When Life Gives You Lemons...Learn How to Juggle

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

Anybody close me knows that the past three weeks have been a little hectic and haven't exactly gone as planned. It has been a time that has served as a reminder that God is in charge of my life and instead of throwing a "woe is me" pity party, it's best just to laugh and move on when things don't pan out. The stories that I'm about to share all happened before I was motivated to write this, but after reading some posts by Elizabeth Griffin that are part of her series, The Dirty Gospel, I felt that I should pass on some of my recent experiences and how they've taught me to always turn to God and trust that He has my best interests in mind, even if I end up in some uncomfortable situations. 

For two weeks leading up to my September 29th departure for Colorado I had been planning what exactly to pack, how to arrange it, which route to drive, and hoping that a friend of mine would be able to accompany me. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts, I'd be driving solo on my cross country roadtrip, but I didn't let that get me down. The night before my departure, I was at a wedding for a friend's mom. My friend's family is from the Dominican Republic, so Spanish is predominantly what is spoken at any sort of family get together, including this wedding. I was enjoying myself up until the moment I realized that I couldn't find my car key. This was kind of a big deal for a handful of reasons. For starters, it's the only key to my car. On top of that, all of my belongings to go to Colorado were locked in my car, and I was supposed to be departing in less than 12 hours from when this occurred. I recruited my friend's brother-inlaw to help spread the word to look for my key and was desperately trying not to panic. We retraced my steps, and I asked a few people if they'd seen my key on a table, which is hard when you're not quite sure if they understand English. I finally ventured back to my table and was looking underneath the table when my friend's grandma began speaking to me in Spanish and making hand gestures like somebody had taken my key. I went to find Juan to serve as translator and we finally figured out that someone had picked up the key thinking it was their niece's, so Juan went and found this person and got my key back. I was very thankful to have it back after all of the confusion, and my blood pressure was finally returning to normal after my bout of anxiety. It was after this situation that I was reminded that God is in charge of each part of my life, even little tense moments like finding a lost key. No amount of planning for my trip could have prepared me for that situation, so again, I needed to remember to have faith in God in the forefront of my mind as I began my travels west to Colorado. It was at that point that I made an effort to fixate on Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths," and I even signed the majority of the Bibles with that verse while volunteering with Samaritan's Purse to serve as a reminder to the homeowner and myself that God is in charge of every aspect of our lives, even if it doesn't seem like it at times.

Fast forward fifteen days and I found myself sitting in my car on the shoulder of Interstate 80 by mile marker 117 in Illinois. I had just gotten pulled over, and I was really hoping that I wasn't going to get a speeding ticket for my 70 in a 65. The trooper kindly knocked on my window and explained that I was being given a warning for "improper lane usage" and asked me if I minded coming back to his patrol car to sign the warning. Since I had nothing to hide and really didn't mind, I got out and wander back to his vehicle and sat in the front passenger seat. The trooper called in his location and asked me where I was coming from. I explained that I had been volunteering with Samaritan's Purse in Colorado helping to mud out homes and spray a disinfectant for mold. While sharing this, I did notice another cop car across from on the median, but thought nothing of it. The trooper then asked me about the cross I had in the back window of my car before asking me if I thought he was being mean because I was acting nervous. That caught me by surprise because I had felt a sense of relief when he said I wasn't getting a ticket. In my mind, I was thinking, "Well, gee officer, I'm sitting in the front seat of your patrol car, which isn't an everyday occurrence, so of course I'm nervous." What I actually said was that I was just concerned with going in the proper direction towards Michigan to visit relatives. He asked where I'd started my drive and I said Iowa, again thinking this was normal questioning to be thorough. The trooper then asked if it was okay that he check the VIN number on my car to make sure it matched the registration, so I told him to go right ahead. I sat there wondering why he thought I was acting nervous, and had that answered once the trooper came back into the vehicle. He asked me if I had been checking my mirrors for him to be following me and I said I had. That's just what I do when I see a cop pull out because I'm not sure if they're coming for me or someone out and regardless, I don't want a ticket. That was the precursor to the troopers bombshell: this is a big drug area and you're acting a bit jittery, so do you mind if I ask you a few questions? I laugh about it now, but at the time I was thinking, are you serious? I then faced a line of questions starting with how I felt about medical marijuana, which led into asking if I had heroin, cocaine, amphetamines, weapons, or large amounts of cash in my car. The trooper then said I seemed to have a lot of stuff in my car for an 11 day visit to Colorado, and in my naivety, I mentioned how I was going to Kentucky and North Carolina after visiting Michigan. I am one to just be up front and honest about my life, but in hindsight, if I were a drug runner, this would make it sound like I was spreading my product around. The trooper then asked me if it was okay to search the vehicle and I told him if he felt that was necessary that he could go right ahead. There were two funny parts as I got out of my car. First, I realized that a second cop car was actually sitting behind us, and the trooper took interest in my "runner girl" magnet and proceeded to discuss the Chicago marathon with me as he went to search my car. To me, that demonstrated the paradox of this entire situation; he was serious about ensuring I wasn't a drug mule, but he truly was a compassionate man interested in my life, including my running and volunteer work. Heck, he even thanked me for my time in Colorado before he asked me how I could afford to go out there and how I felt about medical marijuana. I share this story not to criticize cops because I believe it is important for them to do their job and keep us safe from illegal drugs. I mention it more for the reminder that life has unexpected pitstops which can catch us completely off guard an might seem totally ridiculous. Even so, I know God had me pulled over for a reason, even though I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it was to test my ability to remain honest under pressure, which technically put me in a hole because I freely admitted I was traveling from a state where medical marijuana is legal. But that's besides the point. Nobody likes to feel like they are about to get in trouble, even if they know they're innocent, and I think our sin nature has that reflex of wanting to lie, even when we know honesty is the best policy. Either God wanted to make sure I'd be completely honest about my travels, or He was protecting me from something down the road. No matter what, it sure makes for a great story.

