Rejecting the Kingdom of Self

"Only when we have become completely oblivious of self are we ready to bear the cross for his sake."

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I've been reading through The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and let me tell you, it will definitely convict you of your shortcomings and unveil any selfishness that still exists in your heart. Though it's hard and feels like a slap in the face, it's necessary in order to live with complete abandon to Jesus. Pride and self-centeredness are two great evils that must be combated in every individual so as to preserve the integrity of the Christian mission, and I'll be the first to tell you that I've been complacent in my own battle until recently.

I'm not exactly sure how it happened, and it was probably due to a myriad of factors, but at somepoint, I stopped making an effort to reach out to people and be truly concerned about what they were doing in life and what struggles they were facing. I was taking the ostrich approach to life: head in the sand to ignore what was going on around me. But by being too busy focusing on myself and all of the recent changes in my life, I forgot to use my spiritual gift of encouragement. I think in my mind I convinced myself that if I was discouraged with the path I was on, what's the point of trying to encourage someone else? And that's where I was wrong. I forgot that the Christian life is upside down and backwards, which meant that I forgot that by choosing to encourage someone else, I in turn would end up being encouraged. Selfishness will do that to you, though. It'll convince you that there's no sense being involved in somebody's life when things aren't going they way you had hoped.

It wasn't until I saw a particular post on Facebook that I had my head yanked back out of the sand. I can't remember the exact wording, or even who posted it, but it basically called for the reader to ponder how many people struggled to get through their day because the person God appointed to encourage them chose not to. In that moment, the hamster on the wheel in my brain literally started sprinting and my eyes were opened to how I was being flagrantly disobedient. Not only was I not wielding my spiritual gift, but I was ignoring other Scriptures that call for us to encourage others and be supportive of the Christian community such as Hebrews 10:24-25 and 1 Thessalonians 5:11. It also made me wonder how many times I'd potentially missed the opportunity to make a new friend because I was too busy wanting life to be all about me, rather than about Jesus and his kingdom.

As of late, I feel like I've finally returned to my old encouraging self now that I'm a little less focused on my own life and am instead reaching out to others. It honestly doesn't take that much effort, which makes me realize how selfish and complacent I had really become to not bother extending myself either via text, phone call, or any other form of communication. You, also, can easily encourage others by either going to an event a friend is participating in, streaming it online, forwarding posts that remind you of someone, patting someone on the back after they courageously share their testimony in public, or passing along information about a cause that is near and dear to someone's heart. All we need to do is burst the bubble of self and cheer on other people and we will in turn realize that we end up getting blessed by purposefully choosing to bless and encourage others.

"The inability to celebrate what God is doing in and through someone else simply reveals a profound sense of fear, insecurity, and lack of trust in a big, gracious, faithful, and loving God. If you are in your lane running your race and another person is faithfully in their lane running their race then there is no possible way that the success of one can diminish the effectiveness of another. It is God who calls us and He is good and He does good. We need to get a bigger view of God so we do not allow our own flesh, feelings, thoughts, and limitations to rule and reign. Why don't we choose to celebrate each other rather than compare and compete with each other." ~Christine Caine

Facing Fears for God's Glory

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." ~Psalm 34:4

The above verse was my mantra for the majority of last week. I spent the week going through raft guide school, a period of time that I thought would be a stepping stone for a new summer job. There's truth to the fact that it was a stepping stone, but not in the sense that I expected, as you'll all soon come to realize.

The week started out well enough. I met the other raft guide candidates and we all received our cold weather gear that included a wetsuit, booties, and a splash top. March isn't exactly the ideal time of year to go rafting, especially when the water is 47 degrees Fahrenheit, but I figured after a week of volunteering in 16 degree weather in Tennessee, I'd be alright. The first day we were taught paddle strokes and then the instructors took us down the channel of Class II and III rapids. It was a little unnerving at first, but I survived and slowly became more comfortable. By day two, I was doing a decent job of guiding and catching mandatory eddies, minus the fact that I decided to briefly abandon ship when I got bounced out of the raft during a Class III rapid. What I wasn't ready for, though, was our last task of the day: swimming underneath the raft. I totally understand why it is required because we need to be put in every possible situation that someone might experience while whitewater rafting. But for someone who has a fear of getting trapped beneath an object underwater, to the point where I have a hammer in my glove compartment on the off chance my car goes off a bridge into a body of water, this was a terrifying endeavor. I attempted to do the length of the raft, but after about two seconds of being underwater, I freaked out and shot out the side. I did my best to regain my composure and the instructors and I decided on me doing the width of the raft, which I completed, but my mental state was in shambles. I held it together until I reached my car, which is where I crumbled into uncontrollable sobs for my 45 minute drive home. I knew I was okay, but I was allowing Satan to infiltrate my brain and play tricks on me. I knew the next day involved swimming the Class III rapids, and I was petrified and convinced that I wouldn't be able to do it. 

