Musical Motivation

The past couple weeks I feel like my serotonin levels have been slowly decreasing and then decided to take a nosedive at some point this week. For those who don't totally understand brain chemistry (myself included), that pretty much means I haven't felt like myself for a little while and this week the depression decided to rear its ugly head inside my head...again. I've come to accept the fact that this is just something that I deal with, but as a Christian, it also discourages me at times because I get frustrated with the reaction to my depression, which borders along the lines of self-pity. I find this quality in myself rather unwholesome when it springs up and desperately want to tell myself to get over myself, which I do, but surprise, surprise, that doesn't really do much of anything. In order to cope, I turned to my Bible and would read, then get distracted, then read, followed by more distraction. I also opted to listen to Alistair Begg's podcast, which this week happens to focus on trials that Christians will encounter, referencing James 1:1-3 and 1 Peter 4:12-19. As useful as all of this was, it still didn't change my mood at all. Making things worse was the fact that, in the grand scheme of things when compared to those who are suffering over in the Philippines or others who are dealing with actual struggles, I have nothing to complain about.
Then today I decided to go for a run. I'd love to say that my mood immediately improved because of it, but it didn't. I know that things like my bouts of depression take time to process, but I did do something unique on my run: listen to music. To some of you, this may not seem like such an odd concept since numerous people run with their iPods these days. The thing is, I'm typically not one of those people. But after today's experience, I think I will be one of those people. I used to be more of a purest, as in a runner who could go out and run for miles for the enjoyment of it, or because I knew I was training for a race. These days, though, I've found it hard to get myself off the couch. Too much chaos in my brain telling me I'm not the runner I used to be and too often, if I did manage to lace up my shoes and get on the road, I couldn't get in more than a mile before I was bored or pondering what the heck I was doing. This of course doesn't bode well for someone who would like to run a half marathon next May. So off I went today with my iPod in the hopes of getting some endorphins to boost the doldrums of my mind.
I didn't perform any miraculous feat of speed or distance, but I did accomplish a 2.5 mile run without wondering what the heck I was doing or feeling like I wanted to throw in the towel. It's been a little while since that's happened, so I was pleased. Also, when I was going up the steepest hill on this particular route, the song "Anklebiters" by Paramore came on, and the lyrics got me thinking. As much as I try to tell myself and everybody else that I don't care about what other people's opinion of me are, I clearly do and I've unfortunately allowed that to impact who I am. Don't get me wrong, I like who I am and all, but there are times in your life when people do or say things that just make you wonder and question yourself, and I think that's typically how I end up getting depressed from time to time. I'm by no means blaming anybody but myself for my mood because, at the end of the day, I have the power and choice over what thoughts occupy my mind (...take every thought captive to obey Christ, ~2 Corinthians 10:5), but I think it was something I needed to be made aware of again. The song not only helped to motivate me up that obnoxiously steep hill today, but it helped me re-evaluate who I am and what I focus on. Again, I'm still in a bit of a rut, but I'm slowly making steps of progress to get out of it. And it's those little victories in life that I must focus on. Sometimes it's not all about the big picture, but those baby steps away from where you don't want to be.

Why Aren't I Thriving?: A Multi-Part Series

I have decided to try something a little different with this blog. In order to expand upon my last post about trying to thrive in God's love, I have decided to start a brief series outlining potential roadblocks to thriving that I learned about in the past year. I think it's very important to be aware of potential struggles along the narrow path and I think this "Why Aren't I Thriving?," or W.A.I.T., series is a way to explore these issues.
This year I am determined to live with a deeper awareness of my surroundings and with a deeper awareness of the people in my life. I gained some inspiration and desire to change while listening to the song, "The Redeemer," by Sanctus Real. This song is a reminder to move forward and thrive despite finding yourself down for the count. Even if it means starting over completely, it is totally worth it in the long run in order to follow the path and purpose God has planned for your life. The following is the song in its entirety:

Sometime I just wanna start over

'Cause everything looks like a wreck

And I need the courage to carry on

'Cause I can't see what's ahead

And there are places I've wished I could be

Battles I've wanted to win

Dreams that have slipped through my hands

I may never get back again

But I'm still a dreamer, a believer

Oh, I lost my faith in so many things

But I still believe in You

'Cause You can make anything new

Sometimes I just wish we could say

All the things that are easy to hear

Ignore the injustice we see

And explain every unanswered prayer

But I'd rather speak honestly

And wear a tattered heart on my sleeve

"Cause in the middle of my broken dreams

Redemption is here

And I'm still a dreamer, a believer

Oh, I lost my faith in so many things

But I still believe in You

"Cause You are the answer, the Redeemer

Oh, I've given up on too many things

But I'm not giving up on You

"Cause You can make anything new

I don't have every answer in life

But I'm trusting You one day at a time

"Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive

Forever

And this is where heaven and earth collide

I lift my hands, I give my life

This is how my weary heart stays alive

Oh, I'm still a dreamer, still a believer

And You are the answer, the Redeemer

"Cause You can make anything new

Yeah, You can make anything new

On a final note, I would like to call to your attention Psalm 37:23-24, which reminds us that the Lord will not forsake us, even when we stumble. As I launch the W.A.I.T. series, meditate on these words in order to focus on thriving: "The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand."

Strive to Thrive

Even though we've already entered the new year, I would like to say that I'm not the biggest fan of New Years Eve. It seems to just be one of those evenings that people forget their inhibitions and blame it on alcohol. To me, that's no excuse and just plain silly. On top of that, most people will ask you how you celebrated and if you didn't spend your night doing something completely outrageous or surrounded by friends, it seems as though many frown upon that, which makes no sense.
I'm also not a big fan of New Year's resolutions. It seems as if you are just setting yourself up for failure because most people resolve to do something that is too extreme to actually accomplish. This is why I'm choosing to not make a resolution, but am instead going to strive to thrive. The idea came from listening to Switchfoot's song "Thrive." The lyrics that caught my ear were "I wanna thrive not just survive." The entire premise for this song seems to center on spiritual warfare and how we desire to conform more to the Son, but the voices that Satan plants in our heads seem to get in the way. Because we are all haunted by our own inner demons, whether it's our past, how we treated others, or sins we try to keep hidden, we tend to feel like fakes when we claim we are Christians. This feeling makes it seem like we are just surviving in this world, instead of thriving in God's love. We need to not give in to the lies that Satan plants in our minds so we no longer feel like strangers in our own skin. When we're uncomfortable in our own skin, it is apparent to everyone around us, which can be a hinderance to sharing the Gospel. If we don't seem to believe the Good News ourselves, why would others believe us when we share with them?
Starting in 2012, my desire is to try and thrive more, instead of just surviving. I spent the end of 2011 just surviving, but now that I have discovered some answers in life "coincidently" (I don't believe in coincidences), I feel that I can finally look to the future and leave my past behind. Verses to focus on in order to thrive can be found in Matthew 5:13-16. These verses state, "'You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hilltop cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.'"
Everybody's goal should be to shine their light into the lives of others. If you get caught up despairing over your own life and circumstances, you will lose your saltiness and stifle your light, which is then no use to others. Try to focus on what you do have so that your light can shine through to others and you can thrive thanks to the Father in heaven because just surviving is no way to live your life.