The last of my three stories taught me about slothfulness. The other day a friend asked me to run with her to help her achieve a new distance goal. I was all about assisting and was feeling great until mile 2. That was when all of my previous running injuries decided to come back with a vengeance. My IT band issues flared up to the point I felt like I was being stabbed and my hip joints ached and were forcing me to change my gait. Definitely not something that felt at all pleasant, and on top of that, I was the reason we had to start walking. It was a big wake up call to my sheer laziness since July, which was the last time I really put any effort into running. Proverbs 13:4 states, "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied." Sure I might have spent time craving to get back into running, but without getting myself out that door, I saw no results, and when I did, all I saw was injury. I've always had a love/hate relationship with running where I love to do races, but hate to actually train for them. This little setback taught me that I needed to be diligent in my training in the future if I was going to enjoy running without pain. Part of me wanted to sulk after this occurred, while another part of me was embarrassed since I'm known as a runner. I know Satan likes to get inside my head and desires to infuse my brain with a defeatist mentality, but I stopped short of throwing that pity party. Actually, what helped was thinking of my adopted nephew and how I always tell him to get over himself when he cries and then I threaten to club him like a baby seal* (yes, I believe in tough love and have an odd sense of humor). 

This morning, I truly realized that I needed to get over myself and just acknowledge the fact that I've been lazy and I can work past this if I do just that: work. I needed this wake up call and this third lemon in as many weeks, but I've honestly learned from each experience that God has thrown at me. I've learned that even with plans, one cannot foresee particular circumstances that unwittingly pop up. I've also been reminded that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason to build me up for the future, and that getting anxious about any mishaps won't get me anywhere. And lastly, I know that with a little hard work and preparing my legs for the impact of running, I can redeem my running career by October 26th so that I enjoy running the 2nd annual Run Your Booty Off 5K in Morehead City....dressed as a penguin. Just remember, life isn't about being perfect, it's sometimes about going with the flow and learning how to juggle unexpected situations and circumstances. So pay attention and be aware of the fact that God is trying to teach you something new everyday, and it's best to remain teachable.

This shirt has taught me to not take running so seriously...or myself for that matter

