Starting Over

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." ~Philippians 3:13

Admittedly, having to start afresh in any part of life is a little scary, difficult, and potentially frustrating. In my life, I'm determined to finally get back into running. It's something I used to enjoy so much, with the occasional love/hate relationship, but typically I loved to compete and would push myself. But ever since running my last marathon back in 2011, I seem to have lost all motivation to put forth any effort in that particular area of my life.
Today I went for a two mile run with Chrissy at a half mile dirt track. It was only the third time I've run since July, which is kind of pathetic. But you know what? Despite some aches in my knee, that thankfully weren't too severe, I enjoyed myself. That could be because I started out the first few strides running like Phoebe from Friends, but I also think it's because I was motivated to make a change in my life. I know that being relatively sedentary is not good for my health. I have the degree to prove that knowledge. Yet mentally, I just have had no desire to run. Like at all. I think what changed, though, was the fact that I've seen former competitors enjoy recent success. One just got a half marathon PR and another was the top female finisher in a duathlon. This made me think that if they can still be enjoying running, then maybe so can I. I just need to go into it with the right mindset. Like Paul wrote in Philippians, I need to look forward. I need to not only strain towards not the goal of Jesus, but new running goals. If I look at my past success, I will give up on the spot. It'll take months, even years to attempt to achieve what I used to back in high school and the beginning of college. What I need to focus on is the here and now. I need to be thankful for the gift of running and that I was able to run two miles continuously for 18:54. I can't think of how I used to be able to run that same distance in 12:20.
This is where not looking back is key. That's actually an essential rule in running, not looking at what's behind you. I remember back in the 8th grade I was in 3rd place and 400 yards from the finish line in a cross country invitational. I kept pushing up the last little incline, determined to improve my position. About fifteen yards from the finish line I was able to move into second place and receive a silver medal for my efforts. The interesting realization came later, once I analyzed a picture that my dad had taken. It shows me at that 400 yard mark from the finish. In the foreground was the leader, but behind her, you could distinctly see the girl who was in second place. What caught my eye was the position of her head. I was looking at the back of her head, rather than her face. Instead of focusing on the finish line, she was concerned with what was behind her, which just so happened to be me. By losing focus and looking back, I believe that's how I gained my edge and was able to pass her before the finish line.
Not only can this concept be applied to running, it can be applied to life in general. We need to not look at our past mistakes constantly or we will never truly appreciate Jesus and the grace of God. It's important to pay attention to the here and now once we've been redeemed by our Savior. Once we are born again, we are given that chance to start over fresh. Sanctification is a process and it's important to know how far we've come, but if we focus on our screw-ups, we'll never appreciate the full blessing of the forgiveness of sins by Jesus dying on the Cross. We must strive toward the perfecter of our faith and have Jesus be our ultimate guide and goal in life in order to finish well.
So in life and in running, appreciate the opportunity to start over again. Remember that you can overcome obstacles if you look ahead towards the finish line, whether it be a race or life. Once you start fresh, there should be no turning back!