When I got home, I attempted to calm down enough to call home. I was calm for a matter of five seconds before the panic attack returned. Thankfully my mom was able to get me to talk about what I had accomplished that day, which helped alleviate my panic, until I had to discuss what had caused it. I was able to calm down again, but I was at a real low point, actually asking if I was a horrible Christian for getting so anxious and fearful for my life and the thought of death, even though I was aware that the likelihood of me dying at guide school was minimal. I was reassured and told that I wasn't a bad Christian, but that I really needed to pray, and pray a lot. It had become very apparent that I wasn't going to be able to complete guide school in my own strength. 

That night I had a very fitful night of sleep. I was dreading guide school because of the swim portion, and to make it even more fun, it was about 50 degrees and cloudy. Did I mention that the water was 47 degrees? I arrived and was thankful that we just spent time talking inside for two hours, but then it was time to venture outside. I was shaking partly because of the cold and partly because of the idea of having to swim through the rapids. I was doing my best to pray for God's strength and for him to wrap me up in a little bubble and take away my fears and anxiety. The first portion of the swim wasn't too bad, but then I got caught in an eddy, which really exhausted me when I tried to swim out of it. Combining the fact that I was tired with the fact that I still had to swim the largest Class III on the channel made me start doubting myself, which I voiced to one of the instructors. He remained patient with me and promised to float a few feet behind me to make me more comfortable, so I waded into the frigid water, said a little prayer, and began floating toward the waves downstream. As I descended, I held my breath and prepared for my body to get held underwater momentarily. Thankfully I popped up within five seconds and was able to swim to shore feeling like I accomplished something. I was thankful that God got me through that, but the anxiety soon returned knowing full well that swimming a Class IV rapid was on the docket.

As I sat and ate my lunch, another guide began discussing the Class IV rapid that was awaiting us. He mentioned how you really didn't want to go left or else you'd experience what is known as the "spin cycle," which pretty much meant you'd get tumbled underwater a couple times before resurfacing. This put my mind in overdrive and I attempted to pray, but the fear and anxiety lingered in the recesses of my brain. I began to shiver again partially from cold and partially from the thought of the swim. I tried to warm up in a hot shower, but by the time we were to go outside, I had reached my breaking point and told one of my instructors that the water was making me anxious, which of course lead to some tears on my part. Another one of my least favorite things: crying in front of people. He was kind and asked me what about it made me anxious and I explained the unpredictability of the currents. Instead of forcing me to go back on the water, he suggested I go talk to the raft guide scheduler in order to decompress. She was very kind and allowed me to express my concerns and she voiced how she was also scared to swim under the raft. She also said that the instructors weren't there to make me miserable and that if there was anything that made me feel uncomfortable, I didn't have to do it. That seemed to alleviate some of the stress I was feeling. She also encouraged me to not give up so fast and to at least finish out the week, even if that meant just riding along as a passenger in the raft and not actually guiding considering I fell out pretty much once a day as a guide for some reason. I was able to motivate myself into going back out and rafting the rest of the day, thankful that we weren't swimming the Class IV that day like I suspected. I made it through the rest of Wednesday and was less anxious than the day before, but still not at all myself. I had a discussion with Chrissy when I got home, and we both determined that this wasn't the job for me with all of the tension that was clearly wafting off of me. I desired nothing more than to just be done with guide school, but still knew that I couldn't just throw in the towel. I needed to see this through no matter how anxious I was.

Thursday morning rolled around and I started my day by writing Psalm 34:4 on the back of my left hand. To go with it, I also wrote on there 1 John 4:18 in order to remind me of these words: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." That last sentence stings a bit to consider, but in essence, it's true of my life. I don't fully understand the love of God and I think I fall short in truly embracing it at times and trusting God to protect me every step of the way. It's certainly a shortcoming and an area in my faith that I need to improve through studying my Bible, but I digress. 