Refreshed!

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." ~Hebrews 10:25

"Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people; praise his holy name." ~Psalm 30:4

Yesterday was thoroughly refreshing for me. In church, members spoke about how God had blessed them throughout the year and expressed why they were thankful. During the afternoon, I came across new songs by the band The City Harmonic. I purchased some of these songs and the lyrics really spoke to me. The song "I Have a Dream (It Feels Like Home)" has these lines:

O we will meet

Our souls are longing 

We'll be a symphony of peace

Brothers and sisters will be free

Thank God Almighty they'll be free

It is awesome to look forward to what we have waiting for us in heaven, and this song does a great job expressing that fact. 

The song "Spark" has these lines: 

Could a spark of Your love light the whole church on fire

When we care for our neighbor
More than we care for style
When we breathe in
Hope we breathe in
Create some meaning God
When we breathe out
Peace will breathe out
Just to breathe out love

I love how God's love is expressed in terms of being a spark because that's all that is needed to ignite something really great. It makes me think of forest fires that can consume acres upon acres of land from just one match spark. The immensity of God's love and how it envelopes us is just amazing.

The song "Mountaintop" reminds us that God saved us from this lowly world using the lines, The valley low that's where we'll make our homes, but this I know that's what He saved us from. We forget our great potential for settling in the valleys of life. We need to charge up the hills to the mountaintop where we belong to proclaiming the glory of God. 

The last song that I bought was called "Wake Me Up." The following lines are my favorite:

How long, how long will the river run dry
Cause I'm so busy living I forgot to be alive...

Cause when You sound You bring to life
Even my darkest of nights
Wake me up to shine...

Yeah, I've come home like a prodigal son
If home's where the heart is that is in the hands of God
And that is just where my heart belongs
Turn on the light, come on wake me up

I really like how this song reflects how much God longs for us to come back to Him. We must escape our little worlds and remember to live for the Lord. He is the source of all light in our lives and we must desire for Him to wake us up to the life we were meant to live.

In the evening, I met with a friend for frappucinos and discussed life, baking, and foreign accents. Definitely a friendship that will strengthen with time because we each know that God blessed us with the timing of us becoming friends. This was followed by Bible Study in Coopersburg, which is just a great place to have fellowship with other believers. We had a teaching from Matthew 9, which was very enlightening. My favorite part of the evening, though, was the lengthy conversations. I talked with numerous people about varying topics, but the best conversations were those that got me to think deeper. I hardly ever get to have deep theological discussions with anyone anymore for various reasons, and it was great to be able to sit and talk about different theological ideas, and also how current events could impact the church. Two Penn State students home on break explained the impact of the scandal and how outsiders perceive it in such a different light. We also discussed the possible implications it could have on youth group attendance for the area because people may begin to question the safety, all because of a scandal on the other side of the state. Other concepts, such as how to have righteous anger and maintain the compassion of Christ, anti-Baptist theology and what to have assurance in, oral tradition vs. historical accuracy and believing the Word of God over archaeological discoveries made by humans, being weary of allegorical meanings within Scripture, and the impact of pantheists were all discussed amongst a handful of us who stayed late. I was very intrigued by all of the topics and the questions that were asked to expand upon particular ideas. It was definitely a refreshing evening with fellow believers that I desperately needed and am quite thankful for, even though I didn't get home until 1:30am. In my mind, it was totally worth it.

Analysis: How I Relate to Switchfoot's New Album Vice Verses

“I can't just shut it up and fake that I'm alright.”           

“Cause everyday the world is made. A chance to change but I feel the same. And I wonder why would I wait till I die to come alive? I'm ready now.”

~Afterlife

There is no use pretending that you are fine. You are merely lying to yourself and to everyone around you. The best change you can possibly make is to center your life around Christ in order to become truly alive.

“Speak your mind up. Come on baby free yourself.”

“Free yourself; don't let nobody try and take your soul. You're the original.”

“So you say you're just a lost soul; I know you better than that.”

“So you say you're just a face in city race wasted and sick of it all.”

~The Original

When possible and when you gain the courage, always speak your mind. Don't let anybody suppress your feelings or opinions. We all feel lost at times, but with God on our side, everything will be alright. He knows what is on your heart at all times. Also, methodical living can always get you down, but your goal is to keep looking up.

“Breathe out let your mind unwind. Eyes on the ceiling, looking for the feeling.”

“Yeah, it's where the fight begins. Yeah, underneath the skin between these hopes and where we've been. Every fight comes from the fight within. I am the war inside.”

“I am the war I fight.”

“Ain't no killer like pride. No killer like I. No killer like what's inside.”

~The War Inside

We are all fighting an internal battle against demons. We get infused with lies that we can begin to believe if we don't ask for the strength of the Holy Spirit. The biggest killer is our pride because it drives us to convince ourselves that we are the most important things on this planet, so we must guard ourselves in order to prevent it from being a destructive killer.

“I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore; I’m looking for you. I am the one that you left behind, I am the thorn stuck in your side. I am the bored and clouded eyes looking for the well that won’t run dry. Running hard for the other side, the world that I’ve always been denied. Running hard for the infinite with the tears of the saints and hypocrites.”

~Restless

We all get restless here on Earth searching for more meaning to our lives. It is best to always run towards God and strive to know more about His character. Best to run from the worldly in search of Christ. The stronger the desire, the more tears shed if we are denied the other side.

“Hey girl, don't conform now. No one else's got soul like you. Hey girl, you're a strong one, but none of us are bulletproof.”

“Deep down there's a hope inside. You got wings but you're scared to fly. Wake up, wake up.”

“Still looking for the reason why. Still looking for the sun to shine.”

“All my life I've been living in the darkest night.”

“Deep down there's a hope inside brighter than the fears in my mind. I keep looking for the blinding light. It's a hope that keeps me alive.”

