Abundant Provision

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." ~Ephesians 3:20-21

Maybe I'm too much of a realist or maybe it's my staunch stance against the prosperity gospel, but I've always struggle with the above verse. I know that God provides for us, but I guess my trust falls short of believing in the utter abundance of God's blessings for His people. Apparently today was one of those days that God felt He needed to remind me that He is God and provides everything in this life, even if we assume that we're in control.

The past couple of days I have been getting amusingly hassled by my German relatives. They couldn't understand why I was leaving the day before New Year's Eve, also known as Silvester in Germany. My aunt's fiance went so far as to hypothesize that my parents got so into their house renovations that either I wouldn't have a room to go back to or they just decided to up and move the whole house, which would still leave me with no place to go home to in America. I was rather amused by all of this and attempted to explain that the cost of flights before New Years was at least $300 cheaper than after, thus the reason I was leaving early, especially since the trip was a gift from my parents in the first place, so I was trying to save them as much money as possible.

Fast forward to today where I was sitting at my gate awaiting the boarding call for my flight to JFK. I had a nice chat with the security guy who told me he was jealous that I lived within two hours of New York City and always wanted to visit because of the atmosphere. As it turns out, my flight was overbooked and they were offering a voucher to anybody willing to bump the flight home. I'd heard about these offers, but never anticipated that they would offer a $1000 travel voucher, which was exactly what they did. I went to the desk at the gate to inquire about rebooking because if I had to fly out the next day, that would defeat the purpose of trying to enjoy New Years with the family. When I was told that the date was up to me, I jumped on the opportunity and bumped my flight. Not only was I provided with the ability to spend Silvester with my relatives without the extra expense, I was blessed with $1000 towards travel with Delta at somepoint in the next year, which is a tremendous blessing for someone who is preparing to up and move to a new city in search of a new job. I've been a bit anxious about the move, but this reminded me about how God provides and provides in abundance, which is something that I need to believe in more fervently. 

The reason I chose to write this post, though, is because of the verse I came across as I was writing about the day's events in my travel journal. There are little Bible verses at the bottom of each page and the one at the bottom of the page for today was from The Living Bible. It's Psalm 139:3, which states, "You chart the path ahead of me...Every moment You know where I am." As I reflect on my day, this verse couldn't be more true. In retrospect, God knew this would happen and that I would opt to volunteer for the voucher, which put me in a unique position to assist some travelers. 

I'll start this story off with the fact that I was in a bit of a rush and slightly annoyed at first. I had four minutes until my train to Frankfurt Bahnhof was to arrive and I needed to purchase my ticket. Except there were three people standing in front of the ticket machine looking for a stop that wasn't coming up on the screen. Instead of stepping out of the way, they stood there to discuss this fact until I finally asked if I could purchase my ticket. Once I did, the one man who had a print out with him started to inquire if I could help. Except he only spoke Portuguese and I only know English and horrible German, and maybe five words in Spanish. Luckily I knew the stop he needed because it was in the basement of Karstadt, which is where I just so happened to go shopping yesterday. I attempted to explain that every S-bahn stopped there and that he and his friend just needed to take a train towards Frankfurt Hauptbahnhof to reach their destination. They then went to buy their tickets, but the machine wouldn't accept the man's credit card. Also, because the fair was so low, he couldn't use his 20 or 50 Euro to purchase the ticket. I could sense his frustration because I've been there myself, exactly three years ago, which is how I ended up with a week long rail pass from Oberursel to Frankfurt. I rifled through my pockets for small Euros and happened to come up with enough for the fare. The man was very grateful and attempted to pay me back, but all he had was a 20, which was over twice the amount of what he paid, so I kindly declined. He then signaled that he would be right back and for me to wait where I was standing. A short while later he had a candy bar and 10 euro, which was still too much, but since he obviously had gone to the effort to make change of his 20, I graciously accepted the compensation. Since they were still a little confused about where to go, I then provided them with a map of the rail system that I had in my bag because my brother had given it to me. They used had gestures to thank me and tell me that they were going to go ask someone upstairs for clarification so that they could find the station and hostel. And guess what? This all took longer than four minutes, meaning that I missed that original train that I was hoping to catch, but there was another one arriving in five minutes, so in the grand scheme of things, it didn't matter. But God went ahead of me and wanted me to have that interaction. Maybe He knew that these guys were feeling lost in a foreign country and needed to be reminded that you don't need to know the language to communicate. I in turn was blessed by my encounter with them because I was able to provide assistance and they kindly repaid me in abundance, which was not my intention at all. The whole situation made me think of a quote I saw on Instagram last week. It's a quote that I will leave you with and strive to live by in the upcoming year: "Don't miss out on a blessing disguised as an inconvenience." 

Christmas Thoughts

Christmastime affects everyone differently. Some rejoice with the thought of being reunited with family, while others might be filled with dread. Still others celebrate by giving gifts, while others are reminded that they can't afford to buy any. Christmas can seem magical with shops decorated to the nines, while streets sparkle with all of the lights, especially here in Germany. But recently, due to events in the world, many people are given the stark reminder that true evil does exist in this world. It seems impossible to escape the headlines advertising more deaths, computer hacking, conspiracy, kidnapping, etc, making it hard to have faith in anything this time of year.  In church this morning, the pastor noted how life seems to be mirroring the words penned by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in "Christmas Bells." One of the verses goes as follows:

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!" 

