Surrendering Life to God

It's easy to say that we surrender our lives to God, but the more I intrinsically search my soul, I realize how much of my life I still refuse to turn over to Him wholeheartedly. It's like I need to incessantly repeat Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths," in order to imprint it not only my brain, but my heart. It's simple to repeat those words, but to actually allow my life to reflect their true meaning is another story.
Trust is something that has been on my mind this week because I've been doing things that are a little outside of my comfort zone. While in North Carolina, I've gone into community on steroids. Like, my brain is completely overloaded and practically overwhelmed each day by the amount of people I've met going to church, small group, a prayer meeting, coffee, and Bible study. And even though I'm overwhelmed, I'm happy that I'm doing it and seeming like ERobb's groupie, following her around from place to place. It's a blessing to get to see how she lives her life within community and it gets me out of my comfort zone, which is exactly what I need. When I'm comfortable, I have no need to put trust in anything outside of myself. When I'm completely and totally uncomfortable with my surroundings, it gives me that opportunity to surrender the evening to God and allow Him to work through me because my natural response is to want to close myself off to the outside world instead of reaching out to a community. All the more reason it was a blessing to find a quote posted by J.S. Park today that stated, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
This evening was such a blessing to me after my day. Satan knows I'm most vulnerable to attack when I'm tired and he knows that best way to deceive me and work his way into my mind is to make me doubt other people and start to question if I can trust them. I have some trust issues that I for the most part have dealt with due to experiences in my past, but every once in awhile, that doubt seeps in and can completely ruin my day. This whole week I had spent ensuring that my registration for a race would get transferred to a different location because a friend of mine had signed up for it. I was so excited once it got transferred so I could join her team, but when I searched for the team, I couldn't find it. I was hoping it to be some sort of computer glitch or something, but then Satan came along and made me wonder if she even signed up. I kick myself for even allowing the deceit to trickle in, even more so because it really ate away at me. Though I was frustrated, we trekked off to Bible study and this group of women was just so warm and welcoming and I felt right at home, which takes a lot for me because I hardly ever feel comfortable. Even more surprising to myself was the fact that I even took a couple opportunities to share some of my experiences with the group.
I left the Bible study feeling refreshed and even elaborating on the car ride home about some of my trust issues and where they stem from because I don't want to come across as that crazy person who seems paranoid when she says she doesn't trust people. It also gave me time to reflect on how I'm still not completely surrendering my life to God. I say I trust Him, but when discussing possible job opportunities earlier in the week, I said something about not having the money to move at the moment. How silly of me to think that money can get me anywhere in this life. It brought me back to what was discussed at church on Sunday about how the original disciples were sent out without any money or possessions in order to ensure that they completely relied on God to provide for their needs. That's how I need to live my life. God already knows what will happen in my life. Who am I to question where I'm heading and how I will "have enough" when He has had it all mapped out from the beginning of time?
The crowning moment in me realizing I must have more trust and not allow Satan to deceive me came when I decided to return to the race website one more time. I was hoping for a typo being the reason behind my inability to locate my team. I desperately wanted to trust that my friend did sign up, and thankfully, God provided me with an answer. He blessed me with a memory and I was able to recall the original way the team name was texted to me. I was spending all of my time searching for "Running for Jesus" when the actual team name is "Running 4 Jesus." I know this may seem silly to some to get all worked up about, but for a tired person with some trust issues, it was shaping up to be a frustrating disaster. Not only did God provide me with the due diligence to continue searching, but He blessed me with the knowledge that not only did my friend sign up for the race, but so did her sister, so I'll have even more company than I originally thought I would. My hope is that I'll remember this experience and continue to surrender more and more of my life and thoughts to God because He truly is in control of everything and knows all that will happen to me on this earth.