~Blinding Light
Our human nature desires to fit in, but as Christian's, we are called to be different. We are urged not to conform because we are all uniquely and wonderfully made. Fear also overwhelms us whenever change is inevitable. We need to spread our wings and be brave enough to fly instead of remaining grounded due to doubts in our mind. God's love is that blinding light that can ease the fears in our minds and bring hope for a brighter tomorrow.

“See, opinions are easier to swallow than facts. The greys instead of the whites and the blacks. If you shoot it too straight it won't come back.”

“I wanna believe you, I wanna believe, but everything is in-between. The fact is fiction. Suspicion is the new religion.”

~Selling the News
Satan has injected doubt into this age of technology. The ability to believe based sheerly on our heart's desire has been greatly impacted in this know-it-all generation. This mounting doubt has created a cloud of suspicion over almost every aspect of life.

“Been fighting things that I can't see like voices coming from the inside of me. Like doing things I find hard to believe in. Am I myself or am I dreaming?”

“No, I'm not alright. I know that I'm not right.”

“A warm body doesn't mean I'm alive.”

“Feel like I travel but I never arrive. I wanna thrive not just survive.”

“I try and hide it and not let it show, but deep down inside me I just don't know. Am I a man if I feel like a hoax?”

~Thrive
The voices inside us are derived from our sinful nature. It is hard to ignore them, which can lead us into a situation that we don't desire to be in and don't agree with. Sinful nature covers us like a cloud, which makes it hard to determine who we are and what we are doing. We are unaware of what's reality. It is also natural to question the strength of your faith and whether you truly believe or are just living out the lie of a hypocrite. We aren't truly living until we are living with Christ.

“I've made my mistakes, I've seen my heart cave in. I got my scars I've been to hell and back again. Born for the blue skies, we’ll survive the rain. Born for the sunrise, we’ll survive the pain.”

“Hey, you can’t count us out. We’ve been running up against the crowd. Yeah, we are the dark horses.”

~Dark Horses
We are all running against the crowd and we must continue to do so in order to please God. No matter what pain crushes your heart, it is best to remain in God's favor instead of striving to please other sinful humans who cannot bring us any true satisfaction in life.

“Here’s to the twilight. Here’s to the memories. These are my souvenirs; my mental pictures of everything.”

“So I close my eyes and go back in time. I can see you smiling, you’re so alive.”

“We were so young, we had no idea that nothing lasts forever.”

~Souvenirs
Life always runs astray. We can desperately try to catch up and maintain control, or we can let it go and ask God what path He desires for your life. You will always have your memories of happy times, but don't let the past prevent you from enjoying the present. Circumstances and people change and nothing lasts forever, so stop trying to prevent the change.


"I don't care what they're telling me. We could be what we want to be. Rise above it."
"Just because you're running doesn't mean that you're scared. Just because it's law doesn't mean it is fair. Never let another tell your soul what to fear."
~Rise Above It
Always follow your own heart and don't let anybody keep you from being who you want to be. It is better to take the high road than to argue with people's assumptions about your life. By running, one may just be looking for a new beginning and isn't actually scared of the circumstances. There's also the old adage that life isn't fair and we can't depend on any law on Earth to bring us peace of mind. Always look to God for guidance and not your peers. God knows your heart and what you truly fear. Everybody else can just make assumptions about your deepest fears, and few will truly care about them or help you face them.

“Looking for signs in the night sky, wishing that I wasn’t such a nice guy. Wonder what it means to live forever? Wonder what it means to die?”

“I know that there's a meaning to it all. A little resurrection every time I fall.”

“Every blessing comes with a set of curses.”

“The wind could be my new obsession. The wind could be my new depression. The wind goes anywhere it wants to, wishing that I learned my lesson.”

“Where are you in my broken heart? Everything seems to fall apart.”

~Vice Verses
After awhile, some begin to realize that the sinner seems to have it easier than the believer. This causes us to wish that we weren't so nice and caring in order to avoid pain. It is natural to desire to live forever and be scared of death while constantly questioning its meaning. We are all well aware that God has a purpose behind everything and we yearn for life's meaning. Life is full of blessings, but hardships tend to accompany them. Our souls desire to be free like the wind, which can consume us in obsession, though we might become depressed when we realize that we cannot let our soul go everywhere it is drawn. When we encounter numerous hardships and our heart breaks constantly, leading to our world to fall apart, we begin to question God's existence and whether He is aware of our pain. We must trust that He is there even when our world is caving in.

“Still looking for a home in a world where I belong. Feels like we're just waiting, waiting while our hearts are just breaking, breaking. Feels like we're fighting against the tide.”

“On the final day I die I want to hold my head up high. I want to tell You that I tried.”

“And when I reach the other side I want to look You in the eye and know that I've arrived in a world where I belong.”

~Where I Belong
On Earth, we hardly ever feel like we belong. Constantly, we feel lost and broken because we look for happiness in all of the wrong places. God desires for us to call on Him, but we fight against the tide because we convince ourselves that we can do it on our own. Eventually, we'll all realize how much we need God and we will desire to try and live in a way to please Him. Our end goal should be heaven, which is the only place where we will feel like we belong.

Discovering Your Divine Purpose

Life is uncertain. Walt Whitman said, "The future is no more uncertain than the present." This is a unique way of thinking because plenty of people assume they have a grasp on their present circumstances, leaving only the future as an unknown entity. Unbeknownst to most, though, is that many are typically on a constant search for their life's meaning. Instead of getting in a panic and relying on your own devices, you need to relax, pray, and turn to God's Word in order to discover what you are supposed to do with your life.
Skeptics often doubt that there is a reason for them on this earth, but this is just not true. All one has to do is open the Bible to Ephesians 2:10 to discover, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." This is all the proof anybody needs to know that God has a specific plan for their life; the problem is discovering that divine purpose. Too many rely on their own knowledge to search for their purpose and place in life. They know God puts them in certain situations or in the path of certain people for a reason, but instead of praying to God to become enlightened about that reason, our human nature formulates assumptions that our brain accepts as fact. This creates a roadblock on the way to discovering what God really means to do with your life because you refuse to move forward and accept your true role in His plan. Instead, most are content with the plan fabricated within their minds. I will admit I have fallen victim to my own mind's deceit. I have felt like I was placed in a situation or in close proximity to certain people for a reason, but instead of relinquishing that role when it had run its course, I held onto it, refusing to let it go because my mind convinced my heart that I was meant to remain on that path as opposed to discovering something bigger and better in life.
There is a song by Rob Thomas called "Someday," which really outlines this issue, I feel. The following is an excerpt from that song: "Cause maybe someday, we'll figure all this out. We'll put an end to all our doubt. Try to find a way to just feel better now and maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud. We'll be better off somehow, someday. Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get. So maybe we should start all over, start all over again." As these lyrics state, the hardest part is always knowing when to start over. Too many times we get caught up in our circumstances and refuse to accept the fact that we are no longer needed in a situation or by people, which leads to pain, depression, and heartache. God knows that following His path for your life isn't easy, which is why he makes clear statements to us in His Word about what we are supposed to do. Isaiah 43:18 calls for us to, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." Then within Philippians 3:13, Paul says, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." God makes it pretty clear that the only way to truly discover, what Craig Groeschel has termed, our divine purpose, requires us to forget our past and focus on His plan for our future.
Now that you are all slowly digesting this very difficult concept, some might still be wondering how exactly to unleash the knowledge behind your divine purpose. The answer again can be found within your Bible, but this time in Matthew 7:7-8. This states, "'Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks find; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.'" Everybody needs to stop relying on their own insight and assumptions about their purpose and role in life and instead turn to God, relinquishing control, and fervently praying for answers. They may not come overnight, but if you continually seek God's guidance, He will answer when you are in the proper situation. Never forget the words of the author, Craig Groeschel, who stated in his book Weird, "He put us here to make an eternal difference."