Musical Motivation

The past couple weeks I feel like my serotonin levels have been slowly decreasing and then decided to take a nosedive at some point this week. For those who don't totally understand brain chemistry (myself included), that pretty much means I haven't felt like myself for a little while and this week the depression decided to rear its ugly head inside my head...again. I've come to accept the fact that this is just something that I deal with, but as a Christian, it also discourages me at times because I get frustrated with the reaction to my depression, which borders along the lines of self-pity. I find this quality in myself rather unwholesome when it springs up and desperately want to tell myself to get over myself, which I do, but surprise, surprise, that doesn't really do much of anything. In order to cope, I turned to my Bible and would read, then get distracted, then read, followed by more distraction. I also opted to listen to Alistair Begg's podcast, which this week happens to focus on trials that Christians will encounter, referencing James 1:1-3 and 1 Peter 4:12-19. As useful as all of this was, it still didn't change my mood at all. Making things worse was the fact that, in the grand scheme of things when compared to those who are suffering over in the Philippines or others who are dealing with actual struggles, I have nothing to complain about.
Then today I decided to go for a run. I'd love to say that my mood immediately improved because of it, but it didn't. I know that things like my bouts of depression take time to process, but I did do something unique on my run: listen to music. To some of you, this may not seem like such an odd concept since numerous people run with their iPods these days. The thing is, I'm typically not one of those people. But after today's experience, I think I will be one of those people. I used to be more of a purest, as in a runner who could go out and run for miles for the enjoyment of it, or because I knew I was training for a race. These days, though, I've found it hard to get myself off the couch. Too much chaos in my brain telling me I'm not the runner I used to be and too often, if I did manage to lace up my shoes and get on the road, I couldn't get in more than a mile before I was bored or pondering what the heck I was doing. This of course doesn't bode well for someone who would like to run a half marathon next May. So off I went today with my iPod in the hopes of getting some endorphins to boost the doldrums of my mind.
I didn't perform any miraculous feat of speed or distance, but I did accomplish a 2.5 mile run without wondering what the heck I was doing or feeling like I wanted to throw in the towel. It's been a little while since that's happened, so I was pleased. Also, when I was going up the steepest hill on this particular route, the song "Anklebiters" by Paramore came on, and the lyrics got me thinking. As much as I try to tell myself and everybody else that I don't care about what other people's opinion of me are, I clearly do and I've unfortunately allowed that to impact who I am. Don't get me wrong, I like who I am and all, but there are times in your life when people do or say things that just make you wonder and question yourself, and I think that's typically how I end up getting depressed from time to time. I'm by no means blaming anybody but myself for my mood because, at the end of the day, I have the power and choice over what thoughts occupy my mind (...take every thought captive to obey Christ, ~2 Corinthians 10:5), but I think it was something I needed to be made aware of again. The song not only helped to motivate me up that obnoxiously steep hill today, but it helped me re-evaluate who I am and what I focus on. Again, I'm still in a bit of a rut, but I'm slowly making steps of progress to get out of it. And it's those little victories in life that I must focus on. Sometimes it's not all about the big picture, but those baby steps away from where you don't want to be.

When Life Gives You Lemons...Learn How to Juggle

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

Anybody close me knows that the past three weeks have been a little hectic and haven't exactly gone as planned. It has been a time that has served as a reminder that God is in charge of my life and instead of throwing a "woe is me" pity party, it's best just to laugh and move on when things don't pan out. The stories that I'm about to share all happened before I was motivated to write this, but after reading some posts by Elizabeth Griffin that are part of her series, The Dirty Gospel, I felt that I should pass on some of my recent experiences and how they've taught me to always turn to God and trust that He has my best interests in mind, even if I end up in some uncomfortable situations. 

For two weeks leading up to my September 29th departure for Colorado I had been planning what exactly to pack, how to arrange it, which route to drive, and hoping that a friend of mine would be able to accompany me. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts, I'd be driving solo on my cross country roadtrip, but I didn't let that get me down. The night before my departure, I was at a wedding for a friend's mom. My friend's family is from the Dominican Republic, so Spanish is predominantly what is spoken at any sort of family get together, including this wedding. I was enjoying myself up until the moment I realized that I couldn't find my car key. This was kind of a big deal for a handful of reasons. For starters, it's the only key to my car. On top of that, all of my belongings to go to Colorado were locked in my car, and I was supposed to be departing in less than 12 hours from when this occurred. I recruited my friend's brother-inlaw to help spread the word to look for my key and was desperately trying not to panic. We retraced my steps, and I asked a few people if they'd seen my key on a table, which is hard when you're not quite sure if they understand English. I finally ventured back to my table and was looking underneath the table when my friend's grandma began speaking to me in Spanish and making hand gestures like somebody had taken my key. I went to find Juan to serve as translator and we finally figured out that someone had picked up the key thinking it was their niece's, so Juan went and found this person and got my key back. I was very thankful to have it back after all of the confusion, and my blood pressure was finally returning to normal after my bout of anxiety. It was after this situation that I was reminded that God is in charge of each part of my life, even little tense moments like finding a lost key. No amount of planning for my trip could have prepared me for that situation, so again, I needed to remember to have faith in God in the forefront of my mind as I began my travels west to Colorado. It was at that point that I made an effort to fixate on Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths," and I even signed the majority of the Bibles with that verse while volunteering with Samaritan's Purse to serve as a reminder to the homeowner and myself that God is in charge of every aspect of our lives, even if it doesn't seem like it at times.

