay the bricks for a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. This only breeds a very inconsistent relationship with God, which lacks any true desire on your part to get to know Him and give well-deserved praise in the good times and bad. 

It is important to be open with the Lord and trust Him. Philippians 4:6-7 states, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." We seem to forget that God knows all and can help us through each and every situation if only we just communicated with Him. By neglecting your relationship with God, you are hindering your spiritual life and impeding any potential growth. Some feel that God simply won't hear their prayers. Again, this neglects the fact that God is ever present in our lives. When you begin to doubt that God doesn't hear your prayers, refer to Jonah 2:1-2, which states, "From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God. He said: 'In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. From deep inside the realm of the dead I called for help, and you listened to my cry." If God heard Jonah from inside the belly of a fish, I believe that God will hear you no matter where you are in this world. Psalm 145:18-19 can also build your confidence in the fact that the Lord hears your prayers because it says, "The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." He is never far away from His creation and those He loves unconditionally. So we must remain steadfast and earnest in our prayer life in order to get to know Him.
What some seem to forget is that selfishness builds walls in any relationship. If you require your friends to always do what you want without ever considering their feelings or opinions, they probably won't remain your friends very long. This relates to your prayer life as well. Selfish prayers most likely will not be answered, unless God has a specific purpose behind it. The best way to pray is to mirror Jesus, whose walk was blameless and in line with the Father. As stated in 1 John 5:14-15, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." All prayers and prayer requests must be made in accordance to God's will. God desires to be glorified and should be glorified, and all prayers should express that. Selfish desires with ulterior motives will not be answered and promoted. So the next time you find yourself wondering why your prayer has seemingly gone unanswered, instead of blaming God, look back at how you prayed because you are the flaw in the system. Patience is also key because God has a plan for everything and your prayers will be answered according to His time schedule, and not yours. So go and pray and build your relationship with your Father in heaven. 

Perspective to be Grateful

In this era of the Occupy Wall Street campaign, I feel that many people have lost perspective on what they do have. Instead, they tend to focus on what they don't have and then decide to use the world as their sounding board. They forget to listen to the words found in Philippians 4:6, which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Whatever happened to enjoying the little things in life? Why must we constantly belittle people with our rants that are self-focused? When did you need the best of everything in order to be happy? Our happiness should be within us because we have the Holy Spirit, not found in some material object or in having the most friends. Popularity never works and tends to backfire. As Aristotle once said, "A friend to all is a friend to none."
So instead of dwelling on what you don't have, focus on what you do have. I am thankful for loving parents, my generous brother, a great friendship with my roommate, the cutest kitty ever, an apartment to live in, a car to drive, electronic devices to help me communicate in this digital age, food to eat, clean water for a shower, clothing to wear, the ability to read, my health, blankets to keep me warm, the opportunity to gain a Masters degree in exercise science, the ability to exercise, etc. I'm sure I could go on and on, but then this blog post would turn into a novel. So I challenge you to make note of the blessings in your life instead of the shortcomings and either right them down on a piece of paper for yourself, or feel free to live a list in the comments of this post. I guarantee you will be able to come up with more to be thankful for than things to complain about.