Recap, Hillsong NYC & Central Park Solidarity Run for Boston

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." ~Romans 12:15

To be honest, this week I haven't felt much of anything. I think I just kind of emotionally shutdown and was in a state of numbness in order to withstand the bombardment of stories about the bombing in Boston this week. I lived in my own little bubble taking in articles and blogs from news sources, runners, and spectators who had either witnessed the bombing, were impacted by it in someway, or felt the need to offer and express their personal insight on the matter. I scoured the internet for information and unfortunately came across some rather gruesome pictures. I think what bothered me most was the fact that these pictures didn't immediately cause me to want to vomit, because they should have. I think that's when I determined that my emotional system just sort of shutoff so that I wouldn't overreact in any sort of fashion. I just was and I absorbed information like a sponge.
When I first heard about the bombing, I was saddened. That sadness never turned to rage or anger, but I did kind of take the attack personally because of the potential impact it could have on the racing community in the future. Runners need their spectators and this could change our interaction with our beloved cheerleaders. I was also struck by the fact that it so easily could have been me there in the crowd or running. This became more apparent throughout the week when I had a discussion with a friend of mine who had come to watch me run my first marathon in 2007. Amby Burfoot being another one who was stopped short of finishing, and heard that one of the Runner's World editors was just up the street from the blast and ran the other way as a means of escape. Again, it's just crazy to think how easily it could have potentially been me, and my heart goes out to those who lost their lives or limbs. They have been constantly in my thoughts and prayers this week, especially when I go out for my runs.
He said, "I was upset because that could have been us and our crew and you and your dad running. It's scary then you think about the runners. You know from first hand experience you're exhausted and feel like your safety is the finish line because you get to rest after that. It took the safe element out of running." I couldn't have stated it better myself. On top of that conversation, another runner friend of mine whom I haven't seen in a year emailed me an account from the experience of her friend's running guide. They were among those unable to finish the marathon because roadblocks were setup at the end of Boyleston Street after the explosion. I also read about
In an attempt to regain some bit of normalcy in my life and not think so much, I ventured into the Big Apple to attend Hillsong NYC at the Roseland Ballroom to hear Brian Houston speak. I'm very thankful that I went because what he spoke about was exactly what I needed to hear in the wake of the events of the past week. His whole sermon was based on lyrics from the song "Glorious Ruins." The following is the chorus from the song:

Let the ruins come to life

In the beauty of Your name

Rising up from the ashes

God forever You reign

Pastor Houston spoke about how we all face some sort of ruin in our lives, whether it be relational, financial, or otherwise. His point was that God can bring glory out of the ruins in our lives. Proof of this was the fact that Jesus came down from glory to die on a cross for us. He also sited Ezra 9:9, as an Old Testament example of God's temple becoming ruins, which says, "For we are slaves. Yet our God has not forsaken us in our slavery, but has extended to us his steadfast love before the kings of Persia, to grant us some reviving to set up the house of our God, to repair its ruins, and to give us protection in Judea and Jerusalem." The temple that was in ruins was able to be revived and rebuilt by God. Another fitting example of how God can bring glory out of ruin involves the story of Lazarus. He had been dead for four days, but to bring glory to God, Jesus brought him back to life. If Jesus can bring a dead man back to life, he surely can rebuild whatever might be broken in your life. 

This message seemed very fitting after the events on Monday. Boston and the running community were shaken to the core by the bombing. Yet God can help rebuild the lives of those impacted if they only turn to Him and surrender their lives. Relinquishing control is the hardest part, but God has already proven in the past what He is capable of restoring after disaster strikes, and it tends to be better than what once was.

To cap off my day in the Big Apple, I went to Central Park around 2:30 in the afternoon. I had read on the Runner's World website and on Facebook that Charlie Lyons had arranged a solidarity run for Boston and that runners could meet at the Tavern on the Green. For an event that was only learned about via social media and word of mouth, there was a great turn out. Numerous NYC running club members and coaches were present. Even Mary Wittenberg, the CEO of NYRR made an appearance. The first 160 runners got a commemorative hat that said NY <3 B, and I was thankful to come away with one. After a couple of speeches via megaphone and a moment of silence, the runners took off, heading south, to do a loop of Central Park.
I felt pretty good for the first half, but began to struggle once I reached the hill on the north end of the park. I can't remember the last time I ran six miles without stopping, so it was God, true grit and thinking of those in Boston that got me back to Tavern on the Green. That and people commenting on my awesome pants. I figure if I can't get people's attention with my running speed, I might as well dress like a ridiculous fool and standout in my own special way. The finish was awesome for the fact that some of the runners who had already finished created a makeshift chute in order to high five people as they completed their run. It's definitely not everyday that I can say I got high fives from Charlie Lyons and Mary Wittenberg at the end of a run.