Fast forward fifteen days and I found myself sitting in my car on the shoulder of Interstate 80 by mile marker 117 in Illinois. I had just gotten pulled over, and I was really hoping that I wasn't going to get a speeding ticket for my 70 in a 65. The trooper kindly knocked on my window and explained that I was being given a warning for "improper lane usage" and asked me if I minded coming back to his patrol car to sign the warning. Since I had nothing to hide and really didn't mind, I got out and wander back to his vehicle and sat in the front passenger seat. The trooper called in his location and asked me where I was coming from. I explained that I had been volunteering with Samaritan's Purse in Colorado helping to mud out homes and spray a disinfectant for mold. While sharing this, I did notice another cop car across from on the median, but thought nothing of it. The trooper then asked me about the cross I had in the back window of my car before asking me if I thought he was being mean because I was acting nervous. That caught me by surprise because I had felt a sense of relief when he said I wasn't getting a ticket. In my mind, I was thinking, "Well, gee officer, I'm sitting in the front seat of your patrol car, which isn't an everyday occurrence, so of course I'm nervous." What I actually said was that I was just concerned with going in the proper direction towards Michigan to visit relatives. He asked where I'd started my drive and I said Iowa, again thinking this was normal questioning to be thorough. The trooper then asked if it was okay that he check the VIN number on my car to make sure it matched the registration, so I told him to go right ahead. I sat there wondering why he thought I was acting nervous, and had that answered once the trooper came back into the vehicle. He asked me if I had been checking my mirrors for him to be following me and I said I had. That's just what I do when I see a cop pull out because I'm not sure if they're coming for me or someone out and regardless, I don't want a ticket. That was the precursor to the troopers bombshell: this is a big drug area and you're acting a bit jittery, so do you mind if I ask you a few questions? I laugh about it now, but at the time I was thinking, are you serious? I then faced a line of questions starting with how I felt about medical marijuana, which led into asking if I had heroin, cocaine, amphetamines, weapons, or large amounts of cash in my car. The trooper then said I seemed to have a lot of stuff in my car for an 11 day visit to Colorado, and in my naivety, I mentioned how I was going to Kentucky and North Carolina after visiting Michigan. I am one to just be up front and honest about my life, but in hindsight, if I were a drug runner, this would make it sound like I was spreading my product around. The trooper then asked me if it was okay to search the vehicle and I told him if he felt that was necessary that he could go right ahead. There were two funny parts as I got out of my car. First, I realized that a second cop car was actually sitting behind us, and the trooper took interest in my "runner girl" magnet and proceeded to discuss the Chicago marathon with me as he went to search my car. To me, that demonstrated the paradox of this entire situation; he was serious about ensuring I wasn't a drug mule, but he truly was a compassionate man interested in my life, including my running and volunteer work. Heck, he even thanked me for my time in Colorado before he asked me how I could afford to go out there and how I felt about medical marijuana. I share this story not to criticize cops because I believe it is important for them to do their job and keep us safe from illegal drugs. I mention it more for the reminder that life has unexpected pitstops which can catch us completely off guard an might seem totally ridiculous. Even so, I know God had me pulled over for a reason, even though I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it was to test my ability to remain honest under pressure, which technically put me in a hole because I freely admitted I was traveling from a state where medical marijuana is legal. But that's besides the point. Nobody likes to feel like they are about to get in trouble, even if they know they're innocent, and I think our sin nature has that reflex of wanting to lie, even when we know honesty is the best policy. Either God wanted to make sure I'd be completely honest about my travels, or He was protecting me from something down the road. No matter what, it sure makes for a great story.