Satan: The Epitome of Inception

I am a big fan of the movie, Inception. This action thriller is based in numerous dreams, with the main premise being to plant a business idea in a man's head using the concept of inception. In the movie, the character, Arthur, says its impossible because, "The dreamer can always remember the genesis of the idea. True inspiration is impossible to fake." Cobb, on the other hand, knows that inception is possible because he had used his wife as a guinea pig. Unfortunately, the concept that he had planted in her mind in order to save her from remaining in her dream world's limbo eventually led to her death in reality.
The concept that our thoughts can be so consuming and crushing that they eventually kill us is a very real matter due to the constant spiritual warfare around us. Satan is continually trying to impress upon us thoughts that turn us against God, which would separate us from His love and eternal life. Satan does this by using our minds to conjure up thoughts that cause us to doubt His goodness and authority. Satan twists positives into negatives, and negatives into positives in order to lead us astray.
When reading Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley, I became very aware of how Satan polluted Eve's thoughts. Her focus turned from the numerous trees that she could eat from, to the one tree she was forbidden to eat from. Satan not only got Eve to question God's authority by asking, in Genesis 3:1, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?", but he also planted a lie into what she thought God had told her originally. In Genesis 3:3, Eve says, "But God did say, 'You must not eat from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'" Looking back in Genesis 2:16-17, where God originally instructed Adam and Eve, one will note that the phrase "and you must not touch it" is not found within the text. This is the lie that Satan slyly planted within Eve's mind to cause her to become irritated with the boundaries that God had set forth within the Garden of Eden.
Some might wonder how the inception of ideas is possible. The answer is found within Ephesians 6:12 ~ "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The concept of spiritual warfare is reiterated within 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, which states, "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish the strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." We are called to protect our thoughts in order to guard ourselves against the evil spirits who strive to infiltrate our minds in order to turn us against God. Revelation 12:12 tells us, "But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short." Satan's only goal is to turn as many people away from God and eternal life as possible. He does this by manipulating our weak minds to believe his twisted concepts about God. If someone decides to turn against God and choose the side of evil with Satan, his or her name will not be found in the book of life. Without your name in the book of life, meaning that you accept Christ as your Savior, there can be no eternal life. This is confirmed in Revelation 20:15 which states, "Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire." Paul voiced his concern about the grip sin has on the human mind and how easily it can be deceived within 2 Corinthians 11:3 ~ "But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ."
My suggestion is to keep the knowledge of spiritual warfare on the forefront of your mind in order to heighten your awareness to potentially disastrous thought processes. To protect yourself, "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand," as Ephesians 6:13 suggests. God is our only source of protection against the evils of this world, so we must make the decision to rely on Him and call on Him in times of need. The best way to protect your mind is to pray, read God''s Word of Truth, and follow the instructions found within Philippians 4:8 ~ "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things." You will be amazed by the impact of positive thinking and allowing God to have complete control over every aspect life.

Discovering Your Divine Purpose

Life is uncertain. Walt Whitman said, "The future is no more uncertain than the present." This is a unique way of thinking because plenty of people assume they have a grasp on their present circumstances, leaving only the future as an unknown entity. Unbeknownst to most, though, is that many are typically on a constant search for their life's meaning. Instead of getting in a panic and relying on your own devices, you need to relax, pray, and turn to God's Word in order to discover what you are supposed to do with your life.
Skeptics often doubt that there is a reason for them on this earth, but this is just not true. All one has to do is open the Bible to Ephesians 2:10 to discover, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." This is all the proof anybody needs to know that God has a specific plan for their life; the problem is discovering that divine purpose. Too many rely on their own knowledge to search for their purpose and place in life. They know God puts them in certain situations or in the path of certain people for a reason, but instead of praying to God to become enlightened about that reason, our human nature formulates assumptions that our brain accepts as fact. This creates a roadblock on the way to discovering what God really means to do with your life because you refuse to move forward and accept your true role in His plan. Instead, most are content with the plan fabricated within their minds. I will admit I have fallen victim to my own mind's deceit. I have felt like I was placed in a situation or in close proximity to certain people for a reason, but instead of relinquishing that role when it had run its course, I held onto it, refusing to let it go because my mind convinced my heart that I was meant to remain on that path as opposed to discovering something bigger and better in life.
There is a song by Rob Thomas called "Someday," which really outlines this issue, I feel. The following is an excerpt from that song: "Cause maybe someday, we'll figure all this out. We'll put an end to all our doubt. Try to find a way to just feel better now and maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud. We'll be better off somehow, someday. Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get. So maybe we should start all over, start all over again." As these lyrics state, the hardest part is always knowing when to start over. Too many times we get caught up in our circumstances and refuse to accept the fact that we are no longer needed in a situation or by people, which leads to pain, depression, and heartache. God knows that following His path for your life isn't easy, which is why he makes clear statements to us in His Word about what we are supposed to do. Isaiah 43:18 calls for us to, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." Then within Philippians 3:13, Paul says, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." God makes it pretty clear that the only way to truly discover, what Craig Groeschel has termed, our divine purpose, requires us to forget our past and focus on His plan for our future.
Now that you are all slowly digesting this very difficult concept, some might still be wondering how exactly to unleash the knowledge behind your divine purpose. The answer again can be found within your Bible, but this time in Matthew 7:7-8. This states, "'Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks find; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.'" Everybody needs to stop relying on their own insight and assumptions about their purpose and role in life and instead turn to God, relinquishing control, and fervently praying for answers. They may not come overnight, but if you continually seek God's guidance, He will answer when you are in the proper situation. Never forget the words of the author, Craig Groeschel, who stated in his book Weird, "He put us here to make an eternal difference."