Melodic Sequence Leading to a Crescendo of Hope

“The wolf has found a way to lead this foolish flock of sheep astray. And the clouds make fearful noises and slowly turn black and shake. The darkness comes around you. The dark has come to take. And it will cut the life right from you and leave you standing in the rain with nowhere left to run to, and no one left to love you but the pain. Wake up you faithless; see your heartbreak gone. It’s no use trying to hold on.”

~Wake Up (Shipwreck) by The Classic Crime

“Don't know where to begin. It's like my world's caving in and I try but I can't control my fear. Where do I go from here?”

~Let the Waters Rise by MIKESCHAIR

“Right now I’m a total mess and right now I’m completely incomplete.”

~Change in the Making by Addison Road

“You’re best friends with the word regret. You’re afraid that your life's been wasted, so why hope if it's only gonna let you down? You don't think people really change; you’re a mess and you'll always be the same. And you doubt if you'll ever get it turned around.”

~Come Home by Luminate

“Still wondering why I’m here. Still wrestling with my fear.”

~Wait and See by Brandon Heath

“Days will come when you don't have the strength, and all you hear is you're not worth anything. Wondering if you ever could be loved and if they truly saw your heart they'd see so much.”

~Beautiful by MercyMe

“She says, ‘How did I get here? I'm not who I once was. And I'm crippled by the fear that I've fallen too far to love.’"

~You are More by Tenth Avenue North

“Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare. You saw it comin' but it hit you outta nowhere. And there’s always scars when you fall back far.”

~Get Back Up by tobyMac

“I know that my faults bring me down, it's a constant battle. That's why I have to be honest with you now... I'm not your saint, I'm not your savior.”

~Just a Man by The Classic Crime

“I want to run away I want to ditch my life cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night.”

~I So Hate Consequences by Relient K

“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
 prone to leave the God I love;
” 

~Come Thou Font

“Give me wings, give me peace. These are the things that I need. I'm tormented, broken and shamed. Are you listening? (Are you listening)?”

~Salt in the Snow by The Classic Crime

“Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?

If there’s a God who loves you where is He now?”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“When friends betray us
, when darkness seems to win
. We know the pain reminds this heart
 that this is not, this is not our home.”

~Blessings by Laura Story

“The walls are closing in. You feel alone, you feel afraid. Your heart begins to bend. You take a breath and then it starts to break.”

~Pray You Through by Sixteen Cities

“Letting it all sink in, it's good to feel a sting now and again. I hope it's one less woeful thing there is to fight through.”

~Therapy by Relient K

“Lost on a street, everyone has vanished and you're all alone, but you don't know where to go. Yeah you're all alone and you want to go home.”

~Run by Addison Road

“I took you for granted again. And threw you aside and pretended for one minute that I had control of my life, and direction it seemed to be in.”

~Salt in the Snow by The Classic Crime

“Maybe there are things you can’t see and all those things are happening to bring a better ending.”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“When there's nowhere else to turn, all your bridges have been burned. Feels like you've hit rock bottom. Don't give up it's not the end. Open up your heart again when you feel like no one understands where you are.”

~Me and Jesus by Stellar Kart

“Sometimes its so hard to pray when You feel so far away. But I am willing to go where you want me to; God, I trust You.”

~Let the Waters Rise by MIKESCHAIR

“We lose our way, we get back up again. It's never too late to get back up again. One day you will shine again; you may be knocked down, but not out forever.”

~Get Back Up by tobyMac

“Well maybe, maybe that’s the point
; to reach the point of giving up
. ‘Cause when I’m finally, finally at rock bottom. 
Well that’s when I start looking up
 and reaching out.”

~Strong Enough by Matthew West

“Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that I'm not just some wandering soul that you don't see and you don't know. Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I am someone worth dying for.”

~Someone Worth Dying For by MIKESCHAIR

“So hold on you gotta wait for the light. Press on and just fight the good fight. Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling, it’s just the dark before the morning.”

~Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

“You are more than the choices that you've made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create. You've been remade.”

~You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

“I know I’m not strong enough to be
 everything that I’m supposed to be. 
I give up, I’m not strong enough
. Hands of mercy won’t You cover me? 
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be 
strong enough. Strong enough
 for the both of us.”

~Strong Enough by Matthew West

“It's time for healing time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong. There's a wave that's crashing over me and all I can do is surrender. Whatever You're doing inside of me it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace. It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something Heavenly.”

~Whatever You’re Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real

“Open up your eyes, awake, arise. Love like a hand reaches down and pulls us up from the dirty ground. Now is the time to step from the dark into the light, cause you can’t change what you’ve done. But you can choose who you’ll become. Every moment is a second chance at starting over, at starting over. Move from the past to the present tense. You can start over, start over again.”

~Start Over Again by Addison Road

“You can come as you are with all your broken pieces, and all your shameful scars. The pain you hold in your heart, bring it all to Jesus. You can come as you are.”

~Come As You Are by Pocket Full of Rocks

“And I will rise when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles' wings before my God fall on my knees.”

~I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin

“There is hope for me yet because God won’t forget all the plans he’s made for me.”

~Wait and See by Brandon Heath

“You opened my eyes to your wonders anew. You captured my heart with this love because nothing on Earth is as beautiful as you.”

~Beautiful One by Jeremy Camp

“I hear You calling me and I’ll come running. Oh, I’m falling into love and nothing will stop it. Oh, I hear You calling me and I’ll come running to You, to You, to You.”