We must not despair, though, in light of all that's going on in the world. It's easy to get caught up in world news and try to drown our sorrows with the hype of Christmas, but don't lose its true meaning, which is the birth of Jesus. His birth was prophesied in Isaiah 9:6, where it is written, "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Jesus is the Messiah that the Jewish people yearned for while ruled by the Roman Empire, but in their minds, they contrived a rescuer from physical, not spiritual oppression, neglecting to realize that they needed the sin within them and the whole world to be defeated. In Matthew 1:21, an angel came and spoke to Joseph and stated that as the exact purpose of Jesus' birth. It is written, "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he shall save his people from their sins."

At Christmas, we are called to remember that we are all sinners in need of rescuing. We cannot save ourselves from this wicked world, but there is a Savior whose name we can call on and be saved. He was born in a manger over 2000 years ago in order to walk alongside humanity, feel every sorrow known to man, resist temptation, set an example for the disciples by walking daily in God's will, and demonstrate how to love sacrificially by dying for our sins on the Cross at Calvary. 

So this year, I urge you all to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. His birth truly is a cause for celebration because without Him, we'd be destined for an awful, miserable eternity. My hope is that you'll yearn to learn more about His birth, life, and death by reading the Bible, which is God's love letter to the world. By doing so, I hope that you'll become enlightened about the true meaning of Christmas and desire to entrust Jesus with your life because your eternity depends on it.

Live Fearlessly

I wear a bracelet on my right wrist that is light blue with black lettering. On it contains two simple words that serve as a powerful reminder: "Be Fearless." I've got a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression, which thankfully has been suppressed through prayer and dependence on God, but can still be debilitating on an extremely bad day. I used to have days where I just wouldn't even bother getting off my couch, choosing comfort rather than facing the day. I knew that was no way to live, which is why I realigned my approach to life. Plans have gone out the window, much to the chagrin of some, and I choose to force myself into situations that make me rather uncomfortable to serve as a reminder to rely on God and not myself. Going to St. John for a month where I knew nobody upon arrival, spending Christmas in Germany with minimal knowledge of the language and my brother being the only other person I know who speaks English, and moving to Charlotte, NC, the beginning of next year, are just a few examples of how I have and plan on stretching my faith in order to live fearlessly. 2 Timothy 1:7 serves as a powerful reminder to not live in fear. In that verse, Paul wrote, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control."
My job as a Christian is to live a life full of love, not fear. I recently had the opportunity to listen to Christine Caine preach a message at Elevation Church in North Carolina and she spoke briefly on the topic of fear. As she put it, "Fear cripples you and you atrophy and pull back." She emphasized how we all need to avoid shrinking in Spirit due to fear because that hinders our ability to acknowledge and serve God. Every time we allow fear to win us over, we are doubting God's ability to work through us. This essentially limits God and encloses Him in a box. Instead of confining God, we should trust Him to grow us in every situation. When we're scared and fear makes something appear impossible, we must believe that God can see us through. It's an essential step to living without fear.
As I grow closer to God, my spirit of timidity slowly fades away. Dependence in Him allows me to flourish into the person I was created to be and live the life I was meant to live. Over the years I've had to unlearn a few ideas that were implanted into my brain out of fear. It's been a process, but slowly I'm being bolder in my love for others. A simple comment that a friend made to me has stuck with me and served as a catalyst to reach out to others. There's nothing wrong with being thoughtful. How simple, yet how freeing that statement is! Too often I find myself second guessing my kindness out of the fear of how it's perceived by others. The song "Fix My Eyes" by For King & Country comes to mind. This song is about desiring to go back in time and better serve God. At the top of the list of things to be done differently is, "Love like I'm not scared." How beautiful life here on Earth would be if we all chose to focus on loving without fear!
The best way to combat fear when it creeps in is turning back to Scripture for definitive answers. 1 John 4:18 clearly states, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." So the next time you struggle to live fearlessly in love, focus on that verse and keep in mind that fear and love cannot coexist. And always remember there's nothing wrong with being thoughtful.