On my way to school, I opted to listen to Tenth Avenue North, particularly the song, "Closer." Within this song is the line, "Come on, let me know You're near, and push away my fear," which ended up serving as my mantra for the day. Again, we began our day discussing things in the classroom before gearing up and scouting the Class III and IV channel on our way to the swim location. I prayed on and off on our scouting trip, partly thinking that the channel wasn't so bad, until I saw where we needed to swim. Then my anxiety revved right up again. My uneasiness was well known to the other participants and other instructors, along with the rafting manager, who tried to give me some encouragement letting me know that my guiding skills were good and that the I was capable of doing the swim. I nodded and decided that I would attempt it despite my mind trying to convince me otherwise. Honestly, the night before I'd practiced holding my breath as long as possible as a way of preparing for a worst case scenario. Soon we all lined up to take our turns at the swim, waiting for the "go" signal from the manager on shore. When it was my turn, I again said a prayer and jumped into the current. I attempted to steer myself towards the right of the pillow of the rapid and held my breath and closed my eyes as I went under. About seven seconds later, I resurfaced and heard my instructor yelling for me to swim to him in the eddy to the river left. I managed to get over there and swirled up to the side and climbed the ladder onto the shore. I was very thankful to be okay and happy about what God helped me accomplish, but that nugget of anxiety implanted itself yet again since I knew full well that I then had to raft the same channel multiple times with others guiding and soon myself guiding. I continued to think about how perfect love casts out fear and that got me to lunch time. With the temperature dropping and it downpouring and windy, we stayed inside for quite awhile. I secretly hoped the storm wouldn't calm down, but alas, it did, and it was on to attempting to surf the Class III rapids. I found myself volunteering to go first, mostly just to get it out of the way. I did a decent job until the current ripped the side of the boat into the rapid and I feared we were going to flip as I got tossed to the left. I tried to lean right, but my paddle came out of the water, causing the right side of the boat to then tip towards the trough of the rapid, and into the water I fell, upstream of the raft. Thankfully I didn't have enough time to fully comprehend what happened and what was about to happen and was able to instinctively hold my breath because I soon found myself pushed underneath my raft. With the training I had earlier in the week, though, I knew what I needed to do in order to get back to the surface and swam frantically to shore, where I climbed onto a rock totally winded, hands on knees trying to catch my breath again. I distinctly remember thinking to myself that this wasn't fun and so not for me, but knowing that it was not because of the instruction, but was all totally mental on my part. Since it was so cold, I opted to only do one more run and then call it a day in order to avoid hypothermia. I was thankful that God got me through yet another day, but was still wishing I was completely done.

Friday rolled around, a day where it was 29 degrees out and windy. We remained inside until 11am, but I already knew in my head that it wasn't worth risking hypothermia for a job I knew I wouldn't take in the end. I prayed about it and knew that I had accomplished all that was necessary for the week. Regardless, I suited up in my wetsuit and multiple fleece layers, but still found myself shivering. God was watching over me, though, because upon mentioning that I was cold to an instructor, he went and chatted with the other instructor and they both decided to have me observe runs from shore to keep me dry until at least lunch time. I was perfectly content with that idea and could feel my anxiety leaving me, knowing that I could wait to face the Class IV rapids a little longer. After lunch, though, I was still a little chilly and requested to continue my observations, which I was allowed to do. I was thankful and actually really enjoyed watching from shore. I maintained my awareness of what the other guides were doing and I had the opportunity to talk to the instructors one on one for a long period of time, which wouldn't have happened otherwise. God answered my prayers and had gotten me through the week and blessed me with a day on shore in order to stay relatively warm and dry.

After the day was complete, each raft guide candidate had a debriefing interview with the instructors and manager. I explained to them that I didn't think that being a raft guide was a good fit for me because the water made me anxious. To my surprise, I found that I was being thanked and complimented for my perseverance and my ability to guide. They told me that if there was anything they could help with in the future that they would in order to get me to feel more comfortable because they believed in my abilities. They also were thankful that I didn't just bail midweek even though I knew that raft guiding wasn't for me because that would have caused them to question their teaching abilities, so I made sure to emphasize that they were very good instructors and that I was just too in my head about certain things. They then complimented me on the fact that never once did I complain even when I was visibly shivering due to the cold. 