Pray for Boston and the Running Community

Photo courtesy of Linda Brain Beck

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." ~Isaiah 40:31

I'm sure most of you have heard the news by now, but two bombs went off near the finish line of the Boston Marathon today. This saddened me deeply on many levels. The fact that a senseless tragedy took place that injured and killed innocent people is almost unfathomable. My heart breaks for those impacted by this act of terror in Boston. There are no words to heal the physical and emotional wounds, but I would suggest reading Psalm 34:18, which says, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." God is the only one who can bring any sort of comfort after such an event as this.
Another reason this tragedy saddens me is the fact that it happened at a running event.  I understand the immense effort needed to qualify for the prestigious Boston marathon and the numerous amount of miles and hours necessary to train. This should have been a day of celebration for everybody, but instead it was marred by tragedy. Running is a peaceful sport, not one full of any type of violence. Sure there are fierce rivalries, but at the end of the day, we're all friends. Comradery is the essence of running. Just look at Mo Farah and Galen Rupp, or Kara Goucher and Shalane Flanagan; two fierce rivals who train together and have become friends. (The greatest moment out of today's marathon involved Kara crossing the finish line and immediately asking how Shalane finished). Those of us who are runners understand that the running community is more like a big family than anything else. If something bad happens to one runner, it's almost like it happened to us. Runners stick by each other through good and bad times, helping out when others are in need. Although many consider running an individual endeavor, it truly transcends boundaries and every runner looks out for another during races. I have so many fond memories from running and have built friendships along the way. I remember back in the 8th grade I was the only girl who would be running the mile at the local Hershey track & field meet and numerous members of the high school distance team decided to band together and join me for my mile run on the track, some of whom might have been wearing jeans if my memory serves me correctly. I also befriended members of other teams and although we were fierce rivals on the track or cross country course, we would laugh together and warmup together when we weren't racing. After high school, I have encountered many friendly runners who enjoyed my running outfits by telling me that I looked like an Easter egg and who helped me conquer obstacles during the Tough Mudder.
All that we can do now is pray. Pray for the runners. Pray for the spectators. Pray for the first responders. Pray for the doctors. We should even pray for those who are responsible, as difficult as that is to fathom. Everybody was created by God, and unfortunately sin has twisted the way people function in this world. It makes me long for my heavenly home because I don't belong here on this Earth. Philippians 3:20 states, "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." Events like the tragedy in Boston make it even more apparent that this world is slowly going to hell in a handbasket. I can't wait for the return of Jesus and life is what's described in Revelation 21:4 ~ "'He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'"
For now, us runners must band together and persevere. We can't allow this tragedy to impact our love of running or our desire to run the prestigious race in Boston. If we alter our thinking, we let the terrorists win. As runners, we must remember that what we do best is endure. We endure pain and suffering to achieve our dreams of finishing 5Ks, 10Ks, half marathons, marathons, ultras, trail races, and any race in between. We know what it's like to not know if we can take another step, but then we do because we refuse to give up on our dreams. So whether you're in shape or not, if you consider yourself a runner, I urge you to get outside and run tomorrow. Run for those who were impacted in Boston. Run for those who can no longer run. Run for those who may never be able to run the same way ever again. Whatever you do, make sure you run, whether it's 100 yards or 100 miles. Once a runner, always a runner!

Pieces of a Puzzle

I don't even know myself at all

I thought I would be happy by now

The more I try to push it

I realise you've gotta let go of control

Gotta let it happen

~Paramore

In a sense, our lives are just pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that we have to put together. The only thing is that we don't know what the final image looks like; only God does. All we can do is see where certain pieces fall into place and where others aren't actually a part of our puzzle at all.
This week a few pieces have fallen into place, while others have been taken out of the equation. It's amazing to see God at work in my life, even though I have no idea what the final product is going to be. I am sure that I am meant to be working on the Upper Delaware again this summer. It's almost like my own personal Ninevah and God is giving me another chance this summer to minister to those in need. Sure, I spent the whole year trying to runaway in a sense by applying to any exercise physiology position under the sun, but I'm clearly meant to return. That became very apparent after what happened today. A position in research that I had been attempting to acquire since last February will be vacant again soon and I was asked if I would be interested. If it was me last year, I would have totally gone for it, despite having prior obligations along the river. This year is different, though. Since I've already committed to working on the Upper Delaware, I didn't want to leave those people high and dry just to follow my own desires. Also, when analyzing the timing of everything, it's almost as if God was purposely blocking me taking the research job. That could be for any number of reasons between I'm meant to be on the river to I'm not meant to be at that research job. Regardless, I opted to step out in faith and trust God so I turned down the research job, even though it's what I've always wanted to do with my degree.
Along with discussing it with a few friends, going to Hillsong in NYC definitely helped solidify this fact that my decision to turn down a job offer was the right choice to make. One of the songs that the worship team sang was "Oceans," which is a beautiful song all about relinquishing control and allowing God to lead us. The lyrics that really spoke to me were the following:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

For the first time in a long time, I actually feel like where I am in life is where I'm meant to be, even though I'm sure it doesn't make much sense to outsiders. I'm thankful that my brothers and sisters in Christ understand the decisions I've made because I know people within the field of exercise physiology totally don't get what I'm doing with my life and are probably wondering why a promising young student gave up a perfect opportunity to further her career in exchange for a job that doesn't exactly pay well and is only a five month gig. It's times like this I'm thankful I answer to God and not man. My only response to anybody who asks would be to turn to Proverbs 19:21, which says, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." I can plan all I want and desire anything in the world, but if it doesn't line up with the purpose God has for my life, those puzzle pieces just aren't going to fit into the picture. 