I Don't Believe in Coincidences

In the dictionary, a coincidence is defined as "a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection." Rather, I find myself acutely aware of particular moments in my life that have prepared me for certain situations in the present. By playing an ultimate game of connect the dots, I find myself unraveling bits of God's plan for my life, slowly understanding  how I've ended up where I am in my life and that there's a purpose in all situations, big and small. I think Christine Caine said it perfectly when she stated, "At the beginning of our race, we seldom grasp God's grand plan and how interwoven, far-reaching, and transformational it is."
For those who aren't aware, I'm currently in St John participating in a work exchange program at an eco-resort. Personally, I was using this month as a way of starting fresh. A new environment among new people, with a new Bible to highlight seemed like just what I needed after my last of seven summers at a campground along the Delaware River. I didn't know a whole lot about what I was getting into, but I fully believed there was a reason for it because of how I even found out about it. If it wasn't for Hurricane Sandy exactly two years ago, I probably would have never volunteered with Samaritan's Purse, thus never meeting a couple from North Carolina who would become like a second set of parents to me, who would have never told me the story about how they participated in this same work exchange program. Also, if it wasn't Samaritan's Purse and decisions I made in the past year of my life, I may have been ill-prepared for questions I didn't know I was going to encounter on this adventure to the Caribbean.
Last November, after much hemming and hawing and muddling over it in my mind, I decided to get baptized at my local church. A part of the process involved typing out my personal testimony (which can be found here) for it to be read in front of the entire congregation before I got baptized. Also, what I've discovered through my work with SP is that other Christians are interested in my personal testimony of how I came to be a Christian, so I have a bit of experience sharing it with others. Little did I know how these instances would prepare me for my trip to St John.
When I came to St John, I hoped to get myself into a daily routine of reading my Bible because I slacked all summer and almost found myself avoiding it. To combat this, I set my alarm an hour before I was to start working everyday in order to give myself time to read a chapter of Proverbs every morning. I also didn't come down here with any grand plans for evangelism. I knew I'd share about how I was a Christian and volunteering with SP, but I had no plans otherwise. What I didn't count on was appearing to be an enigma to another volunteer.
A few nights after Hurricane Gonzalo thankfully bypassed the island, I found myself over at one girl's ecotent to enjoy dinner and some rum and cokes. We casually chatted and listened to music, discussing what bands we've seen in concert, and which artists came across as particularly narcissistic while performing. Then at some point, almost out of the blue she turned to me and asked, "So how did you end up being a Christian? Because everyone I know who is is either a recovering drug addict or alcoholic, and unless you're hiding something, you don't seem like either." I'll admit I was a little caught off guard since I can't remember the last time a non-Christian asked me for my testimony. It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts, but I soon found myself, with the help of the Holy Spirit, walking her through my entire testimony, along with going off on tangents about sin, homosexuality, how we can't force other people to believe in Jesus, and how only God can change people's hearts. I finally understood why 1 Peter 3:15 states, "But in your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." Thankfully, God spent the last year of my life preparing me exactly for that moment. Oddly (and I use that term loosely) enough, there was a fellow on the beach today who I ended up sharing my testimony with, and not only that, he asked me to say a prayer. Again, God had me in the right place at the right time prepared precisely for the circumstances of that moment.
One other instance of what the world would call a coincidence and I refer to as a God moment occurred the other night in Cruz Bay. It was a typical night of wandering shops and hanging out at various bars, but as we were walking back to the car, I started feeling remarkably lonely and homesick. I sensed that this was a spiritual attack, since I'm prone to bouts of depression, so I prayed to be clothed in the armor of God and thought of Ephesians 6:11-12, which states, "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." As we got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot, the radio was playing faintly. I could've sworn I knew the song, but just couldn't place it. Mind you the majority of the songs on the radio are either reggae or new pop songs that I haven't heard yet. As I strained to hear the words, it suddenly occurred to me that it was the tail end of "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong United. It was the very song that had popped into my head after I read my acceptance email from the eco-resort (story found here). God was using the very song that had encouraged me back in May to comfort me in October. It brought relief to my heart and a smile to my face because I'd called out to God and had immediately received a response. It was His reminder that He is always with me, so I have no need to feel lonely. The ending of my night was just like the closing lyrics of the song. "I will call upon Your name. Keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine."

Life Lessons

I've had a lot of time to think today, and there are two ideas that struck me today. Two near perfect metaphors for life and how it should be lived. Each idea came when I was doing mundane and relaxing tasks, which served as a reminder that sometimes the best thing to do is take a break from the hustle and bustle of life. Too much time is spent trying to either dress to impress or prove our worth by making a name for ourselves in this world. No longer are we satisfied with everyday life; we crave to be immersed in party or cut throat atmospheres. Except that never gets us anywhere, and we miss out on life lessons that God wants to teach us. We're just too darn busy trying to be awesome during our short stay on Earth, that we never truly kick back and listen to guidance from our Creator.
Today was my first official day of work during my stay at Concordia Eco-Resort. I was assigned to housekeeping as a way of easing me into things. Given the heat and humidity, it typically takes volunteers a few days to adjust to the climate, so the volunteer manager makes sure not to overexert the newbies. Part of my job in housekeeping was to find stained towels and linens, spray them with peroxy, and try to scrub them out. This didn't sound too difficult until I actually attempted it. For the life of me, I just couldn't get some of the stubborn set-in stains to come out, and then it hit me. Too often, we are too stubborn to admit our sins in life and they become like these set-in stains. They're impossible to blot out or scrub away on our own. It is only when we are forthcoming with God about our sin that He can bless us with a clean slate and forgiveness. This is demonstrated in Isaiah 1:18, which states, "Come now let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool." Only God can cleanse us from our misguided ventures here in this life. We will remain crimson until that moment we trust Jesus to be our Savior and then we become clothed in his righteousness in God's eyes, no longer covered in stubborn set-in stains from sin.
Another revelation that came to me today was that life is like doing the backstroke. Though I was being propelled forward through the water, I couldn't actually see where I was going, forcing me to rely on other senses in order to not run into the wall. On top of that, when doing the backstroke, the only place to look is up towards the heavens. Putting it all together in my mind, I realized that this was exactly how I needed to live my life: constantly looking up to God for guidance and trusting Him to move me forward in life, even if I can't see where I'm going. God created us to be complex beings, but too often, we're too focused on the future and the unknown that we neglect to use all of our senses and, which would help us completely enjoy the journey. It's time to start relinquishing control and asking God for guidance, who spoke us into being in the first place. We must finally take to heart and live out the words written in Proverbs 2:1-8 ~ "...if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding, yes if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints." God will provide all that we need, if only we just ask and seek His insight for our lives, and we cant do that without first looking up.

Incessant Planning Annihilates Faith

"For we walk by faith, not by sight." ~2 Corinthians 5:7

Planning seems to be a way of life in the 21st century. There's wedding planning, retirement planning, travel planning, etc. Everything under the sun seems to require a plan these days in order to maintain the status quo of society. Unfortunately, plans do not always go as planned. That's when people start asking if there's a backup plan to your original plan. And that's about when my mind decides that it wants to explode. What if I don't want to plan? What if I choose to fly by the seat of my pants with minimal knowledge about what my future holds? What if I opt to live by faith and leave the planning up to God? You know, the Big Man upstairs who CREATED the universe, myself included. I was talking with a friend the other night who put it perfectly. She said something along the lines of, "Constantly planning is like Peter making sure he wore a lifejacket when he stepped out of the boat." Where's the faith? Where's the trust? If we say that we believe God is in charge of our lives, why not relinquish complete control and embrace not knowing every intricate detail of the future? 