~Heaven and Earth by Phil Wickham

“It's all because of Jesus I'm alive. 
It's all because the blood of Jesus Christ 
that cover's me and raised this dead man's life. 
It's all because of Jesus I'm alive.”

~All Because of Jesus by Fee

The Point of No Return

Have you ever wondered how you ended up at a particular moment in your life and realized that it was way too late to ever turn back and "make things right" as they say (whoever they are)? Last Monday, I had one of those moments and have done my best not to dwell on it ever since, but I've reached a point where I don't have enough distractions to keep my questioning thoughts at bay.
I'm sure the majority of people in this world have lost touch with particular friends or individuals in their lives, allowing friendships to fade into the background bearing no second thought. This past semester, I became busier than usual and apparently let one of my friendships slip to the wayside, (though I was informed it started before that) and unfortunately, it has not gone quietly. Rather, it slowly eroded until Monday, which is when it apparently imploded into oblivion. I'll admit I definitely played a role in the neglect, possibly choosing to spend time with others rather than this person, and probably became severely apathetic back in April. But what I am also aware of is that it takes two to make any friendship work, and I think I am most appalled that all of the blame has been placed on my shoulders, along with being told that I was not a good friend and this person no longer wants me in her life.
Over the past couple of days, I have done my best to not think about this particular setback in my life. Those close to me have told me to not blame myself, which is easier said than done, especially when I'm a fan of the Switchfoot song "Stars", which starts out with the lines, "Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame. But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same." Other friends have forbidden me to think all together, which is pretty much impossible, but fun to attempt. The best advice I received from a friend was to not beat myself up over things that aren't completely my fault and out of my control and to also stop thinking I cause everything to happen because I'm not God. I definitely appreciated all of this advice, but I feel it's hard for others to understand because getting told that I wasn't a good friend jumped past the realm of a slap in the face, straight to being a borderline crippling statement. To try and stay positive, I settled for listening to the song, "Up and Up" by Relient K in order to gain some sort of direction or meaning. The following lines are where I gained the most insight:
"Yesterday, is not quite what it could have been...But I swear today, with every breath I'm breathing in, I'll be trying to make it so much more...Cause I seem to get so hung up on the history of what's gone wrong. And the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see...I'm on the up and up and I haven't given up. Given up on what I know I'm capable of...To be content with where I am and where I need to be, I'm moving past the past where I have failed."
My recent trip to New Orleans with a good friend of mine also helped to keep me from dwelling on my issues. I didn't want my wandering thoughts to prevent us from having a splendid time in the Big Easy, so I tried my best to keep everything on the back burner. Eventually, though, these thoughts became too persistent and needed to be addressed, which turned out to be while relaxing in an off-the-beaten-path park just outside the French Quarter whilst pondering potential tattoo ideas. I'm not sure if I will ever actually get a tattoo, but I have always figured that I would utilize a meaningful Bible verse, though I was never sure which one until that day in the park. While thinking over the messages I received on Monday, it suddenly hit me that the first portion of Proverbs 17:17 would be the most fitting for me. This states, "A friend loves at all times," which is a very powerful statement in my book because no matter what the situation, whether it be joy, anger, or personal crisis, a friend should love you through each and every moment. Sanctus Real has a song entitled, "We Need Each Other" that touches on this point. Some of the following lines ring true for me:
"I think I caught a glimpse of a life without friends. Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely. We never meant to hurt each other so can't we trust again? And take it as a chance to keep on growing...Oh, it's just part of being a family. Taking the good with the bad and the ugly...Oh, oh, we need each other so what's the fighting for? Oh, oh, we need each other, please don't close the door. Oh, oh, we need each other through all the highs and lows. Oh, oh, we need each other and I don't wanna be alone."
If, instead, you are constantly walking on eggshells because you are so afraid of screwing up or being a let down, then maybe the person that you consider a friend is really no friend at all. This thought crossed my mind as I pondered the recent events in my life, especially since I was written off so quickly with no chance for redemption. I know I have screwed up and I know she has screwed up, but without the chance of forgiveness to rebuild the relationship, there is nothing left to do but move on.
In order to work towards contentment in the moving on process, I've been listening to "This is Home" by Switchfoot, which begins with the following lyrics: "I've got my memories always inside of me, but I can't go back, back to how it was." What I need to do now is focus on the fact that God is in charge and knows exactly what He wants in my life. He planned out everything before I was even born, which is apparent in Revelation 22:13 that says, "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." Instead of dwelling on the what-ifs of this situation, I think I am just going to accept what God has chosen for me in my life. I will leave you all with one final thought to ponder, though. The notes for Proverbs 17:17 in my NIV Life Application Study Bible state the following: "What kind of friend are you? There is a vast difference between knowing someone well and being a true friend. The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty (loving "at all times")--being available to help in times of distress or personal struggles. Too many people are fair-weather friends. They stick around when the friendship helps them and leave when they're not getting anything out of the relationship. Think of your friends and assess your loyalty to them. Be the kind of true friend the Bible encourages."