Christ is Our Example

"For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps." ~1 Peter 2:21

Good Friday is a reminder of what Christ has done for all of us. He was betrayed, put on trial, and nailed to a cross to die for our sins. As followers, we are to share in this suffering and never question when we suffer trials in this life. This stems back to the Last Supper, when Christ set another example for us. In John 13:12-16, the following is written: "When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, 'Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.'" By washing the feet of the disciples, Jesus demonstrated that the Son of God was willing to humble himself to serve his human followers. He was not above performing the most despicable of tasks in order to honor those individuals who followed Him. This is how we are to act; we are to not place ourselves on a pedestal, thinking that we are better than others. Rather, we are to get down and dirty in the trenches, willing to serve others in any way possible.

On this Good Friday, remember that your sin is part of why Jesus had to die. He died in your place in order to ensure eternal life. He loves you that much and always will. The best way to show your appreciation is by living like Christ and reflecting his image. Follow Jesus' example by enduring suffering without complaining, serving others without pause, and not acting superior in any fashion. Anybody who professes Christ as Lord is your brother or sister and on equal ground. Band together to worship the Son of God who served as the greatest sacrifice of all so that you didn't have to endure God's wrath.

When Truth is No Longer Accepted

Currently, there are numerous debates in the news between what is right and wrong. Many of these discussions focus on the "rights" of Americans and what should be regulated by the government. Everybody seems to have an opinion, and those with opposing viewpoints call their opponents narrow-minded or insensitive and immediately "lose respect" for anybody who refuses to be openminded enough to share their opponent's viewpoint or beliefs. I wish people would take a second to actually sit down and listen to one another, rather than hurling insults and opting to shutdown to alternative thoughts on matters. Accusations won't get people anywhere, and closing off lines of communication just because somebody has a different opinion is childish.
Part of the problem is that the modern world has lax discipline, which makes it difficult to convey definitive rights and wrongs to people. Sure, I could sit down with somebody and explain why they need a Savior, but if they don't believe they have ever done anything wrong and believe they are generally a "good" person, they will never accept Jesus into their hearts or believe in the teachings of Christianity. This is what happens when relativism seeps into the belief system of the majority. The defined lines between right and wrong get lost in the murky mire of personal beliefs. Along with that, too often Christians don't want to offend others, so they sway away from the definitive truths outlined by God in the Bible. Rather than accept God's authority on all matters, some opt to just let people be happy as long as it doesn't impact them. When this happens, it reflects what was expressed in Isaiah 26:10, which says, "If favor is shown to the wicked, he does not learn righteousness; in the land of uprightness he deals corruptly and does not see the majesty of the Lord." This is why discipline and teaching ones children is so important. If parents opt to be friends with their kids instead of having authority and disciplining them for their actions when necessary, they will never learn that certain actions are in fact wrong. Proverbs 22:6 expresses the importance of discipline by stating, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
What's unfortunate is that the typical response to a Christian trying to convey biblical truth is calling them hateful bigots who don't love their fellow man and are trying to shove their beliefs down other's throats. It's often misconstrued as Bible-thumping because nonbelievers do not understand that Christians answer to God, not our fellow man. In Matthew 28:20, God calls us to "teach them all that I have commanded you." Not all of humanity acknowledges the authority of God and the truth He speaks, which causes friction. I understand that, but if we show favor to those who are in the wrong, they will never understand or accept the truth. Allowing someone to continue on in their sin without acknowledging the eternal consequences in the opposite of love. I know it is not my job to judge those outside the church (1 Corinthians 5:12), but it is my duty to expose the darkness in the world, as per Ephesians 5:11, which says, "Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them." I myself struggle with ways to do this in a loving manner, but I know in my heart that speaking the truth in love is more important than gaining favor with man. I must pray for courage to talk to people and ask the Holy Spirit for the words to express my concerns to people in my life. I doubt this will happen overnight, but my hope is that I will be emboldened by the Spirit to speak the truth in love.
I must remember that there are only two options after death: eternal life and eternal condemnation. Reading Galatians 6:8, which states, "For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life," illuminates that fact, which should serve as my motivator to sow seeds to be watered in the hopes that Christ will pluck them out of the darkness. I cannot just sit back and rest on my laurels, not expressing my concern to those living lives contrary to truth just because they feel it is right. I must be willing to take a chance and express the truth in love. It may cause some riffs and I might lose favor with some, but it's a chance I must be willing to take. You never know who just needs to hear the Gospel in a new light. God can soften hearts in those you least expect it, so trust the Holy Spirit to guide you. I will do my best to do the same. The least we can do is try in these dark times so that as many people as possible have the opportunity to accept Christ in their hearts and have eternal life.