The last of my three stories taught me about slothfulness. The other day a friend asked me to run with her to help her achieve a new distance goal. I was all about assisting and was feeling great until mile 2. That was when all of my previous running injuries decided to come back with a vengeance. My IT band issues flared up to the point I felt like I was being stabbed and my hip joints ached and were forcing me to change my gait. Definitely not something that felt at all pleasant, and on top of that, I was the reason we had to start walking. It was a big wake up call to my sheer laziness since July, which was the last time I really put any effort into running. Proverbs 13:4 states, "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied." Sure I might have spent time craving to get back into running, but without getting myself out that door, I saw no results, and when I did, all I saw was injury. I've always had a love/hate relationship with running where I love to do races, but hate to actually train for them. This little setback taught me that I needed to be diligent in my training in the future if I was going to enjoy running without pain. Part of me wanted to sulk after this occurred, while another part of me was embarrassed since I'm known as a runner. I know Satan likes to get inside my head and desires to infuse my brain with a defeatist mentality, but I stopped short of throwing that pity party. Actually, what helped was thinking of my adopted nephew and how I always tell him to get over himself when he cries and then I threaten to club him like a baby seal* (yes, I believe in tough love and have an odd sense of humor). 

This morning, I truly realized that I needed to get over myself and just acknowledge the fact that I've been lazy and I can work past this if I do just that: work. I needed this wake up call and this third lemon in as many weeks, but I've honestly learned from each experience that God has thrown at me. I've learned that even with plans, one cannot foresee particular circumstances that unwittingly pop up. I've also been reminded that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason to build me up for the future, and that getting anxious about any mishaps won't get me anywhere. And lastly, I know that with a little hard work and preparing my legs for the impact of running, I can redeem my running career by October 26th so that I enjoy running the 2nd annual Run Your Booty Off 5K in Morehead City....dressed as a penguin. Just remember, life isn't about being perfect, it's sometimes about going with the flow and learning how to juggle unexpected situations and circumstances. So pay attention and be aware of the fact that God is trying to teach you something new everyday, and it's best to remain teachable.

This shirt has taught me to not take running so seriously...or myself for that matter