I've had planning phases in my life, so I'm as guilty as the next person. I planned my college courses to a T, along with my cross country roadtrip back in 2010. I enjoyed both experiences, but there were unforeseen circumstances that I couldn't predict. I had to eventually put my trust in something and someone outside of myself. I needed to allow God to lead me rather than place demands on Him, expecting everything to work out. See, the problem with humans is that we are flawed. We don't know best, and we are limited in our vision. God is not confined by time, making Him the perfect one to go to with our lives. He knows what's in our past and future before we even reach it. Our job is to have faith and stop being so stubborn. I'm not saying that we should never be prepared, but we need to stop assuming we know what's best for our lives. And we need to accept not knowing.

On a whim back in February, I applied for a work exchange program in St. John in the Virgin Islands. I've never been there, but it seemed like a potential cool experience. I put it out of my mind, but to my complete surprise, I got an acceptance email in May. My first response was excitement, but then my mind began racing and wondering. Would I have enough money to afford food and not getting paid for a month? Would I be able to afford the cost of a flight? Would I be able to afford transportation to the resort? Was I just being foolish to up and go to the Virgin Islands in October once I complete my summer job? I was trying to plan the unknown future, which is impossible. Finally, I began to realize that it was potentially a once in a lifetime experience. And then I remembered the other thing that popped into my head as I originally read the acceptance email. "Oceans" by Hillsong United had come to mind, specifically the line, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me." These words spoke volumes to me. Not only was God calling on me to trust Him, but it perfectly fit my situation. I was literally being called to an island in the middle of the ocean that I've never set foot on in my life. How could I possibly say no after such confirmation? So I immediately booked a flight and will be flying to this island the end of September to see what God has in store for me. Sure, some might think it's foolish. Others may assume that I have an inability to plan financially for the future. But I'm not here to garner the approval of people. I'm here to live for God. I'm here to show compassion to those who don't deserve it. I'm here to comfort the brokenhearted and serve others to the best of my abilities. 

As much as I try to convince myself that I'm in charge of my life, I need to remind myself that I'm not. Situations change. People change. Only God is the same now and forever. It's time that I stop trying to make sense of everything because the truth of the matter is, life isn't meant to make sense. A + B does not always equal C. It isn't rational and there are many things that I can't ever wrap my head around. But my faith in Jesus is what gets me through each and everyday. It's where I put my trust when things don't add up. Sure, I still need to grow like everyone else and release certain situations to God COMPLETELY. But I know I'm making progress. I'm not as stressed as I used to be and I can go with the flow more naturally because I know my future is in the hands of my Creator.

Leading an Unconventional Life

I wanna be Your hands & feet
I wanna be Your voice every time I speak
I wanna run to the ones in need
In the name of Jesus 

I wanna give my life away, all for Your kingdom’s sake
Shine a light in the darkest place
In the name of Jesus

