The end of August was definitely a whirlwind filled with many positives, but also, some negatives. As much as I have to be happy for certain events and people, I find myself drifting off and focusing on the negative, or somehow twisting the positives into negatives. It scares me how easily my brain can spiral downwards into the depths of negativity, especially when it should be rejoicing, not only for myself, but for others as well. This has brought to mind the verse, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn," which can be found in Romans 12:15.
It is compelling to know that the mark of a truly devoted Christian is to have a character that truly is happy for others. As much as I would like to say I reflect this, more and more I condemn myself for my thoughts of envy or discontentedness towards those who have what I seemingly do not. This leads me to question whether or not I am ever truly happy for others, or if I just speak lies expressing my happiness for them, when deep in my core, I am far from happy.
I am deeply troubled by the fact that I'm so unsure about how I feel about the success and happiness of those close to me. It frustrates me to think that I may not be the most genuine friend if my heart questions everything regarding others. I would like to say that I easily follow the words found in Romans 12:10 and Philippians 2:3, which state, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves," and, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself," but I feel like I am deceiving myself by thinking I uphold these words. I pray that I can overcome the great deceiver of humanity and recapture my positive thoughts and joy for others before it leads me down the wrong path.
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