Knowing That Help is a Necessity, Not an Option

I have recently started running again, which is a very difficult process after taking several months off.  It is hard for me to conceive my capabilities when I get winded after only about a mile and easily convince myself that I am bored.  In my mind, I know that I have accomplished a lot with my running, including conquering the newest rage, the marathon.
But that accomplishment is sitting on a shelf in my mind covered in three years of dust.  Unfortunately, my thought process never remains on this accomplishment long.  It always drifts ahead to one month later to one of my well kept failures; my DNF (did not finish for those who are not adept at running vernacular) in the Harrisburg Marathon.  After struggling with constant side-stitches and the need to puke but not being able to from mile 6 until mile 18, where I began walking on and off, I dropped out at mile 22, which I have calculated out to being approximately 85%.  I remember my mom asking me if I would be willing to deal with the fact that I would not be completing the race.  To be exact, she asked me 4-5 times, and I responded "yes" to every time.
The truth is, I lied.  I have never been okay with my DNF, and believe that I have been haunted by this fact ever since.  That reason being is because I have escaped all manner of road races and gone onto such outrageous trail endeavors such as the North Face Endurance Challenge, Dirty Bird, Chilly Cheeks, Ugly Mudder, Mt. Penn Mudfest, and the Tough Mudder.  I think I was trying to outrun my fears that I was not cut out to be a runner and trying to compete in events that nobody else I knew was participating in so that I had no means of comparison.  I also completed two half marathons, but not with the necessary training.  With my most recent half, though, I did realize that I came within 10 minutes of my fastest half, which I did finish while I was training for my marathon.  That was when the wheels in my brain started turning.
In my infinite wisdom, I began wondering why I even ran in the first place.  After awhile, I did realize that I used to enjoy the sport, but I have a tendency to maintain a love/hate relationship with it.  I also have entered races because I didn't want certain people accomplishing a task before I had attempted it myself (curse you competitive nature).
After some toiling, I did talk to one of my professors who was looking to do a race in the spring.  I mentioned what I have already previously stated, and she determined that I needed to get back in the saddle and conquer my fears, but to do so for the sake of finishing and not looking at a watch.  But just to make it worth her while, she did tack on a goal that she believes in her heart I can accomplish, but I am dreadfully afraid I will fall short.  What struck me, though, was the fact that I had mentioned all of my shortcomings and how I faltered in the past, and she continued to be adamant in what she believed I could do.  I then discussed the prospect with my roommate.  She agreed with my professor in the fact that she believes in my abilities, but she is willing to go as far as to help me by running with me and providing me with a support system.
Then it hit me.  The reason I dropped out of Harrisburg was because I believed in myself.  Now to some of you, that might sound completely odd, but I was only relying on my own abilities.  I never asked for help or guidance from the One who is with us constantly.  I never prayed for God's assistance, which was considerably foolish.  It is written in Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  That means that if I believe that I can conquer some staggering goal in the future, I better go to Him for assistance through constant prayer.  I must pray and admit that I cannot perform to the best of my abilities without Him in order to gain strength.  When I struggle on my early runs as I try to build up a base to begin my training for May, I must turn my thoughts to God and remember that He is with me always and can ease my hardships by lending me His strength.  I do also realize that God has provided me with a human support system for the times that I feel that I physically need to see someone who believes in me. He will know the days when I am close to mental defeat and that will be when He has me train with either my roommate or professor to bolster my confidence and strength through Him.  For that, I will give Him constant praise and thanks always.