As much as I'd like to take credit, I know that God is the one who saw me through my week at guide school. Without Him protecting me, I wouldn't have been able to manage swimming Class III and Class IV rapids in such cold water. I believe this entire week was a test of my faith to see whether or not I would trust God enough. I know I faltered at times, but I think the blessing of a day onshore on Friday was proof that I ultimately passed. 

This week definitely taught me a lot about myself and the power of prayer. True, I still need to trust God more, but we're all a work in progress. It also helped put some of my other random anxieties in perspective and proved to me that they are nothing compared to facing raging whitewater. As my one friend said in a text on Friday, "Who knew that such a small event could have such a lasting impact on the rest of your life." In light of deciding I'm not cut out to be a rafting guide, I was reminded of a piece of advice I was I was given last year: "Sometimes you have to find out what isn't before you can find out what is." My hope for all of you is that you won't run away from your fears or difficult situations automatically. I hope that you'll pray to God to get you through them and that He can be glorified when you accomplish something that you know would be impossible in your own strength. As Paul wrote of God in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "...'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Thoughts on Evangelism

"I want to learn how to unlock the locks to our minds, my mind, so that when I hear opinions or views that don’t match up with mine, I can still listen and understand." ~Charlotte Eriksson

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a great theologian who was executed during World War II. His life and his convictions have always intrigued me, but I think what fascinates me most is how he comprehended theological issues and applied them to daily life. In his book Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy, Eric Metaxas described Bonhoeffer's viewpoint as follows: "To be an ethereal figure who merely talked about God, but somehow refused to get his hands dirty in the real world in which God had placed him, was bad theology. Through Christ, God had shown that he meant us to be in this world and to obey him with our actions in this world." Reading this, I'm drawn to how we're meant to get our hands dirty. We can't be Christians who impact this world by remaining in the confines of a Christian bubble. Yes, we must make sure that we don't get tripped up by sin, but we can't avoid involvement in the community around us just because the people might hold different beliefs and convictions than us. I believe that's exactly why Jesus specifically prayed, "I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one," in John 17:15. He knows that the only way for us to reach people is by going into the lion's den to confront evil and try to provide hope for those who are lost in this world.

There are a few things that we must all keep in mind when intently sharing the Gospel. First of all, just because you're a Christian doesn't mean that you're better than anybody else. It means that you are forgiven and have salvation from your sins through the sacrifice Jesus made on the Cross, but it doesn't move anyone up a rung in some imaginary hierarchy. Ecclesiastes 7:20 is very clear on the matter stating, "Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins." Christians must never forget the fact that we're all broken and have back stories, especially when trying to minister to those around them who don't share the same belief systems. In his song "Broken," Lecrae raps, "We some broken people, came from broken homes. Broken hearts inside of a broken soul...Ain't a soul on the planet that's better than another and we all need grace in the face of each other." Always remembering this fact will go a long way in your encounters and interactions with those around you.

Something else to take into account when sharing the Gospel is that we're not here to point fingers. Too many Christians have taken it upon themselves to be judge over humanity, which is God's job. This might be why so many unbelievers just assume Christianity is all about following rules, rather than having a relationship with Jesus. We're here to imitate Jesus, which means sharing the truth in love, rather than being judgmental. It's time to remember how Jesus ministered to those around him. A beautiful example of how Jesus advocated for an outcast occurred in the beginning of John 8. The Pharisees interrupted Jesus' teaching at the temple by flaunting a woman they had just caught in the act of adultery. According to Old Testament law, she deserved to be stoned, though they neglected to pay attention to the entire letter of the law in Leviticus 20:10, which states that the man caught in the act of adultery should also be stoned. Jesus responded by scribbling in the dirt and then telling the Pharisees that the person without sin could be the first to stone the woman they had caught committing adultery. Needless to say, only Jesus was left there with the woman and I believe the most important take away from this situation comes in John 8:10-11. It states, "Jesus stood up and said to her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' She said, 'No one, Lord.' And Jesus said, 'Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.'" He chose not to condemn her. Let that sink in. The Son of God didn't ridicule her for her decisions and the situation she found herself in, but rather told her to sin no more. He extended grace and pointed out where she needed to make improvements in her life in a loving fashion, which is how we must approach unbelievers around us.