~Send Me Out by Fee

I'm not one that typically conforms to society. This might be more apparent on the days that I decide wearing neon colors is a remarkably good idea. But it's also true when it comes to decisions that I've made about how to lead my life for the past year and a half. I've applied and interviewed for jobs within the field of exercise physiology, and even for a soccer statistics position, but still have not obtained that "real" job that some people insist on questioning me about. I'm not saying that I will never use the degree I earned in college, but I do believe that at this point in time, I'm not meant to utilize it. God certainly has different plans for how I conduct my life. Although I occasionally wish that I led a "normal" life like everybody else, I think I have finally realized that I'm meant to live unconventionally. I'm that square peg that won't fit into the round hole of life.
Two weeks ago I found myself sitting in the Best Buy Theater in Times Square hoping to hear Brian Houston preach at Hillsong. As fate would have it, Carl Lentz was actually leading the 12:30 service, but what he spoke about was something that I really needed to hear, especially heading into a Samaritan's Purse rebuild. At some point during the message, Pastor Carl mentioned how we all need to stop being so focused on the cultural view of success and rather focus on the biblical view of success. Pastor Lentz said that if we compared Jesus against the cultural view of success, it would appear that he was an abject failure, when in all honesty, Jesus was successful beyond anybody's wildest dreams. He also emphasized that God's plan is typically contrary to our earthly plan and that we needed to start viewing God's interruptions as invitations.
After the sermon, I began thinking about my own life. While I enjoyed success in the cultural sense during college, ever since I graduated, God has been interrupting and shaping my life to fit His plan as opposed to mine. To outsiders, I might appear to have failed because I don't hold a full time job, which is why I choose to focus on what the Bible says, as opposed to what the world says. If you look at Matthew 4:19-20, it states, "And he said to them, 'Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.' Immediately they left their nets and followed him." This is the scene where Jesus called Simon Peter and Andrew to be disciples. It's remarkable how they demonstrated obedience to Jesus by opting to leave their careers in order to follow him. This passage has reassured me about my decision to essentially sacrifice my career in favor of continually returning to the campground I have worked at since the summer of 2008, along with volunteering with Samaritan's Purse when I am able.
Culturally speaking, this seems like a crazy lifestyle because it means that I am either living with my parents, on friend's couches, church floors, in an RV in the middle of winter, or in my car. Basing my life off of what God commands, though, I feel like I'm on the right track. I'm willing to kill the desire in my soul to be comfortable. I'm willing to answer the call to be God's hands and feet all over the country because I was created to serve those around us. Choosing to be selfless in a world that almost demands you be selfish is certainly unconventional, and I'm perfectly content with having the world feel that I'm obscure and peculiar. Sure the prying questions can become overwhelming at times, but that's when I have the opportunity to share with people that I'm content serving God through Samaritan's Purse or befriending misfits that I meet along the way. The biggest blessing is when God reveals to me that He is shining through my life into those around me. I can't tell you how amazing it felt to have someone pull me aside in a crowded bar to tell me that they think it's awesome that I choose to spend time helping others and that my life is cool. This happened to me last week and I totally gave God all the credit because I had only made two passing comments in the matter of six hours about Samaritan's Purse, and it was proof that He was shining through my life because it was a completely unwarranted complement that came hours after any mention of Samaritan's Purse.
I feel I'm one to reflect St. Francis of Assissi when it comes to evangelism. He is credited with the quote, "Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words." I do not believe in berating people with what is right and wrong. I believe it is important to love people and to build relationships and trust based upon common interests that allow openings for me to share my faith. But the most important way to witness to someone is by living out your faith, not just preaching at people. Anybody can talk the talk, but not everybody can walk the walk, and the walk is way more important than the talk. (Say that five times fast)
The long and the short of it is that I believe I am currently living my life exactly the way God wants me to right now. He has created me for this moment in time to be friends with the people I'm friends with and have exposure to certain groups of people because He believes that He can make an impact through me. If that means hanging out in bars dancing to the Bee Gees, dragging canoes in the pouring rain, delivering icecream, driving drunk customers to campsites, stacking firewood, or sweeping a camp store, I'll do it because in all that I do, I am serving Jesus. This list might spark controversy for some, but I'm a firm believer in reaching those who are so greatly lost in this world. Luke 5:30-32 states, "And the Pharisees and their scribes grumbled at his disciples, saying, 'Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?' And Jesus answered them, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.'" I am even more firmly convinced of this with the Mysteryland Festival right around the corner, which has hindered my ability to serve with Samaritan's Purse down in the south with tornado and flood cleanup. Though my heart yearned to be able to serve in those areas, I have no doubt that I'm right where I'm supposed to be working at a campground that is partnering with the facility hosting Mysteryland.
We all have different callings in life and different groups of people that we are meant to interact with to make an impact for the Gospel. Not everybody's walk will look the same because it was tailored made for a specific individual, but we should always reflect Christ in the long run because we are made in His image. To the world, my life doesn't make much sense. I'll let you in on a little secret, though. It doesn't make much sense to me either. I sometimes question what the purpose of all of it is, but I don't doubt that God has a bigger plan for my unconventional life. So I will continue to entertain the customers at the campground, go into New York City to either visit Hillsong or go to a concert with friends, and serve with Samaritan's Purse. And the next time you're confused by what exactly it is that I do, just ask questions. I'd be more than happy to go into more detail and regale you with tales of my adventures serving God. Just remember, not everything in life is supposed to make sense when measured against the cultural norms.

Self Worth Comes From Within

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." ~1 Peter 3:4

 

Have you ever woken up and had a song stuck in your head for absolutely no reason? That happened to me today, and I haven't been able to shake the feeling that there actually was a reason behind it. The song that was on my mind this morning was "Young & Beautiful" by Lana Del Rey. It caught me by surprise because I really don't listen to her music at all and that is seriously the only song I know by her. It was part of the soundtrack for The Great Gatsby when it was in theaters last year, but I never actually went to see the movie either. In the past few months, the song popped up on my Pandora radio, but I haven't gone out of my way to listen to the song, until today.

You see, the very premise of the song is a woman's yearning to know if she will still be loved when she's no longer young and beautiful. Let that sink in for a minute. Some of you might brush the idea off, but this is a very real reality for many women. Satan has so influenced culture and perception and fooled women into truly believing that their worth is completely wrapped up in their beauty. Satan infuses this concept into every bit of media that constantly bombards women of all ages today. Billboards, commercials, movies, music, Instagram, you name it, the main idea conveyed is that you are only accepted if you have a certain body type and have the perfect facial features. If that begins to fade, we're told that it's almost our duty to make sure that we either have surgery, inject collagen or botox, paint on a pretty face, or starve ourselves in order to continue to be accepted. My heart breaks for any and all women that have fallen for this popular lie. I pity them and the effort they feel they must put into looking beautiful and presentable because this idea comes straight from the pit of hell. It's meant to make women insecure so that they doubt their worth. If they feel unworthy, they'll feel unloved, which could hinder their ability to accept Jesus' unconditional. This sense of unworthiness will undermine their very eternal salvation.

What we as Christian women must do is turn to Scripture. Within the Bible, Peter writes that our beauty is no external, but comes from within. Our countenance and spirit never change or fades over time, and that is where God tells us to find our worth. When we begin to believe the truth of the Bible, no longer will we feel the need to question whether or not we will be loved when we are no longer young and beautiful. An unchanging internal spirit means that part of us stays the same, and that is the part of us that people should fall in love with. Our acceptance and received love should not be based on our looks, but what's inside our hearts. It's more important to be a loving and compassionate soul than the most externally beautiful person. I hope and pray that you'll recognize that your personality has way more to do with your soul than your looks and that you'll find a way to love yourself, flaws and all. Don't believe the lies within the media. You are beautiful regardless of what anybody tells you about your appearance. And if you feel that a friend might be falling for these lies, encourage her and tell her that she's beautiful. Reinforce her with the Word of God, which is Truth because that's what we all yearn to hear at the end of the day.

