Scatterbrained Ramble

I've had a lot on my mind lately, but then again, that's nothing out of the ordinary for an over-thinker like myself. I'm one of those overboard multi-taskers because I'm either easily distracted, or my mind is fueled with an obsessive need to know as much as possible at any given moment. Having your brain processing information at a million miles per hour can be a bit of a hindrance, though, especially when it comes to decision making. There comes a point when I find I have too many ideas filtering through my brain and too many options in front of me about what to do with my life. Instead of picking one and running with it, I feel like I just shut down mentally and get stuck in a rut. As Mark Batterson wrote in his book Wild Goose Chase, "'What is it you want?' I'm convinced that many of our problems are the by-products of the fact that most of us cannot answer that question. We don't know what we want. We've never defined our goals or values or passions, so we're out of touch with our heart's desires. And our growing responsibilities have numbed us to the possibilities around us and the passions within us." I don't think I could find a better way to describe the state that I'm in than that.
It's become more and more apparent that I'm going through life in a deer-in-the-headlights fashion as of late. I cringe whenever I'm asked the, "what do you want to do with your life?" question. A late night chat with my dad on the front porch a little over a week ago provided me with the beginning of a wake-up call. It was 1am and I was dealing with a bit of disappointment so I was sitting outside because that's a typical coping mechanism for me. My dad came out to keep me company and our conversation drifted to my future, which is when I began struggling to find answers for him. He then countered with this kick-in-the-teeth comment: "Well I suggest you figure out what it is you enjoy or wanna do or else you're gonna end up living the rest of your life in fear." That's the beauty of having a compassionate, yet hard-nosed German as a father; he's not subtle and doesn't beat around the bush, but gets straight to the point.
Honestly, it was just the comment I needed to fuel some more reading, thinking, and praying that might actually lead to some action from me, rather than indecisiveness. It was a reminder that I'm still living my life in a fashion that seeks glory for myself and makes me fear the opinions of others. Two pieces of Scripture that reminded me of this and opened my eyes were Matthew 10:28 and John 5:44. These verses focus on how humanity puts too much stock in the opinions, adoration, and attention received from other mere mortals as opposed to focusing on the opinion of God and giving Him all the glory. Unnecessary fear of others and their opinions can hold us back, while pride makes us turn away from Jesus, which is a sure fire way to fail in this life, and can be downright disastrous for the next.
I believe a fear that many of us have is not knowing what the future holds and now knowing God's "plan" for our lives. Too often this puts us at a standstill and we somehow stop making decisions about our lives or take any steps to progress toward a goal. It's much like this line from the song "Climbing a Chair to Bed" by the Dropkick Murphys: "Are you too afraid of living to make a man's mistakes?" Kevin DeYoung frames it nicely in his book Just Do Something in the following statement: "I'd like us to consider that maybe we have difficulty discovering God's wonderful plan for our lives because, if truth be told, He doesn't really intend to tell us what it is. And maybe we're wrong to expect Him to." The way I see it, our generation is far too distracted by gadgets and other sources of information to truly focus on God in an attempt to hear His guidance. Our focus has drifted off of God to every other tangible piece of technology or human being in front of us, possibly because we don't put much stock on the intangible, even though we might believe in our hearts that it exists. Unfortunately we're in a generation that desires and yearns for proof of everything.
For me, because of distractions and skewed focus, I've lost track of myself in the melee. Somewhere along the way I never allowed any dreams take root and lost confidence in my God given abilities. That led to a defeatist mentality, which seeped into all aspects of my life from career, to running, to my personal life. This of course kept me from developing and formulating any tangible goals in my life, leading to a rather melancholy existence. Sure, I've enjoyed the exploits from my vagabond lifestyle, but I think I fooled myself into believing I was happy with the direction my life was taking. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel and always will, but I don't want to feel like I'm just wandering through life without a destination or goal in mind. I began rethinking my life when I came across the song "Glass Houses" by The Classic Crime. It's a song that discusses how we all spend so much time building a glass house of happiness that's easily shattered once we stop putting up a front.

