Overlooking an Offense

"A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel." ~Proverbs 18:19
"A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense." ~Proverbs 19:11

It is a natural part of life to endure disputes with your fellow man. It's what happens within society, more so than not, these days. I'm sure many of you have realized, either with close friends or family, that once somebody gets offended, it takes quite a bit of time to overlook such an incident, much like the one in the first above proverb. Man can turn into an unyielding fortress if he gets attacked in a manner that goes against his viewpoints or beliefs. The important lesson in the situation, though, is to not remain stone-cold, but to be patient and try to overlook an offense, like in the second proverb found above.

It is in our best interests to try and soften our hearts in order to get past an offense, great or small. You might ask, "Why?" and the answer is to bring glory to God. By overlooking an offense, it does not necessarily mean that you were wrong in the situation, or that how you were treated was right. It just puts you on the path towards forgiveness so that you can walk in a more Christ-like fashion. For many, this is hard because our sinful human nature always yearns for revenge. Many times we just want the other person to suffer the same pain and anguish that we felt, but that's not how we are meant to function. Instead, listen to the words found in Romans 12:17-21, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." A similar version can be found within 1 Peter 3:8-9, which states, "Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." Not only are we called to overlook an offense. We are also called to heap blessings onto the people who have wronged us. Again, this goes against our very human nature and the sinful thoughts in our mind. Too often we feel that kind gestures should only be reserved for those times when friends have been kind to us, not when they have sinned against us. The knee-jerk reaction we lean towards involves anger and revenge, but Ephesians 4:26 proclaims, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." The problem with getting angry is that anger festers and only makes problems worse. The best solution is to pray and demonstrate your true colors, utilizing the stalwart character that God blessed you with, by deciding to be compassionate and blessing those who have caused you pain. This essentially helps you live out the words found within Luke 6:27-28: “'But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.'"
In my experience, emotional and verbal wounds take the most time to heal. Many seem to forget that words, whether spoken or written, can pack a punch. Other times, words morph into empty promises and hang limp like dead leaves on a tree limb because they aren't coupled with actions, or they lack follow-through. Too many times our own words get thrown back in our faces and used against us. It is times like these that are hardest for me to remember to be compassionate and loving, especially because I feel like my heart has been seared with a cattle prod. All I really want to do is rant and rave and let others know the pain I've had to endure. Deep down, I know that this won't solve anything. I know that the best solution is to try and move past the hurt in an attempt to make amends and salvage the relationship I have with the person who hurt me. But the key to overlooking an offense and putting an incident in the past is to make sure it stays there. Digging up old wounds defeats the original purpose of overlooking the offense. Proverbs 17:9 states, "Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." In order to avoid separating close friends, bury your old wounds and throw away the key.
While reading my book Breach of Trust by DiAnn Mills yesterday, I came across the following quote: "Love involves sacrifice." This of course got me thinking about the word "love" and the scant few people I claim to care enough about to use this word to express how much I care about them. It made me question whether I have sacrificed anything for them, and vice versa. I think it made me realize that without the sacrifice, great or small, the word "love" should not be used. Now sacrifice does not mean some monumental task, like Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross to demonstrate His immense love for us. Instead, it is that moment where you analyze a situation and decide to do what is best for the other person involved, even if it is not what you want in your heart, and even if it causes great anguish in your heart and mind. In my mind, that is the demonstration of true love. It also embodies the message of this post about why it is best to overlook an offense: In order to demonstrate your love for the other person. All the more reason to take to heart this following verse:

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." ~Ephesians 4:32