Starting Over

"Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." ~Philippians 3:13

Admittedly, having to start afresh in any part of life is a little scary, difficult, and potentially frustrating. In my life, I'm determined to finally get back into running. It's something I used to enjoy so much, with the occasional love/hate relationship, but typically I loved to compete and would push myself. But ever since running my last marathon back in 2011, I seem to have lost all motivation to put forth any effort in that particular area of my life.
Today I went for a two mile run with Chrissy at a half mile dirt track. It was only the third time I've run since July, which is kind of pathetic. But you know what? Despite some aches in my knee, that thankfully weren't too severe, I enjoyed myself. That could be because I started out the first few strides running like Phoebe from Friends, but I also think it's because I was motivated to make a change in my life. I know that being relatively sedentary is not good for my health. I have the degree to prove that knowledge. Yet mentally, I just have had no desire to run. Like at all. I think what changed, though, was the fact that I've seen former competitors enjoy recent success. One just got a half marathon PR and another was the top female finisher in a duathlon. This made me think that if they can still be enjoying running, then maybe so can I. I just need to go into it with the right mindset. Like Paul wrote in Philippians, I need to look forward. I need to not only strain towards not the goal of Jesus, but new running goals. If I look at my past success, I will give up on the spot. It'll take months, even years to attempt to achieve what I used to back in high school and the beginning of college. What I need to focus on is the here and now. I need to be thankful for the gift of running and that I was able to run two miles continuously for 18:54. I can't think of how I used to be able to run that same distance in 12:20.
This is where not looking back is key. That's actually an essential rule in running, not looking at what's behind you. I remember back in the 8th grade I was in 3rd place and 400 yards from the finish line in a cross country invitational. I kept pushing up the last little incline, determined to improve my position. About fifteen yards from the finish line I was able to move into second place and receive a silver medal for my efforts. The interesting realization came later, once I analyzed a picture that my dad had taken. It shows me at that 400 yard mark from the finish. In the foreground was the leader, but behind her, you could distinctly see the girl who was in second place. What caught my eye was the position of her head. I was looking at the back of her head, rather than her face. Instead of focusing on the finish line, she was concerned with what was behind her, which just so happened to be me. By losing focus and looking back, I believe that's how I gained my edge and was able to pass her before the finish line.
Not only can this concept be applied to running, it can be applied to life in general. We need to not look at our past mistakes constantly or we will never truly appreciate Jesus and the grace of God. It's important to pay attention to the here and now once we've been redeemed by our Savior. Once we are born again, we are given that chance to start over fresh. Sanctification is a process and it's important to know how far we've come, but if we focus on our screw-ups, we'll never appreciate the full blessing of the forgiveness of sins by Jesus dying on the Cross. We must strive toward the perfecter of our faith and have Jesus be our ultimate guide and goal in life in order to finish well.
So in life and in running, appreciate the opportunity to start over again. Remember that you can overcome obstacles if you look ahead towards the finish line, whether it be a race or life. Once you start fresh, there should be no turning back!