*There were no baby seals harmed in the typing of this blog post

Scatterbrained Ramble

I've had a lot on my mind lately, but then again, that's nothing out of the ordinary for an over-thinker like myself. I'm one of those overboard multi-taskers because I'm either easily distracted, or my mind is fueled with an obsessive need to know as much as possible at any given moment. Having your brain processing information at a million miles per hour can be a bit of a hindrance, though, especially when it comes to decision making. There comes a point when I find I have too many ideas filtering through my brain and too many options in front of me about what to do with my life. Instead of picking one and running with it, I feel like I just shut down mentally and get stuck in a rut. As Mark Batterson wrote in his book Wild Goose Chase, "'What is it you want?' I'm convinced that many of our problems are the by-products of the fact that most of us cannot answer that question. We don't know what we want. We've never defined our goals or values or passions, so we're out of touch with our heart's desires. And our growing responsibilities have numbed us to the possibilities around us and the passions within us." I don't think I could find a better way to describe the state that I'm in than that.
It's become more and more apparent that I'm going through life in a deer-in-the-headlights fashion as of late. I cringe whenever I'm asked the, "what do you want to do with your life?" question. A late night chat with my dad on the front porch a little over a week ago provided me with the beginning of a wake-up call. It was 1am and I was dealing with a bit of disappointment so I was sitting outside because that's a typical coping mechanism for me. My dad came out to keep me company and our conversation drifted to my future, which is when I began struggling to find answers for him. He then countered with this kick-in-the-teeth comment: "Well I suggest you figure out what it is you enjoy or wanna do or else you're gonna end up living the rest of your life in fear." That's the beauty of having a compassionate, yet hard-nosed German as a father; he's not subtle and doesn't beat around the bush, but gets straight to the point.
Honestly, it was just the comment I needed to fuel some more reading, thinking, and praying that might actually lead to some action from me, rather than indecisiveness. It was a reminder that I'm still living my life in a fashion that seeks glory for myself and makes me fear the opinions of others. Two pieces of Scripture that reminded me of this and opened my eyes were Matthew 10:28 and John 5:44. These verses focus on how humanity puts too much stock in the opinions, adoration, and attention received from other mere mortals as opposed to focusing on the opinion of God and giving Him all the glory. Unnecessary fear of others and their opinions can hold us back, while pride makes us turn away from Jesus, which is a sure fire way to fail in this life, and can be downright disastrous for the next.
I believe a fear that many of us have is not knowing what the future holds and now knowing God's "plan" for our lives. Too often this puts us at a standstill and we somehow stop making decisions about our lives or take any steps to progress toward a goal. It's much like this line from the song "Climbing a Chair to Bed" by the Dropkick Murphys: "Are you too afraid of living to make a man's mistakes?" Kevin DeYoung frames it nicely in his book Just Do Something in the following statement: "I'd like us to consider that maybe we have difficulty discovering God's wonderful plan for our lives because, if truth be told, He doesn't really intend to tell us what it is. And maybe we're wrong to expect Him to." The way I see it, our generation is far too distracted by gadgets and other sources of information to truly focus on God in an attempt to hear His guidance. Our focus has drifted off of God to every other tangible piece of technology or human being in front of us, possibly because we don't put much stock on the intangible, even though we might believe in our hearts that it exists. Unfortunately we're in a generation that desires and yearns for proof of everything.
For me, because of distractions and skewed focus, I've lost track of myself in the melee. Somewhere along the way I never allowed any dreams take root and lost confidence in my God given abilities. That led to a defeatist mentality, which seeped into all aspects of my life from career, to running, to my personal life. This of course kept me from developing and formulating any tangible goals in my life, leading to a rather melancholy existence. Sure, I've enjoyed the exploits from my vagabond lifestyle, but I think I fooled myself into believing I was happy with the direction my life was taking. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel and always will, but I don't want to feel like I'm just wandering through life without a destination or goal in mind. I began rethinking my life when I came across the song "Glass Houses" by The Classic Crime. It's a song that discusses how we all spend so much time building a glass house of happiness that's easily shattered once we stop putting up a front.

When the glass shattered around me

I learned a good lesson about my disorder

I thought I was happy

I said all the right things

I naively believed that my ship couldn't sink

But it did

You got hung up on the outside

Fake like you're living the good life

But death and decay on the inside

Just add pride and hate to your long list of crimes

All this keeping up with the Jones' leads us to pretend that our lives are a walk in the park and we bolster this with fake happiness and fantasies. Truth is, we're lying to everyone, including ourselves. I love how the lyricist of this song talks about how this is actually a disorder and that we're all naive to think it won't break down over time. A facade can only last so long before it begins to crumble or shatter. Most poignantly, though, is that the singer of "Glass Houses" speaks of the fact that he actually built a crystal cathedral amongst all of the glass houses.