I firmly believe that we need to have a certain level of awareness when trying to share the Gospel with those around us. There are those who will be open to listening to what you have to say and others who will completely shut you down. Still, there will be those who will ask questions, but decide that it's not for them at that particular time. Christians need to be astute in how to approach each situation that they are given to share about Jesus, and do so as Jesus. Only God can change people's hearts. We can plant seeds, but whether or not somebody becomes a Christian and trusts in Jesus as their Lord and Savior is up to God. The words Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 are very fitting here. Paul wrote, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth." Someone's personal conversion to Christianity doesn't not rest in our hands, but in God's. This should come as a relief to every disciple who is out sharing the Gospel. Yes, it's important to share the Gospel, but it's ultimately up to God whether that person receives Jesus into their heart. We aren't here to shove the Gospel down people's throats. We are here to share it in love and we are to listen to the plight of people around us. It isn't our job to chase people down and force our beliefs on them. Jesus didn't even run after people. Just consider the rich young ruler who came to Jesus to find out what he needed to do in order to get to heaven. After hearing him out, in Mark 10:21, it states, "And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, 'You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.'" Unfortunately, this young man went away disheartened because he couldn't bare to sell his possessions. One would think that Jesus would run after him, telling him why he is making a poor decision, but Jesus didn't do that because it wasn't his style. He knew and understood that it was up to God to change the young man's heart and no amount of pleading or berating him with Scripture would do change him.

Lastly, I believe the key to being a good evangelist is to have a listening ear. Too many people in society are so self focused that they spend more time trying to formulate the perfect response than truly listening to what another person is saying. A friend of mine counsels people and he has told me that most people yearn to have others listen and understand them in order to receive validation. As evangelists, we too must take this into account. Don't be so focused on sharing your spiel on the Gospel that you forget to live it out. Jesus loved on people and he listened to them, and we must do the same. If that means altering what your ultimate plan was in sharing the Gospel, alter it. Remember that sharing the Gospel and the love of God doesn't always have to be about the words you say, but the actions you display. If you refuse to listen or appear shocked and appalled by someone's story, do you really think that they are going to want to listen to you about Jesus? By listening, though, you can grasp a better understanding of someone's life and experiences and you can internally grieve for what they have endured. It also provides an opportunity to pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance in responding to a person, whether that be through words or just your presence.
Remember, you are going to come across people in life who you don't agree with, but that doesn't mean that you can't lovingly listen to what they have to say in an attempt to understand their life. We're all a bunch of screw-ups who need the love of Jesus. Sure, other people are aggravating and frustrating at times, but it's our job to get into the fray and encourage others to seek a different path. Charles Spurgeon wrote, "I would go to the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary." Christians need to share this attitude towards the lost instead of looking down on others in disgust. There are billions of people on Earth and not everybody is going to share your viewpoint, which is why it is worth trying to listen and understand amidst sharing the good news of Jesus.
I'll leave you with this quote that has an unknown author. It is one that has helped me be patient with others in the past, and it is my hope that it will help you in the future: "Always see the God in people. No matter what they do or say love them despite themselves. God created them with love and purpose, see that love in them and not their mistakes. We're not forgiven to walk around with unforgiveness in our hearts, we're forgiven so we can forgive. People make mistakes but not one person is a mistake. Let us love like Jesus loved, let our actions bring Glory to His name forever and always."

Abundant Provision

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." ~Ephesians 3:20-21

Maybe I'm too much of a realist or maybe it's my staunch stance against the prosperity gospel, but I've always struggle with the above verse. I know that God provides for us, but I guess my trust falls short of believing in the utter abundance of God's blessings for His people. Apparently today was one of those days that God felt He needed to remind me that He is God and provides everything in this life, even if we assume that we're in control.

The past couple of days I have been getting amusingly hassled by my German relatives. They couldn't understand why I was leaving the day before New Year's Eve, also known as Silvester in Germany. My aunt's fiance went so far as to hypothesize that my parents got so into their house renovations that either I wouldn't have a room to go back to or they just decided to up and move the whole house, which would still leave me with no place to go home to in America. I was rather amused by all of this and attempted to explain that the cost of flights before New Years was at least $300 cheaper than after, thus the reason I was leaving early, especially since the trip was a gift from my parents in the first place, so I was trying to save them as much money as possible.