*There were no baby seals harmed in the typing of this blog post

The Slippery Slope of Worldliness

Back in high school I used to run cross country. It was known as the sport that never got cancelled despite horrendous weather. There are two races in particular that stand out vividly in my mind where I remember running through torrential downpours. One was during my sophomore year at the DeSales Invitational, while the other was a dual meet at Montrose during my senior year. At the DeSales Invitational, it began downpouring as we were walking the course. It rained so hard in the matter of 90 minutes that a small stream that was only a foot wide and an inch deep when we walked the course ended up being ten feet wide and two feet deep at certain points by the beginning of the race. It was definitely a treacherous portion of the course that devoured some racing spikes off the feet of those who were unprepared and hadn't taped them to their feet. The day I ran at Montrose, it had downpoured all day, so the team was prepared for a mud fest. Without the proper spikes, we all would have been slipping and sliding all over the place. Fortunately, we were all prepared and the only fall occurred about 100 yards into the downhill start when I stepped in a hole and slid on my butt as fast as the rest of the pack was running.
I mention these stories to demonstrate how one must be prepared and aware in the sport of running to avoid slipping and falling, or potentially losing shoes. Without foreknowledge during poor weather, the potential for disaster increases. The same goes for the unprepared and unaware Christian. Satan desperately wants to trip people up so they slide back into the ways of worldliness. He prides himself on infusing individuals with pride that leads to self righteousness, lusts that lead to adultery, or envy that leads to covetousness. He may even work in more subtle ways, like causing an obsession with social media and your amount of followers, or putting you in situations where it might be easy to fall back into a dependence on alcohol.
We've all encountered particular temptations and fought battles in our minds over our desires to be popular and important, fashionable and in vogue, along with wealthy and well to do. The Bible contains its fair share of warnings against these wordly temptations, most strikingly in Matthew 16:26, which states, "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?" Many do not live with an eternal perspective, but prefer to settle and be focused on the here and now. With this single-mindedness and tunnel vision, people strive for wealth and material possessions, rather than chasing after God. They forget the words Jesus uttered in Mark 10:23, reminding us of the near impossibility of a wealthy man finding his way to heaven.
"Lose My Soul" is a song by TobyMac featuring Kirk Franklin and Mandisa that hits the nail on the head when it comes to the topic of worldliness. Towards the end of the song, Mandisa sings the following lines: "How do I sense the tide that's rising? De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity. How do I sense the tide that's rising? Hypnotizing me from living in the light of eternity." This is a perfect description of how people live their lives today; de-sensitived to real issues and hypnotized by all of the temptations of the world. The pressure to maintain status leads to covetousness, that is, desiring the possessions that others have and hoping to acquire them. Even in his book Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel, Rolf Potts wrote, "There is still an overwhelming social compulsion--an insanity of consensus, if you will--to get rich from life rather than live richly, to 'do well' in the world instead of living well." Rather than focusing on what we do not have, people need to heed Jesus' warning and reminder in Luke 12:15 to not fall victim to covetousness because there is more to life than possessions. Unfortunately for many, though, the need for status is the driving force behind their lives, which only plunges them into despair and potential substance abuse.
Sinking into the quagmire of worldliness is dangerous for the Christian. There's a difference between mingling with the worldly and being of the world. One can strive to be successful, yet still have Jesus as the driving force behind that success. The trick is to maintain a close relationship with God through prayer and reading the Bible, along with having a close group of brothers or sisters in Christ who can help you out when you feel yourself sliding down the slippery slope into the murky waters of the world. It's good to have a close few who can keep you in check and pray for you when you sense you're sliding into the depths of wealth, status, potential substance abuse, impatience, envy, anger, and any other number of worldly actions and desires. They can suggest scriptures, pray, and keep focused wholeheartedly on Jesus.
A beautiful analogy for how this Christian partnership can work mirrors my recent experience at the 5K Foam Fest. One of the first obstacles in the race involved going through a mudpit. The suction power of this mud was so great that some people either lost shoes or couldn't move their feet. My friend's feet were completely stuck, so I had to literally pull her forward to garner enough momentum in order for her feet to be released from the grip of the mud. Then, in order to get out of the mud pit, we had to climb out using a rope and teamwork. I helped my friend climb out first and then she helped pull me out so that I didn't slip and fall back into the mud.
As Christians, this is how we must function, utilizing teamwork and resources to combat against slipping down into worldliness. We must constantly communicate with God and be familiar with the Scriptures so the devil doesn't gain a stronghold in our brains. Also, we must maintain a support system of fellow Christians whom we can trust to pray for us in difficult times and who can offer support in our times of weakness. They must be people you can be open and honest with so that their prayers can be specific to target the battle you're fighting against Satan and the world. Finally, if you're unsure about where your own heart might stand at this point in time, use Luke 12:34 as a kind of litmus test: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Trusting God