Deceitful Mind

The end of August was definitely a whirlwind filled with many positives, but also, some negatives. As much as I have to be happy for certain events and people, I find myself drifting off and focusing on the negative, or somehow twisting the positives into negatives. It scares me how easily my brain can spiral downwards into the depths of negativity, especially when it should be rejoicing, not only for myself, but for others as well. This has brought to mind the verse, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn," which can be found in Romans 12:15.
It is compelling to know that the mark of a truly devoted Christian is to have a character that truly is happy for others. As much as I would like to say I reflect this, more and more I condemn myself for my thoughts of envy or discontentedness towards those who have what I seemingly do not. This leads me to question whether or not I am ever truly happy for others, or if I just speak lies expressing my happiness for them, when deep in my core, I am far from happy.
I am deeply troubled by the fact that I'm so unsure about how I feel about the success and happiness of those close to me. It frustrates me to think that I may not be the most genuine friend if my heart questions everything regarding others. I would like to say that I easily follow the words found in Romans 12:10 and Philippians 2:3, which state, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves," and, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself," but I feel like I am deceiving myself by thinking I uphold these words. I pray that I can overcome the great deceiver of humanity and recapture my positive thoughts and joy for others before it leads me down the wrong path.

Prayer Excerpts from The 4:8 Principle

Today I was rearranging some books and happened across a printout of a prayer from a book I never finished reading called The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry. This led me to pull the book off my shelf and flip through it in order to locate the page the prayer was on; in doing so, I came across another useful prayer to post along with it. The following prayers are exact quotes from The 4:8 Principle.

A Prayer for Emotional Strength
Father,
Thank you for the adventure of my life and for being with me every step along the way. Keep my mind from dwelling on what's wrong with people and situations, and instead, help me to focus on what's right, excellent, and worthy of praise. Show me how to affirm your power so that I don't think negatively about my problems. Inspire me to interpret the conditions I face in such a way that I remain constantly empowered to improve them.
I praise you for giving me dominion over my thought life and consequently over the quality of my emotions. Protect me from acting on feelings that are inconsistent with your Word. I know that obedience to your principles is the only true path to emotional health, vitality, and abundant joy. Just as figs do not come from thornbushes, I know that positive circumstances do not come from negative thoughts.
Teach me how to act in a manner consistent with uncontainable joy. Grant me the courage to act the way I would act if you were physically in my presence encouraging me. Thank you!
In Jesus' name,
Amen


A Prayer for Freedom
Heavenly Father,
I praise you for being everything that I need. Thank you for loving me perfectly. Whenever I struggle with the pain of dark emotions, fill me with the light of your presence. I trust you to put your healing hand where I need it most.
Please reveal any errors in my thinking that may be preventing me from experiencing life the way you intend. Protect me from the widespread mind games that can smother my potential for joy. Alert me to the truth of your Word in all situations, particularly in the midst of negative distortions and exaggerations.
Remind me to focus on the big picture and what's really important, especially in my most cherished relationships. Fill my heart with compassion for the trouble, pain, and anguish that rule over the lives of so many people. Keep me relaxed and secure so that I don't overreact to the conditioned negativity of others.
I know that your will for me does not include unproductive negative emotions. How great that is! Thank you for giving me power, love, and a sound mind so that I may live with joy all days of my life.
In Jesus' name,
Amen

I am hoping that I can restructure my thought processes by focusing on Philippians 4:8, which states, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things."

