Beautiful Letdown

It was a beautiful let down
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone unknown and hurt

Switchfoot

Simply put, this week has not been what I was hoping it would be for numerous reasons that I'd rather not dive into at the moment. In the words of Switchfoot, it's seemed like a beautiful letdown. There have been some situations that have caused me to feel utter frustration and despair, but my goal is to try and not make hasty decisions as I process my current reality and grapple with what could be my future reality. Ephesians 4:26, "In your anger do not sin..." seems to be in the forefront of my mind in the hopes of not lashing out at an unassuming passerby.
I've started running again in the hopes that I can get some endorphines running through my body in to try and lift my mood. The only issue with that is the fact that after so much time off, it's really hard to build that base again. Every runner wants to be able to jump right back into the sport with ease and be able to feel like they are in tip top shape, but that just isn't the case. Starting to run again after taking around 9 months off can almost be demoralizing, which isn't exactly a feeling I need to have coupled with my other frustrations. Thankfully I'm determined to get back in shape and am refusing to let those defeatists thoughts win.
In a way, it brings me back to how I felt during mile 17 of my marathon back in Delaware. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and questioning whether or not I could complete the race, but God was there to help me to the finish line. A song I listened to on the way to the race was "Unbreakable" by Fireflight, which is something that I listened to on my way to work today. The lyrics that really spoke to me were the following: "Sometimes it's hard to just keep going. But faith is moving without knowing. Can I trust what I can't see? To reach my destiny. I want to take control but I know better." Back during the marathon, it helped me to keep working towards that finish line. Now, it's my motivation to not give up, even when the world seems against me.
At this point in time, I'm very thankful for the blessing of music. There are numerous songs which seem to speak to how I feel in my current predicament. Along with "Unbreakable," two other songs that have helped keep my head above water this week are "Monster" by Paramore, and "Blinding Light" by Switchfoot. "Monster" speaks about how someone's opinion of, and occasional accusations against you, can make it seem like the whole world is attacking constantly. I especially like the part of the chorus, which says, "I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world. From turning into a monster and eating us alive. Don't you ever wonder how we survive?" In my opinion, if you trust in God, you can have a more positive outlook even when the world seems to be trying to devour you so that you lose hope. "Blinding Light" has a very blunt opinion on how America functions. In the first verse it says, "We're the nation that eats our youth." I couldn't agree more because it seems like there is such a push for everyone to go to college, but once you graduate, employers won't hire you and you are left to drown in student loans.
All of this has brought me back to my faith in God. I've been trying to remember that He has a plan for all of us and we must be patient in order to discover the answer. I don't want to just be another human floating through society not knowing what to do. I want to have a purpose, but I cannot try to control my life. God is in control and I must give everything to Him so I don't dissolve in despair or spiral into a pit of anxiety and depression. To avoid this, I'll continue to meditate on Philippians 4:6, which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." My hope is that you all will do the same when you run into roadblocks in life because they're inevitable.