Fast forward to today where I was sitting at my gate awaiting the boarding call for my flight to JFK. I had a nice chat with the security guy who told me he was jealous that I lived within two hours of New York City and always wanted to visit because of the atmosphere. As it turns out, my flight was overbooked and they were offering a voucher to anybody willing to bump the flight home. I'd heard about these offers, but never anticipated that they would offer a $1000 travel voucher, which was exactly what they did. I went to the desk at the gate to inquire about rebooking because if I had to fly out the next day, that would defeat the purpose of trying to enjoy New Years with the family. When I was told that the date was up to me, I jumped on the opportunity and bumped my flight. Not only was I provided with the ability to spend Silvester with my relatives without the extra expense, I was blessed with $1000 towards travel with Delta at somepoint in the next year, which is a tremendous blessing for someone who is preparing to up and move to a new city in search of a new job. I've been a bit anxious about the move, but this reminded me about how God provides and provides in abundance, which is something that I need to believe in more fervently. 

The reason I chose to write this post, though, is because of the verse I came across as I was writing about the day's events in my travel journal. There are little Bible verses at the bottom of each page and the one at the bottom of the page for today was from The Living Bible. It's Psalm 139:3, which states, "You chart the path ahead of me...Every moment You know where I am." As I reflect on my day, this verse couldn't be more true. In retrospect, God knew this would happen and that I would opt to volunteer for the voucher, which put me in a unique position to assist some travelers. 

I'll start this story off with the fact that I was in a bit of a rush and slightly annoyed at first. I had four minutes until my train to Frankfurt Bahnhof was to arrive and I needed to purchase my ticket. Except there were three people standing in front of the ticket machine looking for a stop that wasn't coming up on the screen. Instead of stepping out of the way, they stood there to discuss this fact until I finally asked if I could purchase my ticket. Once I did, the one man who had a print out with him started to inquire if I could help. Except he only spoke Portuguese and I only know English and horrible German, and maybe five words in Spanish. Luckily I knew the stop he needed because it was in the basement of Karstadt, which is where I just so happened to go shopping yesterday. I attempted to explain that every S-bahn stopped there and that he and his friend just needed to take a train towards Frankfurt Hauptbahnhof to reach their destination. They then went to buy their tickets, but the machine wouldn't accept the man's credit card. Also, because the fair was so low, he couldn't use his 20 or 50 Euro to purchase the ticket. I could sense his frustration because I've been there myself, exactly three years ago, which is how I ended up with a week long rail pass from Oberursel to Frankfurt. I rifled through my pockets for small Euros and happened to come up with enough for the fare. The man was very grateful and attempted to pay me back, but all he had was a 20, which was over twice the amount of what he paid, so I kindly declined. He then signaled that he would be right back and for me to wait where I was standing. A short while later he had a candy bar and 10 euro, which was still too much, but since he obviously had gone to the effort to make change of his 20, I graciously accepted the compensation. Since they were still a little confused about where to go, I then provided them with a map of the rail system that I had in my bag because my brother had given it to me. They used had gestures to thank me and tell me that they were going to go ask someone upstairs for clarification so that they could find the station and hostel. And guess what? This all took longer than four minutes, meaning that I missed that original train that I was hoping to catch, but there was another one arriving in five minutes, so in the grand scheme of things, it didn't matter. But God went ahead of me and wanted me to have that interaction. Maybe He knew that these guys were feeling lost in a foreign country and needed to be reminded that you don't need to know the language to communicate. I in turn was blessed by my encounter with them because I was able to provide assistance and they kindly repaid me in abundance, which was not my intention at all. The whole situation made me think of a quote I saw on Instagram last week. It's a quote that I will leave you with and strive to live by in the upcoming year: "Don't miss out on a blessing disguised as an inconvenience." 

Christmas Thoughts

Christmastime affects everyone differently. Some rejoice with the thought of being reunited with family, while others might be filled with dread. Still others celebrate by giving gifts, while others are reminded that they can't afford to buy any. Christmas can seem magical with shops decorated to the nines, while streets sparkle with all of the lights, especially here in Germany. But recently, due to events in the world, many people are given the stark reminder that true evil does exist in this world. It seems impossible to escape the headlines advertising more deaths, computer hacking, conspiracy, kidnapping, etc, making it hard to have faith in anything this time of year.  In church this morning, the pastor noted how life seems to be mirroring the words penned by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in "Christmas Bells." One of the verses goes as follows:

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!" 