Obstacle Conquered

For all of you who are wondering, yes I did finish my marathon today and I ran the entire way. It was by no means easy mentally or physically, but God definitely blessed me with some awesome friends to help me along the way.
 I hit the proverbial wall mad early, at approximately mile 12.5, which was really frustrating. The course was a loop, which meant that all of the hills that demoralized me on lap 1 were going to be that much more of a struggle on lap 2. Apparently I was turning green halfway through, but I regained my color after taking one of my accel-gels. All along the root I was trying to keep scripture in my head like Joshua 1:9, Philippians 4:13, Isaiah 40:31, and 1 Peter 5:7, all in an attempt to motivate myself and trust that God was there and supporting me. To be honest, I was on the verge of a panic attack and giving up around mile 16, which is where my mom jogged a portion with me. This helped slightly, but my hips were killing me, along with my quads, and I just couldn't imagine pushing through another 9 miles. What happened next was definitely a blessing from God. My friend Chrissy, who runs on and off recreationally, but never for long distances, ran with me from mile 17 until mile 25...in jeans. I was so utterly thankful because I was on the verge of throwing in the towel and her running with me gave me the motivation I needed to keep moving. She held my hand when I was really hurting and was a constant source of motivation. We actually got numerous comments from the crowd due to her shirt for "Team Kayla" that contained scripture and the fact that she was wearing jeans. I was most amazed by the fact that she ran 8 miles, which is the farthest she has ever run in my knowledge. That was truly God at work to watch over me in the physical realm while He watched over me in the spiritual realm. What was also a blessing was my roommate running the last obnoxiously steep hill from mile 25-25.5; I was extremely thankful for someone willing to gut that out with me. I finished in an unofficial time of 4hr and 36min. I was just hoping to finish, so I'm not at all concerned with the fact that my time was quite distant from my original goal. I am thoroughly blessed with some awesome friends, but I must go soak in an ice bath so that I am able to walk to class in the morning.

Sanctification is Perpetual and Demands Perseverance

Some of you might be new to reading the Bible, while others may have been doing it for years. Still others may have drifted from the Word, but are grasping at footholds to find their way back to Christ. Regardless of where you are in your journey, you are bound to come across John 17:17, 19, which say, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.” If any of you are like me, you probably pondered what is meant by the phrase ‘truly sanctified’. As defined by The Westminster Shorter Catechism, sanctification means: “The work of God's free grace, whereby we are renewed in the whole man after the image of God, and are enabled more and more to die unto sin, and live unto righteousness.” I prefer the definition offered by my NIV Life Application Study Bible, which defines sanctification as, “The change God makes in our lives as we grow in faith. Becoming more and more like Jesus Christ through the work of the Holy Spirit.”

For some, this is a lot to fathom and digest. It is hard to imagine living like Christ because He was the only perfect being. We are not called to be perfect, though. We are called to live out Christ’s character to the best of our abilities. This does not mean that we won’t screw up because, believe me, you will. To serve as a reminder, refer to Romans 3:23: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. On Earth, we are constantly at war internally against our sinful nature, and unfortunately, it occasionally wins.

I feel like I haven’t put much effort into defending myself against my sinful nature. Recently, I have drifted into a realm of self-righteousness where I feel I have become way too critical of others and am only concerned with my own wellbeing. This is definitely not a healthy place to be in. My wakeup call came when a close friend, and fellow Christian, rebuked me for my actions and felt it best I take some time to re-evaluate what is important to me before we speak in person again. As hurt as I was when this first came to light, I am now extremely thankful for her courage. I desperately needed to come to my senses and remember that it is necessary to always be on guard against sin, in spite of knowing I am saved through Christ. Another passage from Romans makes this clearer. Romans 6:1-2, states, “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” The essence of this scripture is that, even though we are saved by grace, does not mean we should abuse that privilege. If you find yourself slipping into this unfortunate pattern, though, be thankful for sanctification.

Sanctification is a continual growing process. Our faith does not become as strong as iron overnight. Instead, it is a lifelong process. To better understand the roots of sanctification, read Titus 3:4-6, which states, “But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior”. The beauty of this is that no matter how often we screw up and lose our footing in faith, God has mercy on those who truly believe in Jesus as their Savior and repent for their sins. Again, we don’t have a ‘license to sin’, but we have a Redeemer offering His saving grace when we humble ourselves before Him.

Since it is inevitable that you will stumble in the process of sanctification, it is vital to develop a strong desire to persevere. The following three verses are critical in understanding the need for perseverance:

Romans 5:3-5 ~ “Not only so, but we^[c^] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

James 1:2-4 ~ “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a^] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

1 Peter 1:6-7 ~ “In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

These three verses are strikingly similar, yet inherently different. All of these verses mention that we will endure trials or suffering. The key is that none of the verses say ‘if’, but ‘when’. We should always remember this key concept when enduring tough times because God reiterated the fact that we will face hardship due to our alliance with Christ at least three different times in the New Testament. So instead of grumbling or throwing a pity-party while being dragged through the proverbial mud, remember that all Christians must endure such situations in order to develop perseverance.