Proverbs 3:5 states that we should, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." After what happened during my run yesterday, that's about all I can do at this time. You see, yesterday was my first official day of unemployment after my seasonal position at a campground/river rafting venue along the Upper Delaware came to a close. I allowed myself to sleep in until about 9:30am and decided to start things off right with a short 2.5 mile run on my usual route. As I was running, I kept thinking about how I needed to make sure I did this each morning before I could talk myself out of the exercise because God has blessed me with two functioning legs, two arms, and lungs, so I shouldn't let my body go to waste and be slothful just because I lacked motivation. I was blessed with the ability to run, so there was no reason not to do so.
As I reached the top of the last particularly long hill on a scenic dirt road, I took in the beauty of the changing leaves. I was thrilled to be able to see God's work on my run, which was enough of a motivator to keep getting me up on each subsequent morning of my new found unemployment. I figured it would be nice to get in a routine to keep me from pitying myself for not having a job at the moment. I took my time on the slight downhill until the road leveled out a bit along the orchard owned by a family friend. I was enjoying the rhythm of my run even though I'm a bit out of practice since I had only started running consistently the week before in the hopes of running the 5K in Bethlehem as a part of the Runner's World festival in a couple weeks.
Once I began the steep downgrade after the orchard, I noticed that my ankle felt a little tight. I assumed it was because I wasn't accustomed to the impact of my stride or the uneven terrain. I made the unfortunate mistake of continuing down the hill, and two steps later, my right ankle gave out, I heard a distinct "snap" and I found myself sprawled in the dirt and rocks on the hill. Given my runner's instinct, my first reaction was to stop my watch at 18 minutes and 15 seconds because, gee, I was no longer running. I then sat up thinking, "Did that really just happen?" It wasn't until I glanced at my ankle that I began to have a sinking feeling. It had already swelled up like a balloon within 30 seconds of the incident, which couldn't possibly be a good sign. I got up and attempted to hop on one foot, but the hill was too steep, so I did what the exercise physiologist in me knew was foolish, but what I knew was my last mobility resort, and began to slowly walk on my injured ankle to a neighbor's house. Thankfully he was home and could drive me home because it would have taken me at least an hour to make it the last mile or so to my house. I called my mom, who kindly left work to take me to the ER.
My goal in the ER was to be as cheerful as possible. Yes, I had a bum ankle, but that didn't mean I needed to bring everybody else down. And the truth of the matter was, even though it was severely swollen and I couldn't put much pressure on it, my ankle didn't really hurt. My high tolerance of pain was on my side yesterday and I had lovely chats with each hospital staff member I encountered. Following x-rays, it was determined that my ankle wasn't broken, but I did have ligament damage. I texted my former college roommate who has a degree in athletic training and is well versed in my running stride, and she determined that I snapped my ATF (no, not the Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms) ligament, due to an inversion ankle sprain. When I heard that, it all made sense. I am the queen of inversion in my running mechanics, which I'll admit are awful. I land on the outside of my foot and roll in on my ankle, which is the perfect environment for the injury I wound up with yesterday.
Needless to say, I'm now on crutches for the next 2-4 weeks depending on how I heal, if I was employed, I wouldn't be allowed to work for the next 8 days, and I'll need to regain range of motion and hopefully reteach myself how to run once I'm healed completely.
When I look back on the situation, the timing is perfect because I'm unemployed to begin with. Also, on my run, I had prayed and hoped to be more joyful during this unemployment phase. I know it sounds weird, but I'm actually not all that bummed to be on crutches. I think this will teach me to overcome obstacles that might blindside me down the road. Another thing, I would much rather the physical pain of this year as opposed to the emotional pain I was dealing with in October 2011. Physical pain is much more concrete and easier to accept, even though I'm not totally sure why God chose yesterday as the day I injure myself and can't run for real, as opposed to my own personal excuses. Regardless of the reason, I am determined to trust God's will and purpose for my life and continue to move forward in a direction that I hope He approves of for my future.

A Lesson From Job

"And he said...'The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.'" ~Job 1:21c,d

In my struggles to find a full time job, I have had a number of people tell me to read the Book of Job because Job was prone to struggle in his life. What strikes me, though, is that I don't feel like many people want to actually focus on the entirety of Job's situation. Most want to zoom in on the fact that his wealth was restored; not many want to contemplate the complete 180 his life took when Satan decided to mess with him and God allowed it. 

The "prosperity" Gospel seems to have ruined a percentage of modern day Christians. They view Christianity as some sort of get rich quick scheme or the easy way through life. They choose to focus on what they want from the Bible, mainly phrases like, "The Lord gave," as opposed to, "and the Lord has taken away." When things get taken away from us, some feel as if God has turned against them and no longer have faith in His sovereignty. This is definitely not what has happened. The truth of the matter is that God knows what is best for our lives and He removes particular jobs, people, etc., from our lives because they are not beneficial and don't radiate glory for God. Instead of acting like spoiled two year olds, privy to everything that we desire, why not analyze the purpose behind God's decisions and evaluate how to better glorify God? Coupled with this, Christians need to stop assuming that they know everything and accept the fact that God is Supreme and the in charge of not just our lives, but the entire world. Why else would it be written in 1 Corinthians 1:25, "For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men," if not for the fact that God knows and can conquer all?