This brings me to the first of two misconceptions I'd like to address before I close this lengthy ramble. Somehow churchgoers seem to have fallen into the trap of believing that they are not allowed to be anything but happy. Why is it that so many today feel this need to wear a mask and project false joy? Whatever happened to being able to feel the whole scope of emotions God provided us with? Not allowing ourselves to project anything but happiness because we assume that's how Christians should act totally negates the fact that the Book of Lamentations exists. Even David, a man after God's own heart, got frustrated and exuded various emotions within the Psalms. I recently saw a shirt on gratefulapparel.com that says, "Church isn't a museum for good people. It's a hospital for the broken." From my experience, broken people have various emotions and they don't have it all together all the time. We need to remember that we're allowed to express frustration, anger, and discontent as long as we don't remain in that mindset. Remember the words of Ephesians 4:26 ~ "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." And Psalm 30:5 says, "...Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Clearly we are meant to experience a myriad of emotions.

This brings me to my second point. I believe this misconception about our emotions stems from the misconception that happiness is promised to those who dedicate their lives to Christ. To be brutally honest, this is a huge fallacy. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise His followers happiness for a lifetime on this Earth. There is more emphasis placed on the fact that we are going to suffer and deal with struggles in this life. Romans 8:16-17 is very upfront and honest about this fact, stating, "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we also may be glorified with him." Let that last part sink in a little bit. Suffering with Christ is in the equation for us to share in His glory. And the glory that Paul speaks of is not in the here and now, but in heaven. To put it bluntly using the words of Kevin DeYoung, "Life isn't always fun, and we shouldn't expect it to be." Truth is, life here on Earth is not all about us an whether or not we're happy. It's all about obeying God and allowing Him to be glorified.

Some of you might be wondering where this leaves us now and how we're supposed to muddle through life. I believe the secret is finding contentment. Paul wrote about the art of being content in both Philippians 4:11 and 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Paul wrote, "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content," and, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." No matter what you're dealing with in life, if Christ is your focus, you'll find contentment wherever you're at, regardless of circumstances. Start looking for joy in the little things life has to offer and focus on the positives, rather than the negatives. As Taylor Swift sings in "Starlight," "Look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change. You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way." It's all a matter of perspective and whether or not you choose to be content with your life.

My advice to all of you is to start taking some initiative in your life and maybe listen to the song, "This is Your Life" by Switchfoot to help motivate yourself into figuring out if you're "who you want to be." Invest in your future, whether that means going to school, studying up on how you can start your own business, or actually getting that certification you've been putting off because you're cheap and lazy. Sure, you might have to change course in the future, but it's better than living a passive life, waiting for things to happen to you. That's a sure fire way to end up with regrets. Instead, put some actual thought into what your dreams could be and trust that God will be with you every step of the way, even if you aren't sure you're making the proper decision. He's in everything that you do and will work things out in the end. If you refuse to formulate some dreams and goals in life, there's no possible way to strive towards them and achieve what you desire. Take some risks and don't fear failure. Your failures will actually serving as learning experiences in the long run. And for pete's sake, stop focusing so much on what others might think of you and your goals. That will only hold you back. Keep God at the center of everything and strive to please Him with your life. But whatever you do, desire to be content rather than happy. Happiness is not guaranteed, but we all have the ability to be content no matter the situation, for blessings and struggles are all a part of God's hidden plan for your life.

Addressing a Common Misconception: God's Creation vs God's Children

If I think back to the not so distant past, I can remember sitting in SAT review classes discussing the fact that all BMW's are cars, but not all cars are BMW's. Along the same lines as this would be a concept that I only recently considered, which is the fact that we are all God's creation, but we are not all God's children. Some might think I'm being overly picky, but the distinction is necessary.
Looking back at Genesis 1:27, we find that it states, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." This statement proves that God created each and every one of us. Those unable to accept this as fact are those who do not have the Holy Spirit residing within them, and thus, are lacking the necessary faith to believe, as mentioned in Hebrews 11:3 ~ "By faith we understand that the universe was created by the Word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible." This lack of faith characterizes the unbelievers of the world, while being born of the Spirit is what distinguishes the believers, who are God's children.
Upon close analysis of Romans 8:5-8, there's a clear distinction between those who live by the flesh and those who live by the Spirit. Each and every person is born into a fallen world and has a sin nature that is opposed to all things holy. In that sense, all of Creation is on equal footing as we all fall short of God's righteousness. It is not until we are born again in the Spirit, as Jesus stated in John 3:3-6 that we are set apart for the Kingdom of God. It is only by God's grace that we are saved and able to be considered His children (Ephesians 2:1-10). Every Christian believer, therefore, is saved by God's grace and believes that Jesus is their Savior. Then, and only then, are they considered children of God and not just part of God's creation. John 1:12 clearly states, "But to all who did not receive him who believed in his name he gave the right to become children of God."
The most significant characteristic that makes it evident that someone is a believer in Christ, rather than an unbeliever is the Holy Spirit. Those individuals who repent of their sins and accept Christ in their hearts as Lord and Savior have the Holy Spirit dwelling within them. The Holy Spirit helps these individuals live according to the Spirit rather than the flesh, setting them apart as the true children of God. Proof of this is written in Romans 8:14, which says, "For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God." This is of noted importance because Romans 8:16 reiterates this point with different wording by saying, "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God."
Many might claim to be Christians, but if there is no sanctifying proof of the Holy Spirit doing a work in their lives, they might be making false claims. Only those who accept Jesus as their Savior and through the help of the Holy Spirit try to obey God's Word are those who can be considered God's children and set apart for the kingdom of heaven.