We must not despair, though, in light of all that's going on in the world. It's easy to get caught up in world news and try to drown our sorrows with the hype of Christmas, but don't lose its true meaning, which is the birth of Jesus. His birth was prophesied in Isaiah 9:6, where it is written, "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Jesus is the Messiah that the Jewish people yearned for while ruled by the Roman Empire, but in their minds, they contrived a rescuer from physical, not spiritual oppression, neglecting to realize that they needed the sin within them and the whole world to be defeated. In Matthew 1:21, an angel came and spoke to Joseph and stated that as the exact purpose of Jesus' birth. It is written, "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he shall save his people from their sins."

At Christmas, we are called to remember that we are all sinners in need of rescuing. We cannot save ourselves from this wicked world, but there is a Savior whose name we can call on and be saved. He was born in a manger over 2000 years ago in order to walk alongside humanity, feel every sorrow known to man, resist temptation, set an example for the disciples by walking daily in God's will, and demonstrate how to love sacrificially by dying for our sins on the Cross at Calvary. 

So this year, I urge you all to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. His birth truly is a cause for celebration because without Him, we'd be destined for an awful, miserable eternity. My hope is that you'll yearn to learn more about His birth, life, and death by reading the Bible, which is God's love letter to the world. By doing so, I hope that you'll become enlightened about the true meaning of Christmas and desire to entrust Jesus with your life because your eternity depends on it.

Live Fearlessly

I wear a bracelet on my right wrist that is light blue with black lettering. On it contains two simple words that serve as a powerful reminder: "Be Fearless." I've got a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression, which thankfully has been suppressed through prayer and dependence on God, but can still be debilitating on an extremely bad day. I used to have days where I just wouldn't even bother getting off my couch, choosing comfort rather than facing the day. I knew that was no way to live, which is why I realigned my approach to life. Plans have gone out the window, much to the chagrin of some, and I choose to force myself into situations that make me rather uncomfortable to serve as a reminder to rely on God and not myself. Going to St. John for a month where I knew nobody upon arrival, spending Christmas in Germany with minimal knowledge of the language and my brother being the only other person I know who speaks English, and moving to Charlotte, NC, the beginning of next year, are just a few examples of how I have and plan on stretching my faith in order to live fearlessly. 2 Timothy 1:7 serves as a powerful reminder to not live in fear. In that verse, Paul wrote, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control."
My job as a Christian is to live a life full of love, not fear. I recently had the opportunity to listen to Christine Caine preach a message at Elevation Church in North Carolina and she spoke briefly on the topic of fear. As she put it, "Fear cripples you and you atrophy and pull back." She emphasized how we all need to avoid shrinking in Spirit due to fear because that hinders our ability to acknowledge and serve God. Every time we allow fear to win us over, we are doubting God's ability to work through us. This essentially limits God and encloses Him in a box. Instead of confining God, we should trust Him to grow us in every situation. When we're scared and fear makes something appear impossible, we must believe that God can see us through. It's an essential step to living without fear.
As I grow closer to God, my spirit of timidity slowly fades away. Dependence in Him allows me to flourish into the person I was created to be and live the life I was meant to live. Over the years I've had to unlearn a few ideas that were implanted into my brain out of fear. It's been a process, but slowly I'm being bolder in my love for others. A simple comment that a friend made to me has stuck with me and served as a catalyst to reach out to others. There's nothing wrong with being thoughtful. How simple, yet how freeing that statement is! Too often I find myself second guessing my kindness out of the fear of how it's perceived by others. The song "Fix My Eyes" by For King & Country comes to mind. This song is about desiring to go back in time and better serve God. At the top of the list of things to be done differently is, "Love like I'm not scared." How beautiful life here on Earth would be if we all chose to focus on loving without fear!
The best way to combat fear when it creeps in is turning back to Scripture for definitive answers. 1 John 4:18 clearly states, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." So the next time you struggle to live fearlessly in love, focus on that verse and keep in mind that fear and love cannot coexist. And always remember there's nothing wrong with being thoughtful.