Aside from my job search, something else that has alluded me in the past year has been my motivation to run. Ever since last May, I've had little desire to get up and out the door to enjoy this blessing. Instead, I've run for like a week and then taken months off at a time. I believe that this is because I need to remember the difficulty of starting to run again in order to sympathize with other beginning runners. Also, I think God wants me to remember that He is the reason I am able to run and I forget that fact when I'm in a routine. Too easily I might believe that I can run because of my own abilities, and not because of the abilities He has granted. 

Recently, though, I have started running again. I know that God is providing the motivation because I have no desire to roll out of bed in the morning and put on my running shoes, but I have anyway. I figure if I'm not completely awake when I get on the road, my body won't totally understand what is happening until I'm too far into the run to turn back. This morning was the first time in a long while that I actually felt my normal stride come back, and I attribute that to God helping me get out of bed today, thanks to my cat. She insists on drinking from the faucet every morning at around 5am, give or take 30 minutes, and I finally determined that taking advantage of the cool weather might be beneficial. I'm so glad I had the opportunity because I got to see a beautiful sunrise and finally enjoy the sport that has been apart of my life for the past 16 years. Though the Lord had originally taken away my motivation, now He has returned it to me.

Marathon Reflection

On this day, around this time last year, I could hardly walk. Some of you might find that a scary proposition, but once I tell you that I had just completed a marathon, I'm sure it makes perfect sense. For those of you who might still not understand completely, marathons completely pummel the body mentally, physically, and emotionally. They are not events to be taken lightly, and I'm still amazed that I even finished the Delaware Marathon.
The post, Obstacle Conquered, is what I wrote following my marathon completion a year ago. As I reflect upon this race from my past, I realize even now what a miracle it is that I was able to gut it out over the course of 26.2 miles. Thinking back, there were many mistakes that I made by not sticking to my original game plan. First off, I went out wayyyyy too fast. Who in their right mind runs a 7:46 first mile, only to come to realize there are 25.2 more to go? Along with that, I over-hydrated. During training, I would have a drink maybe every 6 miles. Throughout the marathon, though, I was having a drink every 2 miles. Talk about an upset stomach.
Thankfully, God was watching over me that day. I would not have been able to finish without the support of my parents and friends. Grigs and Jess were great motivators throughout the course, while Chrissy and Rhi stepped up and ran with me when I needed it most. I'm so glad that Deuteronomy 31:6 is true when it says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."
The Delaware Marathon was definitely a learning experience. Though I took most of the year off from physically running, I feel as if I've been mentally running, trying to escape myself for some reason. It's been a year of ups and downs, of spending time with friends and hiding from them. A year of believing in my abilities and doubting myself. A year of being sure that I was meant to help people, but not knowing exactly in what capacity. Luckily, through all of this I have come to understand what is meant by the words in Romans 8:28 ~ "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." I may not be able to comprehend all of the circumstances that I have undergone this past year, but I am positive that there was a reason behind each and every situation.
I'd like to leave you with a song that I felt compelled to listen to on my drive home today. It's by Addison Road and is entitled "Start Over Again." The lyrics seem quite fitting for my situation, and I think it's about time I turn my life around and start over with each aspect of my life. I know I've let myself down and I've let some friends down, and for that I'm sorry and hope that you'll forgive me.