Remove Fear to Follow

My Life is a Jumble of Switchfoot Lyrics

Oh, I'm a wandering soul. ~Enough to Let Me Go
I've been searching for a place of my own. ~This is Home
This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose? ~This is Your Life
I dare you to move like today never happened before. ~Dare You to Move
I wanna spend the rest of my life alive. ~Mess of Me
Alone, all I know. I still got mountains to climb on my own. ~Enough to Let Me Go
I'm so confused what's true or false. What's fact or fiction after all. ~Yet
She's been breaking up inside. ~Lonely Nation
I'm tired of feeling low. ~Lonely Nation
When I look at the stars I feel like myself. ~Stars
Finally free. Finally strong. Somewhere back where I belong. ~Setting Sun
I've got a wound that doesn't heal. Not sure which of me is real. ~The Setting Sun
You're a lonely soul in a land of broken hearts. Far from home is the perfect place to start. ~Golden
Here we are now with our desperate youth and pain, we're awakening. Maybe it's called ambition. You've been talking in your sleep about a dream. ~Awakening
Daisy, let it go. Open up your fists. This fallen world doesn't hold your interest, it doesn't hold your soul. ~Daisy
Is this a new fear or just another fright? Is this a new tear or just another desperation? I miss direction most in all this desperation. ~The Blues
Every breath is not yours to own. ~Enough to Let Me Go
Belief over misery. I've seen the enemy. ~This is Home
Welcome to the fallout. Welcome to resistance. The tension is here between who you are and who you could be. Between how it is and how it should be. ~Dare You to Move
What happens next? ~Dare You to Move
We hide inside our shells. It's hard to free the one's you love when you can't forgive yourself. ~Mess of Me
We were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves. Somewhere we live inside. ~Meant to Live
These are the scars, deep in your heart. This is the place you were born. This is the hole where most of your soul comes ripping out from the places you were torn. ~Always
Are you discontented? Have you been pushing hard? It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in. ~The Blues
Everything is broken. Everything is breaking down. We are broken. We are bitter. We're the problem. ~Politicians
And the world is flawed, but these scars will heal. ~We Are One Tonight
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving. ~Awakening
My heart is darker than these oceans. My heart is frozen underneath. ~Shadow Proves the Sunshine
Fumbling his confidence and wondering why the world has past him by. Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments and failed attempts to fly. ~Meant to Live
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired. ~Let Your Love Be Strong
Maybe we've been living with our eyes half open. Maybe we're bent and broken. ~Meant to Live
All attempts have failed. ~Yet
I am my own affliction. I am my own disease. ~Mess of Me
Crooked souls try and stay up straight. Dry eyes in the pouring rain. Well, the shadow proves the sunshine. ~Shadow Proves the Sunshine
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunderclouds. All my world hanging on your love. ~Let Your Love Be Strong
We were more than the world's got to offer, and everything inside screams for second life. ~Meant to Live
I want to wake up kicking and screaming. I want to know that my heart's still beating. ~Awakening
I've got my memory always inside of me, but I can't go back, back to how it was. ~This is Home
The sickness is myself. I've made a mess of me. I wanna get back the rest of me. ~Mess of Me
This is your life and today is all you've got now; and today is all you'll ever have. ~This is Your Life
We're just used to bad news. ~Lonely Nation
Maybe I've been the problem. Maybe I'm the one to blame. But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same. ~Stars
Does justice ever find you? Do the wicked ever lose? ~The Blues
Let the wars begin. Let my strength wear thin. Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart; train the monkeys on my back to fight. Let it start tonight when my world explodes. When my stars touch the ground, falling down like broken satellites. ~Let Your Love Be Strong
You push until you're shoving. You bend until you break. ~The Blues
I've come undone. I don't have a soul to trust in now with the whole world upside down. ~We Are One Tonight
In this world of news, I've found nothing new. I've found nothing pure. Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume the truth. Could be fact and form that love could be a verb. Maybe I'm just a little misinformed. ~Let Your Love Be Strong
She's been staring down the demons who've been screaming she's just another so-and-so. ~Golden
Oh, Lord, why did you forsake me? Oh, Lord, don't be faraway. Storm clouds gathering beside me. Please, Lord, don't look the other way. ~Shadow Proves the Sunshine
You are golden child. Don't let go tonight. ~Golden
I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. ~Dare You to Move
I'm losing ground and gaining speed. I've lost myself or most of me. I'm headed for the final precipice. But you haven't lost me yet. ~Yet
She's alone tonight with a bitter cup. She's undone tonight; she's all used up. ~Golden
So I lay my head back down and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours. ~Only Hope
There's a fear that burns like trash inside. ~Golden
Created for a place I've never known. ~This is Home
There ain't no drug to make me well. ~Mess of Me
I'm alone again. ~The Setting Sun
I know now you're my only hope. ~Only Hope
My hope runs underneath it all the day that I'll be home. ~The Setting Sun

Avoid Acts of Revenge

How many times have you encountered circumstances that you just don't view as fair? If you are a living, breathing human being, I'll bet this thought has crossed your mind on numerous occasions. Like the cliches of old, life is not a cake walk. What we must not forget, though, is the fact that God has a purpose behind every situation in our life and we must not seek revenge when we are dealt a bad hand.
There were many times in my high school running career that I felt that I got shafted during a race. I remember running at the Icebreaker Relays my sophomore year and being in third place rounding the final curve to the finish line. Unfortunately as I was coming around the bend, a shot-putter stepped onto the track, and I had to quick sidestep into the adjacent lane to avoid him. That split-second sidestep ended up costing my relay team a bronze medal...by one stride. Needless to say, I was extremely upset, but I had to accept the fact that I was not meant to receive a medal that year. I could have gone and yelled at the shot-putter, but what would that have accomplished? Absolutely nothing.
One particular runner who has had to deal with her fair share of criticism over the years is British marathoner, Paula Radcliffe. To many, including myself, the accomplishments of Paula Radcliffe are astonishing. She holds the world record in the marathon and she has won the London and New York City marathons. But alas, an Olympic gold medal remains elusive in her career. Many people have criticized her about this over the years, especially when she dropped out of the marathon in Athens in 2004. Surprisingly, though, she always seems to make a comeback and uses her running to speak for her instead of lashing out at the barrage of criticisms.
We should all try our best to ignore our critics and live life to the fullest. We will all experience our fair share of blows and unjust accusations, but the most important concept to remember is to not allow our emotions to seek revenge. Romans 12:17-19 states, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord." These are very important words to live by, especially in our darkest moments when we must endure our most difficult struggles. It is of upmost importance to allow God to take vengeance on anybody who has caused you harm, instead of taking action yourself. We must remember that God is in charge and that every experience we encounter serves a deeper purpose.
I find it most difficult to rest on my laurels when somebody I care about gets attacked or hurt, whether it be physically or emotionally. I always find myself seething in a fit of anger whenever those I care for most end up in an unreasonable situation. My knee-jerk reaction leans towards confronting whoever has hurt someone I love and making them pay for what they have done. This is much like Simon Peter's reaction to the arrest of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane in John 18:10; he was so infuriated by the injustice of the arrest that he chopped off the ear of the high priest's servant. It is important to remember the reaction Jesus had in response to Simon Peter's act of revenge. In John 18:11, Jesus says, "Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?" This is a very important point. We are not privy to the knowledge of God, and thus, we are unaware of His purpose for placing our friend's and family into certain situations. We may not be thrilled by any of the pain and suffering that they must endure, but it is our job to not seek revenge when it is not our place. Life is a series of very tough learning experiences, and it is not our job to seek revenge for all of the injustices that plague this fallen world. All we can do is pray for a better tomorrow and hope that God will bring healing to those who are hurting and devastated by despair.
"The Redeemer" by Sanctus Real seems to be a very fitting song to help remind us that even when we suffer injustice at the hands of others, we have an all loving God who redeems us and we can place our hope in Him.