Have Enough Faith to Follow When God Calls You

For me, this past month has been one big leap of faith and I have constantly had to rely on God for the answers. But I think it served as a good reminder to me that He is always in charge, down to the most miniscule details in this world. Luke 12:7 states, "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows." This verse has stuck with me ever since the beginning of February when I flew to Chicago for a job interview. It was a job that I had absolutely no background in, but the hiring manager wanted to meet with me anyway, so on February 4th, I found myself on a plane bound for Chicago, despite snow accumulations the previous day. The snow began again as soon as I reached Chicago, but I was able to get to my interview on time thanks to a pre-ordered cab. The interview went well enough and served as good practice, but I was unsure how I felt about potentially working in this Midwestern city. It was still snowing outside, so I took a train back to Union Station in the heart of Chicago in the hopes to find a place with Wi-fi to see if there were flights out of Chicago that night since I didn't want to find myself stranded indefinitely in Chicago. As soon as I could get online, I noticed that all of the flights to LaGuardia were already cancelled, so I opted to not stress over it because the weather was out of my control. I was able to meet up with a friend from high school to attend trivia night at a local bar and then had a free place to spend the night.
The next morning I slept in a bit, but then began constantly checking the weather because the snow storm was not going away. My flight was scheduled for 5:52pm on February 5th, but my airline was already emailing me stating that it might be best for me to change my flight. At that time, my flight was still on time, so I did what any normal person would do; I headed out into the snow in search of the only known Nutella bar in the USA so I could enjoy a tasty breakfast. Since it was bitterly cold out, I opted out of any other sightseeing and headed back to my friend's apartment to back and get to O'Hare. When I got back, though, I realized that my flight was delayed until 7:22pm. With the extra time, I raided the kitchen for some Tostitoes and surfed the internet before it was time for me to go. When I went to print my boarding pass, though, I realized that my flight had gotten moved up to 6:52, so I headed out immediately. Getting off the train, I struck up a conversation with a woman who was bound for a meeting in Arkansas. We discussed healthcare and being patient in finding jobs, trusting that everything happens for a reason. It was a pleasant reminder to me that I have the ability to strike up a conversation with anybody, something that would come in rather handy for me later in the month, unbeknownst to me. Security went smoothly, though I was the random person that was pulled out of line to have their hands swabbed, but that did bless me with getting put in the expedited TSA line where I didn't have to take my shoes off. I wandered to my gate and sat there waiting to board. It got to be 6:40 and we still weren't boarding, so I was beginning to wonder if my flight would actually leave. About that time, the sign changed saying that the flight was delayed until 7:10. Around 7pm, all zones were called to board immediately and I was soon in the air back to New York, thanks be to God.
Upon landing at LaGuardia, I pulled out my hat and gloves in preparations for trudging to my car in long term parking. After a quick walk, I found it under some snow and a casing of ice. I went to turn it on in order to warm it up, but all I heard was "click click click." I thought to myself that that wasn't a good sign, but I distinctly remember not panicking. Instead, I opted to clean off my car and then try again, thinking maybe it was just because it was really cold. I tried again, but only my radio would turn on. Otherwise, my battery was dead. Again, though, I didn't panic. I made a mental note that I had AAA and could call them, but I didn't know if it'd be a hassle to get someone into long term parking at LaGuardia. Plus, it was 10:30pm, so I wasn't sure how long a wait it would be. So I did the next logical thing. I started to walk back to the terminal in search of a maintenance guy who could maybe jump my car. On my way back to the terminal, though, I came across a couple that was cleaning off their car. I went over and asked them for help and they thankfully obliged. Within 10 minutes, my car was running and I was on my way to East Stroudsburg. The fact didn't elude me that God was watching over me, and that if it wasn't for Him, I would be stuck. If my plane hadn't been delayed, there's no telling if anybody else would have been in that parking lot to help me out of my predicament.
Fast forward two weeks to me in North Carolina. I had spent ten days with friends in Atlantic Beach while I waited for a reply from the job in Chicago. I packed everything into my car and was two hours into my drive when I got a phone call from Jim telling me he had just gotten off the phone with someone from Samaritan's Purse saying that they could maybe use me as a team leader for the deployment in Moncks Corner, SC. My first reaction was to laugh and ask if he was kidding because I had no desire to be a team leader, but I also knew it was important to be obedient. I hesitated, though, because I had no work clothes or boots with me and was still waiting to hear back from the job interview. I found a Starbucks to email the guy who interviewed me, anticipating that he would get back to me within the hour because he was always on top of his communications. After an hour, though, I still had no response. After the second hour, I began to realize that I couldn't stay in limbo at Starbucks forever, so I called home to talk things over with my mom. The more I talked, the more I felt lead to go to South Carolina. I would be acting selfishly if I chose to come home just because I was tired of being away. She also said that maybe God wanted me to make a decision based on faith, not knowing what the outcome in Chicago would be. So I texted Jim and found myself driving back down to Morehead City. The closer I got there, though, the more I really wasn't sure about my decision. My mind was racing with "what ifs" and it just seemed a bit crazy to just up and go to South Carolina when I might have to move to Chicago in two weeks. And the more I thought about Chicago, the more anxious I got, secretly hoping I wouldn't get the job. I talked to Jim and Jeni on the phone that evening and they both reassured me that I would regret not going to South Carolina because I would be at home with nothing to do. Also, Jeni had formulated plans A-C for me. A being I didn't get the job, B being that I got the job and could fly back to NC to drive to PA, and C being that I negotiated a later start date for the job. With those options, there was no arguing. I was going to South Carolina. It made me think of Proverbs 16:9, which says, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." I had never considered going to South Carolina because no overnight volunteers were being accepted, but God wanted me there. It was in the complete opposite direction of where I was headed, but God got me going towards the place He wanted me. Sure I questioned it at first, but I was willing to trust God and head on down to Moncks Corner, and what a blessing that was.
When I first arrived in Moncks Corner, I was pleasantly surprised to see some familiar faces of people I had served with before, such as Chaplain Alice, Amy, Dale, and Kenny. That evening we had a site management meeting and it came to my attention that I was never put on the list of people who were supposed to be in Moncks Corner, but Jim vouched for me and I was allowed to stay. It was just one of the many ways God's hand was in my adventure in South Carolina because if I looked at it from man's perspective, I didn't belong there and shouldn't have been there. That first night I caught up on life with Alice and befriended the other chaplain named Rose. I admitted to Alice that I hadn't been fully trusting God to lead me in my job search, which came to light when I told her about all I had done to apply and she boldly asked, "And where is God in this process?" Rose, who had just met me, said it looked like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and that I needed to let it go, so after a good cry and some prayers from them both, I went to bed that first night. The next morning, some of my anxiety had left me and I was able to enjoy a warm morning picking up sticks in someone's yard. I discussed with Jim the fact that I was still unsure about Chicago and still had not heard anything. He told me to focus on God and pray about the situation. I finally did hear back, and was pleasantly relieved to realize I didn't have to move to Chicago for work.

Over the course of the next 11 days, God blessed me abundantly thanks to my willingness to listen to Jesus' words in Matthew 16:24, which says, "...'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'" I was able to put aside my desire to go home and be comfortable and serve God where He needed me. Chaplain Alice felt bad that I only had a egg carton foam roll to sleep on, so she went out and bought me an air mattress to sleep on. Also, she happened to have a pair of polka dot rubber boots she never planned on wearing, so I acquired proper footwear to work in for the rest of the deployment. Along with that, I never actually had to serve as a team leader, which greatly eased my anxiety. I believe God was thankful for my willingness to serve him, but understood my anxiety and reservations behind serving as a team lead. Instead, I either worked as a normal volunteer or spent time assessing since there were not many volunteers. Moncks Corner sure brought to light Luke 10:2, where Jesus said, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few." There was plenty of work to be done and souls in need of salvation, but limited numbers of volunteers. God answered our prayers, though, and provided us with the Changed Lives ministry, some sailors from the United States Navy, and a group of men from Calvary Chapel in St. Petersburg, Florida, which got diverted from Augusta to come serve in Moncks Corner. Each and every one of them played an important role in God's story in serving the community in this section of South Carolina. Not only did they help clean up trees and yards, but they blessed me and the homeowners by sharing their testimonies. I was working hand in hand with individuals who battled against addiction, faced homelessness for one reason or another, or were pickpockets before God saved them, and we all banded together in this one place in order to serve Jesus Christ.
I gained some much needed advice from one man about ministering to my father because he was struggling with a similar situation. He also reminded me the importance of reading the Bible and forming a strong relationship with Jesus because he told me that he opted for a year in prison rather than another AA or NA program because he wanted to read his Bible. That served as a great reminder as to how our mindsets must differ from the worlds, and that our most important role in this life is to be a servant of Jesus, no matter how strange that may seem to everybody else. This man emphasized his point by having me read Romans 12:1-2, which says, "I appeal to you therefore brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect," and explain to him what I thought it meant.