Has Your Faith Reached Mustard Seed Size?

In the Gospel of Matthew, there is a story about a boy with a demon that the disciples weren't able to cast out. When the disciples questioned about why they weren't able to do this, he responded in Matthew 17:20 by saying, "'Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.'" I believe this verse holds two teaching points; first, that our faith can move mountains, and second, the amount of faith necessary is miniscule, but some of us don't even possess that miniscule amount. I believe we all yearn to have immense amounts of faith, but when faced with struggles and questionable circumstances in our own lives, I think we have a tendency to allow doubt to creep in. As Christians, we believe that Jesus was born of a virgin and that God parted the Red Sea, but we don't seem to possess faith enough to trust that God will answer our prayers about finances, employment, health issues, or any other daily struggle we might face.

If I'm to be upfront and honest with you, I've been full of plenty of doubts myself lately. I'm still unsure of my career path and not sure if I should go for a certification and if so, which certification to even go for. I trust God to bless me with a job, but after my phone interview the other day, my brain became full of more questions and doubt than faith that it'll work out. When friends asked me how I thought it went, I told them I wasn't sure because I was honest and told the interviewer that I really haven't been keeping up with my EKG skills lately. My worldly self began questioning whether or not someone would still want to hire me even though my skills are rusty when I really should have been more focused on the fact that I was willing to be honest and maintain my integrity. Also, I need to trust the fact that God is in control and already knows the outcome.

Three things got me to snap out of the doubt that was slowly beginning to creep in and take over my brain. The first came from a text a friend sent to me after I told her I wasn't sure about how my interview went. Her response was brief but served as an excellent wake up call. She said, "I know it went good K I was praying for you." Her assuredness and faith about the situation caught me by surprise, but also put a smile on my face. I'm very happy and blessed to have someone in my life who is confident about the outcome of her prayers for others. The second was remembering the faith I had had just one week before while at work. I was expecting an order of firewood that would cost $240, but at the start of my day, I only had about $40-$50. I knew only God would be able to help me in this situation so I prayed for His provision for the money and to possibly delay the arrival of the firewood. Low and behold in the early afternoon I had a wave of customers check in for their campsites and pay for their camping and a bunch of supplies. Although it was a bit chaotic, I was thankful for the business and God answered my prayer by providing me with more than enough money to pay the guy who brought the firewood, who happened to arrive right after all of my customers. The third thing that got my attention came from the book Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. The biggest slap in the face came from the following sentence: "Quit assuming and start believing." I need to stop assuming that I may not get hired based on my performance during an interview and instead have faith that God is monitoring the situation and knows what will happen. God has the power to open doors to places I've never been before, for positions I never would have considered. He knows exactly where I need to end up and I need to trust God to get me there because I can't get there on my own.

In the long run, God may not want me to get the position I just interviewed for and only He knows the reasoning behind the final outcome. But until I get an answer, I must maintain my faith and belief that God can come through for me. My faith must grow to the size of a mustard seed if I'm ever going to move mountains in my life. Regardless, I must remember what is written in Matthew 19:26, which states, "'With man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.'"