Comparisons Are Futile

Our society is based upon comparisons. Each and everyday we get bombarded with fashion magazines comparing the best designers and styles, hit music countdowns on the radio every weekend, and we grow up being convinced we must keep up with the Jones'. Being a runner, I grew up constantly comparing my times to others in my district and trying to come up with the best training methods in order to keep up. It came to a point, though, where I realized that I could not get any faster. This fact deeply frustrated me because I knew that compared to the masses, my times were mediocre. I've had to slowly come to terms with the fact that I will forever be a 5:50 miler, 12:20 2-miler, and 4:16.00 marathoner, instead of being the next Kara Goucher.
Another facet where we are thrown into the same vicious cycle of forced comparisons is the job interview. It is almost a guarantee that during the interview, one will be asked why they are best for the job at hand and why they should be hired over the other applicants. This forces us into the uncomfortable position of self-promotion and making direct comparisons to other people. Also, one is typically asked to outline their strengths and weaknesses, which tends to lead towards overthinking about one's flaws.
It is healthy to know your weaknesses, if only for the basis of trying to slowly make improvements within yourself. Alas, as humans, we tend to go one step further into the realm of envy, and this is where we go wrong. We begin wishing that we had certain attributes that can be found in our friends, relatives, or celebrities, and we desire to be more like them instead of ourselves. Once we start wishing we were someone else, we begin missing the point. We cannot go through life constantly comparing ourselves to others and wishing we had certain attributes that are unattainable. Satan and his minions use envy to gain a foothold, which is why there are numerous verses in the Bible about it. The following verses are the ones I feel are the most relevant to what I am discussing:
Proverbs 14:30 ~ "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."
Galatians 5:26 ~ "Let us not become conceited, provoking, and envying each other."
James 3:16 ~ "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice."

Envy sprouts up usually because we crave recognition. It is human nature to want to be liked by other people. Deep down, we all desire some sort of attention, whether we want to admit it or not. I myself struggle with this as well. I have difficulty accepting the fact that I am quiet and reserved, and thus, never the life of the party. What doesn't help, either, is that my quietness is typically misunderstood or misconstrued for ulterior motives or scheming. A fictional character that I tend to relate to because she is misunderstood is Temperance Brennan from the TV show Bones. She comes across as a very cold-hearted individual because she bases all of her decisions off of facts, rather than emotions. People automatically assume that she has no emotions when, truthfully, she spends most of her time compartmentalizing so that she doesn't shutdown. I feel her anguish when she questions Booth about people calling her a cold fish or wondering what kind of person she must be if her favorite intern thinks she wants him sent away. Brennan is just one more misunderstood person who longs to fit in with society.
Instead of being constantly concerned with the opinions of others and wanting to be someone we are not, we must learn to be content with who we are and accept the role that God has given us. We are all uniquely made for a specific purpose that has yet to be revealed, and we must resist the temptation to change who we are in a weak attempt to become more favorable to particular people. Jeremiah 29:11 states, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" We have all had varying experiences in this life that can be used to our advantage as a means of assisting others with similar issues. You always have specific role for every person that you come across and it is not your job to question God's intention for you. For one person, your job might be to provide financial support, while for another, emotional support. We cannot compare ourselves to the other people in each of our friend's and relative's lives because they all have their own specific roles to fill as well. Instead, we must learn to like ourselves for who were are and how God made us. The song "Perfect" by Pink has a line that always strikes a chord with me: "Change the voices in your head. Make them like you instead...Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you are perfect to me." I always joke that I have voices in my head and this song is just a clear reminder that I have to ensure that those voices like me and accept me for who I truly am.
In my major of clinical exercise physiology, we are always discussing the concept of "scope of practice." This concept refers to any condition a patient might have outside the realm of our education. For instance, an exercise physiologist is not qualified to treat someone with schizophrenia. In the same respect, there are issues our friends and family have that we are unable to provide assistance for, and we must accept that fact. For example, I am not the one to approach with relationship issues because I ham not experienced in that area, while few people could provide me with reassurance and understanding about the physical pain I experienced after my marathon.
One of the best ways to come to terms with your personality is to take a valid and reliable personality test and utilize the results. In one of my classes a couple weeks ago, I happened to take the DiSC Classic, which evaluates whether you have dominance, influence, steadiness, or conscientiousness. Upon completion of the DiSC, I came to discover that I am classified as steadiness. My goal is to use this evaluation in order to focus on the tendencies outlined, which include: demonstrating patience, helping others, showing loyalty, and calming excited individuals. I am determined to accept who I am and the skill set that I have been given instead of trying to become somebody else. All I need to do is focus on God for the answer and remember that I was made according to His specifications, which are never wrong. Jonny Diaz has a song called "More Beautiful You" that addresses the constant comparisons we are faced with in this world. My favorite lines that I will concentrate on in the future are as follows:

There could never be a more beautiful you

Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops they make you jump through

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do

And there could never be a more beautiful you

So when you are struggling with envy and the desire to be somebody else because they seem to have what you do not, try to remember that God wants you just the way you are and will never stop loving you. God has a plan for your life and He doesn't want you wasting your time longing to be anything but the unique creation that is you.

A Challenge to be Forthright

Since this post is about being forthright, I want to be upfront and mention that I myself need much improvement in this area. I have always desired to be more upfront and honest, but I tend to lack the courage to initiate the process. The old adage "practice what you preach" has been in the forefront of my mind whilst pondering the theme of this post, and I hope you will take my words into consideration before deeming me a hypocrite. I am fully aware that I lack the assertiveness to be forthright on a regular basis due to my introverted personality, but this concept is something I would like to work on adopting.
Like all of you, I am a sinner and a work in progress. I struggle with moments of self-righteousness and acting in a passive aggressive fashion. But I have come to the realization that this behavior is unacceptable and needs to change. The truth is that I have used my passive aggressiveness for deceit and manipulation because I was unsure of how to be assertive and forthright when people act in a manner that I don't agree with. I have finally come to the end of my rope of patience with myself and others who act in the same manipulative manner, which is why I am trying so hard to change. I am fed up with myself and others who deem it acceptable to play mind games in order to get their way or just to get under someone else's skin.
As a Christian, I should always be forthright and honest. Proverbs 28:13 states, "He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue." We all seem to grow too concerned with what people will think of us if we truly tell them how we feel about a matter or their behavior, so we end up lying to please the other person, which just creates anger and resentment in our hearts. Instead of consistently falling into this cycle and being trapped by our bitterness, we must try and focus on the Lord and what He thinks on the matter and how to handle it. He doesn't want us lying to others, or to become bitter, which is why Ephesians 4:25-27 states, "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
I dare you all to start living more honestly and to be forthright when you have an issue with a fellow Christian's behavior. Do not approach the situation in an accusing manner and refrain from insults. The world will be a much happier place, though, when people start living in a righteous manner and stop trying to manipulate each other for personal gain. The Relient K song "Come Right Out and Say It" reminds me of this concept, so consider the following lyrics:

Why don't you

Come right out and say it?