Open up your eyes

Awake, arise

Love like a hand reaches down

And pulls us up from the dirty ground

Now is the time

To step from the dark into the light

Cause you can’t change what you’ve done

But you can choose who you’ll become

(CHORUS)

Every moment is a second chance

At starting over, at starting over

Move from the past to the present tense

You can start over, start over again

If you feel ashamed

Of the choices that you’ve made

You can be whole again

And return to your innocence

(CHORUS)

Yesterday is gone

Today is all you’ve got

You don’t have to be who you’ve been

You can change within

It’s never too late

To start over again

Motivation to Run

I get some motivational daily devotion emails from PrayFit. I find these short little devotions encouraging, but today, the devotion really convicted my heart. The title of the devotion was Health Doesn't Come Naturally. At first, this might appear to be a simplistic approach, almost making you want to say, "Well, no kidding." I then looked to the verse that was featured, which happened to be 1 Corinthians 6:20, "You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies." That was when it hit me. I haven't been honoring God with my body. Don't get confused by this statement, though. I don't mean it in the sense that I've given in to sexual impurity or forms of gluttony. What I mean is that I have not been exercising and honoring God by keeping myself in the best shape possible.

Ever since my marathon back in May, I haven't really done much running. I did the Warrior Dash in June, but with minimal training and I felt sluggish the entire time. I also participated in the Shawnee Mountain Mud Run, but I think I walked a lot of it because it was literally up a ski mountain. That race was back in August, though, and my exercise regimen has been sporadic at best ever since. In February, I had maybe ten days that I ran, but then I felt like I was getting sick, so I stopped that routine. The nice warm weather that came through mid-March provided me with a brief couple days where I was determined to get outside to run to enjoy the sunny days I was blessed with, but this also passed. I just seem to have this inability to remain dedicated to the sport. I've become a little too good at talking myself out of running due to either aches and pains, or it just seems difficult because I'm so out of practice.

After reading my email from PrayFit, I realized that I was neglecting my body in the service of our Lord. Now I know that I can't do anything to save my soul (Ephesians 2:8), but a thought crossed my mind. If I can't even take care of myself by doing a daily exercise routine that takes up 2-4% of my entire time, how can I possibly dedicate myself to helping others realize they need Jesus, which requires much more time and effort? My hope is that I will renew my thinking about exercise and that I will realize that my ability to run is a blessing from God that must be utilized. There are so many people who can't run either due to disease, disability, or injury, that it would be a shame for me to waste my ability all because I just don't feel like lacing up my sneakers to struggle through a run. What I need to remember is that over time, it'll get easier. Much like how our souls need to be sanctified in order to be obedient to Christ, in a sense, my mind and body need to be sanctified in order to be obedient to my running regimen. I believe that if I look at my running as a ministry tool, it'll become easier to re-dedicate myself to the sport.

In Loving Memory

This Valentine's Day I would like to take the time to remember a fallen runner. Her name is Katelyn Martibello and it was on this day three years ago that she passed away in a car accident. Katelyn and I weren't especially close, but I do believe I held a minor role in turning her into a distance runner. We attended the same elementary school, but were two grades apart. I had been a part of the Hershey track and field program since the third grade and was drawn to longer distances. During my eighth grade year, Katelyn decided that she wanted to try out long distance races, so we would train together by running laps around Damascus School. Along with those training runs, we played against each other in softball and would occasionally see each other at the local swimming hole along the Delaware River called Skinners Falls.
The next year I was in high school and Katelyn moved to another town to attend North Pocono high school. Thankfully, she continued racing on the track team and we would see each other at dual meets and invitationals. I think my favorite moments during my track career involved racing against North Pocono because Katelyn would always come over to give me a hug before races and I became really good friends with her teammates over the years. It got to the point that I actually think I had more cheers coming from the North Pocono team as I raced in the two mile at districts than from Honesdale. Maybe it was because they were located on the backstretch by the 200 meter mark that made them sound louder; it's hard to know, but I like to think Katelyn had a lot to do with it. My senior year of high school at the district meet, the distance girls from both Honesdale and North Pocono all posed for a group picture. I think it was fitting to have Katelyn right behind me for this final day that we saw each other.
It saddens me to know that I didn't see her between May 2006 and February 2009. In January 2009, Katelyn did send me a friend request on Facebook in an attempt to reconnect. Unfortunately, we never messaged each other to catch up, which is something that I regret. My hope is that she is enjoying her time in heaven with Jesus and is watching over me as I run. She was always full of energy and I was blessed to know her, even for a short while.