The inherent differences that we must grasp from these verses are the specific reasons for perseverance.

Romans 5:3-5 ~ Hope doesn’t disappoint because of God’s love poured into the Holy Spirit within us.

James 1:2-4 ~ The work of perseverance makes one strong and complete.

1 Peter 1:6-7 ~ Trials are endured to prove our faith is genuine.

In essence, we endure trials and should persevere in our sufferings in order to mature in our faith to prove it is genuine, and to gain hope through God’s love, which is present in the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit. Remember, in the race of life, you are never alone while enduring trials and hardships. So clothe yourself with the Holy Spirit and consider the words in Philippians 3:13-14: “…But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” See you at the finish line.

Knowing That Help is a Necessity, Not an Option

I have recently started running again, which is a very difficult process after taking several months off.  It is hard for me to conceive my capabilities when I get winded after only about a mile and easily convince myself that I am bored.  In my mind, I know that I have accomplished a lot with my running, including conquering the newest rage, the marathon.
But that accomplishment is sitting on a shelf in my mind covered in three years of dust.  Unfortunately, my thought process never remains on this accomplishment long.  It always drifts ahead to one month later to one of my well kept failures; my DNF (did not finish for those who are not adept at running vernacular) in the Harrisburg Marathon.  After struggling with constant side-stitches and the need to puke but not being able to from mile 6 until mile 18, where I began walking on and off, I dropped out at mile 22, which I have calculated out to being approximately 85%.  I remember my mom asking me if I would be willing to deal with the fact that I would not be completing the race.  To be exact, she asked me 4-5 times, and I responded "yes" to every time.
The truth is, I lied.  I have never been okay with my DNF, and believe that I have been haunted by this fact ever since.  That reason being is because I have escaped all manner of road races and gone onto such outrageous trail endeavors such as the North Face Endurance Challenge, Dirty Bird, Chilly Cheeks, Ugly Mudder, Mt. Penn Mudfest, and the Tough Mudder.  I think I was trying to outrun my fears that I was not cut out to be a runner and trying to compete in events that nobody else I knew was participating in so that I had no means of comparison.  I also completed two half marathons, but not with the necessary training.  With my most recent half, though, I did realize that I came within 10 minutes of my fastest half, which I did finish while I was training for my marathon.  That was when the wheels in my brain started turning.
In my infinite wisdom, I began wondering why I even ran in the first place.  After awhile, I did realize that I used to enjoy the sport, but I have a tendency to maintain a love/hate relationship with it.  I also have entered races because I didn't want certain people accomplishing a task before I had attempted it myself (curse you competitive nature).
After some toiling, I did talk to one of my professors who was looking to do a race in the spring.  I mentioned what I have already previously stated, and she determined that I needed to get back in the saddle and conquer my fears, but to do so for the sake of finishing and not looking at a watch.  But just to make it worth her while, she did tack on a goal that she believes in her heart I can accomplish, but I am dreadfully afraid I will fall short.  What struck me, though, was the fact that I had mentioned all of my shortcomings and how I faltered in the past, and she continued to be adamant in what she believed I could do.  I then discussed the prospect with my roommate.  She agreed with my professor in the fact that she believes in my abilities, but she is willing to go as far as to help me by running with me and providing me with a support system.
Then it hit me.  The reason I dropped out of Harrisburg was because I believed in myself.  Now to some of you, that might sound completely odd, but I was only relying on my own abilities.  I never asked for help or guidance from the One who is with us constantly.  I never prayed for God's assistance, which was considerably foolish.  It is written in Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  That means that if I believe that I can conquer some staggering goal in the future, I better go to Him for assistance through constant prayer.  I must pray and admit that I cannot perform to the best of my abilities without Him in order to gain strength.  When I struggle on my early runs as I try to build up a base to begin my training for May, I must turn my thoughts to God and remember that He is with me always and can ease my hardships by lending me His strength.  I do also realize that God has provided me with a human support system for the times that I feel that I physically need to see someone who believes in me. He will know the days when I am close to mental defeat and that will be when He has me train with either my roommate or professor to bolster my confidence and strength through Him.  For that, I will give Him constant praise and thanks always.