Even if the words are probably gonna hurt

I'd rather have the truth

Than something insincere

Why don't you

Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?

What it is you're thinking

Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear

Accepting God's Plan

I have had a lot of thoughts brewing in my mind lately. There have been events that have occurred that have created turmoil in my soul. Part of me questions why this is all happening and I find myself constantly resisting the inevitable outcomes. While I sit here questioning, I remember a verse that was mentioned in my Bible study on Sunday night. The verse was 1 Peter 4:12, which says, "Dear friends, do not be surprised by the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." Instead of focusing on this verse, though, my mind has been driven by my sin nature and I have become quite selfish wondering if everything is going to spiral out of control. Week after week seems to present me with one more person who I question whether or not they want me to remain a part of their life.
My knee-jerk reaction, of course, is to want to confront the people about what has been going on in their lives to cause them to slowly withdraw. To many, this might seem like the logical solution in order to help the other person search what is causing their own inner turmoil. But at the same time, it appears selfish to try and rescue friendships/relationships for my own benefit so that I do not have to endure the pain that accompanies such a loss. Considering I despise change of any sort, it makes perfect sense that this is how I react in these situations when I am confronted with them.
After much pondering tonight, though, I have come to the conclusion that I am wrong about how I am reacting to these potential relational losses. As painful as it may be to endure, I must remember that it is all part of God's bigger and better plan. I must remember Mark 8:34-37 ~ "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?" I must remember that my yearning for maintaining my relationships with friends and family in life is focusing on my wants and desires, not God's. What we hope for is always more worldly in nature, when we should truly focus on our spiritual needs. Jesus should always be the center of our lives so that we save our souls. He is the one who saves us and truly knows what is best for our lives. We are placed in situations in order to build our faith and reliance on God and we must remember that just because events do not unfold in the manner we desire does not mean that God is not present and working in our lives. God always has a plan for His people and it is our job to accept that plan, instead of trying to constantly change it to suit what we feel we deserve. But we must remember that God owes us nothing. He doesn't need to bless us with worldly possessions or relationships, but He has mercy on His people and provides them with what He sees fit. Our job is to be thankful for God's blessings no matter what and to worship Him. From here on out, we must limit our questioning of God's intentions and have more acceptance of the events and situations of our lives.
There is a song by Laura Story called "Blessings" that I just heard on Thursday. The lyrics seem to relate to my current situation and seem a fitting ending to this blog post.

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

Resurrection Sunday

The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” ~Matthew 28:5-7

This morning at church, the pastor spoke on how people search for fulfillment in the dead things of this Earth, such as knowledge, achievement, or physical activity. The truth of the matter is that we can only find life and fulfillment through Jesus, who is the risen King. We cannot find hope through any other means; not running, not education, nor family. Only Christ provides us with hope.  What comes to mind is the song All Along by Remedy Drive. The following is an excerpt of lyrics:

It's not everything it seems,
The world and it's dreams
Slipping like water through my hands, tonight
All the things I thought would fill me up inside
Left me empty here
And now I know why
All along I was looking for something else
You're something else
All along I was looking for something more
You're so much more
I finally found what I could never see before
You've always been the one that I was looking for

We must never forget the importance of Christ dying on the cross. He was our living sacrifice so that we can once and for all be forgiven for our sins and transgressions. Without the death of Christ, we would not have an intercessor between humanity and the Almighty. Therefore, rejoice in the knowledge that Christ died for you so that you have eternal life. In John 20:31, it is said in this way: "But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name."
So on this Resurrection Sunday, stop looking for answers and fulfillment in places other than Christ because it is a futile search. Instead, relax and rejoice in knowing that Jesus is risen and alive in each and every one of us. The Almighty is a personal God and He will call out to you, just like he did with Mary Magdalene in John 20:16 (Jesus said to her, "Mary."), but you must listen and pay attention. He wants to share in your life, but you must be willing to surrender to Him and trust in the Lord for guidance.

Seeking Forgiveness: Definitely Not an Easy Task

Life lessons, though necessary, are always hard to learn. We go about our days not giving much thought to our actions and thinking that we are doing the right thing to some extent. That is until somebody brings our flaws to light, and we realize that we have hurt somebody drastically and were not even aware. This is much like what Paul reveals in Romans 7:15, which states, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

I don’t know about any of you, but when something like this is brought to my attention, I’m completely devastated. A whirlwind of emotions will flow through me, but my knee-jerk reaction is always to just want to run away. The band, Addison Road, expresses this in the following lyrics:
"Run just as fast as you can
Run, 'til you reach the end
Where the fallen finally land
And your world starts over again." 

I think it is mere instinct that we just want to detach ourselves immediately from the situation so that we don’t have to face the facts. This is by no means the right way to handle such occasions; I am just stating that the idea is always in the forefront of my mind. 

After analyzing a difficult situation that you have ended up in due to your actions, whether accidental or on purpose, the best thing to do is take some time to think over the proper way to respond. One should refrain from lashing out in anger, because that will only serve as a means of exacerbating the issue. As difficult as it may be, the only proper response is to seek forgiveness. We must seek forgiveness from God for slipping up and not following in His ways. We must seek forgiveness from the person we have hurt. And we must also forgive ourselves.

Seeking forgiveness is by no means an easy task. The thought of the all-perfect God makes anybody shudder and feel unworthy of His grace, but we must seek His forgiveness in order to be restored. His mercy is plentiful and if we sincerely seek forgiveness from God, He will provide it. Seeking forgiveness from the person whom we have hurt is another difficult task. It is necessary to humble oneself, accept that we are wrong and hope that the person will, in time, find it in their heart to believe we are sorry and grant us forgiveness. 2 Corinthians 2:5-8 illustrates how and why this should occur. The verses go as follows: “If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.”

Searching for forgiveness in any realm is difficult. I hate knowing and admitting to my own screw-ups, but it is necessary. The hardest part for me, though, is forgiving myself. I am my most difficult critic, and I have a tendency to overanalyze my failures. I play the “what if” game far too often and grapple over what I could have or should have done better, instead of trying to look towards the future for hope. So for now, I will look at tomorrow as a new day to try and work on the lessons I have learned and put my hope in the Lord.

"Everything rides on hope now 

Everything rides on faith somehow 
When the world has broken me down 
Your love sets me free."
~Addison Road