I Don't Believe in Coincidences

In the dictionary, a coincidence is defined as "a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection." Rather, I find myself acutely aware of particular moments in my life that have prepared me for certain situations in the present. By playing an ultimate game of connect the dots, I find myself unraveling bits of God's plan for my life, slowly understanding  how I've ended up where I am in my life and that there's a purpose in all situations, big and small. I think Christine Caine said it perfectly when she stated, "At the beginning of our race, we seldom grasp God's grand plan and how interwoven, far-reaching, and transformational it is."
For those who aren't aware, I'm currently in St John participating in a work exchange program at an eco-resort. Personally, I was using this month as a way of starting fresh. A new environment among new people, with a new Bible to highlight seemed like just what I needed after my last of seven summers at a campground along the Delaware River. I didn't know a whole lot about what I was getting into, but I fully believed there was a reason for it because of how I even found out about it. If it wasn't for Hurricane Sandy exactly two years ago, I probably would have never volunteered with Samaritan's Purse, thus never meeting a couple from North Carolina who would become like a second set of parents to me, who would have never told me the story about how they participated in this same work exchange program. Also, if it wasn't Samaritan's Purse and decisions I made in the past year of my life, I may have been ill-prepared for questions I didn't know I was going to encounter on this adventure to the Caribbean.
Last November, after much hemming and hawing and muddling over it in my mind, I decided to get baptized at my local church. A part of the process involved typing out my personal testimony (which can be found here) for it to be read in front of the entire congregation before I got baptized. Also, what I've discovered through my work with SP is that other Christians are interested in my personal testimony of how I came to be a Christian, so I have a bit of experience sharing it with others. Little did I know how these instances would prepare me for my trip to St John.
When I came to St John, I hoped to get myself into a daily routine of reading my Bible because I slacked all summer and almost found myself avoiding it. To combat this, I set my alarm an hour before I was to start working everyday in order to give myself time to read a chapter of Proverbs every morning. I also didn't come down here with any grand plans for evangelism. I knew I'd share about how I was a Christian and volunteering with SP, but I had no plans otherwise. What I didn't count on was appearing to be an enigma to another volunteer.
A few nights after Hurricane Gonzalo thankfully bypassed the island, I found myself over at one girl's ecotent to enjoy dinner and some rum and cokes. We casually chatted and listened to music, discussing what bands we've seen in concert, and which artists came across as particularly narcissistic while performing. Then at some point, almost out of the blue she turned to me and asked, "So how did you end up being a Christian? Because everyone I know who is is either a recovering drug addict or alcoholic, and unless you're hiding something, you don't seem like either." I'll admit I was a little caught off guard since I can't remember the last time a non-Christian asked me for my testimony. It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts, but I soon found myself, with the help of the Holy Spirit, walking her through my entire testimony, along with going off on tangents about sin, homosexuality, how we can't force other people to believe in Jesus, and how only God can change people's hearts. I finally understood why 1 Peter 3:15 states, "But in your hearts, honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." Thankfully, God spent the last year of my life preparing me exactly for that moment. Oddly (and I use that term loosely) enough, there was a fellow on the beach today who I ended up sharing my testimony with, and not only that, he asked me to say a prayer. Again, God had me in the right place at the right time prepared precisely for the circumstances of that moment.
One other instance of what the world would call a coincidence and I refer to as a God moment occurred the other night in Cruz Bay. It was a typical night of wandering shops and hanging out at various bars, but as we were walking back to the car, I started feeling remarkably lonely and homesick. I sensed that this was a spiritual attack, since I'm prone to bouts of depression, so I prayed to be clothed in the armor of God and thought of Ephesians 6:11-12, which states, "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." As we got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot, the radio was playing faintly. I could've sworn I knew the song, but just couldn't place it. Mind you the majority of the songs on the radio are either reggae or new pop songs that I haven't heard yet. As I strained to hear the words, it suddenly occurred to me that it was the tail end of "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" by Hillsong United. It was the very song that had popped into my head after I read my acceptance email from the eco-resort (story found here). God was using the very song that had encouraged me back in May to comfort me in October. It brought relief to my heart and a smile to my face because I'd called out to God and had immediately received a response. It was His reminder that He is always with me, so I have no need to feel lonely. The ending of my night was just like the closing lyrics of the song. "I will call upon Your name. Keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in Your embrace. For I am Yours and You are mine."