Finite vs. Infinite

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." ~1 John 2:15-17

I don't mean to be redundant, but this post essentially is an extension of my previous post on worldliness. It seems to be something that has been weighing on my mind and heart lately, quite possibly because I've been rather aware of my own struggle as of late to focus less on what the world thinks and more about how I should live faithfully for God. It's so easy to get caught up in envy and pride these days with the ever expanding social media that makes you hyper aware of what others have and what you may not. Some desire to have the trendiest fashion sense or the most likes or followers, while others yearn to live someone else's life. I'll admit that half the reason I go on the internet these days is to see if anybody likes my tweets, blog posts, or photos on Instagram, and that's no way to go through life. It's pointless to yearn for someone's approval that is finite and could change overnight. Contentment in what we have and resting in God almost seems to be a thing of the past, and that's where we've all strayed at somepoint and got it all wrong.
This will sound silly to those who know me best, but it was through listening to Taylor Swift's "The Lucky One" that I really started to evaluate what I value most and how silly and absurd it is to desire anything from the world. This song is all about someone who moves to LA to become the center of attention, but once she succeeds, she longs to get out of town and live essentially in obscurity. When she was all over the headlines, she never understood her true worth and value since there was always someone in the wings striving to take her place. Everyone felt that the lucky one was in the spotlight, but at the end of the song, Taylor admits that the one who hightailed it out of town to spare her dignity was the one who was lucky.
I think we all need to realize the fact that trying to be the most popular, trendy, or famous person will only lead to our own self destruction. Trying to please the world is like trying to breathe with a wet blanket over your face; you just suffocate from the frustration of it all. That's because the world lies and schemes against us. It really has nothing to offer us that will quench the desires of our hearts and that's why we must continually focus on Jesus. Jesus not only is the best representation of the love we yearn for, but He is infinite and will never fade away. Just because we don't see Him doesn't mean He doesn't exist. I think that's why so many of us strive for things of the world; they appear tangible, when in reality, they are the things that are the most easily destroyed and ripped out from under us. God's love for us, once we accept Christ as our Savior, can never be destroyed, but so many refuse to trust it because it doesn't appear to be tangible. Many would rather live their lives on their terms because they think they know what is best, but that's the sure fire way to failure. There's a song by House of Heroes called "Comfort Trap" that depicts how so many of us chafe against the will of God during the sanctification process of our lives because we are still convinced that we know best, even though God created us and is the reason we are alive. The following lines really hit home with me and how easily it is to fall into the trappings of the world:

I lost my dream in the comfort trap.

I told my God his will could wait,

I've got one foot in a rich man's grave,

I heard it calling in my sleep at night,

So I killed my dream with a butcher knife,

I told my heart to toe the line,

You had all that time, the rest is mine.

I'm gonna get nice things and get my way,

Even if it means there's hell to pay,

I'm gonna have my cake and eat it too,

And what I don't eat I'm gonna force feed you,

I'm not looking for consolation,

Maybe I could settle for compensation,

Have my cake and eat it too,

And if it's all a lie I'm gonna say it's all true.

It's scary to think that people live this defiantly to God, but they do, including Christians, periodically. It's not easy to go where God calls us. We all want to do things our own way, having our cake and eating it too. And yes, we even find a way to convince ourselves we're on the right path, even when it's quite clear that we're not. It can all just lead to living one big perpetual lie because each and every day we are bombarded with opinions from worldly critics on how to conduct our lives. Everyone offers suggestions about how to get a job, save money, and live up to the American Dream. The problem is the fact that while we are striving for the American Dream, our souls are shriveling and not getting fed the living water that Christ has to offer. Every time we make that decision to listen to the world and its desires before listening to God the Father, we are taking a step away from heaven. As the verses above state, if our hearts are more consumed with worldly desires, then the love of God does not truly reside in us. It all comes down to how you choose to function on a daily basis. You can choose to strive after the things that will fade away and disappoint, or you can choose to have faith and allow God to rule your life and lead you down the right path, even if it isn't a path that is accepted by worldly standards. But that's the whole point. The life and walk of the Christian should never blend in with the world; it should always stand out and look weird. If your life looks too much like that of the popular crowd, you're probably doing something wrong in the eyes of Jesus. He was the original rebel who went against the grain of society, so we must follow suit, but not in a way that we desire to get noticed. We must go against the grain because that is what we're called to do, not because it's trendy. 