The biggest blessing, though, came from serving the homeowners and being used by God to impact their lives, and they impacted mine in return. Many of the people we served were widows in their 70s or 80s. I met an amazing 82 year old who had been out with her chainsaw the day before until it stopped working. That seemed to go along with the determination she had all her life to be a mechanic, crane operator, NIS agent, and she also built her own house over the course of two years.

One woman in particular, named Lillie, blessed me immensely. She lived alone, but said she was never alone because God's always with her. She exuded joy just from spending her hours with Him, and that was something I desperately needed to be reminded of. I spend lots of time by myself, but as Lillie said, "Suffering from loneliness is your own fault, because God is always by your side each and everyday." Another moment that touched my heart came on the porch of a couple on a cold rainy day. It was a day that I was struggling because it was cold and damp and I was unmotivated to work. Our last work order for the day was at this woman named Silvia's, but then her neighbor came over to ask if we could trim a limb and pray for her husband who had stage four cancer. After we finished the physical labor, we escorted Silvia to the porch of her neighbor's in order to share the Gospel and ask the couple if they knew where they would go if they were to die. Both were not totally sure, so Jim outlined our need for a Savior and asked if they were willing to accept. The man still wasn't sure, but the woman was willing, so Jim prayed over her. After that, Jim asked the man one more time and he practically jumped forward and said something to the effect of, "Let's do this." So we laid hands on him and began to pray and immediately the man began shaking and sobbing. Throughout the course of the prayer by Jim, God was moving everyone because there was a distinct chorus of sniffles on that porch. Upon the prayer's completion, the majority of us were wiping our eyes because we could feel the power of God in that moment, and honestly, I don't know anything other than Jesus that has the power to reduce so many grown men to tears. We then ended our stay at that house with a rousing rendition of "Amazing Grace," which solidified the message of us all needing a Savior to save us from the wretched sin in our lives.
All in all, I am ever so thankful for God leading me to Moncks Corner, SC. I came away with many new friends, and was so touched to experience numerous God moments with this team. God provided me with the faith to turn around and follow His plan and not my own. Each and every detail was intricately planned out by Him, and I was finally tuned in to take notice. It was also a blessing to hear that people were cheered by seeing my glowing smile in the mornings, which encouraged me, especially on the days that I was dealing with spiritual warfare and on the brink of teetering into a depression. And even though we were at first discouraged by the lack of volunteers in the community, God provided those who were necessary to get the job done to remind us that we were serving Him and not ourselves. In closing, I'll leave you with the words of the apostle Paul, which he wrote in 1 Corinthians 15:58 ~ "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

Perception: Look Past the Cobwebs to the Renovation

"From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away: behold, the new has come." ~2 Corinthians 5:16-17

 I know that Christmas has passed, but I'm sure many of you watched the classic, It's a Wonderful Life. What springs to mind is when George and Mary go to throw rocks at the windows in the house on Sycamore Street. George views it as a worthless shell of a building, but Mary dreams of making it her home one day. Even once George and Mary are married and living at 320 Sycamore, George is frustrated by all of the issues within the house. It isn't until after his visit from Clarence that he comes home thrilled that the top of the staircase post comes off in his hand. It took a new perspective, but George finally saw past the old cobwebs to the value in what the structure at 320 Sycamore had become; a place to call home with his family.

In the same way, we must change our perspective of how we see others. Too often we become focused on the flaws within others and refuse to see the good that they do. If we're wronged in some fashion, our mind deceives us into assuming everything about said person is negative. But if the person who wronged us is a Christian, we must see them as Christ sees them; as a new creation. As Christians, we are forever in this process known as sanctification. God is trying to make us more like Jesus, but we are stilled flawed human beings and stumble along the way. Much like the renovations and construction at JFK Airport, it's an ongoing, lifetime process. Nobody is perfect and we're bound to hurt others along the way unintentionally, so why make matters worse by focusing on the hurt? It'd be like tearing a musician apart for missing one note in an hour long concert. Where is the benefit in that? Is it really worth your energy to dismiss all that went well? Certainly not.  

As Ian Percy said, "We judge others by our behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions." Instead of holding others to impossible standards, remember that they are being renewed in Christ daily and struggle against the desires of their flesh. Since each person who believes in Jesus is now a new creation, it is better to look past the flaws and remember that we're all in this together. We're supposed to be a spiritual family and not at war with one another. It takes time, but progress will be made and recognized. Just don't forget the important positive contributions certain people have made in your life, despite their flawed nature. Remember their heart for the homeless, their love of volunteer work, or their desire to love stray animals. Take to heart the uplifting words others have spoken into your life, rather than zeroing in on negative statements made under stressful circumstances that might have come across wrong because they were emotionally charged.

It's easy to find the negatives in someone's life. That's how the media thrive. Our jobs as Christians, though, is to see the benefit of everybody, despite their past and despite how they might have treated us. We're all part of one body. Each one of us is just trying to dust off the cobwebs in order to allow our hearts to be renovated. So rather that viewing someone with a skewed perception, search to find that radiant light that shines out from the heart of your brothers and sisters in Christ.