If you have any interest in reading another post based on relativism's impact, feel free to read The Prevailing Age of Skepticism and Moral Degradation

Are You Focused on Being a Servant or a Star?

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." ~Philippians 2:5-8

As of late, I believe I have fallen prey to the selfish desire in my heart that has allowed me to maintain a skewed perception of myself, one that places me atop some lofty, imaginary pedestal. How I suddenly morphed out of being a selfless servant of Christ into an individual fueled by a nagging sense that I am owed something is beyond me, but I know that lack of discipline in my spiritual life and creeping pride probably play a role. Thankfully the veil is slowly falling away and I'm realizing that I've drifted to a no-mansland in which I am not comfortable or at home.
This enlightenment came in stages and involved part of today's sermon, seeing a picture on instagram, and reading the forward to a book. The forward of the book and the picture related to the opening verse above. I think we all could use a little slap in the face to remind us that Christ chose to humble himself and serve us, dying for our sins in the process, all because He loved us. We cannot do anything to change how much Jesus cares about us. There is nothing at all in the world to allow us to move up in the world in the eyes of God and Christ. So why do we function like we can? We are always striving to be better than others in order to stroke our egos and pat ourselves on the back like we truly accomplished something, when all we are really doing is allowing Satan to slowly lead us astray with this focus on self and earthly riches. This constant one-upmanship clouds our vision and inhibits our ability to serve the body of Christ.
What served as a great reminder this morning was my pastor revealing the importance of good character and how that is worth more than silver or gold. The verse he utilized was Proverbs 22:1. When I turned to this verse in my Bible, the words that came after in Proverbs 22:2 were actually what spoke loudest to me. It stated, "The rich and the poor meet together; the Lord is the maker of them all." These words are totally contrary to the idea pride fuels that one person is better than another, when in fact, we are all on a level plane with every other person. The rich and poor can meet together because we were all created by God. We shouldn't feel shame next to someone who has more material possessions because they were created just as we were. Nor should we look down on others who have less than us; instead, we should meet in the middle and yearn to meet as brothers and sisters in Christ.
The secular world is what markets higher status in society. The media is constantly bombarding us with bigger and better things and trying to convey that we aren't good enough if we don't at least attempt to keep up with the Jones'. Rather than help our neighbor, we are subtly instructed to trample them on our way to the top. Henri Nouwen wrote a book entitled The Selfless Way of Christ: Downward Mobility and the Spiritual Life, which tackles exactly what I've been talking about (or at least I assume so, since I've yet to read more than the foreword). The foreword was very insightful, discussing how Nouwen was writing in response to the culture change and the coming of age of the "Yuppy" or "young, upwardly mobile, professional." As the foreword states, "'yuppy values' bought into the same temptations presented to Christ in the wilderness: to be 'powerful, relevant, and spectacular.'" This is definitely something I struggle with when writing on any of my blogs. Part of me desires relevance in the world and yearns to be thought of as witty and insightful. The other side of me knows that I should be writing in order to lay out thoughts that cause others to look to God because Christ shines through what I convey.
It's a rather difficult balance to maintain and I must always be aware so that I don't get sucked into the false desire for stardom. I should desire to serve others for Christ in a selfless manner instead of striving to be a focal point in this happenstance world. Nouwen was right when he wrote confronting his "own compulsion 'to be seen, praised, and admired.'" The Bible even reminds us that we ought not to pride ourselves on what we do for others. Matthew 6:1 states, "Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven." We are not to draw attention to ourselves when performing good deeds, nor are we to desire anything in return for our acts of service. Rather, we must contain it within ourselves, knowing that God will reward us in heaven. For any reward in heaven surely trumps any possible riches here on Earth.