So we all have a decision to make. We can either continue to live for the finite things of this world in the hopes that they will fill the void in our hearts, or we can choose to live for God who is infinite and unchanging. It's a very personal choice and not one that should be taken lightly. My hope is that more will realize that abiding in God is the best route to take because it is the only way to ensure eternal life in heaven. It's time to stop living for what's here on Earth and instead look up to God and surrender in faith.

The Slippery Slope of Worldliness

Back in high school I used to run cross country. It was known as the sport that never got cancelled despite horrendous weather. There are two races in particular that stand out vividly in my mind where I remember running through torrential downpours. One was during my sophomore year at the DeSales Invitational, while the other was a dual meet at Montrose during my senior year. At the DeSales Invitational, it began downpouring as we were walking the course. It rained so hard in the matter of 90 minutes that a small stream that was only a foot wide and an inch deep when we walked the course ended up being ten feet wide and two feet deep at certain points by the beginning of the race. It was definitely a treacherous portion of the course that devoured some racing spikes off the feet of those who were unprepared and hadn't taped them to their feet. The day I ran at Montrose, it had downpoured all day, so the team was prepared for a mud fest. Without the proper spikes, we all would have been slipping and sliding all over the place. Fortunately, we were all prepared and the only fall occurred about 100 yards into the downhill start when I stepped in a hole and slid on my butt as fast as the rest of the pack was running.
I mention these stories to demonstrate how one must be prepared and aware in the sport of running to avoid slipping and falling, or potentially losing shoes. Without foreknowledge during poor weather, the potential for disaster increases. The same goes for the unprepared and unaware Christian. Satan desperately wants to trip people up so they slide back into the ways of worldliness. He prides himself on infusing individuals with pride that leads to self righteousness, lusts that lead to adultery, or envy that leads to covetousness. He may even work in more subtle ways, like causing an obsession with social media and your amount of followers, or putting you in situations where it might be easy to fall back into a dependence on alcohol.
We've all encountered particular temptations and fought battles in our minds over our desires to be popular and important, fashionable and in vogue, along with wealthy and well to do. The Bible contains its fair share of warnings against these wordly temptations, most strikingly in Matthew 16:26, which states, "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?" Many do not live with an eternal perspective, but prefer to settle and be focused on the here and now. With this single-mindedness and tunnel vision, people strive for wealth and material possessions, rather than chasing after God. They forget the words Jesus uttered in Mark 10:23, reminding us of the near impossibility of a wealthy man finding his way to heaven.
"Lose My Soul" is a song by TobyMac featuring Kirk Franklin and Mandisa that hits the nail on the head when it comes to the topic of worldliness. Towards the end of the song, Mandisa sings the following lines: "How do I sense the tide that's rising? De-sensitizing me from living in light of eternity. How do I sense the tide that's rising? Hypnotizing me from living in the light of eternity." This is a perfect description of how people live their lives today; de-sensitived to real issues and hypnotized by all of the temptations of the world. The pressure to maintain status leads to covetousness, that is, desiring the possessions that others have and hoping to acquire them. Even in his book Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel, Rolf Potts wrote, "There is still an overwhelming social compulsion--an insanity of consensus, if you will--to get rich from life rather than live richly, to 'do well' in the world instead of living well." Rather than focusing on what we do not have, people need to heed Jesus' warning and reminder in Luke 12:15 to not fall victim to covetousness because there is more to life than possessions. Unfortunately for many, though, the need for status is the driving force behind their lives, which only plunges them into despair and potential substance abuse.
Sinking into the quagmire of worldliness is dangerous for the Christian. There's a difference between mingling with the worldly and being of the world. One can strive to be successful, yet still have Jesus as the driving force behind that success. The trick is to maintain a close relationship with God through prayer and reading the Bible, along with having a close group of brothers or sisters in Christ who can help you out when you feel yourself sliding down the slippery slope into the murky waters of the world. It's good to have a close few who can keep you in check and pray for you when you sense you're sliding into the depths of wealth, status, potential substance abuse, impatience, envy, anger, and any other number of worldly actions and desires. They can suggest scriptures, pray, and keep focused wholeheartedly on Jesus.
A beautiful analogy for how this Christian partnership can work mirrors my recent experience at the 5K Foam Fest. One of the first obstacles in the race involved going through a mudpit. The suction power of this mud was so great that some people either lost shoes or couldn't move their feet. My friend's feet were completely stuck, so I had to literally pull her forward to garner enough momentum in order for her feet to be released from the grip of the mud. Then, in order to get out of the mud pit, we had to climb out using a rope and teamwork. I helped my friend climb out first and then she helped pull me out so that I didn't slip and fall back into the mud.
As Christians, this is how we must function, utilizing teamwork and resources to combat against slipping down into worldliness. We must constantly communicate with God and be familiar with the Scriptures so the devil doesn't gain a stronghold in our brains. Also, we must maintain a support system of fellow Christians whom we can trust to pray for us in difficult times and who can offer support in our times of weakness. They must be people you can be open and honest with so that their prayers can be specific to target the battle you're fighting against Satan and the world. Finally, if you're unsure about where your own heart might stand at this point in time, use Luke 12:34 as a kind of litmus test: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Surrendering Life to God