When the glass shattered around me

I learned a good lesson about my disorder

I thought I was happy

I said all the right things

I naively believed that my ship couldn't sink

But it did

You got hung up on the outside

Fake like you're living the good life

But death and decay on the inside

Just add pride and hate to your long list of crimes

All this keeping up with the Jones' leads us to pretend that our lives are a walk in the park and we bolster this with fake happiness and fantasies. Truth is, we're lying to everyone, including ourselves. I love how the lyricist of this song talks about how this is actually a disorder and that we're all naive to think it won't break down over time. A facade can only last so long before it begins to crumble or shatter. Most poignantly, though, is that the singer of "Glass Houses" speaks of the fact that he actually built a crystal cathedral amongst all of the glass houses.

This brings me to the first of two misconceptions I'd like to address before I close this lengthy ramble. Somehow churchgoers seem to have fallen into the trap of believing that they are not allowed to be anything but happy. Why is it that so many today feel this need to wear a mask and project false joy? Whatever happened to being able to feel the whole scope of emotions God provided us with? Not allowing ourselves to project anything but happiness because we assume that's how Christians should act totally negates the fact that the Book of Lamentations exists. Even David, a man after God's own heart, got frustrated and exuded various emotions within the Psalms. I recently saw a shirt on gratefulapparel.com that says, "Church isn't a museum for good people. It's a hospital for the broken." From my experience, broken people have various emotions and they don't have it all together all the time. We need to remember that we're allowed to express frustration, anger, and discontent as long as we don't remain in that mindset. Remember the words of Ephesians 4:26 ~ "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." And Psalm 30:5 says, "...Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Clearly we are meant to experience a myriad of emotions.

This brings me to my second point. I believe this misconception about our emotions stems from the misconception that happiness is promised to those who dedicate their lives to Christ. To be brutally honest, this is a huge fallacy. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise His followers happiness for a lifetime on this Earth. There is more emphasis placed on the fact that we are going to suffer and deal with struggles in this life. Romans 8:16-17 is very upfront and honest about this fact, stating, "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we also may be glorified with him." Let that last part sink in a little bit. Suffering with Christ is in the equation for us to share in His glory. And the glory that Paul speaks of is not in the here and now, but in heaven. To put it bluntly using the words of Kevin DeYoung, "Life isn't always fun, and we shouldn't expect it to be." Truth is, life here on Earth is not all about us an whether or not we're happy. It's all about obeying God and allowing Him to be glorified.

Some of you might be wondering where this leaves us now and how we're supposed to muddle through life. I believe the secret is finding contentment. Paul wrote about the art of being content in both Philippians 4:11 and 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Paul wrote, "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content," and, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." No matter what you're dealing with in life, if Christ is your focus, you'll find contentment wherever you're at, regardless of circumstances. Start looking for joy in the little things life has to offer and focus on the positives, rather than the negatives. As Taylor Swift sings in "Starlight," "Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change. You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way." It's all a matter of perspective and whether or not you choose to be content with your life.

My advice to all of you is to start taking some initiative in your life and maybe listen to the song, "This is Your Life" by Switchfoot to help motivate yourself into figuring out if you're "who you want to be." Invest in your future, whether that means going to school, studying up on how you can start your own business, or actually getting that certification you've been putting off because you're cheap and lazy. Sure, you might have to change course in the future, but it's better than living a passive life, waiting for things to happen to you. That's a sure fire way to end up with regrets. Instead, put some actual thought into what your dreams could be and trust that God will be with you every step of the way, even if you aren't sure you're making the proper decision. He's in everything that you do and will work things out in the end. If you refuse to formulate some dreams and goals in life, there's no possible way to strive towards them and achieve what you desire. Take some risks and don't fear failure. Your failures will actually serving as learning experiences in the long run. And for pete's sake, stop focusing so much on what others might think of you and your goals. That will only hold you back. Keep God at the center of everything and strive to please Him with your life. But whatever you do, desire to be content rather than happy. Happiness is not guaranteed, but we all have the ability to be content no matter the situation, for blessings and struggles are all a part of God's hidden plan for your life.