It's easy to say that we surrender our lives to God, but the more I intrinsically search my soul, I realize how much of my life I still refuse to turn over to Him wholeheartedly. It's like I need to incessantly repeat Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths," in order to imprint it not only my brain, but my heart. It's simple to repeat those words, but to actually allow my life to reflect their true meaning is another story.
Trust is something that has been on my mind this week because I've been doing things that are a little outside of my comfort zone. While in North Carolina, I've gone into community on steroids. Like, my brain is completely overloaded and practically overwhelmed each day by the amount of people I've met going to church, small group, a prayer meeting, coffee, and Bible study. And even though I'm overwhelmed, I'm happy that I'm doing it and seeming like ERobb's groupie, following her around from place to place. It's a blessing to get to see how she lives her life within community and it gets me out of my comfort zone, which is exactly what I need. When I'm comfortable, I have no need to put trust in anything outside of myself. When I'm completely and totally uncomfortable with my surroundings, it gives me that opportunity to surrender the evening to God and allow Him to work through me because my natural response is to want to close myself off to the outside world instead of reaching out to a community. All the more reason it was a blessing to find a quote posted by J.S. Park today that stated, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
This evening was such a blessing to me after my day. Satan knows I'm most vulnerable to attack when I'm tired and he knows that best way to deceive me and work his way into my mind is to make me doubt other people and start to question if I can trust them. I have some trust issues that I for the most part have dealt with due to experiences in my past, but every once in awhile, that doubt seeps in and can completely ruin my day. This whole week I had spent ensuring that my registration for a race would get transferred to a different location because a friend of mine had signed up for it. I was so excited once it got transferred so I could join her team, but when I searched for the team, I couldn't find it. I was hoping it to be some sort of computer glitch or something, but then Satan came along and made me wonder if she even signed up. I kick myself for even allowing the deceit to trickle in, even more so because it really ate away at me. Though I was frustrated, we trekked off to Bible study and this group of women was just so warm and welcoming and I felt right at home, which takes a lot for me because I hardly ever feel comfortable. Even more surprising to myself was the fact that I even took a couple opportunities to share some of my experiences with the group.
I left the Bible study feeling refreshed and even elaborating on the car ride home about some of my trust issues and where they stem from because I don't want to come across as that crazy person who seems paranoid when she says she doesn't trust people. It also gave me time to reflect on how I'm still not completely surrendering my life to God. I say I trust Him, but when discussing possible job opportunities earlier in the week, I said something about not having the money to move at the moment. How silly of me to think that money can get me anywhere in this life. It brought me back to what was discussed at church on Sunday about how the original disciples were sent out without any money or possessions in order to ensure that they completely relied on God to provide for their needs. That's how I need to live my life. God already knows what will happen in my life. Who am I to question where I'm heading and how I will "have enough" when He has had it all mapped out from the beginning of time?
The crowning moment in me realizing I must have more trust and not allow Satan to deceive me came when I decided to return to the race website one more time. I was hoping for a typo being the reason behind my inability to locate my team. I desperately wanted to trust that my friend did sign up, and thankfully, God provided me with an answer. He blessed me with a memory and I was able to recall the original way the team name was texted to me. I was spending all of my time searching for "Running for Jesus" when the actual team name is "Running 4 Jesus." I know this may seem silly to some to get all worked up about, but for a tired person with some trust issues, it was shaping up to be a frustrating disaster. Not only did God provide me with the due diligence to continue searching, but He blessed me with the knowledge that not only did my friend sign up for the race, but so did her sister, so I'll have even more company than I originally thought I would. My hope is that I'll remember this experience and continue to surrender more and more of my life and thoughts to God because He truly is in control of everything and knows all that will happen to me on this earth.